Chapter 19 #2
She wasn’t telling me what happened. She wasn’t making an argument or giving a report. She was just relating pieces of the memory out loud. Her brain was trying to process it, but it was going to come at her sporadically and potentially out of order.
“Should I have gone with her?” She looked at me. Her eyes were glassy and wide. “Should I be on that plane right now?”
“No. The plane is for the medical crew and the patients. If you had gone on it, you would have been just as lost there as you feel right now. Besides, Alyson would probably want at least one competent vet still here on the ground.”
She stared at me. Searching for the lie in it. She knew I hadn’t given her one, though.
“We’ll call the hospital as soon as they land,” I said. “We’ll get an update. Cole is going too, he can keep us updated.”
That was the thing I could give her. Information updates and where the next step was supposed to be.
“Let’s go,” I said.
I got her moving. That was the first task. Off the airstrip and across the compound toward her cabin. She walked beside me, and I kept my hand on her back, guiding without pushing. Her legs worked, but the rest of her had checked out.
I got her inside. The cabin was about as dim as everyone’s current mood. I sat her on the edge of the bed and crouched down in front of her.
“Arms up,” I said.
She looked at me.
“I need you to raise your arms so I can get this off you.”
She lifted them. I pulled the ruined shirt over her head and set it on the floor. Her tank top underneath was less saturated but still covered with blood. She pulled it off herself with slow, mechanical movements.
“Shower,” I said. “Hot water.”
I walked her to the bathroom and turned on the water, made sure it was warm.
While it heated up, I crouched down again and unlaced her boots, pulling them off with her socks one at a time.
Her pants were coated, more red than tan, also stiff with drying blood.
She undid them, and I helped her step out of them and her panties together.
Then I found a plastic bag under the sink and put everything in it.
The shirts, the pants, underwear, the boots. I’d deal with them later.
“Okay. Go ahead.”
She stepped in and stood under the stream with her arms wrapped around herself.
The water ran red at her feet. She didn’t look down.
“Almost done,” I said. I found a washcloth on the rack and stepped in close enough that the water hit my arms. I worked the cloth across her shoulders, her arms, the places she couldn’t see.
Then I took her hands one at a time and scrubbed her fingers, between them, under the nails, getting the dried blood out of every crease so she wouldn’t have to look down and do it herself.
The water finally ran clear. I stayed close, one hand on her arm, filling the space with my voice because she shouldn’t be alone in there with what was running off her skin. I helped her out. Found a clean towel and dried her off. She changed into a dry shirt and shorts.
“Come on,” I said as I tried to guide her to the bed. “Lie down.”
She shook her head. Stepped away.
“Try for me. Ten minutes.”
“I can’t.” She was standing in the middle of her cabin, her arms crossed tight over her chest. “I can’t lie still right now.”
I didn’t force it. “Okay. Come with me.”
I took her to the mess tent instead.
It was empty. The whole camp felt hollow. I sat her down at the nearest table and went to the cook station and made tea. I brought it back, put the mug in her hands, and closed her fingers around it.
She sat there holding it and staring at nothing.
I sat beside her. Close enough that my shoulder touched hers.
“Careful. It’s hot.” I wrapped my hand around the base of the mug to steady it in her grip. “Too much sugar. The cooks would be horrified. Drink it when you’re ready.”
She didn’t drink. She didn’t speak. I kept talking anyway. Nothing that mattered. Just enough sound so the silence didn’t swallow her whole.
I sat with her because that was the job. One step at a time, until she was ready to take her own steps again.
Across the compound, I spotted Zayn.
He was standing near the edge of the vehicle bay, alone, his radio still clipped to his belt.
He hadn’t changed. His shirt was stained dark across the front, and his hands hung at his sides.
He was staring at the ground six feet in front of him, and I was fairly sure he’d been staring at it for a while.
Nobody had checked on him. Nobody had thought to.
I squeezed Sarah’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back. I’m not going far.”
She gave a small nod, barely a movement at all.
I crossed to Zayn. Close enough to the mess tent that I could keep Sarah in my line of sight the whole time. I wasn’t leaving her. I was stepping away.
“Zayn. Talk to me.”
He looked at me. His eyes were flat, the focus gone out of them. It took him a second to come back.
“We did everything right,” he said. “The dart hit clean. We waited the full time. Alyson checked the vitals from the remote collar. Everything said he was under.”
“And then?”
“Alyson went in. She was checking his breathing. She put her hand on his side.” He paused. “He came apart. One second, he was still. The next, he was—” He made a motion with his hand, a violent upward surge. “She was right there. On top of him. There was nowhere for her to go.”
“Who had the backup?”
“Daniel.” Zayn’s jaw tightened. “He had the dart gun. He was supposed to fire if this happened.”
“And?”
“He didn’t.”
Zayn said it flat. No judgment in his voice, which told me everything about how much judgment of himself he was potentially carrying.
“Cole grabbed it,” Zayn said. “Took it right out of Daniel’s hands and fired. Then Cole ran for her.” He looked at the ground. “That’s when he hit the burrow.”
“Did Cole’s dart put the lion down?”
Zayn considered that. “I think it was the first dart. The one Alyson gave him. It was probably catching up the whole time. The lion went down right after Cole fired, but the timing—it could have been either one.”
“So the lion wasn’t as sedated as everyone thought.”
“No.” Zayn shook his head. “Sometimes they come up. I’ve seen it before. The animal looks flat, every sign says it’s under, and then it isn’t. I don’t know why it happens.”
That was as far as Zayn could take it. The why would have to come from Sarah, when she was ready.
“Go get cleaned up,” I said. “Get some water. Eat something.”
He looked at me like I’d said something in a language he didn’t understand.
“You’ve been in the middle of this for hours, and nobody’s thought about you. I’m thinking about you now. Go.”
He held my gaze for a second. Then he nodded once and walked toward the bunkhouse.
I stood there briefly.
The camp had gone still.
This place felt smaller than it had been this morning.
I turned back toward the mess tent. Sarah was where I’d left her. Sitting at the table with the mug in her hands, the tea going cold. Her eyes faced outward, but I could tell her mind was still inward.
I walked toward her.