Chapter 22 #2
Like smiling. And crying.
I want to give Duke a hug. Then I wanna strip him down and take him to bed.
“Y’all both have big dreams,” Mollie continues. “You both want to see the world. Do something different with your careers and your lives. You’re both scary good at darts.”
“I’m better, actually,” I say with a grin.
“You make him laugh, Wheeler.” Mollie reaches over to tuck my hair behind my ear.
“He loves being around you. Cash and the guys were always rolling their eyes over how much Duke talked about you. He’s obsessed with you, friend, and I think that’s because y’all have managed to create this beautiful friendship.
Yeah, y’all slept together. But you were friends first. Still are.
And that is why you guys won’t end up like your parents. ”
A feeling, warm and light and real, rises through my center.
Mollie is right.
Deep down, I know she’s right. Maybe I got pregnant just like Mom did, but that’s where the similarities between our circumstances end. Duke is a good friend. I’m a good friend to him.
Which means I have to keep putting myself out there. Keep being vulnerable and keep opening myself to his wonderfulness. And damn is he wonderful. I could easily fall in love with this man.
What if that’s what’s meant to happen?
And if I’m meant to fall in love with Duke, does that mean we’re meant to have this baby? Raise him or her together in his cute little cottage, surrounded by the family and friends we know and love?
“It’s a beautiful idea.” I have to look away from Mollie’s kind eyes, or I’ll burst into tears all over again. “But what about—he’s not ready to settle down, and I’m not sure I am either.”
Mollie nods. “The baby would kind of blow up those plans to be free.”
“Yes.”
“I mean…” Mollie tilts her head. “I can’t help but think about my mom.
Not that she’s someone we necessarily want to look up to, but she had me in her twenties, and then she got a whole bunch of freedom later on, which she used to build her business.
Ask her if she’d do it any differently, and I don’t think she would. ”
I nod. “I like that idea—that having a baby doesn’t mean you’re stuck in the house forever.”
“Something else to consider—I’m splitting my time between the ranch and Dallas, so y’all could too if you wanted.
There’s lots of helping hands around here, Wheeler.
Lots of people who’d adore that sweet child and babysit anytime if you asked them.
Trust me—everyone’s already offered to babysit this little one.
” She rubs the swell of her belly. “Even Ella and Junie.”
My chest squeezes when I imagine those two loving up on a newborn.
The ranch would be a pretty damn great place to raise kids.
The isolation would be hard in the beginning, but I imagine a childhood spent running wild, riding on horseback, and learning a trade that goes back generations would be nothing short of magical.
It’d be so different from the way I was raised.
“But you and Cash knew you wanted babies right away.” I pick up my grilled cheese. “Why? How?”
Mollie grabs her sandwich too and takes a thoughtful bite.
“As cliché as it sounds, it just felt right. I never imagined falling in love with someone and marrying them and then getting pregnant would happen so quickly. But before coming to Hartsville…” She takes a breath, lets it out.
“I was really unhappy. Well, unhappy in some areas of my life.”
“I remember.”
“When I got here, got to know Cash—it was like the world cracked open. I understood myself and my dreams in a way I never had before.”
“Yes.” Yes.
“And I realized that some of the dreams I’d always had weren’t actually making me very happy. It was the worst, best surprise ever. So I ditched those dreams, kept some others, and got a few new ones.”
“Your story is beautiful. Just like you.” I toss the last bit of crust into my mouth. I hadn’t realized how bad I felt until just now, physically and emotionally. Because all of a sudden, I feel so much better.
The powers of grilled cheese. And a guy’s thoughtfulness. And a friend’s wisdom.
I’m not glad I got pregnant, but I am glad to be here right now. In a room with my best friend on a beautiful ranch that’s run by indecently good-looking, deeply kind cowboys.
“You can make your story beautiful too, Wheeler.”
The light in my center dims. I’m coming around to the idea that it’s possible—probable, even—that I won’t repeat my parents’ patterns, whether I have this baby or not. But me deserving happiness?
Deserving a guy like Duke?
Something inside me still balks at that.
“Remember when you first pulled into town?” I say with a laugh. “We were on the phone, and you told me you swore you saw Buffalo Bill or whoever getting off his horse. You thought you’d gone back in time.”
It’s an obvious change of subject, but Mollie doesn’t call me out on it.
Instead, she laughs too. “That was Wyatt. He was collecting his poker money at the Rattler.”
“Little did you know he’d end up being the best man at your wedding.”
“Small world.”
“Small town.”
Mollie’s smile touches her eyes. “Since when are you a cheeseball?”
“The baby,” I say, patting my own stomach. “It’s making me stupid.”
“Hm.” Mollie taps a finger against her chin. “Better answer: it’s the guy who put that baby in your belly who’s making you so adorably mushy.”
I grab a tissue to wipe my hands. “I don’t do mushy.”
“But you are doing mushy. Right now, I see it. And it looks good on you.”
I don’t want to smile, but I do.
That keeps happening. Why is my first impulse to fight good feelings? Maybe I don’t trust them. Or, more likely, I don’t believe I deserve good things, period.
That’s ignorance talking.
“I heard back from Rory,” I say. He’s our master boot maker out in San Antonio. He’s the guy who turns our designs into reality: he’ll handcraft several samples of each of our boots until we’re all obsessed with the result.
“Really?” Mollie gasps. “And?”
“And he’s going to fast-track those prototypes for the men’s collection. He had a cancellation, so we should have them by the end of the week.”
Mollie smiles, biting her lip. “Bet Duke’s gonna be happy.”
I’m smiling just thinking about how thrilled he’ll be. And isn’t that the definition of friendship? Going out of your way to thrill someone? Knowing how to thrill them because you’ve learned who they are and what turns them on?
I wonder if Duke would be open to some kind of official collaboration. Maybe…hell, maybe he’d like the idea of joining us full-time. I could draft a proposal, then run it by Mollie. I think she’d be open to expanding our company, right?
My gut seizes. Fear.
My heart flutters. Hope.
Just for today, I try on something new.
I let hope win.