7. Noah
7
NOAH
I practice what I plan to say to Rossi when he arrives. I have to get out of this situation, but only if I can take Eli with me. I can’t handle the thought of him getting hurt, and he will. As soon as the Carbones figure out I’m not who I say I am, they’ll go after Eli, no matter how innocent he is. They’ll kill him if the cops don’t. I’m prepared to tell Detective Rossi everything and deal with whatever consequences fall on me. I still haven’t been able to come clean to Eli, but I want to make sure I can keep him safe before I do.
Rossi’s beat-up sedan pulls into the garage, and I hold my breath. My heart is pounding, but I have to do this. I just hope Eli understands.
“You got something?” Rossi barks as I slide into the passenger seat. I hand him my latest notebook with all the details of the shipment from the other night.
“I wasn’t able to get a container number, but you can backtrack this and find out what ship it was on and where it came from,” I say.
“Great fucking work, kid,” Rossi says with real admiration in his voice. “You were made for undercover.” He claps me on the shoulder, and my gut twists.
“It’s getting real hot out there,” I say, and he turns to face me.
“What do you mean? You think they’re on to you?” Rossi asks, his bushy brows drawn together.
“Not yet,” I breathe. “At least I don’t think so, but they’re starting to ask questions, to look into me.”
“We expected that,” Rossi says. “Your background is flawless. If they try to look you up they’ll find everything we need them to see.”
“I don’t think it’s that simple. Their connections run deep.”
“We know that, kid.” Rossi’s jaw ticks. “What’s really going on here?”
“I’m worried about casualties,” I say. Fuck, this isn’t going the way I hoped.
“Casualties? The fuck are you talking about, Sorrento?” Rossi is practically shouting.
“Innocent people are going to get hurt,” I challenge.
“Like who?” Rossi growls. My skin starts to prickle in anger. He’s not going to understand, but I have to make him.
“Like Eli,” I say, and brace for the inevitable barrage.
“Eli? As in Eli fucking Carbone ?” Rossi scoffs, but his hands are shaking. “I don’t know how he’s fucking tricked you, son, but he’s far from innocent. He’s a Carbone. Evil is bred into him.”
“He didn’t choose any of this. He wants out,” I say.
“He told you this?” Rossi asks incredulously.
“Not exactly…sort of, I don’t know. He raises money for the Arts Council for fuck’s sake,” I snap.
“A tiny fraction of the Carbones’ wealth goes to teaching art to kids and all the sudden this guy’s a fucking saint? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“I’m trying to tell you he’s innocent, and I want to find a way to make sure he’s not hurt by all of this. If my cover is blown, his family will come after him,” I say.
“Then don’t blow your fucking cover!” Rossi shouts at me. I clench my fists to try to keep my composure.
“I thought we were supposed to protect the innocent?” I shout back.
“How many people are we going to protect by bringing this family down?” Rossi snaps at me.
“You don’t get it. How are we supposed to be better than them if we ignore shit like this?”
“It’s a numbers game, kid. Even if this Carbone is innocent, I would trade his life for a hundred other innocents in a fucking heartbeat. He’s still a Carbone, and they all deserve what’s coming to them.”
I take a deep breath and fight to keep the disgust from my expression. “How can you say that? How can you act like you’re out for justice when you can just throw someone’s life away if it’s convenient? Am I that expendable?”
“If you keep sympathizing with the enemy, yeah,” Rossi shouts, and my mouth drops open in shock. I shouldn’t be surprised, but there it is. Rossi doesn’t care who gets hurt as long as he brings down the Carbones. “Don’t look so shocked, Sorrento. You knew what this was when you signed up.” Rossi waves his hand in dismissal.
“This sounds a lot more like revenge than justice,” I growl through clenched teeth.
“You would know, wouldn’t you,” Rossi mutters.
“I’ll pull out now if that’s what it takes to protect the innocent,” I say. If my disappearance will protect Eli, then that’s what I’ll do.
“You know, some of the guys downtown speculated that you swing that way,” Rossi says, and cuts his eyes toward me.
“What are you talking about?” I ask as my pulse quickens.
“You’ve got a thing for the Carbone,” Rossi says.
I roll my eyes and wave my hand in dismissal, but I know I’m less than convincing. Fuck. Now what?
“Sorrento, you’re in too deep,” he continues, and my stomach drops. “I’m going to bring this family down one way or another. You can either help me or not.”
“And if I choose not to?” I challenge.
“Then I wouldn’t be surprised if someone leaked intel about an agent in their midst.”
My heart falls through the floor. I expected pushback, not an open fucking threat. “You wouldn’t,” I breathe through the pounding in my chest.
“You underestimate me, Sorrento,” Rossi says, then starts the engine. “We’ll meet back here next week.” He reaches over me and opens the door. I blink a couple times before I get out of his car. He chirps his tires as he pulls away before the door is even closed. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Now what?
My blood boils as I walk across the garage back to my Camry. This whole op is bullshit. It’s just a way for Rossi to get revenge under the guise of “justice.” I’m not going to be so easily manipulated. I can’t just cower down to this asshole, but what are my options? I could come clean to Eli about the whole thing, but that will just make us both targets…and that’s assuming Eli understands and doesn’t just kill me out of spite. What the hell have I gotten myself into?
I call Eli as soon as I get into my car and ask him to meet me at his secret apartment for dinner. Despite the risks, I have to tell him everything. I have to come clean. I can’t keep carrying around this secret, and I have to stop whatever bloodbath Rossi is planning before Eli gets hurt. I just hope he’ll understand.
As I drive back to the apartment, though, I realize that nothing is ever that simple. If my cover is blown, it will jeopardize my life and Eli’s. And what do I really expect Eli to do with this information anyway? He can’t protect me from his family, and he damn sure can’t protect me from Rossi. I pull into the garage next to Eli’s apartment and immediately see his Bentley parked in the usual spot. Eli is leaning against the trunk and wearing jeans and a dark T-shirt. His loose curls are falling around his downcast face, and his long limbs are heavy. I can’t burden him with this. I have to find some other way out. He’ll understand eventually. He has to.
His face lights up when he sees me exit my Camry, a cheap piece of shit compared to his luxury car. His eyes dart around for any witnesses before he pulls me into an embrace. I breathe in his scent as it surrounds me. When he pulls back, I look up at him.
“Are you alright?” I ask.
“Of course,” he says with a smile, though it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
I lift my eyebrows at him, but I don’t answer. I know he’s been under an enormous amount of pressure from his family lately, and I don’t want to be another weight to add to his shoulders. “I grabbed us some burgers,” I say as I lift a paper bag from my seat before I close the door to the Camry. “I know it’s not exactly filet mignon or anything, but I just wanted to see you.”
Eli smiles, this one genuine, and my heart melts. “Come on,” he says, and we head for the apartment.
Once we’re inside and I pass out the paper-wrapped burgers, we eat in silence for a while. He finally lifts those piercing green eyes to mine, and my heart skips a beat.
“What’s going on, Noah?” he asks. I struggle to answer. I want so badly to just tell him everything, but I can’t stomach the risk.
“It’s just been a long day, Eli,” I lie. “My mom wants me to come home, and I just feel like…I don’t know.” It’s at least a half-truth. My mother does want me to come home, but she has no idea where I am or how to contact me right now.
“Feeling homesick, huh?” Eli says. “I can’t imagine I’ve made that any easier.” His eyes drop to the counter.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I’ve gotten you too involved with my family. They’ve really started to notice you. My father hasn’t stopped asking questions,” Eli says, and my pulse quickens.
“I mean, I don’t have anything to hide,” I lie again. My gut twists in revulsion.
“It doesn’t matter. You don’t understand these people, my family,” Eli says with a shrug. “If they think you’re a threat or after our money, you’ll disappear without a second thought. And the police here wouldn’t even bother to look for you.”
I reach across the counter and take his hand. “I’m here and I’m okay,” I say, and squeeze his hand.
“You have no idea what you’re dealing with by getting involved with me,” Eli says before he looks up at me again. My breath catches as I notice that his eyes are lined with tears.
“Eli, I don’t care about them,” I say as I step around the counter and pull him into a gentle embrace. “I care about you .”
“I care about you, too,” he says into my shoulder. “That’s why this is so terrifying.”
“What is?” I ask.
“Someone saw us together the other night,” Eli says, and my blood runs cold.
“Who?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” he says. “I denied it of course, but I don’t know if they believe me.”
“They?”
“My father and uncle.” He pulls in a shuddering breath. “Noah, I think…” His voice catches, and I fight a sudden panic in my chest. “I think we need to put some space between us.”
Suddenly, the world seems to crash down around me. Is he trying to end things with me? “No,” I whisper. He lifts his eyes to mine. This is stupid and selfish and completely irrational, but I don’t want to end things. If we did then most of my problems would be solved. I wouldn’t have to worry about Eli becoming a target, I wouldn’t have to help Rossi anymore, and I could just disappear and all of this would go away. But I won’t, I can’t leave him.
“No?” Eli lifts his eyebrows.
“No, I don’t want to put space between us. I don’t want to end things,” I say quickly. The logical, self-preserving side of my brain is screaming at me to run, to get away, to just leave . My words say the opposite, and they fucking feel right.
“Noah, I can’t be the person you need me to be,” Eli says, his face wracked with pain and guilt.
“I don’t need you to be anyone other than who you are,” I challenge. I cup his cheek in my hand and force him to look at me. “The thought of not being with you at all is something I can’t handle.”
“Noah…I can’t…” Eli starts, then leans into my hand and closes his eyes.
“Eli, we all have secrets. We all have issues, and I know they feel insurmountable right now, but don’t just cut me off, please,” I say. He opens his eyes and looks at me, his green irises piercing me to my soul.
“I really hoped you were stronger than me,” Eli says, and closes his eyes again.
“What do you mean?” I ask, and take a step closer so that our bodies are only inches apart.
“I can’t handle the thought of being without you, either,” he whispers. I press my lips to his and he wraps his long arms around me. I run my fingers through his hair, holding on for dear life. This is bad. How can this man mean so much to me? I kiss him harder, and he pulls me against him. The bulge in his pants presses against me, and my cock hardens in response. I break from his lips and kiss softly along his jaw until my lips brush his ear.
“I love you, Eli,” I whisper. He turns and crushes his lips against mine until I’m struggling for air. My heart pounds as the full weight of what I just confessed crashes down on me, and I can feel his heart pounding in time with mine.
I pull his shirt over his head and kiss him again, harder this time, as I run my fingers over the smooth skin of his chest and back. I pull back to remove my shirt before we crash into each other again. He pushes me backward until I fall into a sitting position on the couch, and when he pulls back and looks at me, his emerald eyes flash with lust and hunger. He pulls my pants off and then removes his own, climbing onto the couch to straddle me. He lifts himself onto his knees so that his hard dick brushes against my chin. I take my own dick in my hand as I kiss him everywhere I can reach—his abs, his hips, the insides of his thighs. He grips the back of the couch on either side of my head and groans. I stroke myself as I touch him, rolling his balls in my hand and licking at them until I can feel his cock straining to hold back.
I wrap my fingers around his length and he moans. Just the sound is almost enough to send me over the edge. He shifts his hips forward and I take him into my mouth, stroking him at the same time. I let go of his shaft and grab his hips as he thrusts himself down my throat. I gag and my eyes start to water, but I take it again and again, using my hand to guide his hips as he thrusts into my face. I approach my own climax, winding tighter and tighter as I stroke myself. When I groan against his cock in my throat, it sends him over the edge. I choke as he spurts into my throat, gagging and relishing the taste of his cum. I crash over the edge of my own orgasm, spilling myself against the backs of his thighs as he shudders against me.
He finally relaxes and settles around me, resting his head against my shoulder. I wrap my arms around him and pull him flush against me. His dick twitches in response, and that almost makes me hard again. I kiss the side of his neck and then his cheek before whispering again, “I love you, Eli.”
“You shouldn’t,” he mutters against my shoulder.
“But I do,” I say, pulling him tighter into my embrace.
“I love you, too,” he says, and my heart feels like it’s going to burst.
“We’ll figure this out,” I say.
“We have to,” Eli answers, then shifts his weight to settle next to me on the couch. “I won’t be able to live with myself if something happens to you because of me.”
“I know,” I say, and lean over to lay my head against his shoulder. “You won’t ever have to, trust me.” Because I’ll be the one responsible for that, not you , is what I don’t say. I also don’t tell him that he’s in just as much danger from me as I am from him. I want to tell him, I need to tell him, but I can’t bring myself to. I told him that I loved him, and I meant it. I just hope he believes me when all this comes crashing down.
We spend the rest of the night in Eli’s apartment, lost in a cycle of sex and showers and the occasional break for food. Neither of us wants to face the real world, so we don’t. We just hide. The next morning, though, I wake up to a note on his nightstand. All it says is that he’s out on family business and that he’ll call me later. My heart sinks as I realize that I’m going to have to go back out into the real world, and soon. I take a quick shower and get dressed, prepared to head out to my classes.
* * *
I close and lock the door behind me, but when I get to the garage, my senses are on alert. I press my lips together when I spot Rossi’s beat-up sedan parked next to my Camry. I meet his eyes and he jerks his head to the passenger side. Against my better judgment, I get in the car with him.
“I’m glad you didn’t do something stupid like confess to your boyfriend,” Rossi says, and it takes all my restraint not to punch him in the jaw.
“What’s it to you?” I ask through gritted teeth.
“You think you’re so smart, kid,” Rossi laughs, and I growl at him, my teeth bared. “Your emotions are going to get the best of you,” he warns, and I notice that he’s holding his sidearm beneath the notebook in his lap.
“What are you doing?” I ask, trying to figure out how to not get shot in this fucking car.
“Keeping tabs on my assets,” Rossi says, moving so that the gun is in plain sight. “You go trying to switch sides on me and I’ll make sure Gianni knows all about you and your little gay sex nest.”
“You wouldn’t,” I say, but even I don’t believe it.
“Oh, I would. And how do you think he’s going to react when he learns that his precious nephew is keeping secrets like this?”
“What the fuck does it matter to you, anyway?” I hiss.
“If I can’t put his ass behind bars, I’ll find another way to make him suffer,” Rossi says with a shrug. “Who do you think tipped him off about you two?”
“You did that?” My jaw drops.
“Damn right I did, and that gay-boy was supposed to come tell you to fuck off so that you can get back to the op, not spend the night screwing each other,” Rossi says. I swing at him. My fist grazes his jaw and I grab his arm to try to wrestle the gun away from him, but he manages to get the upper hand and put the gun to my temple. I freeze in my seat, fighting to keep my breathing under control. “I’m really disappointed in you, son,” Rossi says with a shake of his head.
“I’m not your fucking son,” I growl. I knew when I took on this operation that I was putting my life on the line, but I thought the threat would be coming from the fucking gangsters, not law enforcement.
“You’re right. If you were my son, I’d have put you down a long time ago,” Rossi says. “But if you even think about trying to come clean to your lover-boy, this won’t end well for either of you.” He presses the barrel of this pistol into my temple. “Are we clear?”
I grind my teeth in frustration. I want to kill this man.
“Answer me!” he shouts, shoving the gun harder against my head.
“Crystal,” I grind out.
“Good. Now get the fuck out of my car,” Rossi barks, and I take a deep breath before I grab the door handle. I hear him muttering something under his breath as I climb out, probably another slur, but I need him gone. He peels out of the parking lot and I pray he’ll get into a fatal wreck on the way back to wherever he’s going. I know I won’t get that lucky, though.
I get into my Camry and release a long, shuddering breath. Then I pound my fists against the steering wheel in frustration and let out a feral yell. Rossi played his hand, but it was a good one. It’s obvious that he must have put trackers or bugs on me, something that would have been nice to fucking know since it’s my life on the line working undercover. Fire fills my veins as I wonder just how much Rossi heard, what he might have on us. When I get back to my apartment I’ll figure out where all the bugs are, but I can’t just remove them or Rossi will leak to the Carbones exactly what’s going on. I scrub my hand down my face. There has to be something I can do to get out of this. Hiding out from the Carbones once this is over was going to be challenging enough, but hiding from the police, too? Impossible.
I want to call Eli and tell him everything, but I can’t do that, either. I yell and smash my fists against the steering wheel again. There has to be something I can do, anything . But Rossi knows just how to hurt me. Even if I run, Eli will still be in danger. I’m trapped, but I’m too fucking pissed off to accept defeat.