Chapter Fourteen #4
Stella took us to the phone store she mentioned which was exactly like I imagined a phone store would be.
It was a store… of phones. And tablets. But mostly phones.
It was also a little weird since the inside of the store was definitely fantasy in style, but then it was selling a bunch of modern devices.
Anyways, Lupa and I both bought used phones, Stella spent probably thirty minutes just talking about random things with her friend there since she didn’t stop talking once she got started, and then we were done there.
Oh, also, it turned out that phones didn’t require plans.
How did that work? I had no idea, but there wasn’t a monthly plan I had to buy or anything.
I could just… use the phone as much as I wanted without ever having to pay again.
It made me a little curious about how the logistics behind that went, but I knew it would probably be as nonsensical as the rest of the world, and my dungeon senses didn’t tickle to tell me dungeons had anything to do with it, so I let it be.
“Alright, there!” Stella said. “Now you’ve both got my number!”
“Mm. Thanks, Teacher,” Lupa said. “I’ll message you whenever I need advice.”
“Hehe, anything for my adorable student!” Stella then looked at me with expectant eyes.
So, I said, “I’ll message you whenever I want to discuss geopolitical and socioeconomic theories.”
“The heck is that?” Stella laughed. “But don’t worry, I’ll be the one totes spamming you.”
“I can see that.” I looked at my phone. “You’ve already sent me seven… now eight, messages while standing right in front of me.”
“Aren’t my stickers cute? Oh, this is my fave!”
“Make that nine messages.” The stickers she spammed me with were cute, though. They were a bunch of chibi anime-looking girls making exaggerated expressions.
“This is the one I send to my coworkers the most.” Stella sent an emoji of a girl on her hands and knees begging for forgiveness.
“Your poor coworkers.”
“Hehe. By the way.” Stella tapped away at her phone. A new text popped up, and this time it actually involved text.
>So, how about that date?
>You promised a date, right?
>Didn’t you say we’re going on a date after we get you and Lupa phones?
Then there was a sticker of a girl with large, excited eyes with sparkling effects all around her.
I texted her back.
Sorry, wrong number.Oh! That’s okay.
>Can I get an extra large with extra meat and a white sauce?
Then there was a sticker of a winking girl.
That made me curious about something.
“Hang on,” I said. “I want to try looking something up.”
For the first time in this new world, I accessed the internet. Fortunately, it defaulted me to a search engine which was apparently named Zuri.
Is this your doing, too, Seth?
At least that one was potentially subtle enough to not be blatantly obvious to everyone.
Anyways, I asked my question on Zuri.
As for what that question was… I asked, “What’s the average penis size?”
Surely, surely, it would be comparable to Earth.
…
I was wrong.
Apparently, the average dick was between two and three inches. Dicks over three inches were considered big, and dicks that were four to five inches were considered huge. In this world, a man who had four inches was considered blessed, and most women would probably never see a dick that big.
I thought back to when I used the bathroom at Rosie’s place.
Yeah…
I didn’t have a ruler or anything to measure with, but… it was at least six inches. Soft. And I was a grower.
By this world’s logic, even when I was completely soft and limp, I already had one of the biggest dicks in the world.
It was very possible I had the biggest dick.
Seth… how many layers of wish fulfillment are you going to stack here? Is there any limit to how much wish fulfillment is too much?
I could easily imagine him laughing at such an absurd question before completely seriously telling me, “No.”
“Whatcha Zuri’ing?” Stella asked, trying to get a look at my phone.
I shoved the phone into my pocket. “That’s classified. Anyways, sorry for the random sexual question, but… are most girls satisfied with the average dick size?”
Stella laughed pretty hard when she heard that.
“What kind of question is that out of nowhere?! Oh, man, I seriously never know what to expect from you. Anyways… again, I’m a virgin, so take this with a grain of salt, but I guess like, from what I’ve heard, yeah?
I mean, why wouldn’t girls be satisfied with two or three inches?
Besides, most girls would be lucky to ever get to see a dick, and I doubt anyone would complain about ones that are even smaller. ”
Lupa nodded along with everything Stella said. “I stalked a couple of bank employees once and heard them say ‘small dicks are justice.’”
“Lupa, why were you stalking bank employees?”
“To gather information.”
“… for what?”
“To rob the bank.”
“Don’t do that. You’ll make Sev look bad.”
“Mm. I know. I only rob dungeons now while fantasizing about robbing banks.”
“Well, fantasizing about it is okay. So, about that date.”
“Right,” I said. “Sorry. Let’s get to that.”
“It’s okay! I don’t want to like, pressure you, but I’m meeting up with the girls afterward, so I’m a little limited on time right now,” said the one who spent thirty minutes talking to her friend at the phone store.
“That’s alright. I’ve got plans with Rosie and Lupa after this.”
“Got it! Oh, by the way, Lupa, are you coming with us?”
Lupa shook her head. “I’ll be on guard duty. Have to make sure nobody interrupts the date.”
“You know,” I said, “I don’t think either of us will complain about you tagging along for the date.”
“Yeah!” Stella said. “You’re totes welcome to join us!”
But alas, Lupa shook her head again. “A good pack sister watches over the others and lets them have alone time with the pack’s alpha.”
… alpha?
“Ooh, I get it,” Stella said. “In other words, if you let me have alone time with him, it means it’s only fair that we let you have alone time with him in the future.”
Lupa nodded. “Mm.”
“Got it, got it! I’ll accept that deal.”
Before my very eyes, two cute girls were making deals on how to distribute me between them.
I felt like a piece of meat.
It was great.
Anyways, Lupa tugged on my arm and said, “It’s okay, Master. I won’t be far. I’ll come if you’re in danger.”
“I appreciate it,” I said. “I’m sure we’ll be safe as long as you’re on guard duty.” I made sure to pet her head, too.
Lupa pressed her head up against my hand with closed eyes before forcing herself to step back. “Enjoy your date.”
“I’m sure we will.”
And with that, Lupa walked about twenty feet away, went into an alley… and then poked her head out of it to stare at us.
She wasn’t very subtle.
But she was cute. Very cute.
“Hehe, just us two now!” Stella said and then held a hand out to me. She looked like a gentleman offering to hold the lady’s hand despite, in every other way, being extremely feminine. “Shall we?”
“We shall,” I said, taking her had.
“Oh, by the way, nice hickey.”
“It’s a mark of bonding.”
“That have something to do with Lupa?”
“Yep.”
“Sounds like an excuse to leave a hickey to me, but I don’t know about canids to dispute it. Either way, good for her. And you. I’d ask for one, but,” Stella paused held up her hand with my signature on it, and smiled. “I’m more than happy with this.”
A streetlight flickered on right as she said that, and she could not have looked more dazzling.
“You’re way too beautiful,” I said.
Stella turned pretty red from that. “Wh—what are you saying all of a sudden? Geez, you’re like, way too good at catching me off guard. Besides, there’s nothing beautiful about a girl like me. A guy like you is super wasted on me.”
What she said reminded me of how Rosie felt.
I ended up grabbing Stella by her chin to hold her still as I looked into her eyes, bringing my face right in front of hers, so that I could say, “If there’s one thing I won’t tolerate, it’s when anyone shit talks the people I care about, even if they’re the ones doing it to themselves.”
Stella blinked a good few times while remaining red. “W-woah…”
“Understand?”
“I—I understand.”
“Good.” I let go of her and leaned back.
“You need more confidence. Even disregarding the pure sex appeal of your chest, you’ve got a great figure, an adorable face, stylish hair, your cat ears and tail are really cute, enchanting eyes that I could stare into for hours, and an even better personality.
You’re fun to talk to, messing around and acting stupid together is addicting, and the way you were spamming my phone while standing right in front of me was so cute that I felt like I was going to have a heart attack from cuteness.
Not only that, but you’re a good girl who cares for others and does her best, excluding when I distract you at the guild.
I would say that, if anything, a girl like you is wasted on me, but I’m not about to be a hypocrite.
If we like each other, that’s all that matters. Nothing else does. Got it?”
Stella was only able to stare at me as if she was in disbelief of everything she just heard.
But eventually, she said, “You—you’re… you’re way too crazy.
That… that was even better than the wish fulfillment I read written by women…
w—wait!” Stella pulled out her phone. “Can—can you say all that again while I record it?! So I can listen to it every night?!”
I reached forward and lightly flicked her forehead. “Nope. But, if you ever want to hear it again at night, all you have to is call me and I’ll say it as many times as you want.”
“Yeah… I’ve totally gone crazy. There’s no way you’re real.”
“In that case.” I grabbed her hand—the same one I signed—and brought it up to my mouth. Then I bit her finger while still looking her in her eyes. “Does this feel real to you?”
“… are you a reincarnation of a forgotten god of romance and sex or something?”