Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
L ily ran away from me. I stood staring at the door for too long before I came to my senses enough to run after her. We were at an unfamiliar house crowded, and she didn’t drive.
Shit.
I fucked up. I had to make this right.
I opened the door and looked both ways down the hall. Where the fuck did she go? Soft, feminine voices came from around the corner to my right, one of them as familiar to me as my own.
Lily stood talking to another girl.
“—Sam’s not a threat. I just panicked. Now, I want to go home, but I need to call someone. Sam was my ride.” The girl she spoke to, someone I recognized from school but couldn’t name, looked square at me before she spoke.
“Not anymore. I’m Frankie, I’ll take you home.” She stood with her hands on her hips and her chin held high, like she would fight off a hoard to protect Lily. Shame curled through me. It was all my fault. The town fuck-up lived up to his name.
“I’m not sure,” Lily said. One sharp look from Frankie kept me in my place. Lily caught her look and turned around to face me. I leaned against the wall, needing support while the world spun. “Oh, there’s Sam.”
She stepped toward me, but Frankie put a hand on her to stop her. I hated that hand. Lily was mine.
And I’d fucked up.
“He’s clearly drunk. Sorry, I’m intervening as the unfortunate and reluctant co-host to this party.
” She pulled Lily back and angled herself between us.
This one had guts. She was small—small enough that I could flick her, and she would fly away—but she wasn’t backing down.
Maybe Lily would be safer with her. The truth of that knifed through my heart.
“Drunk?” Lily looked so confused, but Frankie was right. I was drunk, too damn drunk to take care of her like she needed.
“Yes, drunk,” she said to Lily before turning to face me fully. “Sober up before you drive.” She looked like she wanted to hurtle me straight into the sun.
I opened my mouth to say she should go with her, but Frankie beat me to it.
“Nope.” She held a hand up to me. “Let’s go, Lily.”
She turned on her heels, dragging Lily along behind her.
“Lily.” I reached out for her, certain that if she walked away now, I wouldn’t get a second chance, but Frankie pulled her around another corner. The space she had stood mocked me with its emptiness.
I slumped on the floor beside me, the world still spinning, and even more bile filling my mouth. This time, though, it was because I’d lost the most important person in my life, and I didn’t know if I could ever make it right again.
When the world stopped spinning so much, I pushed up from the floor and made my way to the Bronco. The party raged around me, but I pushed my way through the booze-soaked crowd. Lily was nowhere to be found, and I just had to hope she made it home safe.
I slumped in the driver’s seat of the Bronco. It took three tries to get the key in right and Lily’s voice filled the space before I drove off.
“Wear your seatbelt, Sam. What if you’re in an accident? Then who would be my friend?” She would always sit until I did, even though I never did when she wasn’t with me. I could do this, though. I’d already made her sad tonight. I could do this.
The lights around me blurred and blared, blinding me as I drove. It wasn’t far, just a little down the road until my driveway.
The familiar lights lining the great stone fence around our property had just come into view when a big truck drove by, blinding me again. Except I swore this one headed straight for me, and I swerved to avoid it—straight into a fence pillar.
Sound and light blared around me, and a slow trickle of something tickled my lips. A metallic taste met me when I stuck out my tongue and then my head throbbed.
“Fuck,” I groaned, sitting up from when I’d slumped over the steering wheel. I could already feel a bruise forming where my chest hit the wheel.
“Sam?” Jenkins’ voice came to me all disjointed, as if he spoke through static from very far away .
Hands grabbed at me, and then I sat in the damp grass, moisture seeping through my jeans, the stench of urine clogging my nose.
“How much did you drink? Shit. Stay with me now.” He pulled out a phone and called someone. The doctor, maybe. I couldn’t pay attention to what he said.
I just wanted to sleep.
“Sam, don’t close your eyes, ok? The ambulance is on the way.”
I couldn’t open my mouth to talk, but I tried to focus on his face.
I don’t know how long it took for the ambulance to reach us, but by the time I sat under the fluorescent lights of the hospital, my head pounding, it hurt to breathe, and I just wanted everything to stop.
Low voices sounded from the other side of the curtain. My dad—who the hell called him—Jenkins, and one person I didn’t recognize.
“Useless snot,” my dad said. His words stung, but I couldn’t exactly argue against them.
“Let me talk to him,” Jenkins said, always calm and reasonable.
“Whatever you choose, he needs rest, but aside from bruises, he will be ok.” That must have been my doctor.
The sound of the curtain opening pounded in my ears and I flinched.
“About time you woke up,” my dad said while Jenkins listened to the doctor’s orders. “Couldn’t actually kill yourself and save everyone the trouble.”
“Enough.” Jenkins said, pushing his way into the room. “You’ve signed the paperwork. You can leave.”
He squared off against my dad—a full head taller than him. Marine tattoos littered his exposed arms. I knew the look he gave my dad, and it worked.
“You’re right. I’m not wasting more of my time.
” With that, my dad turned and left, and I was glad to see him go.
Tension I didn’t realize I held onto left my body, only to return a minute later when Jenkins turned to me.
He looked… disappointed. I wasn’t sure which hurt worse, that look or knowing I earned it.
“You’ll be alright, bumps and bruises, mostly. Please tell me you didn’t drive Lily home like this?” He sat gently on the edge of the bed, his tone soft despite his words.
“No, she got a ride from another girl.”
“Good.” He didn’t say anything more, but I knew he wanted to.
“Just spit it out.” If he was going to tell me I fucked up, I’d rather hear it now and get it over with.
“I wish I could do more to help you. Give you some of the discipline that piece of shit never did.” He sounded crushed by this, as if he failed at something.
“It’s not your job.” He flinched when I said that.
“Someone needs to.” He ran his hand through his hair, the anchor tattoo standing out starkly against his tanned skin. “I know it’s not my job to care about you, but that hasn’t stopped me.”
“I know.” Sometimes, I thought he was the only one that cared besides Lily, and I just fucked that up—bad. “What was it like?”
He looked at me, trying to guess what I meant. I gestured to his arm and the tattoo on it.
“Oh. Rough. Demanding. There was no room for fucking up. I met some of my best friends in the dust covered trenches. Saw a bunch of fucked up shit I’ll probably never get over.”
No room for fucking up .
“I can’t hurt her.” I don’t think I could have said that out loud to anyone else. “I almost did.”
“Yeah. What are you going to do about it?” He still sat on the end of my bed and that brought me comfort, and maybe courage.
“Find some discipline.”
He nodded like he knew exactly what I meant. I guess maybe he did. For the first time in a long time, someone looked at me with pride, like I’d made the right choice, or at least the best choice I could.
I had to see Lily. I met with the recruiter not long after leaving the hospital. Graduation was soon and then I would be off, but I needed to tell her I was sorry, even if she never forgave me.
Jenkins insisted on driving me to Lily’s house and waiting while I talked to her. I knocked after a slight hesitation. I could do this.
“Sam?” She sounded surprised, but launched herself into my arms. I tried not to wince at the contact, but didn’t succeed. “What happened?”
She pulled back and looked at me. I knew what I looked like—bruised, broken.
“I had a little accident. The Bronco’s toast, I’m afraid, but I’ll be ok.” I tried to smile, but it felt strained.
“Sam!” She covered her mouth, her eyes wide, and then she reached out to the cut on my head. I flinched away from her touch, still tender and aching.
“Frankie was right. I wasn’t in any position to drive.” I had to force out the words, but I would owe her for the rest of my life for intervening when I had failed Lily. “Listen, I?—”
Her dad walked up behind her and pulled the door open wider. He waved his dirt covered hand to Jenkins behind me, reminding me they both work for me—well, my grandpa—making me feel small, out of place, and awkward.
“Didn’t expect to see you,” Mr. Jameson said. “Are you here to apologize for the party?”
“Yes, sir.”
“You can sit on the porch.” He waved at the porch swing and then stepped outside to work more on his front flower bed.
“I’m sorry,” I said as soon as we were sitting. She sat so close to me, and I wanted to reach out and wrap my arms around her. I didn’t know when I would see her again, and that thought frightened me.
“What happened there? I still don’t…” she didn’t finish, but I understood what she wanted to ask, anyway.
“I fucked up. Worse than I ever have.” She didn’t contradict me or try to placate me, and I was glad about that. I don’t think I could stand it if she tried to make me feel better after everything that happened.
“I’m joining the Marines. I need… I don’t know, structure, discipline, something. I can’t turn out like him.” She knew who I meant. That was the beauty of knowing someone your entire life, there weren’t secrets. She knew everything about me, except, apparently, how I felt about her.
“Oh. Will I… will I see you before you go?” She grabbed my hand and held it tight, like she could keep me here just by that touch alone.
“I leave right after graduation. ”
“Oh.”
“I’ll be back.” My hand burned where she held it, and I soaked in every bit of that touch I could. I had a feeling I would need to hold on to it for many years to come.
“Of course.” She leaned over and gave me a kiss on my cheek. Jenkins waved to me then. There was still more we needed to do before basic training, and I was running out of time to do it. “Please be safe, Sam. I don’t know what I would do without you in my life.”
I vowed to myself that she would never need to find out. I would do whatever I could to be in Lily’s life forever.