Chapter 30
What Happens Next
Wheeler
Tha-wunk, tha-wunk, tha-wunk.
The loud, insistent beat of the baby’s heart suddenly fills the room, and I’m filled with a sense of overwhelming gratitude. And joy. And disbelief.
I burst into tears.
“Aw, Blue, you’re doing great.” Duke runs his thumb over the back of my hand and nods at the ultrasound screen. “Look how perfect that little nugget is.”
The ultrasound tech nods, smiling. “He’s right, Mom. Everything is looking great. Heart rate is 155 beats per minute, and we’re measuring a little ahead at nine weeks and six days.”
Mom. First time someone’s called me that.
I cry some more.
“That’s good?” Duke asks, sniffling.
“That’s excellent.” The tech moves the wand over my belly. “Your doctor will likely keep your current due date, but we could be looking at a big, healthy baby.”
“Big, huh?” Duke squeezes my hand. “Runs in the family.”
The tech and I both laugh, even as I roll my eyes. “Think it’s a boy, then?”
“I think girl, all the way.”
“Y’all can find out the sex at your twenty-week anatomy scan,” the tech says. “It’s a really fun ultrasound. You’ll see the brain, the chambers of the heart, the little bones.”
“And not so little—”
“Parts.” I cut him a look. “If it’s a boy.”
“I was going to say not so little heart. Our daughter’s going to be a lover.”
“Just like her daddy.” I grin at him through a film of tears. “You’d be such a great girl dad.”
“Sawyer just learned how to braid Ella’s hair. Said he’d be happy to teach me.”
My heart twists at the image of Duke brushing a little girl’s hair.
I can’t believe we’re doing this.
I can’t believe this man and this baby are mine.
I really, really hope I don’t mess this up. Duke and the baby are nice reminders to focus on the positive. They’re also the best excuse to think ahead instead of dwelling on the past.
Looking up at the screen, I see a tiny, bean-shaped blur that floats in a transparent sac. The beating heart is barely visible as a pulsing white light.
In thirty-some-odd weeks, I’m going to have my own my little family.
Before meeting Duke, I would’ve felt this overwhelming sense of disbelief.
All this goodness is happening to me? The girl who’s been told all her life she’s too sensitive, a pain in the ass, a strange, shameful, ultimately forgettable human being? What right does she have to happiness?
Now, allowing myself to enjoy that goodness just feels like the next right step.
Duke grabs my hand again as we head out of our appointment after meeting with Dr. Martinez in an exam room following the ultrasound.
“Since it appears this nugget is sticking around, I’d like to officially share the news that we’re expecting with my family.” Duke looks at me. “Maybe host a little get-together at the cottage or something?”
Those butterflies appear again in my center. The doctor informed us that with such a strong heartbeat and good measurements, our baby has a very good chance of making it to the all-important twelve-week mark, when the instance of miscarriage goes way down.
Even if that wasn’t the case, I still want to officially tell Duke’s family. Yes, they already know, but this way, no one is tiptoeing around the news. We can finally all celebrate together, and they can be there for us if anything ever happened.
I’m learning how valuable support like that is.
I’m learning how much I need it and how good it feels to accept it.
“I love that idea. Maybe we have a fire on the porch? Have s’mores for Ella and Junie. And Mollie. And definitely for me too.”
I’ve never had much of a sweet tooth, but all of a sudden, I’ve been craving chocolate and ice cream and Patsy’s Texas sheet cake.
Duke nods. “Consider it done.”
He doesn’t broach the subject of my family until we’re in his truck and heading back to my townhome.
“I know this is a sore subject.” Adjusting his hand on the top of the wheel, he meets my eyes. “But we’re gonna have to tell your parents about us and the baby at some point.”
I grab his forearm as he shifts gears. “You’re not a sore subject.”
“I’m gonna be when your daddy finds out we’ve only been dating for, like, two seconds, and you’re already pregnant.”
Dad is gonna be pissed. Not only because he has a terrible temper and even worse impulse control, but this is also how his sad story began.
Mom’s too. Which makes me think she’s also going to be less than thrilled. Sure, she loves kids, and I know one day she’d be excited to be a grandmother.
I also know she wants me to learn from her mistakes. How do I make her see that the mistake wasn’t having a baby but having a baby with someone who was never going to be a friend to her?
“Haines is happy for us,” I say. “And my parents…well. They’ll just have to come around, because I’m doing this.”
He takes his hand off the gearshift and puts it on my thigh. “We’re doing this. Together.”
“You wanna get laid, don’t you?”
He grins. “Well, yeah. But that’s not why I’m saying that.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
I put my hand over his and squeeze his fingers. “I want them to meet you. My parents. I hope you know I’m not ashamed of you or anything. They’ll…love you eventually.”
“Like, in a month? Or we talking years?”
My stomach flips at the idea of us being together that long. I had a boyfriend in college I dated for a year, which felt monumental at the time. Shocker, I ended up running when things got serious. Am I really capable of staying this time?
Really, the question should be am I capable of letting someone in and trusting that they’ll stay?
Because that’s what needs to happen if I want a relationship that lasts a lifetime.
Which I do. You wouldn’t necessarily know it, but I’m a romantic at heart.
I want to believe that happily ever after exists and that my story can have a different ending than my parents’.
Just like I want to believe that I’m not as awful or difficult to love as my family made me feel.
I just wish I could trust myself.
“Pretty sure you’ll win my parents over quicker than that.” I let my head fall back on the seat. I’m tired. And yeah, kinda turned on too.
“I’ll start my campaign right now. Invite them to the ranch.”
My heart hiccups. “What? I’m not sure—”
“Let them see how well we take care of you there. They can also meet my family. Not to brag, but they’re pretty awesome.
Well, maybe we let them meet Cash last since he’s so grumpy.
But Ryder will show them a good time. Wyatt’ll take some money off your dad and older brother if they’re poker players.
Even if they’re not. Especially if they’re not. ”
That makes me smile. “I like that idea.”
“What about weekend after next? Weather’s supposed to be good, and as far as I know, everyone will be at the ranch.”
The hope in his voice has my pulse skipping a beat. I feel like most guys wouldn’t be champing at the bit to meet their girlfriend’s parents. Least of all if that girlfriend got unintentionally pregnant.
But here’s Duke, ready to tackle the issue head-on.
This man—the guy with character and intelligence and grit—really likes me. His level of devotion is bewildering in the best way.
Doesn’t make sense for a person of Duke’s caliber to want to be with a bitchy, difficult person, right?
What if I’m not that person?
Or what if I can be bitchy and difficult, but I’m also kind and caring and fun to be around? It seems unfair and unrealistic to expect someone to be on their best behavior all the time.
What if I’m a good person who’s just trying her best? Fucking up but learning from it and trying better the next go-around?
I didn’t realize I’ve been holding myself to a ridiculous standard of perfection until now. Like I was supposed to look perfect and act perfectly and do things perfectly right out of the gate. That’s a ridiculous goal for anyone.
What if I’m right about who I am, and Preston isn’t?
Only one way to find out.
“Let’s do it.” I reach for my phone. “I’ll start with Mom. Do you think I should give them any kind of heads-up? Maybe tell them you and I are dating and I want them to meet you?”
Duke nods, shifting gears. “I think that’s a good call. Might make them a little more amenable to that news.” He nods at my midsection. “Your daddy doesn’t own any guns, does he?”
I laugh, even as an icy spike of fear lodges itself in my chest. “He doesn’t.”
Duke cuts me a look, his eyes flashing. “Good. Even if he did, I hope you know you’re safe with me, Blue.”
My heart swells and so does my throat. I look out the window so I don’t burst into tears all over again.
Because truth is I do feel safe with Duke. Not just in the physical sense. In the emotional sense too. And that feeling of security is something I’ve been missing in my life.
I’m grateful I found it with him.
____
The fire crackles.
A breeze blows through the trees, filling this little slice of heaven with the rustle of leaves.
The sun has begun to set. It’s the golden hour, my favorite time of day, when the air is pleasantly cool and the light is ardent, painting everything in shades of yellow and amber.
The sky is clear, its fiery colors vibrant.
And the rocking chair I’m currently sitting in? It’s so comfortable I melt into the seat, the ache in my back lessening as I use my big toe to rock myself back and forth. Back and forth.
I’m not feeling great. I’ve been hit by a bout of insomnia, another lovely symptom of pregnancy. Paired with the nausea I’ve been experiencing, it makes for a pretty miserable end to my first trimester. But I’ll take it if it means having a healthy baby.
My boobs still hurt, and I feel bloated. Even so, it’s such a beautiful evening I almost forget about all that.
I’m also really, really excited to welcome our visitors. Everyone on the ranch already knows I’m pregnant, but it’s still going to be fun to share the news.