Chapter 4 Alone in the Woods #2
“That look you’re giving me. I can take judgment from all of London, but you…” He trailed off, looking away at the trees. They shielded him and Mia from so many eyes, it seemed—from all of society. As if the trees had come into existence just so they could be alone in this moment.
“It’s something you can’t control, I’m sure,” Mia tried to help him. “Like when some men abuse laudanum.”
“The truth is…” he said loudly enough that a nearby bird flitted away. “I don’t have a spending or a gambling problem.”
“You don’t?” Was he simply lying now? At the same time, there was nothing more she wanted to hear. “Then where has the money gone? Is it your mother?”
“No, our old manager. Over the years, he stole thousands and we never knew. It hadn’t become evident until my father died, an oversight that would have embarrassed the family far worse than some rumor about a spending problem.
I couldn’t sully my father’s legacy. And not just that, if it got out that we couldn’t manage the estate and properly watch over our funds, we might not have been able to receive the necessary loans. ”
“I see.” How awful and pitiful, she thought. To have to carry blame for something he never did.
She’d never expected to get a full explanation. None of the gossipers ever did. The truth usually came in bits and pieces, if at all, but here it was staring her in the face. She felt more guilty than the hairiest of tongue-waggers. She had judged him so poorly, so wrongly.
“You should have just asked me.” He shook his head at the ground. “I would have told you the truth. I wished you had just asked me about the book too.”
“Then what?”
“I would have given it to you.”
Mia scoffed. She didn’t fully believe it.
He took her by the waist again. “Come with me upstairs and I will.”
She laughed. “Just walk straight past your mother and my aunt?”
“The house has secret hallways… I know them all.”
Was that all this would be? Some tryst? She’d always be working class and he’d always be upper crust. Never anything more.
“Is that what you want? A trade?” she asked meekly. “The book…for me?”
“Not at all, I, I—Not. At. all.” He stumbled. “You know. You have to know. I’ve wanted you ever since…since I first caught you sneaking into the library.” He laughed a little then his eyes widened and shone, suddenly desperate. “You believe me, don’t you?”
“I don’t know.”
“You have to.” He suddenly grasped her hands, jarring her. “The moment the estate’s affairs are settled and a good manager is set in place, I’m going to leave. I’m going to travel. Like I’ve always wanted to.”
“Yes, you’ve told me.” She started to grin.
“Maybe it would be easier if I didn’t have to do it alone.”
She let herself swim in his gaze.
“I promise those books are safe,” he said.
For a moment, she had forgotten about the books entirely. She crossed her arms. “Do you really have to give them up?”
“Yes. You know I never wanted to marry any of those women. It was the quickest way to cover our debts.”
Indeed, it was a small price he’d had to pay for his freedom. But he didn’t say he never wanted to marry. She swallowed. She was becoming Aunt Viv and getting rather fanciful, wasn’t she?
“You can keep my secret, can’t you?” he prodded. “Perhaps it will help you to trust me.”
“But are you so sure you can trust me?” she asked. He knew what she had intended to do when he’d caught her trying to sneak into the library. He had told her as much. How could he still kiss her, believing her a thief?
“I know you are just trying to do what you believe is right.” He frowned. “So am I.”
“But you haven’t told me how. How are you going to make sure those other books aren’t lost?”
“I have my ways.”
“Then let’s hear it.”
“The Silver Order has offered me membership, my mother says.”
A chill ran down her spine at the name, The Silver Order. He’d said it with such reverence.
“Will you accept?”
“I have to ensure each book will be studied. Who knows? Maybe even by you.”
What was he suggesting? She join them too? She laughed.
They were both getting ahead of themselves. What she saw in his eyes wasn’t just pure desire—it was something deeper.
“What?” He grinned. “I’m sure they would appreciate someone as quick and well-educated as you.”
“This society—The Silver Order, as you call it—accepts women?”
“Even during my grandfather’s time.”
She turned back to her borrowed horse and began untying her, the panic of earlier now a distant dream. But she wouldn’t be fully at peace until she had the book in her hands.
“Where are you going?” Mr. Bell asked, his voice the panicked one now.
“You said the book is in your bedroom, didn’t you?”
She couldn’t ignore it anymore: that look in his eyes nor all his talk of traveling and, most importantly, leaving the estate behind. Maybe marriage with him wasn’t so fanciful after all. With the book almost in her hands again, anything felt possible. She wanted nothing more than to celebrate.
Suddenly, his invitation to get the book, alone with him in his room, was more than enticing. She no longer had the strength to refuse.
Before he could answer, Mia took off into the open field. It was only a few moments when she heard the gallop of his black gelding. He loved to give chase—she had surmised that much. Perhaps she didn’t mind it so much, either.
The End