Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
T he gentle drag of my cotton shirt on my restless hands soothed me—so long as I kept the pace gentle and didn’t give into the frantic beat of my heart.
Duke was coming over any minute now for sex. Actual sex this time and not the teasing he’s been giving me. If he didn’t, I would probably scream in frustration.
Even after everything, I was still nervous about this last step. I didn’t second-guess my decision, but I couldn’t help my twirling, twisting thoughts. What if he didn’t follow through? What if he did, and I didn’t like it? What if—what if I liked it so much that it ruined all other men for me?
Who was I kidding? There were no other men.
“Stop bouncing your leg,” Frankie said from the kitchen. “You’re making me dizzy and I’m not even looking at you.”
I dropped my leg to the floor. That familiar buzz ran up it, telling me I had been moving it way too fast for way too long. An ache would start up in my leg soon if I didn’t get myself under control. Maybe a good book would keep me occupied until he came.
Oh god.
Not came. I mean, yeah, I hope he comes, but I meant until he gets here.
And now I’m thinking about his cum. He hasn’t yet, and that fact piled on all my other worries, threatening to topple over the carefully constructed mound of thoughts that gave me anxiety.
What if he didn’t come? What if I wasn’t good for him?
“You just said all of that out loud,” Frankie said loud and clear from directly behind me. I jumped and dropped the book I hadn’t been reading.
“What? I—no, I didn’t. I swear I said that all in my head.” My cheeks heated as I looked back at her.
“You’re worried he won’t come. In both senses of the word.” She gave me a long look, and I had to admit, at least to myself, that I said all that out loud.
“It’s a valid concern. I’ve never… you know. I don’t—Don’t look at me like that!” I turned away from her so I couldn’t see the pity written plainly enough on her face that even I could tell what it was.
“Men are simple, and Duke is as simple a man as I’ve ever seen. You’re a beautiful woman. He’ll come. Both ways.” Frankie sat next to me on the couch. She didn’t pull me into a hug. Thankfully.
She wore a green striped hat today with dinosaurs dangling from her glasses. Just like the first day I met her. Oddly, that comforted me. She had my back then and didn’t even know me yet.
“What happened to my life? When did I become so… neurotic or emotional, or I don’t know?” I threw up my hands, almost knocking Frankie’s dino-clad glasses off. “Since when do I care if Duke enjoys our time together? ”
“You can say come.” She laughed and then patted my arm. “Besides, people change. We’re butterflies, Lily, not rocks.”
She stood and slung her bag over her shoulder. I hadn’t registered it before.
“Wait, you’re leaving?” I asked, alarmed. I don’t know why it would be alarming, it made perfect sense, and I didn’t want her around for this, but she planned to leave me to freak out on my own until he did—or didn’t—show up and that was just too much.
I wanted to grab her arm and cling to her.
Fuck .
What was wrong with me? I hadn’t freaked out about this at all before now. I’d practically begged for it. I was disappointed every time it didn’t happen. Yet, here I was, freaking the fuck out. Was it because I knew it was happening tonight, and it was only a possibility before?
“I don’t want to be around while you and your boy toy get busy.
” She dangled her keys by her face for emphasis.
“Straight sex isn’t my thing. And neither is watching—or hearing—whatever a man and woman choose to get up to together.
And oh look…” she pointed to the front window and a familiar figure strode up the walk.
Duke.
“Told you he would come.” She winked at me and then opened the door to let him in and leave.
The sound of pouring rain invaded through the open door and drenched his long dirty blonde hair, bringing out his waves and making him look reckless and dangerous. My pussy clenched at the sight as thunder rumbled overhead. Everything was about to change.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. All I could think about was how his mouth felt on me, how he mastered my body with just his fingers, how much I wanted more.
He turned to tell Frankie something, and then it was just us.
A fluttery feeling worked its way through me at the sight of him.
Something no other man has ever inspired.
Just watching him take off his coat captured my attention, the way his muscles moved under his shirt.
His broad shoulders, narrow waist, taut ass. My mouth went dry.
I was clearly insane. I swung from panic to raging horniness from his presence alone.
Duke turned to me and caught me staring. Rather than tease me for it, he leaned back against the door and smirked, letting me drink my fill.
The ass.
He must have just come from work because he wore dark slacks and a white button down. Usually, he dressed more casually around me, but something about the way the top buttons were undone and his forearms flexed as he rolled his sleeves made my mouth go dry.
I could see his tattoos peeking out around the shirt, reminding me he isn’t the buttoned up, stuffy executive he pretends to be.
I followed the path of those tattoos and that exposed skin up his arms, across his chest, and to his face, where he smiled at me. Genuine and soft. Like he didn’t mean for me to see it.
He straightened up when he noticed I finished examining him and the smile vanished.
“Wine?” he asked as he walked into the kitchen.
“Frankie probably has an opened bottle in the fridge.” I followed him in, glad that our interactions were back in familiar territory. He always helped himself to our kitchen when he visited, as if he didn’t have his own personal chef to keep him well stocked.
“Found it.” He held the bottle aloft as if it were a trophy. “Want a glass?”
I hesitated before nodding my head. I needed all the extra courage I could get tonight.
“I think that would be fine. It would probably take the edge off. I’m so nervous.
” Shit. I didn’t mean to say that out loud, but since I had.
“I know I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it.
I guess that’s how emotions work—you can’t always control them.
Though imagine how nice it would be to have perfect control over your emotions so you could just will yourself to not be nervous. ”
I laughed, and it sounded awkward and forced. He looked amused as he poured me a glass. The white wine was bittersweet on my tongue as I swallowed down entirely too much.
“You don’t have to be nervous with me. We don’t have to do anything except hang out, if that’s what you want.
You can tell me all about your latest book or project at work and I can order us takeout from anywhere you’d like.
Actually, I should do that anyway. I’m betting you didn’t eat. ” He muttered the last part to himself.
He knew me well enough to know that I had forgotten all about eating. The knot that had been twisting and turning in my stomach all day untangled itself and I set my wine aside, no longer needing the liquid courage to settle my nerves.
Duke knew me. He knew me as well as anyone ever could. Sometimes, I think he knew me better than I knew myself. He cared about me, too, enough to wonder about my projects at work, what new books I’d read, or whether I’d eaten that day.
I waited until he put his phone in his pocket before I walked over to him, grabbed him by the shirt, and pulled him in for a kiss.
I must have surprised him because he stood there staring at me before he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in tight, taking over the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding onto him, needing to anchor myself to him before I lost myself entirely.
This one wasn’t slow and sensual like our other kisses. This one burned a fire that consumed me from the inside out.
Duke tore away from my mouth.
“Tell me to stop,” he practically begged.
“No.” I didn’t want to stop. I never wanted to stop.
I slid my hands down his chest to the buttons on his shirt. My hands shook slightly as I undid each one, leaving a small kiss on the pieces of his chest that I exposed. He tasted like salt, and I needed more.
“Lily.” He sounded pained, but his eyes were intense and the hands in my hair urged me to continue. I licked a stripe down his chest to the top of the hair on his belly. I knew where that hair would lead, and I followed its call.
A small bit of pain radiated from my knees when I dropped to the floor in front of him, but I was too eager to be gentle with myself. His answering grunt only spurred me on. He tilted my head up to look at him while I undid his belt and the button on his slacks.
“Do you know…” I knew that look on his face. He held something back. I could guess the rest of that sentence, though.
“I’m a voracious reader of all things romance. I may have never done it, and I may need… instructions, but yes, I know.”
He groaned again when I ran my hands down the front of his pants, unbuttoned but still zipped, found his hard length, and gave him a light squeeze. His hips bucked, but only a little, as if he didn’t want to push me.
“Want me to lick it?” I asked.
Consent was very important, after all.
His hands tightened in my hair, and the littlest bit of pain shot through my scalp from his grip before he loosened it. It surprised me that I liked that pain. A lot.
“Yes.” He spoke the word like a hammer, firm and commanding. I liked that, as well.
“I’m not sure what to do, though. Will you teach me?
” It was only partially an act. I wanted his commands again, but more importantly, I wanted to know what he liked.
I also knew it would tease him, and that sounded like an excellent idea.
The sharp sting on my scalp and Duke’s equally sharp intake of breath told me I succeeded.