Chapter 1 #2
“Oh no, she won’t be happy about that. Women don’t like it when their dates don’t show up.
Though, I might have been happier if my date didn’t show up tonight.
Sometimes, I think it would be better if none of my dates showed up.
I don’t want to be alone, but why do I have to go through all this?
It’s such a pain and then men aren’t even nice to me.
Not like you. You’re always nice to me.”
I leaned into Duke and rested my head on his chest. We stood outside, the car door opened behind us, and I wanted to live in this spot forever.
“I’m sorry he was a jerk to you. You deserve much better.” I almost didn’t hear Duke’s quiet words.
“Am I a fridge birch?”
“A what?” His laughter jarred my head where it rested against his chest, but I didn’t move.
“A fridge bitch. No, that’s not right. A frigid birch… birch… bitch. That’s the one. Am I a frigid bitch?”
When I lifted my head, a wrinkle carved a deep line between his eyes as he stared down at me.
The moon, full and bright, hung behind him, and the soft glow of the car light bathed his face in warmth.
Duke looked perfect in the golden glow, backlit by the night’s silent guardian, like it blessed him, caressed him, yearned for him.
He would hate to be called an angel, but maybe he wouldn’t mind being Lucifer right before he fell.
I opened my mouth to say as much when his voice cut through the air, and I remembered I asked him a question.
“Whatever that idiot said... he doesn’t know you and didn’t stick around long enough to learn. Hell, I’ve known you my whole life and you still surprise me.”
I’d forgotten that he held my hand until his thumb traced my fingers with a touch so light I almost didn’t feel it. Maybe he didn’t even realize that he did it, but that thumb stole all my focus, like lightning on my skin.
“Is that a good thing?” I asked into the quiet night, my muddled brain needing more time to process his words. “That I surprise you?”
We stood so close that I saw the bob of his Adam’s apple beat out a rhythm, like a message in Morse code I didn’t quite understand. I had the sudden and intense urge to lick it, to see what he tasted like.
“Well, it certainly keeps me on my toes. Now, let’s get you inside.
” He let go of my hand and stepped back.
I wasn’t sober yet, I knew that much, but the world stopped spinning, and I didn’t fall over when I walked.
Still, he held my waist and helped me walk to the door.
I leaned into him, comfortable and cozy.
This was how a date should end. I giggled at the thought of Duke as my date. What if I kissed him at the door? What would his lips taste like?
He let us into my house. Good thing he remembered the code, because drunk me didn’t.
Even though Duke said nice things to try to make me feel better, Chris’ words from earlier kept playing on repeat in my head. I didn’t know if I was a frigid bitch or not. No one’s ever given me a chance to find out. What if I am and that’s why I can’t get past the first date?
I had to know what it felt like. Just a kiss.
I turned to Duke once he closed the door and without giving him a warning, or myself a chance to back down, I kissed him.
I. Kissed. Duke.
I had to stand on my toes to reach his mouth, having kicked off my shoes at some point on the way home. I held his face between my hands and pressed my lips against his, unsure of what to do beyond this and hoping that he would take over.
His lips were soft, and stubble tickled my hands. It felt… good. So good.
Duke’s hands softly pushed me away. Always so gentle with me.
“Lily, what are you doing?” He didn’t let go of me, but held me away from him so I couldn’t attack him again.
“I’m kissing you. I thought that was obvious. I had just thought about using my tongue when you stopped me. Did I do it wrong?” I brought my hand up to my tingling lips, not ready to be done.
“You—” Duke took a deep breath “— why did you kiss me?”
“The moon shone behind you, making you look like a fallen angel, and I wanted to know how it felt to be kissed by the Devil. I’ve never been kissed before.”
“Never been kissed?” he asked slowly, sounding unsure of these words, like they couldn’t be right .
“No,” I shook my head too hard and when the room spun again, I balanced on Duke to keep from falling over.
“Never been kissed. Never had sex. Never had more than a few bad dates before the guys ran for the hills. Well, the ones that didn’t try to force me to have sex when I didn’t want to, but those ones were gross and mean. ”
Duke’s fingers tightened around my arms on the edge of too much before he relaxed them.
“Did anyone… has anyone forced you?” A growl vibrated his words, and I thought that if any of my past dates were here, they would be scared right now.
“No. My dad taught me how to kick a guy in his balls and poke out his eyes. Though I haven’t needed that one. I don’t go places alone with them. I know how to be safe.”
I leaned my head on Duke’s chest and felt it rise and fall with his rapid breathing. He seemed to be the one needing comforting right now. Odd. I didn’t question it, though, and wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tight.
“So you see,” I said after a bit, still holding onto him, “I’ve never been kissed, and I wanted a kiss and I trust you, you won’t hurt me or force me to do anything I don’t want to do. So I did it. I kissed you. I’d like to do it again.”
“Lily, you’re drunk.” That’s not a no, I realized. I looked up at him, hoping he would say yes. “Ask me again when you are sober, and I’ll think about it.”
I smiled and might have squealed. A real kiss. I just had to remember this and ask again after I sobered up. I didn’t realize I waved my hands until Duke pulled his head back to avoid being collateral in my excitement.
I stepped away from him, ran over to a notepad I kept by the fridge, and pulled out a fresh piece of paper.
“What are you doing?” Duke asked from where he still stood by the door .
“Writing this down so I don’t forget.” I couldn’t help the excitement in my voice as I scribbled down: ask Duke for a kiss and maybe even sex . My writing tripped and fell over itself on the sticky note, and I hoped I would be able to read it in the morning.
I stuck the paper on the fridge, right next to the water dispenser, so it would be easy to see tomorrow.
I turned to see Duke standing right behind me. Good thing, too, because I almost fell again, and he caught me before I toppled over.
“And maybe even sex?” he asked as he read the note. His voice pitched higher than usual, and he seemed alarmed by my addition to the note.
“Maybe. Maybe sex.”
He looked down at me and then closed his eyes, just breathing deep before shaking his head and helping me to my room. I swear he muttered something under his breath about me killing him, but my bed called to me, and I wanted to answer that call.
“Good night, Lil,” he said as he turned out my light and left.
Sleep claimed me before I even heard the front door close.