Chapter 25
“So you’re actually here together,” Gabriel noted.
He and Jonathan and Nathaniel had made their way out onto the garden patio for pre-dinner drinks, and each of them had a glass of scotch in his hand.
Jonathan’s was barely touched. Though he usually enjoyed a drink with his friends, tonight he found the whole idea of relaxing difficult .
He could see now that it had been foolish of him, but he hadn’t anticipated these questions.
He had assumed that tonight would be easy, a break from the tension that had built between Violet and himself as of late.
He’d been foolish to think so. He couldn’t remember what state of mind he had been in that had made him believe tonight wasn’t going to be a matter of concern for his friends, but they had given him a hard time the last time they had all seen one another, and of course, they were going to do it again.
Of course, they wouldn’t have given up on the thought that there was something for them to take note of and talk about when it came to him and Violet.
“We’re not here together,” he said now, taking a sip of his drink. The alcohol made him murkier rather than sharper, of course, and he immediately regretted it. He put the cup down on the bench beside him.
“You arrived together,” Gabriel pointed out.
“Well, we were coming from the same place,” Jonathan said testily. “Should we have taken separate carriages?”
“Don’t get all upset. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with your being here together,” Gabriel said. “I’m just taking note of it.”
“And I’m telling you there isn’t anything to take note of. The fact that we arrived here together means nothing at all, Gabriel, and I can’t fathom why you’d think it would…but it seems to me as though you’re desperate for things between myself and Violet to mean more than they do.”
“No, he has a point,” Nathaniel chimed in. “No one is saying it’s nonsense for the two of you to have arrived here together, Jonathan. Practically speaking, it’s reasonable that you did so.”
“Oh, thank you.”
“It’s just interesting, that’s all,” Nathaniel went on.
“It means that you had to have made your plans together. You must have waited for her back at that house you share. You walked her out to the carriage, you helped her in. The two of you rode over together, talking about what you thought tonight was going to be like.”
They hadn’t spoken much at all, as a matter of fact. She had a great deal of the time staring out the window as if afraid to look at him at all, and Jonathan had considered those intervals to be a welcome break. Because when they had been speaking, things had been…
Well, they had been easy.
But not easy in the sense of being dull, which was something he often experienced in conversation with people who knew how to handle themselves but had nothing much of interest to say.
With Violet, things were just the opposite.
The silences between them were awkward, filled with the question of who would speak first, but once someone did, the conversation was sharp and witty.
She had told him about her friends, Gabriel’s wife, and their other best friend, and already he felt he knew Lady Agnes and Lady Dorothy better than he ever had.
He would have been able to describe them to someone who had never met them.
A part of him wished he were still in that carriage, still talking to her, and that same part of him yearned for the moment this night would be over, and he would be able to retreat there with her.
They would spend the ride home going over the details of what had happened tonight, sharing their thoughts, laughing at the parts that were funny…
or would they do that? Wasn’t there just as great a likelihood that it wouldn’t happen that way at all, that they wouldn’t be able to get past their feelings of awkwardness with one another, and that they would sit in silence until they arrived at home and went their separate ways?
It had been easy on the ride over here. But that was how it was with Violet. Easy…unless it was hard.
His friends were watching him. “There was nothing that deep about it,” he told them.
“Nothing that meaningful. It just made sense for us to come here together. And as for the time spent in the carriage, it was mostly spent talking about her new gown, which she wanted to thank me for.” This was, at least, partly the truth.
Gabriel and Nathaniel looked at one another, and then back at Jonathan.
“What?” He had an uncomfortable sensation of having perhaps said more than he had intended to.
“She wanted to thank you for her gown?” Nathaniel asked. “You mean…you bought it for her?”
Ah. A weight settled in the pit of his stomach. “To replace one that had been damaged, nothing more.”
“Well, that was a very kind and thoughtful thing to do,” Nathaniel said. “Very caring.”
“Don’t start.”
“There’s nothing wrong with caring about a lady, Jonathan,” Gabriel said quietly. “You should be able to acknowledge if that’s what you’re feeling. Do you have an interest in her?”
“I’ve told you that I don’t. And besides, I think it would be inappropriate if I did.”
“Nonsense,” Nathaniel put in. “Why would that be inappropriate? A gentleman taking an interest in an eligible lady? I can’t think of anything more appropriate.”
“Not in our circumstances,” Jonathan said firmly. “I live with her, and that wouldn’t be right. Surely you can both see the problem with it. You can see how it would create the impression of impropriety.”
“I’ve never known you to care about what people thought of you, though,” Nathaniel said. “Why would you suddenly take such an interest in that?”
“Well, it does matter,” Jonathan said. “After all, it isn’t just about me. People might pass judgment against her as well. She’s in a much more compromising position than I am.”
“It’s the risk she took, isn’t it? Choosing to remain in that house while knowing that you would be there?” Gabriel asked. “I’m not unsympathetic to her plight, of course. I like Lady Violet. But it isn’t as if her hand was forced.”
“It was, though, in a way,” Jonathan said. “Yes, she could have left the house, but it’s not as though she ought to have to go. After all, why should she? The house is every bit as much hers as it is mine.”
It was the first time he had said such a thing in such plain terms, and though he knew it was true, he felt uncomfortable having articulated it. His friends were watching him very closely now.
“I just don’t want her to face social consequences for all this,” Jonathan said.
“She’s doing what she needs to do. Standing up for what belongs to her.
I respect her for it, even if it does inconvenience me.
And I wouldn’t want to see any ill befall her because she chose to make this decision for herself. ”
“And that’s why you won’t allow yourself to get close to her?” Gabriel asked shrewdly. “It sounds as though you’re saying you would like to, but for her own good, you won’t.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Jonathan said.
“I’m saying that because it would go against what was best for her, I don’t even have to ask myself these questions.
I don’t have to think about what I would want, because I know that I’ll never go after anything like that.
The determination as to what’s best has already been made, so there’s no point now in trying to figure it out. ”
He turned and walked back toward the house, knowing that he was being rude, but tiring of the conversation.
There were other people here besides his friends, people who wouldn’t have these well-meaning questions about him and about Violet, who wouldn’t try to figure out what the two of them meant to one another.
And if they did, because they weren’t friends of Jonathan’s, he would be more than happy to simply feed them a lie or snap at them for overstepping.
There would be no need to actually have a conversation about it.
Back in the house, he looked around and saw Lady Agnes and Lady Dorothy standing beside a table full of drinks and chatting together. He made his way over to them.
When he arrived, they stopped talking at once, which irked Jonathan.
It made him feel as if they had been talking about him, and for the first time, he was forced to wonder whether his friends and hers were talking about the same things.
Heaven forbid they ever get together—but of course they will, for Gabriel is married to Lady Agnes!
They probably discuss these things all the time.
He winced at the thought and turned away.
Though he’d looked forward to the prospect of getting to know these ladies a bit better tonight, he suddenly found that he couldn’t bring himself to approach them at all.
He looked instead for Violet. She must be around here somewhere. He had known she would be fine out of his hands for a short time, at least, because this was her friend’s home. She came here all the time. But she wasn’t with her friends, and he was suddenly concerned.
And then, all at once, he saw her.
She was standing with her back to the wall on the far side of the room, and the reason he had missed her at first was that a man stood in front of her. A man Jonathan didn’t know, and he was standing far too close.
The anger he had felt at the realization that Noah had continued to play pranks after being told to stop was completely and dramatically eclipsed by what he felt now. He was incandescent with rage. He wanted to grab that man, whoever he was, with both hands and throw him out the nearest window.
As he stormed over, a small voice in the back of his mind reminded him that this didn’t make any sense.
That they were just talking. As far as he could see from here, nothing untoward had happened, and he was borrowing trouble by being as angry about it as he was.
But he didn’t care. That was just a tiny voice in his mind.
The louder voice, the one that mattered, wanted nothing more than to get this man far away from Violet.
She did look uncomfortable, which somewhat justified him, he thought.
She was pressed up against the wall, her eyes cutting to the left and the right as if hoping she might be able to disappear.
He drew level with the man and stood close to him, as close as the man was standing to Violet, trying to force him to feel the same discomfort.
It worked. The man took a step back, staring at him. “Can I help you?”
“You can leave,” Jonathan said shortly.
The man looked at him a moment longer, but he must have decided the fight wasn’t worth it. He turned and walked away.
Violet released a breath. “Thank you,” she said. “I didn’t know how how I was going to get away from him.”
“Was he bothering you?”
“He didn’t do anything terrible. He just…you saw how he was standing. And he kept telling me how lovely I looked in the gown. I think it’s possible his intentions were harmless.”
Jonathan didn’t care what the man’s intentions had been. He only cared what their impact had been. As long as no lines had been crossed, he wouldn’t feel it necessary to confront him.
Instead, he held out his arm to Violet. “Would you like to come for a walk with me in the garden?”
His heart pounded—he thought she might tell him no—but she didn’t even hesitate before taking his arm and allowing him to lead her out.