Chapter 22 #2
“You were born with an immense silver spoon in your mouth, whereas my riches fell in my lap one fine day when I woke up from delirium in my childhood room. My mind has not completely acclimated to all of that impending wealth. Society does not yet know that I am, or I shall be, a wealthy man. It is a perfect opportunity for me to observe humanity, or rather, potential wives—to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak—the true-hearted lassies from the fortune hunters. At the Richmond Ball…”
Mr. Darcy abruptly looked out of the window of the carriage. He had a premonition that he was not going to like what the Colonel would say.
“Did I tell you that Lady Elizabeth sought me out and sat out a dance with me? What an honor bestowed by one both exalted and lovely! I…”
Mr. Darcy interjected rudely. “Lady Jane is considered a greater beauty. She is serene and, of course, being the eldest of the daughters, may inherit more. Should you not consider her first?”
The Colonel looked intently at his cousin and then said deliberately, “Lady Jane is unquestionably exquisite, but she is also chased by all the young men of the ton. Lady Elizabeth, in her enchantingly cordial way, appears to ignore the obsequious dandies, and thus may be more within my reach.”
“What are you saying? Lady Elizabeth is your consolation prize?” Mr. Darcy spat out his response in ill-disguised bitterness.
“Ah, you harbor a tendre for Lady Elizabeth, don’t you?
I noticed you turn your head away to hide your agitation just now.
That gave me the first clue of your unwillingness to hear what I was to disclose.
But my mind is not as sharp as it was before the injury and did not immediately take the hint. ”
Mr. Darcy remained silent, which confirmed to the Colonel that his cousin felt deeply for the young woman.
“Darcy, you are more of a brother to me than Milton. I would not covet what you desire in a hundred years. Do you have a plan for what to do with your unrequited… love?”
“What is the use of talking about this? I am a married man.”
“Blockhead! You will not be married much longer. Was it not the reason you agreed to marry Anne in the first place—that she would not live long enough for me to come back from the Continent?”
Mr. Darcy’s face turned even glummer than before.
“I feel like the refuse of the earth because my wife’s improving health causes me such unfathomable despair.
She can now sit up a little at a time and does not cough much.
When I received the Duke’s summons, I felt a profound relief to be able to get away from the deceitful life I lead.
I can, of course, never get away, since this detestable lie is the only life for me, no matter where I am. ”
“And deceit of any kind is your abhorrence. Do you think Lady Elizabeth returns your affection… Wait, we spent the whole half hour talking about your rescue of her maid’s affianced.
At that time, I was impressed by such rare compassion in a lady of her stature.
Could she have been hoping for information on why you were not at the ball? ”
Mr. Darcy relaxed his expression involuntarily. The slim chance that his Elizabeth might love him back was more than he had ever dared to dream. Then his face returned to solemnity.
Futile! Futile!
“It is of no significance what Lady Elizabeth thinks or feels. I am bound to another,” Mr. Darcy said with outward calmness.
“Say that to Lady Caroline! Or William Lamb, for that matter. Darcy, you are among the most honorable man in Christendom. You will not consciously injure anyone, especially your wife, even though the purpose of the marriage has nothing to do with marital affection. You agreed to the sham marriage for me, and to save Rosings from that traitor. The least I can do is to make sure that you will have a chance for love when you are free. I am not attached to Lady Elizabeth…yet. She is simply the highest-ranked lady who is uncommonly kind to me. Before her, all I ever received were cold shoulders from young ladies, except for those who accepted my coins for their favors. I was curious more than anything now that I know her partiality may be for another.”
“You do not know that. You called me a blockhead, which is fitting—not an insult at all. I treated Elizabeth abominably when I was staying with Bingley in Hertfordshire, thinking that by ignoring her, my surging admiration for her would go away, or at least be under better regulation. Then I saw Lady Caroline at your father’s estate.
Her behavior was shockingly licentious. I was repulsed, and the false idol of her being an ideal mistress for Pemberley shattered.
I finally admitted to myself that my wife and my happiness should be as important as my duty to my family name and fortune.
Just as I was convinced that my future wife would be Elizabeth or a replica of her with better connections, Anne’s health crisis occurred.
Every doctor I spoke with said she would live for weeks, if not days.
I saw the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.
Ironically, the idea of giving Rosings to you persuaded me to marry Anne, as it would be clear to everyone that I was not marrying for her fortune.
I patted my back for my ingenuity in preserving my honor and satisfying the family’s expectations at the same time!
Looking back, I now understand that my views on fortune and connections regarding my potential bride had not yet completely changed.
I was hoping my personal sacrifice in my first marriage to keep Rosings for the family would negate any objection to my marrying a woman of poor fortune and even poorer connections after Anne passed on.
Deep down, that was the only reason that mattered. ”
The carriage had been standing in front of Darcy House for some time. The cousins finally stepped off the carriage and entered Mr. Darcy’s study wordlessly. Mr. Darcy meticulously mixed a small amount of brandy and water into two small glasses, but he remained in a depressed contemplation.
“Darcy, do you still harbor the hope of marrying Lady Elizabeth?” asked the Colonel, breaking the heavy silence.
Mr. Darcy looked astonished at this question. He started pacing and murmured, “Hope…” Then he recited*:
“And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least; Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising.”
Mr. Darcy paused and seemed deep in thought. Then he continued.
“Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.”
He paused, then said, “It was providential that I saw His Grace at the funeral of the fifth duke, and he now considers me a friend and ally. I shall remain within her sphere, no matter what happens. To wish for anything more is a betrayal of God… and Anne.”
“Have you thought about how you would feel should I resume pursuing Lady Elizabeth and win her hand? If that were to happen, you would be very close to your lady—she would be your cousin! Is there a Bard’s sonnet for that scenario?
Would you still not change places with kings?
Or should you just face your own feelings head-on and say what you want to say in your own words? ”
Mr. Darcy sighed and said, “Whatever future scenario comes about, I am married, and my wife’s health is improving. I am grateful that the Bard’s genius lives through the ages to allow me to express my feelings when my own words fail me.”
“So dramatic! You ought to consider a career on stage.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------*Sonnet 29 by Shakespeare summarized in modern English expresses the speaker’s feelings of despair and self-pity when facing misfortune and social rejection.
He feels like an outcast, envying others’ success, talents, and friendships, while lamenting his own failures.
However, the sonnet shifts when the speaker thinks of a loved one, whose memory lifts his spirits.
This love makes him feel richer than a king, and he wouldn’t trade his situation for anyone else’s, despite his earlier complaints.