Chapter 33
WHERE THERE’S SMOKE…
We didn’t make love last night, and I’m telling myself the hurt neck and hot dinner in a hot house was to blame.
It wasn’t because Jenna came by and his mind was elsewhere.
Why am I even thinking that? Landry may not have been upfront about his financial situation initially, but he was embarrassed and I get that, I really do.
He takes pride in his life, and every part of it, and admitting that he was in a place of great struggle was challenging.
We got past that.
He opened up to me.
There are no more secrets.
I know this.
And yet still, as I collect eggs from the old chicken coop wearing my nightgown and pink boots, I can’t shake the nagging in my gut.
Big Bertha pecks at my heel as sweat slides down my spine.
I’m frustrated, and the only way to not get stuck in my brain is to confront the issue head-on.
Especially since talking to my mom only helped before I came home to Jenna at our house.
The screen door creaks as I pull it open, and I refuse to look at my little editing nook until I’ve put this visit with Jenna behind me.
It’s so strange. I’m not normally a neurotic, jealous person at all.
Maybe it’s because this is my first time being in love?
Maybe it’s because I’m less chill than I thought?
Or maybe because there’s a reason, because my gut isn’t wrong, and something is up.
But assuming that, or even thinking that, means I’m questioning Landry.
I don’t question him; he loves me.
I place the basket of eggs in the sink and begin running water over them, then turn on the stove beneath the cast iron. Sadie’s still asleep because she went to bed late last night and didn’t sleep well. It was a great night for her not to sleep well because I wasn’t sleeping either.
Landry’s aftershave and cologne hit my nose before his hand comes around my waist and his lips dust my temple.
“Morning, baby.” His scruff catches my hair, and his hand comes up to detangle us.
Twisting at the stove, I face him, and collect his cheeks in my palms, kissing his lips.
The kiss is grounding, his soft moans and gentle grip are just what I need to shake the nagging in my gut.
“It’s a good morning now,” I whisper, pressing my mouth to his again.
He collects my hair in one hand and tugs me back gently, taking control of the kiss, my mouth, and my body.
“You look so beautiful out there collectin’ eggs,” he whispers.
He doesn’t grind against me, but I can feel his erection as he wraps his arms around me, hugging me tightly.
“You were watching me?”
“Mm,” he grunts his response, and releases me from his warmth, moving toward the coffeepot. “Watching you out there woke me up. Thought I’d stop being lazy and get my day started.”
I smirk as I fill a bowl of water and place the eggs inside. “You aren’t being lazy. You’re resting, which is what you’re supposed to be doing.”
He passes me a mug, steaming. “Well, I’m feeling a lot better today. All that rest works, I guess.”
“Oh my gosh,” I breathe, abandoning my egg test in favor of another hug from Landry. “That’s amazing, I’m so relieved. I’ve been so worried.”
He chuckles. “Ah, well, that’s because you’re new to all this.” He sips from his coffee, his blue eyes clear and crisp, the crescents beneath them much lighter today. “Aches, pains, even breaks and sprains—all normal for the sport.”
I don’t like that I’m new to any part of his life, because it irrationally makes me feel left out. I’m sure Jenna knows all about the sport of rodeo, and the injuries the athletes incur. Jenna.
I thought I was okay.
I pull back and turn off the water and brace my hands on the counter behind me, facing Landry. “Hey.”
He sets his mug down, fully aware of the mood shift. “Hey.”
I chew the inside of my cheek for a moment, shuffling around words in my mind, wanting to make sure this comes off as sincere and curious, not jealous and petty. Though I’m not sure that the question isn’t coming from a place of all of those emotions.
“I don’t really know how to start this conversation,” I admit, cheeks flaming as my eyes drop to my bare toes and the tips of his worn cowboy boots.
“Is Jenna stopping by something I should… get used to?” I don’t like the way asking this question makes me feel, and as that occurs to me, I realize I need to tell him that, too.
“I hate the way I feel asking this. I don’t want to hate asking you anything, but I can’t stop seeing her on our couch, touching you, being with you… while I’m not home.” I look up and find that Landry is reaching back, gripping the counter the same way that I am, his head tipped to the side.
He shakes his head. “No, Jenna stopping by is not something you’ll need to get used to.
And I’m sorry if that made you feel uncomfortable.
” He shakes his head, raking a hand down his face.
“No, I mean, I’m sorry that was uncomfortable for you.
I’m sorry she stopped by.” His smile is slow and soft.
“I’ll tell you as much as I need to, I am not at all interested in Jenna. ”
I nod my head, because I knew that would be his response. Because Landry and I are in love, and when you are in love, you don’t cheat.
Devin never loved me. And the truth? I didn’t love him. Sure, I didn’t want to get cheated on, but I wasn’t in love with him. It hurt more to think my work was affected by the demise of our relationship than the betrayal itself.
With Landry, it’s different.
“I know,” I tell him. “I know you don’t. I just… I don’t know. She gives me a weird feeling and I’m having a hard time shaking it.”
When Landry doesn’t immediately respond and simply blinks at me for a minute, that nagging feeling in my belly ignites into a flurry, passing through my veins, stinging my eyes.
“Hey,” he says softly as my eyes mist. Landry reaches out and collects me with his hands, dragging me to him by the hips. “I love you, Quinn.”
I nod. “I love you, too.” I wipe my eyes on his T-shirt. “I’m sorry. I just… I think the stress of not knowing the premiere location, your injury, the event next week… it’s all getting to me.”
“I understand,” he consoles, stroking his palm down the length of my spine, soothing me. “Everything is going to be okay,” he promises, kissing the top of my head before pulling back, putting a foot between us. “And it’s because of you. You came here and you made life good again, Quinn.”
I roll my lips together. “Thank you for saying that.”
He kisses the tip of my nose as the sound of little boots hit the stairs. “I mean it. It’s true.”
Sadie appears in the kitchen, wearing pink leggings and a Woody’s Round Up t-shirt, her hair in a tangled mess.
“I’m gettin’ Big Bertha!” she exclaims, wiggling her feet around in my pink boots, which I left by the door.
She trudges out, struggling to walk, looking adorable wearing my boots.
Landry lifts his hat from the rack and sets it over his messy hair.
“I oughta get out there and help her,” he says, giving me one last peck on the cheek before disappearing out the door.
He said he loves me. He said Jenna means nothing. Am I really the type of woman who doesn’t believe her husband? Is this just Devin trauma resurfacing because things are getting serious?
I don’t know. But I don’t like this version of myself.
Peering out the window, I see that Sadie and Landry aren’t even at the coop just yet. They stopped to pet Daisy, and as much as I hate myself for it, I take the opportunity.
Quickly, I duck down the hall and slip into Landry’s office. He doesn’t spend a lot of time there, but I noticed a few weeks back that when he’s arguing with the creditors and banks, he makes those calls in the office. I understand that.
Closing the door behind me, I make my way to his desk and take it in. Papers with red ink scattered everywhere. Due dates, past due, threats to turn things off and take things back. Not much looks different from the last time I was in here.
Then I see it.
His cell phone.
I’ve seen Landry on his cell phone all of two times.
Still, it’s sitting on top of the papers, and the battery is fully charged, like he’s used it recently. Maybe even used it here recently.
I stare at the phone, debating if I really need to look through it. I’m with him nonstop, well, nearly. In those few hours we’re apart when he’s with Sadie or working part of the ranch that I don’t film, is he really using those few hours to… have an affair?
It doesn’t even make sense.
But I pick up the phone and unlock it nonetheless.
And then I open the call log.
And I swear to heaven above, I will never doubt my gut again.
The call log has one name, and one name only.
JASPER.
The last call was outgoing, meaning he called her. And it was… yesterday. A few minutes after I left for the store.
What?
My palms grow clammy and I lock the phone, letting it fall to the desk with a thud. My heart hammers behind my ribs as the back of my neck gets hot, and sweat beads along my spine. The world spins around me, and I brace my hands on the desk to hold steady.
Landry is so genuine.
And yet.
He lied to me.
I sink into the desk chair even though I want more than anything to leave this room.
I don’t want to be trapped in this space, but I can’t quite get my legs to move.
My entire body is heavy and numb, and my mouth pools with saliva, the feeling of nausea stronger than ever as the back porch door swings open, then shut.
I hear Sadie and Landry, but I stay in the chair, staring at the phone.
He said he isn’t interested. Why did he call her? And worse, why did he wait to call her when I left? Nothing makes sense, even though a day ago, my whole world was right.