Chapter Twenty-Eight Isla
T wo Weeks Later
As I twirled on the pole, I couldn’t help reflecting that it had been three weeks since my attack, and a week since I’d come back to work. Although the pain subsided quickly, the bruises were trickier. Brooke continued helping me cover them with makeup that was usually used to cover tattoos.
I had been surprised when the other girls were understanding about me not doing lap dances. Of course, I lied and said I was just stopping for a little while. I guess most of them would’ve been gun-shy themselves. They were equally impressed that our beast of a boss, Quinn, was going to allow me just to waitress.
I couldn’t help smiling at the thought of Quinn. The last two weeks had been absolutely magical. We’d spent each and every day of it together. Since he lived with his brothers and Caterina, he stayed with me. After seeing him so uncomfortable in my bed, I’d allowed him to splurge on a new bedroom suite.
In the back of my mind, I told myself it was ridiculous to be doing something so long term when we’d only been together for such a short time. But I shoved the voices of doubt aside. I hadn’t been this happy in such a long time, and I didn’t want anything to ruin it.
Once the dance was finished, I climbed down the stage steps and started walking through the crowd, stopping occasionally for the cash to slide against my skin into my g-string. Before I could make it to the bar to help deliver drink orders, a hand gripped my forearm.
Hard.
Usually when someone deigned to touch me outside of tips, one of the bouncers stepped in and instructed them to take their hands off. But when no one came to my defense, I quickly turned to see the offender.
My heart dropped at the sight of Quinn’s younger brother, Kellan, leering at me.
I couldn’t help wondering if he was drunk since it was so out of character for him. I’d seen him a few times since I’d begun dancing. According to Mabry who had serious eyes for him, he only came in on Thursdays for the weekly financials. Whenever she’d corner him to flirt, his face would grow crimson before he quickly excused himself.
The Kellan who stood before me today was not the same shy, mild-mannered man. He stared down at me like a predator surmising his prey, sending anxiety twisting through my stomach.
“I want a private dance,” he demanded.
I pulled against his tight grip. “I’m sorry, Mr. Kavanaugh, but I’ve been instructed not to perform private dances.”
He cocked his brows at me. “By who?”
“Um, your brother.”
“Bullshit. You’re a dancer in this club, aren’t you?”
“I-I am.”
“Then I want a dance.”
When I glanced at Brady, one of the bouncers, for reinforcement, he replied, “Like she said, Quinn’s given explicit instructions that no one is to contract Ms. Vaughn for a dance.” He crossed his arms over his broad chest. “And I mean, no one .”
Kellan snorted. “I own a stake in this fucking club. I think that means I can do whatever the fuck I want, don’t you?”
Conflict raged in Brady’s eyes before he nodded. “Fine.”
When I opened my mouth to protest, Brady shot me a look that said to keep my mouth shut. Defeated, I let Kellan pull me down the hall towards the private rooms. Instead of going to the first empty one, Kellan dragged me to the last one.
After he shoved me inside, he jerked his chin at Brady. “Take a walk,” Kellan instructed.
Brady glanced past him to me. At what must’ve been my panic, he shook his head. “As a fucking owner, you should know we don’t ever leave the girls. Especially after what happened with Isla previously.”
“You will this time.” Taking a step forward, he jabbed his finger in Brady’s chest. “If you know what’s good for your job and your health, you’ll walk away and mind your own fucking business.”
Staring at Brady, tears stung my eyes as I tried to calm my erratic breathing. Please don’t leave me.
“Whatever,” he grumbled.
The tiny thread of hope I clung to plummeted, leaving me shaking in the middle of the room. Without Quinn at the club, I was completely and totally screwed. The only other person I might’ve been able to plead my case with was Caterina, and she didn’t come on Thursdays.
The lock clicking on the door echoed through the room, causing my stomach to lurch. I fought not to hyperventilate as memories of Terrance flooded my mind. My gaze spun around the room trying to find a weapon.
But then I focused back on Kellan. He remained with his back to me. He placed his palms flat against the door before emitting a ragged sigh.
“I’m sorry about that.”
His admission took me so off guard that I stumbled back. “W-What?” I questioned.
After what felt like an eternity, he turned around. My breath hitched at the difference in his expression. The Big Bad Wolf ready to devour me was gone. In its place was the Kellan I’d remembered from before.
He held his hands up in front of him. “I’m not going to hurt you, Isla.” At what must’ve been my continued apprehension, he added, “I swear I’m not going to lay a hand on you.”
Confusion flooded me. “You’re not?”
“I give you my word.”
When he took a step forward, I grimaced, which caused him to freeze. “I’m so sorry for my behavior.” He nodded to my arm. “I hate myself for manhandling you like that. Are you okay?”
Unable to process the difference in him, I merely bobbed my head.
“I’m sorry for the things I said, too.” Motioning to the couch, he said, “Won’t you have a seat?”
Considering my knees felt like they were about to give out, I gladly sunk down onto the leather. I licked my lips that had run dry before turning my attention back to Kellan.
He drew in a deep breath and began pacing in front of me. From time to time, he would jerk a hand through his strawberry blonde hair. “Considering you’re under Quinn’s protection, I imagine you aren’t ignorant to what kind of world my brothers and I are in.”
I swallowed hard at the reference to the mafia. “No, I’m not.”
“In our world, it’s difficult to gain respect or to be taken seriously unless you act like?—”
“A total bastard?”
The corners of his lips quirked. “Exactly.”
It was then that it hit me. “It was all an act,” I murmured more for myself than for him.
He nodded. “The bouncers wouldn’t listen to me unless I took on the persona of…well, my brothers.”
“You were very convincing,” I replied.
Kellan laughed. “I guess I could say I’ve learned from the best.”
Furrowing my brows at him, I asked, “But why did you need to do it?”
“I needed to be able to get you alone—” At my sharp intake of breath, he shook his head. “It’s not like that, Isla.”
“I’m having a hard time believing you considering we’re in one of the private rooms”
He dropped to his knees in front of me. “I swear that all I want from you is to talk.”
I blinked at him. “ You want to talk to me ?” At his emphatic nod, I asked, “But why?”
An agonizing sigh escaped his lips. “I’m trapped by something from my past, and I can’t move forward.” Ducking his head, he added, “It’s messing with me when it comes to…” He glanced back up at me. “Well, with women.”
My chest tightened at the pain etched on his face. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s crazy because it happened over a year ago. While it was bad then, it’s gotten even worse lately.”
“Can’t you talk to your brothers about it?”
His eyes bulged at the suggestion. “Feck no. That would make me look weak.”
“With everything he’s been through, Quinn would surely understand.”
“As far as I know, Quinn’s never spoken to any of us about his accident.”
My mind instantly flashed to our first night together and how Quinn described in horrific detail the bombing. “How is that possible?” I questioned more for myself than for Kellan.
Kellan rose to his feet. With his back to me, he replied, “As an outsider, you can never understand. Men are expected to act a certain way in my world. To talk about our feelings—to be depressed—it puts a target on us.”
“You’re right. I don’t understand. My sister and I share everything.”
His shoulders drooped in defeat. “You’re very lucky.”
“I understand men outside your family having those feelings, but it’s hard to believe you can’t talk to your brothers.”
He turned around. “It would be like a nail in my coffin. They already realize I don’t have the heart for some of the harsher aspects of the business. I can’t bear to become even less of a man—less of a Kavanaugh—in their eyes.
“What about a therapist or a psychologist?”
He shook his head. “Not in our world.”
“Tony Soprano did,” I protested.
Kellan’s eyes widened before a laugh burst from his lips. “That’s a TV show, not real life.”
“And you're Irish, not Italian,” I remarked.
He smiled. “Right.”
“But I’m a stranger. How can you possibly trust me?”
His green eyes took on an intense look. “Because like calls to like.”
“I don’t think I understand.”
“If anyone here can understand traumatic events, it’s you, Isla.”
An icy awareness prickled over me. “The accident?” At his nod, I demanded, “Did Quinn tell you?”
“No. I came across it in your file.”
“What file?” I demanded.
“The one we run on all the dancers.” At what must’ve been my continued confusion, Kellan said, “Considering who we are, our background checks are very intense. We have to ensure none of the dancers have ties to our enemies.”
I fought to breathe. “What did mine say?”
The empathy in Kellan’s eyes sent my stomach churning. “Does it matter?” he questioned softly.
I bolted up from my seat. “Of course it does!”
He exhaled raggedly. “You’re the sole survivor from the car accident that took your parents’ lives.”
The walls began to close in as a swirling storm of anger and hurt rushed through me. Shaking my head, I jabbed a finger at him, “You have no right to use my trauma against me.”
A horror-stricken look came over Kellan’s face. “I swear that’s not my intention.” When I continued glaring at him, Kellan said, “I’m sorry, Isla. I just thought that besides being different from the other dancers, you were someone who might be able to understand and sympathize with my pain.”
At the sincerity of his words and tone, I flopped back down on the couch. “Although I don’t like it, I guess I understand.”
“Then you’ll do it?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“What are your objections?”
“Besides the glaring fact that I’m not medically qualified to counsel anyone?”
“I’m not asking you to prescribe me happy pills to deal with my shit. I just need you to listen.”
“Maybe you should try to talk with someone who isn’t burdened with their own baggage?”
“Aren’t we all?”
“Good point.” When a face popped into my mind, I couldn’t help asking, “Why not talk to Mabry? She’s really into you.”
A flush entered Kellan’s cheeks. “The fact that she’s into me is the exact reason why I can’t talk to her.”
Cocking my head, I asked, “Do you like her?”
The red on his cheeks deepened. “I don’t have a fucking clue why she’s into me.”
His self-deprecation was too endearing, and a smile quirked at my lips. “You must not have looked in a mirror lately.”
“I don’t know about that.”
Leaning forward, I placed a hand on his cheek. “You have a lot to offer a woman, Kellan.”
“Trust me, I want to believe that more than anything.” He leaned his cheek into my hand. “Please say you’ll do it, Isla.”
As I stared into his handsome face, I sighed. “What is it about you Kavanaugh men that makes me incapable of saying no?”
A playful smirk curved on his lips. “I’d argue it’s because we’re incredibly handsome, but I think when it comes down to it, the accent clenches it.”
“All right. I’ll do it.”
His eyes lit up. “You will?”
I held up a hand. “I can’t promise much, but I’ll try.”
Kellan took the hand that was against his cheek and kissed it. “Thank you. And to make this worth your trouble, I’ll pay you just like I would for a lap dance.”
“I can’t let you do that.”
“I insist.”
I gave him a sad smile. “What kind of person would I be to charge you for your trauma?”
“A financially smart one?”
“Kellan—”
“Don’t hate me for this, but because of your file, I know why you’re working here.”
I sucked in a harsh breath. “I see.”
With a groan, he replied, “Fuck. I’m making such a mess of this.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Then let me make it up to you by paying you for your time.”
I still didn’t like the idea of taking his money, but at the same time, I had to be practical. If I was in a private room with him, then I wasn’t serving drinks and making tips. It would be a way to make up the difference. At the same time, it felt greedy considering I was already accepting Quinn’s money not to do private dances. Of course, it wasn’t like Quinn had given me much of a choice in that.
In the end, I had school and lab fees to worry about. “Okay, fine. You can pay me.”
A smirk that was like Quinn’s cut across his face. “I’m glad I could finally make you see reason.”
I wagged a finger at him. “Don’t be getting cocky on me. I can always change my mind.”
“Okay, okay.” A sincere smile replaced his smirk. “Thank you, Isla. You don’t know how much this means to me.”
I gave him a sad smile. “I think I do.”
“Oh, there’s just one more thing.”
“Seriously?”
He nodded. “Quinn can’t know.”
“Kellan,” I groaned.
I didn’t like the idea of keeping secrets from Quinn. The most important part of a relationship was trust, and I would be lying to him. Well, maybe not lying, but I’d be somehow deceiving him.
“I can’t have him knowing.”
“But how can you possibly keep this from him or Dare?”
“Dare’s focus is on opening a casino, and as for Quinn, I figured we would do it on his off days.”
Furrowing my brows, I replied, “But what about the bouncers? Won’t they say something?”
“I can bribe a few to keep quiet, and it wouldn’t hurt for you to smooth things over with Brady so he thinks that you’re fine with doing private dances for me.”
“Seriously?”
He gave me a sheepish grin. “Yes.”
“You’ve really thought this out, haven’t you?”
“I have.”
Heaving a sigh, I suggested, “You think we should have a drink before we do this?”
“What would you like?”
“Well, I’m not really supposed to drink on the job.” When Kellan shot me a look, I replied, “Okay, fine. I’ll take a margarita on the rocks.”
Kellan typed something on his phone. “They’ll be here in five minutes.”
“Nice.” I motioned next to me on the couch. “Why don’t you sit down?”
“Okay.”
After he eased down beside me, Kellan leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees. He rubbed his hands over his face. Then he shifted back onto the couch.
“Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
He jerked a hand through his hair. “It’s just now that it’s come down to it, it’s hard to say it in front of you.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s personal.”
“I imagined as much.”
He grimaced. “I mean, it’s sexual.”
“Oh,” I murmured. No wonder he was having a hard time. “Don’t be embarrassed. I mean, when it comes down to it, you’ve seen me practically naked. There’s not much left between us, right?”
Kellan’s Adam’s Apple bobbed. “I tried not to watch you on the pole or when you had your top off. You know, out of respect for Quinn.”
“That’s kind of you.” I patted his leg. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”
“I can’t…be intimate with a woman.”
“Like you can’t ask them out?”
“No. I can’t…well, you know.”
At the realization, heat rushed my cheeks. “Don’t you think your problem is more suited to a urologist or a reproductive specialist?”
He shook his head. “It isn’t a physical issue. I still get morning wood.”
Oh God. I felt the urge to crawl under the couch and hide from mortification. But I forced myself to stay seated. “Hmm, it does sound like an emotional block.”
“Exactly.”
Furrowing my brows, I asked, “What is the trauma it could be stemming from?”
Although I knew he’d prepared himself for my question, a shudder ran through Kellan. He once again began to pace in front of me. “You don’t have to do this.”
After running his hand over his face, he gave a determined shake of his head. “A year ago, my father forced me and my younger brother at gunpoint to hold my sister down as he allowed her future husband to rape her.”
In my mind, I’d worked up many potential scenarios for Kellan’s trauma. None of them even remotely touched the horror of what he’d experienced. To be forced to witness your sister’s rape had to be the most horrendous torment I’d ever heard. But then to have your own father be your tormentor was unimaginable.
When I could finally speak again, I said, “I think we’re going to need more alcohol.”