Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
T he Coast Guard came in a torrent of sound, light, and wind. My body stayed plastered to Duke’s until someone pulled me away from him. The rise and fall of his chest kept me sane while we waited. Losing it sent me into another panic.
“No,” I protested as hands moved me, Duke’s hand still grasping mine tight.
“Ma’am we need to give him medical care and get him on a board so we can get you both back home,” a man in a bright orange jumpsuit and heavy helmet said as he pulled my hand from Duke’s, breaking the only connection keeping me grounded in this mess.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him. They could pull me away from him and rip my hand from his, but he wasn’t leaving my sight.
The ride back to the mainland passed in a whirlwind of shouted instructions, dizzying take-offs, and turbulence as we passed through the last vestiges of the storm.
Duke’s eyes were open, though, and they tracked me as carefully as I watched him.
His mouth moved, but I couldn’t tell what he said over the cacophony around us.
I fought every instinct screaming at me to push the MEDEVACs away. He didn’t need me right now. He needed medical care. That thought ran on a loop through my head as I tried to be a good patient.
The nurses at the hospital wheeled us away from each other, and I watched through blurry eyes as they took him back for tests. I hardly noticed my own injuries being tended to.
“When can I see him?” I asked the front desk for the hundredth time since they separated us. It felt like hours of fluorescent lights, the scent of antiseptic, and endless waiting. My own injuries were minor—a sprain and a cut that only needed a few stitches.
“What’s his name?”
“Samuel Pennington.” I tried not to lose my patience as I told her. She was likely tired and overworked, but I’d given her this information every time I walked up. Certainly she would remember me by now.
“He was just moved to his room. You can go up now.” She gave me a sticker with our information on it, and I hobbled as fast as I could to the elevators.
Beeping greeted me when I entered his dim room.
“Duke?” I asked softly, not wanting to disturb him if he was sleeping, simply needing to be close to him again.
His head sported a white bandage, IV lines ran from his arm, and his chest had cords running from it to the machine by his bed. I couldn’t read the output, but he looked stable.
He didn’t move when I entered and pulled a chair over to sit next to his bed. Tears fell from my eyes as I took him in, thinking the worst.
A nurse walked in as he slept.
“How is he?” I asked while she checked his vitals, heart in my throat, my worst fears running circles in my mind.
“He’ll be ok. Just a big bump and some blood loss. Head injuries always bleed more. The doctors just want to monitor him,” she answered.
He would be ok. My breath hitched in my chest as I nodded, relief flooding me.
“Would you like me to bring you a blanket? The chair leans back. It’s not the best bed, but a blanket will help.”
“Please. Thank you,” I said, grateful she wasn’t pushing me out.
He didn’t wake again that night and I fell asleep in the uncomfortable chair, exhaustion winning over my desire to watch him.
1998
“The height. Oh, the height!” cried Sammy as he thrust a stick up to touch the top of the doorway before running out of the house with me hot on his heels. It was Sunday, and that meant I could come with my dad to work and play with the boy that lived here.
We headed straight for our favorite spot, one my dad had made at the back of the property, just for him to play in. The little patch of dirt and sand contained all the bugs and worms it could for us to investigate.
Today, we wanted to see if worms still wiggled if you cut them in half, and then make mountains with the dirt we dug up.
Cold drops of water hit my head with a splat, the afternoon rainstorms starting up just in time.
The dirt would soon turn to mud. I couldn’t wait to squelch it between my fingers and toes.
The heavy rain drenched us quickly, and I knew my dad would not be happy about the mess, but Sammy and I loved to get dirty.
“Wait for me!” I yelled at Sammy as he rushed on ahead. He was so much faster than me, but he always waited when I asked him to. He turned around and stuck his tongue out at me as I ran up to him.
“Slowpoke,” he called, but he still waited for me. “I’ll race you the rest of the way. I’ll even let you go first.”
“Deal.” I pushed off as fast as I could, the wind blowing through my hair and cold drops of rain turning to pinpricks on my skin. I felt like an airplane flying through the sky.
“I’m almost to you!” Sammy called from behind me, and I ran faster. He always beat me. My cousin Charity said it was because boys are faster than girls. She’s old, so she must know, but I really, really wanted to beat him.
We made it to the dirt pile and found it had turned into a mud puddle already. I didn’t slow down and jumped right into the nearest puddle of water, screaming when the muddy water splashed into my face.
“I hope we’re friends forever,” I said when Sammy reached me. I think he let me win this time.
“Me too,” he said before throwing a handful of mud at me.
Sunday was my favorite day.
PRESENT DAY
“Lily.” I bolted out of the chair at the muttered word.
“Duke. Oh, my god.” I sat on the side of his bed, wanting to crawl into it with him, but not wanting to disturb all the equipment.
Duke apparently had no such reservations and pulled me into him. I laid out beside him, tucked in tight on the small hospital bed.
“Fuck,” he groaned as he kissed the top of my head.
“Yeah.”
“We’re ok.”
“I almost lost you, Duke.” My hand shook where it traced the anchor tattoo on his arm, relief and remembered fear wreaking havoc with my endocrine system.
“I’m right here, baby.”
I nodded and kissed his throat. We stayed like that for a long time, just feeling each other, alive and safe.
“Duke!” an alarmed voice called as the door to his room opened with a bang. I was back in my chair, reading while Duke ate a cup of jello. It was her, the woman from the office and the ball.
“What the fuck?” He dropped his food, and it splattered on the tray. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ll just leave you two alone.” I stood, my heart sinking to my feet. I let myself forget that our time was up and someone else was waiting for him.
“No.” Duke grabbed my arm, keeping me in my chair. “Stay.”
“We’ve been so worried about you,” the woman cooed, eyeing me before turning in a clear dismissal and focusing entirely on Duke.
“Mercedes, what are you doing here?” Duke ground out, frustration filling his voice.
“Well, when you didn’t come to work today and didn’t answer your phone, I just knew something had happened.” Her hands fluttered at her side, like she wanted to touch him. Jealousy raged through me. He was mine .
“So you thought it would be your job as the CMO to personally hunt me down at the hospital? For what?” Oh, she worked for him. Wait. I looked between the two. Duke’s hand had moved from my arm to hold mine, holding it like a lifeline.
“Well…” she seemed at a loss for words.
“It’s not in your job description and we aren’t close.” She looked at me and then down at our hands, like she just remembered I was there.
“Right. My mistake,” she said carefully, taking a step back.
“We’ve talked about boundaries before. Is this going to be a problem?” Duke would have sounded patient to anyone that didn’t know him, but I knew him. He was pissed.
“Of course not.” She turned and let herself out.
“Uh, what just happened?” I asked when the door closed. “I thought… I thought…” I couldn’t say it.
“That she and I were together?” He raised one brow at me, challenging me to admit it.
“Yes. She came to your office and then I saw her at the ball and the way she looked at you… I just…” I shrugged.
“The way she looked at me, but not the way I see her. It’s been a problem, and I think I’m going to need to find a new CMO. Tricky business, though.” He pulled my hand to his lips and brushed a kiss over it.
“Oh.” Silence fell as I absorbed this new information and tried to assimilate it with the reality I thought I knew. Duke didn’t have someone waiting for him. Maybe… maybe he really could be mine.
Eventually, the doctor came in and gave us the news.
“You have a concussion and will need to take it easy for a bit, follow up with your regular doctor, but you’ll be ok.”
The nurse delivered the discharge paperwork, and we found Jenkins waiting for us at the front of the hospital in a black Benz SUV. He helped Duke get in the car after me, and I immediately reached across Duke and made him buckle up. We didn’t need any more brushes with danger.
“Come here,” he said, pulling me to him once I buckled myself into the middle seat. I nestled my head on his shoulder. “I love you, Lily.”
He didn’t mean it, not right now—he couldn’t—but my heart sang, anyway. I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t, not when it meant so much to me. Not when I had so much more to say.
It took a week for the panic over possibly losing him subsided. I stayed at his apartment, making Frankie bring me everything I needed, and taking all my remaining sick time at work.
He ventured out of his bedroom on the Sunday after our island mishap, and sat on the big sofa with me, content to hold me and play with my hair while I read a book.
“Tell me a story, Lily,” he murmured in my ear.
“Like read out loud to you?” I asked.
“No, tell me your own story.”
This was my chance. I needed to tell him everything. I sat up so I could look at him while I spoke.
“Once upon a time, a girl named Lily almost lost her best friend,” I said, climbing onto his lap, needing the contact. “And she realized how many regrets she really had.”
“What regrets?” He cupped my cheek and ran his thumb along my lips.
“She made a deal with him she couldn’t keep. She should have known she could never keep it. It wasn’t a very good one. You see, she made him promise to love her, but only for a month. What a fool she had been.”
A small smile played on his lips, like this was exactly what he wanted to hear. Hope bloomed in me, and I powered on.
“You see, Lily didn’t believe she was worth loving.
She thought that because she struggled so much, no one could love her.
How could she be a wife or mother when she couldn’t even remember to feed herself?
She kept trying, though, and each time she tried, she felt more and more out of place in her own life. ”
Duke brushed a tear from my cheek before I even knew it fell.
“What did the best friend do?” he asked when I didn’t continue.
“He gave her pleasure, found her every time she needed him, held her while she cried, showed her every day for that month that she was worthy of love.”
I choked on the last word, remnants of self-doubt creeping back in. The ‘what-if’s’ fought for dominance again, but his hands were on me—gentle, soft, and warm.
“The world wasn’t made for me, but maybe…
maybe you were. I’ll never be a socialite.
I’ll only wear dresses if they have pockets, and I don’t want to host dinners.
I’m probably going to lose my job soon. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up with the demands.
I’m clumsy. I read too much, and I forget to eat and then have br eakdowns in the middle of grocery stores.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only one that doesn’t understand what’s happening around me, like everyone sees a world that I just can’t.
It makes me feel stupid even though, logically, I know I’m not.
I get told to just be myself, but no one ever accepts me as myself.
I get rejected at every turn. I’m not perfect?—”
He stopped me, his fingers brushing my lips before I could finish my sentence.
“Lily, baby, I’m not looking for perfection. I’m not looking at all because I already have you. I love you, so much, exactly how you are. Please let me love you.”
I nodded. Tears fell down my face again as I pressed my lips to his, just a whisper of a touch at first, the salty taste mixing with the flavor of him. I pushed closer to him as he threaded his hands in my hair, deepening the kiss until we were gasping for breath.
I pulled back and rested my head on his shoulder. I didn’t want to push him right now. He was still healing and under doctor’s orders to rest.
“Why did you ever agree to it?” I asked. “Why did you ever agree to that first kiss?”
“Wanting to kiss you is like breathing. I don’t know when it started, and I think I’ll keep wanting it until the day I die.
There had never been a time in our lives that I didn’t love you.
I just never thought I could be with you, so when you offered me a taste of what I’d been craving my entire life, I could no more say no than cut off my own arm. ”
“I—I don’t think I can say the same. You’ve always been the most important person to me, but—” I couldn’t finish. What if that was the thing that broke his heart?
“I know.” He ran his hands down my back. “It’s ok. I was happy just to get what I could with you. That was probably foolish, but I’ve never been very smart.”
I sat up and smacked his chest.
“No one talks about my best friend like that.” He laughed at me and pulled me back down.
“I would have kept loving you from afar, content to be your friend. I’m yours, Lily, however you will have me for as long as you want.”
I kissed his chest, bare and beautiful in the evening light spilling through the tall windows.
“I think I’ll keep you forever. You have a really nice cock, after all.”
He snorted and pinched my ass.
“Minx.”