Chapter Three #2
She shook her head. ‘I don’t have that luxury. Besides, I can’t imagine another woman feeding my child,’ she said, and a newfound respect for her took hold. ‘Although I think he is ready for solid food.’
‘Oh?’ he asked, his interest hitched. He wanted to know and understand.
‘He’s always hungry. Like mother like son,’ she added wryly.
It was the first time her mouth had curved upwards today. His stomach flipped and his heart skittered dangerously. He had almost forgotten what it felt like to be the recipient of that smile.
Conflicting emotions warred inside him. It was clear to him now—she genuinely wanted what was best for the child. But did she really think he was the answer? And if so, did that mean he was the father?
He felt a peculiar, unexpected joy and excitement at the possibility he had a son, but also an overwhelming fear of what that would mean—for everyone concerned. How this would impact their lives.
‘I was sorry to hear about your brother, Edward,’ Bea said quietly. ‘I know how close you were.’
A violent swell of pain rose in his throat, swift and fast and brutal, threatening to choke him, ruining the moment. He did not wish to discuss such a personal matter. Not with her. Not now. It would leave him exposed; vulnerable. He swallowed down the emotion and stood. Paced.
He had a choice to make—he either believed Bea or he didn’t that Thomas was his flesh and blood. Yes, the child looked like him, but he had to be certain.
He was suddenly inexplicably frustrated that he didn’t know much about her.
‘Was I your only lover back then?’ he said, coming to stand before her, parting his coat and placing his hands on his hips.
‘I know there were none before. But what about after?’ Foolish jealousy simmered in his stomach.
He didn’t like the thought of her with any other man.
She coloured. ‘You have no right to ask me that.’
His eyes burned into hers and she held his gaze. Something passed between them—an unexpected flame of attraction still raged and a feeling of possession he couldn’t understand.
‘I have every right. Answer the question, Bea.’
She sighed. ‘There were none,’ she said.
‘How can I be sure?’
Her wide, tawny eyes were sincere, focused. ‘You will just have to trust me when I say, you are the only man I have ever been intimate with.’
He raked in a breath.
He was the only lover she had ever had. A ripple of elation rushed through him.
He didn’t want to look too closely at why that was important to him—it just was.
But the crucial thing was, he believed her.
Of course, it would have been far easier if he didn’t.
Yet if he was honest, he had known it—felt it—since the moment he’d laid eyes on Thomas that the boy was his.
So, he would do the right thing by the child—and by Bea.
He was a man of honour; he would accept his accountabilities.
But to say it would put him in a difficult situation was an understatement.
He knew some men in his predicament would find her a fiancé, someone willing to marry her and raise the child as his own.
But the thought of that turned his stomach.
He didn’t want another man acting as a father to his son—or being a husband to Bea and all that the role entailed. No, they were his responsibility.
He could send them away to a distant relative or even install Bea in a house of her own and provide them with financial assistance.
He would never have to see them again—or be bothered by these frustrating dark cravings for her that seemed to have returned with force, out of nowhere.
But even if they were out of sight, he knew now, they would never be out of mind.
And curiously he still wanted to know her. To know his boy.
He could marry her.
The thought struck him like a thunderclap, with the power to shake up his world, and he tried to dismiss it, instantly. To go there would be madness—to be around her all the time when she stirred such intense feelings within him. But did he have another choice?
When William had died, all of Edward’s plans had changed overnight.
He had resigned himself to the fact he’d lose his freedom and independence and would soon have to wed, to secure his father’s dynasty.
He had already determined it wouldn’t be a union based on love, so if he had to take a bride now—why not Bea?
It wouldn’t be the marriage his father had planned for him—one of great prestige or a merger of vast fortunes, but he didn’t need more coin. He did need an heir.
He had never wanted to be a parent. He didn’t know how to be a good one.
He hadn’t exactly had the best role models in his own mother and father.
His father had always treated him harshly.
Always overlooked him. His mother had been too delicate to properly be there for him.
But what if he could do better for his son?
He thought he wanted this chance to try.
He certainly didn’t want Thomas to suffer the same instability he had.
He would do whatever it took to protect him.
The sudden appearance of a child—and a speedy marriage—would shock Society.
It would threaten his family’s reputation, especially if the ton learned of Bea’s background.
As a couple they would face rejection, criticism—exclusion at its worst. His father would be appalled that he’d gone against his wishes, defying his expectations, humiliating him, when Edward had only ever wanted to make him proud.
The Duke might refuse to speak to him, he could disinherit him.
It would aggravate his father’s symptoms. But he had defied his father’s wishes before—thanks to this very woman, who had encouraged him to follow his dreams and buy his beloved mill.
And it turned out he’d been right to do so. He’d proved his father wrong.
The Duke and the ton would get over their disapproval eventually, wouldn’t they?
It would be far worse to announce he’d had a child out of wedlock.
The scandal of their union and child would gradually fade to acceptance, as it had after his mother had been removed from the house.
It had been a terrible time, but they had survived it.
But his son would never get over being parted from his mother. He knew.
He wrestled with his decision.
He was unwilling to separate them, knowing from experience what heartache that would cause.
The child should not be without a father either.
He wanted to be there for Thomas, in a way his own father hadn’t been there for him.
So, he would claim him as his own. Bea, too.
He would set things right and protect them both with his name and title.
He stalked over to the window that looked out over the gardens. ‘Do you believe in fate?’ he asked her.
‘I don’t know. Why?’
‘Because your timing today was impeccable. Tonight, I was meant to be meeting the woman I was set to wed.’ He turned to look at her, saw her beautiful eyes widen with shock.
‘What?’ she gasped. Her hand came up over her chest. He watched as she gently placed a finger in the boy’s mouth, breaking the latch, and he caught a glimpse of her moistened taut nipple, the enticing curve of her breast, causing his body to tense, to harden, before she covered herself up.
She placed the sleeping boy down on the seat. ‘I had no idea,’ she said, pushing herself up to her feet. ‘Why on earth did you bring me here then? I don’t want to come between you and this woman.’ She faltered. ‘Do you…do you love her?’
His brow furrowed and she held up her hands. ‘Never mind. It is no concern of mine. I don’t want to cause any trouble. I told you, no one needs to know about this.’
His annoyance spiked to new heights. Of course they did! He did not believe in keeping the truth hidden but dealing with the situation head on. He would no longer have his son be kept a secret—or his role as a father denied. This revelation had been kept quiet for long enough.
‘You do not think they would forgive me?’ he said, stalking back towards her. ‘We all make mistakes, do we not?’
Bea recoiled. ‘How can you be so hateful?’ she whispered.
‘What else would you call it? This was not exactly planned, was it? Or were you expecting me to be pleased—to learn I have a child with a woman I met just once?’ His body thrummed at her nearness.
‘What did you think would happen? That once you had found me, I would sit and listen to you tell me we have a child, and I would smile and open my arms and welcome you back into them? Perhaps you hoped I would confess I have been pining for you all this time, that I have not been able to stop thinking about that one night we spent together?’
She shook her head furiously. ‘No, of course not.’
‘Did you think I would tie myself to you, because of the boy?’ he said, testing her motivations once more.
‘No,’ she said, aghast.
‘You must know you do not meet the strict requirements for a bride that Society demands.’
‘Thank goodness for that! It is exactly why I said I shouldn’t come here. I thought you would have wanted to put as much distance between us as possible.’
You would have thought. So why didn’t he?
‘I will take my leave now,’ she said.
He placed his hands on his hips. ‘Leave?’ he asked, incredulous.
‘Yes, this whole conversation, you bringing me here, it has made me realise it was me who has made the mistake. I should never have come to see you today. I should never have got in your fancy coach and come to your grand house.’ She jabbed a finger into his chest as she spoke.
‘None of it impresses me and neither do you.’
A long time ago she’d stared at him with passion in her eyes, now, was it hate?