Dying to Meet You

2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

This too shall f*cking pass, right?

Blaine

“N ope. Untell me that.”

Twenty minutes ago, I was ready to grab Eden’s hand and pull her into the bedroom. It’s been a miserably long week of waiting to get her to myself. Now, I’m stuck listening to my brother-in-law Chris while Keir slips out of the room with her. Fucker.

Rubbing my eyes while letting my head drop back, I try to channel a semblance of interest in his last conquest. The revulsion over his lack of boundaries heightens when he launches into a story about his girlfriend shoving food inside her to push out while he records her. “I miss when people had shame,” I mumble to myself, which is rich coming from me. In fact, my wife would collapse laughing over that statement.

I guess I’m a hypocrite in addition to being a proudly self-proclaimed sexual deviant.

The kitchen door closes as Caleb kicks it shut; his arms loaded down with paper bags from the grocery store. “Need a hand, Big Gulp?” We can joke all we want about my best friend, but the dude looks like a superhero. Tall, broad-shouldered, muscles on muscles… He would be intimidating if he wasn’t always smiling.

Ending my call, I grab a bag from his arms. “I’d offer to help with dinner, but I wouldn’t mean it.”

He rolls his eyes as he sets the other three bags on the counter. “You were banned from attempting a meal again after you managed to blow up a pot of oatmeal. I still don’t understand how you did that. Those blueberry stains took forever to scrub out of the kitchen tiles.”

Oh yeah, fuck. Good thing I have no desire to put together a meal; that’s Caleb’s forte. Eden says Caleb makes a better mom than she is, only partially in jest. He makes sure we’re all well fed, the house is in running order, schedules are kept, the animals cared for, and the kids tucked in at the end of the day. It’s remarkable that as the youngest among the adults in our family, he embraces the responsibilities better than the rest of us.

A more compassionate part of me, the one immersed in psychology, understands he is constantly trying hard to prove to us and himself he’s “worthy” of being a part of our family. No amount of reassurance from any of us will remedy that. His excommunication from the FLDS Mormon cult he grew up in left its mark on him. When I step back and watch him with the kids, his tenderness and care with them eclipses his sense of duty. That’s when it’s clear how incredible he is.

I’d even say there have been times throughout the years when I’ve questioned if I’m crushing on him. Too bad he’s straight; there’s not a queer bone in that body. We hear a tiny squeal from the hallway beside the stairs as Zachariah runs toward us, his Kool-Aid-stained dinosaur T-shirt pulled up over his mouth. “Daddy B, Daddy C…Weston is missing.” Out of breath he bends forward to finish speaking. “The ninjas got him.” I catch sight of Weston dressed in his white karate uniform with his finger over his lips to shush me. He peeks around the corner at the bottom of the stairs, his adorably serious-looking scrunched face almost making me laugh.

I scoop Zach up, resting him over my shoulder. “Huh, the ninjas took him?” I’m thrilled Wes and Zach have been close since laying eyes on each other. The day Wes spotted him at Horizon Wellness Center when he was visiting with the therapy dogs, he promptly befriended him, and that brotherhood is effortlessly flourishing. The skittish behavior I notice with Zachariah only makes Wes more protective over his new sibling.

If only Waverly and Zinnea were experiencing the same. At nine and eight, they’re both mature beyond their ages, but Waverly has had the benefit of a large family giving her love, nurturing her interests, showing up for her dance recitals, and encouraging her drawing. Zinnea’s only had trauma, so she has latched onto Eden strongly, and it’s displacing Waves. There has always been a connection between Waverly and I, one I sense is crucial to her right now since Eden isn’t seeing how Zinnea’s needs are overtaking Waverly’s.

Zach wiggles, his squeaky laugh caused by me tickling his sides makes it hard for him to answer me. “Y-yeess, they went up the fireplace.” As Caleb grabs him away to sit him on the counter he adds in a whisper, “We’re just playin’.”

This tiny six-year-old, with white-blonde, wispy hair, and a distinctively high-pitched rasp of a voice gives us a shy look. “It’s the same ninja who lives in the trees.”

“Zach, the two of you haven’t been playing in the trees behind the barn again, have you?” Caleb asks.

We can hear Wes calling out a “Hi-yah, hi-yah, take that…hi-yah,” as he moves down the hallway toward the kitchen. “Teishi!” Since learning some Japanese from Hutton, Wes has been sprinkling words and phrases into his everyday conversations. The only reason I know he’s saying stop is because this has been one of his favorite words so far. He’s even named one of the new barn cats Teishi.

“Nuh-uh. Not since the wagon got stuck.”

Last week, the boys were making a fort in the woods when the red wagon they’d used to bring sticks got caught on a tree root. At the time, Hutton lost them on the cameras for ten minutes while he was on a phone call for work. His automatic response was concern that a breach in security had occurred, something he takes seriously enough to have high-tech cameras mounted all over the place that he keeps track of. He found them quickly, but it must’ve rattled him since we had a family meeting about safety again.

Every one of us lives with the memory of that summer years ago, when we could’ve lost Eden or the kids forever. Even if our resources have allowed us some peace of mind, we’re all watching our backs.

The boys resume their antics, with Zach hopping off the counter to chase Wes outside, narrowly missing a collision with Dodger, our grumpy-ass cat. I stretch my arms out with a groan. “I need to get into the gym or …fuck, I need some kind of release.” Caleb half turns, opening his mouth to reply before shaking his head. “What?”

“I know that look.”

Ha. Am I that predictable? Once I noticed Keir and Eden slipping off together, I wanted to follow right behind them. It’s a constant battle to rein in my jealousy. The craving for intimacy with Eden exploded into an uncontrollable urge for sex when she took Keir’s hand to go upstairs.

Caleb turns to lean against the counter. “I’ll watch the kids. Go ahead.”

I search his face for any sign of the irritation I think he should feel. His time with Eden is just as important but he never voices it. If I were a better fucking friend, I would suppress this feeling and follow the boys outside, making sure the animal menagerie isn’t let out, or the boys don’t wander off. But call me a fucking flawed dickhead, I’ll take what he’s offering.

“Are you sure?” His back to me already while he closes a cupboard door, I add, “I’ll owe you one.”

“Mmm? Guess who’s helping clean out stalls tomorrow?”

“Oh, nice. Look at that. You’ve got jokes.” I grab a kitchen towel to snap him with it. “Well, I’ll shovel shit tomorrow. It’ll be worth it.”

I have no doubt about that.

Finding the main bedroom door cracked open, I know I haven’t missed out on anything. We have a firm close-and-lock rule with the kids in the house if anyone is intimate. I knock lightly on the door, peeking my head in. Keir is standing at the window, and Eden sits on the edge of the bed. Both are fully clothed and looking morose. “Jesus Christ, here I thought I’d be interrupting some fun, but instead you both look like someone died.”

Keir’s eyes narrow at me. “It took you longer than I figured it would to end up here.”

Standing while removing her heels, Eden sighs. “I don’t want to rehash things, but we were discussing Matt leaving for the federal trial in LA.” Ah. Wait…

“Why wasn’t I included in this talk?”

Once upon a time it would’ve been me and Eden who commiserate about Matt being a workaholic, now Keir has gradually slid into my place. In so many ways he’s spending more time with both Eden and Matt than I am.

Keir folds his arms over his chest. “Before you start in,” his knowing smirk makes me feel a little feral, “I wanted to get Eden’s opinion on having a security detail here until the trial is over. I already know Hutton is going to be against FBI agents lurking around, but I figured no one else would mind the added protection.”

Presumptuous. Maybe I don’t want them skulking around and getting into our business. I’m not terribly fond of the fact Matt and Keir are agents as it is. “Sensational. So, you want them following us around or just hanging out at the house? Or should we just have them move in? I don’t know, we already have a dozen people living here. Maybe we could build another addition. I know…I know-” I’m being a petty asshole, but Keir’s infringing. Doesn’t he see that? Hutton, Caleb, and I are all perfectly capable of picking up the slack with Matt gone. Fucking dick.

Keir cuts me off with irritation. “It’s only for a couple months and they’d be watching the perimeter of the house.”

“Why now? Did something happen?”

Eden’s gaze drops to the floor. “Matt’s concerned-”

Keir cuts in, “I am, too.”

She levels a look at him for interrupting. “Matt’s concerned there is going to be retribution against him for the arrest of the cartel members. He won’t be here, but to them family members are also fair game.”

Moving past Eden to the bed, I lounge back with my hands behind my head. “Okay? Isn’t there always a risk when you’re dealing with the bad guys?” Just one more reason I detest both Matt and Keir being in the FBI. The job is dangerous for them, but they’re putting Eden and the kids at risk, too.

My heart twinges in response to the lost look in Eden’s eyes. I know her better than she realizes; something’s up. I’ve known her since we were freshmen at Belmont College. We’ve leaned on each other through unimaginable circumstances. But for some reason she’s trying to hide what’s happening in her head. I could guess it’s about the kids or work at the wellness center, although she shares those things with me. Maybe I’m losing my place as her confidante, too?

Fucking hell.

As Eden and Keir quietly discuss logistics to this proposed detail, my blood boils. I imagine leaping off the bed and slugging Keir in the jaw, which quickly turns to pinning him against the wall. My cock is at full attention now, fucking pulsing out their names in Morse code at this point.

I pick up on, “...they know us. It’ll be easier that way.” Keir hugs Eden to his chest, closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath. “Both Harrison and Rivera won’t need to ask a bunch of questions about our family arrangement.”

Rivera? Fuck no.

That motherfucking little slimeball makes inappropriate comments about Eden all the time. Not to mention he drives Keir nuts with his “jokes”- about being polyamorous. That’s who he’s placing on the detail? Fuck that. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I sit up. “Jergen Rivera? The same fucking sleaze who suggested we ‘pencil him into the rotation’ with our wife? The one who caressed her back at a Christmas party? The same motherfucking dirtbag who wanted to know who sucks whose dick? That Rivera?” I clench my jaw, fists balled. If I was on edge prior to coming up here, now I’m ready to pounce.

Keir’s face reddens. “He won’t need to talk to anyone unless there is a problem. Besides, he’ll behave better with Harrison along.” No doubt. Steve Harrison is an old friend of Matt’s. Once the shock of our family wore off, he’s been respectful, on occasion defending the way we live our lives. An added bonus is our kids, Waverly, Weston, and Warner anyway, love him. A bachelor pushing forty, he’s dedicated his life to his career. With no family of his own, he even joins us on holidays.

“If I get arrested for assaulting an FBI agent it’s going to be your fault,” I respond with a smirk.

Both basically ignore my remark; further proof my presence isn’t needed to discuss important issues affecting our family. I’m not okay with that. Clearing my throat, I try again. “Hey.” Tugging lightly on Eden’s hand to get her attention, I say, “Since when do we make family decisions without everyone being included?”

My deep distrust of all things governmental rears its head. “Right? We should all weigh in on this. Not just Keir because he has a badge.” I can’t keep the irritation out of my voice.

Not just Keir because he can disarm her with that smile, those damn twinkling hazel eyes, AND those incredibly strong hands…fuuucck. I bend forward in an attempt to tame my raging hard-on. Between my desire to provoke him and my need to nestle deep into my incredibly alluring wife, I’m losing my fight to be well behaved.

In my movement off the bed, I brush past Keir, my erection grazing his hip. He stills when I can’t help but let my hand lightly brush his waist. Lingering a few seconds, I debate grabbing him. Eden makes eye contact with me, her mouth falling open in realization, I’ve really gotten to the point that disagreeing with Keir in any sense turns me on.

Toxic as fuck? Maybe.

All the criticism from Matt be damned. We use each other. Keir needs to let off steam and I get off on him being rough with me. It’s not soft, sweet, or loving. When Eden joins us, we rein it in, but it’s more like a fight fuck. Deliciously wrong.

It happens to be a turn on for Eden to watch.

But I need her more than I can stand right now. She’s not sitting this out.

“Blaine?”

“Yeah, Ed?” Dropping my voice low, I reach my hand out to her. “It’s been six days, seven hours, and about twenty minutes since I’ve had sex. Almost a damn week,” I say, not even caring that I sound like a whiny asshole right now. The last time I went this long was rehab six years ago, when my sobriety was at the forefront of my mind, not getting my rocks off.

My connection with Eden is effortless. Without words we communicate with one another. Goosebumps erupt on my arms when she runs her hand down my chest, reaching her other hand out to Keir who gives nothing away. Not a clue what he’s thinking. It’s maddening to wonder if he’s dissociating or even “giving in”. His years of sexual abuse at the hands of perverse adults while growing up, make intimate interactions with him feel like jump roping in a field of land mines. Eden, Matt, and I let him make the first move with us. It’s easier than triggering him.

Unspoken rules exist for us-he is no one’s bottom, and he doesn’t suck dick. If Eden wants him to restrict her airflow, he can’t do it without someone in the room to prevent it from going too far. And if he starts dissociating, we stop immediately. It’s not perfect, in fact, the way he copes may be a problem, but he’s been suicidal in the past. I’d rather he uses sex as an outlet instead of ending his life.

I’m not a complete dickhead.

Sometimes.

Just a filthy-mouthed, former pill popper with an insatiable appetite for sex. It just so happens that Eden, Matt, and Keir are too fucking hot to act with any restraint.

Cupping Eden’s ass, I pull her close to me whispering, “Don’t make me wait any longer, please. When I get cranky, we all suffer.”

Keir snorts at that. “That’s the truth.”

I point his way. “Hey, asshole, we’ll finish this conversation about your buddies staking out our home later. Right now, my dick is winning.” He rolls his eyes at me turning to leave the room.

“Woah, woah…Where are you going?” I thought it went without saying I want the three of us together.

After closing and locking the bedroom door he leans back against it, arms folded over his chest. “I’m not going anywhere you jackass.”

Sprung. Fucking hard as a rock watching him walk our way. Between his aura, which is sizzling hot, and Eden’s confident sensuality, I’m so turned on I could come with a light breeze.

Eden unbuttons her floral silk blouse her eyes taking in each of us. I brush her long curly blonde locks off her shoulders. She’s always been captivating but since her pregnancy with Warner three years ago she’s a little curvier, her breasts fuller. I know every inch of her body like she knows mine, our hands automatically moving to caress and touch explosive areas, the danger zones where all measured thoughts fly out the window.

Keir kisses Eden’s shoulder, helping her remove the lacy purple bra I just had my hand inside while I squeeze her nipple. Her skin flushes rosy as our hands travel over her breasts. My body pulses with need. “There are far too many clothes on both of you,” I say in mock irritation while tugging at the waistband of Keir’s suit pants.

That’s as handsy as I get with him anymore to entice him. Not that he needs much prompting since he smoothly slips out of all his clothes while I lock in on Eden. My fingers trace down her hips as my mouth teases her lower lip, feasting on her moans as Keir gently leans her head back against his chest. “You were saying something about clothes?” he questions playfully smacking my ass. “Your turn, B.” Say less.

I don’t give a crap that tearing my shirt off causes two buttons to come loose, or that I have to grab his arm to steady myself while I’m pulling my pants and boxer briefs off. What I do care about is the fix I’ve been looking for is going to be sated. Fuck, yeah.

Eden pushes me back against the slate-colored bedroom wall, just short of knocking me into a framed picture Waverly drew of our home. “Alright, I’m digging this energy,” I say before nipping at her earlobe. “What are you going to do to me? Make it dirty…so fucking dirty.”

There is no better feeling than seeing desire on her face, knowing she can make me quiver with that look alone, like the fucking goddess she is. My lips leave a red mark near her nipple. She sucks in a breath before with a ragged voice saying, “I want you on your knees.”

She could order me to do anything right now. Beg? Pledge my eternal allegiance? Okay, that one I already did. She steps out of her pulled-down underwear. I drop quickly, Keir moving in behind me, his hand running through my hair. “Why don’t you put that mouth of yours to good use?” His voice is sultry as he continues, “Instead of constantly trying to provoke everyone.”

Fine. No one needs to tell me twice. With an arm hooked around Eden’s waist, I pull her in tight as my tongue licks up her pussy. Finding her clit I flick it teasingly before latching on. Her groan is preceded by her knees buckling. That’s right, baby . Her soft pants and squirming fuel me. Keir steadies her as I notice in my periphery, he’s fisted his veiny cock. Goddamn. I need that motherfucker.

Call me greedy, but at this moment I’m craving them both so much I can’t figure out what to do first with my hands. Two fingers ease inside Eden’s pussy. I smear her wetness on my hand, then reach toward Keir. He wastes no time letting go of his erection to place my hand on his length. The veins standing out across his groin while I work him are an impressive sight. Memories of love bites I put on those very paths of veins in the past make me smile.

Turning back to Eden, I run my teeth across her clit before sucking the skin above it, leaving a mark. Just a little something to remember this by.

“Mmm…Why does that feel so good?” she murmurs while running a hand through my hair. Keir leans over me to devour her mouth, both releasing moans that make my movements jerky as I stroke him.

Caught between them as they grope each other, I do what any self-respecting attention whore would do, I slide down to run my tongue over Keir’s ball sack before biting him lightly. “Holy…fuck,” he yelps pulling back to look at me wide-eyed. “Not nice.” But his cock gives him away, only engorging more.

“Sure.” Delivering him a cocky half-smile, I add, “You should give me a taste of my own medicine.” If only. There is not much of a chance he’ll do it, but hot fucking damn if he did.

He picks Eden up, her legs wrapping around him, forcing me to release him. I’m not much for watching without participating, but when Keir is involved it’s on his terms. I lean against the wall, running a thumb across my lips slick with Eden’s juices. She offers a hand out to me. “Come here…get over here.”

“You heard her. Move,” Keir says sternly.

The main bedroom in the house is Eden’s. Occasionally we’ll join her. Okay, I’m always in here unless she tells me to leave. The bed is the equivalent of two California king beds together. Lots of space to play with. I’d be happy if we all slept in here, but Hutton is antisocial to the tenth degree, Caleb tends to leave to check on kids or animals, and Keir has moments he needs to be alone.

Even though we each have our own rooms, Matt and I spend most of our nights in Eden’s. My bedroom down the hall holds some of my belongings, like a glorified closet and that’s it. Considering the house belonged to Matt long before we met him, the main room should be his, even if he has his things in one of the tiniest rooms of the house.

These stolen moments between Eden and I, are keeping me sane. When days like today strike; high school kids talking back, administration pulling rank over my decisions, even anxiousness over our children adjusting to life I have this to get me through. My fix. Thinking of it this way makes me think of all the replacements addicts find for obsessive behavior, and I hate it. Though it might be true; I could be hooked on sex with them.

Fuck it. I’m not changing anything about that.

Laid out on the fluffy white comforter, with little red marks on her chest, inner thighs, and above her pussy, Eden looks transcendent. She hooks a finger at us, leaning up on her elbows. “I need to feel you both.”

Keir and I glance at each other as we crawl onto the bed with indulgent smiles. “Fucking hell…Do you understand just how damn sexy you are? No? Let me show you,” I say as I straddle her. My dick rests on her stomach as I lean down to kiss her. No one knows how to kiss like this. How she manages to share breaths with me, massaging her tongue against mine; and suckling my lips just right, is a mystery.

Moving back until the tip of dick is nudging her opening, I swipe a thumb slowly across her nipple. Keir runs his hand down my back before dragging his teeth across my shoulder blade. Christ. The sleeping animal inside me that loves his rough attention is perking up. “Like that?” he asks before gripping my hips.

He knows damn well I do. Sexy, taunting motherfucker.

We’re nothing but shallow breathing and noises as I push inside our wife, her little squeak fucking satisfying as hell. Keir leans over to grab lube from the bedside table. He runs his lubed finger over my puckered hole, then drizzles more over my crack. His hand runs over my balls. Anticipation makes me lose my rhythm. “No more fucking with me. Are you doing this or not?” I ask impatiently. I’m not lasting long.

Looking over my shoulder at him, he playfully smirks at me. “Hmm...maybe not. It depends. Are you going to behave?”

A laugh comes from Eden. “Who’s not being nice now?”

My thrusts are getting wild when Keir doesn’t even bother to ease inside me. He plunges deep and fast. He takes over while I lean back into him. “Fuuuccckkkk. Fuck me.”

“That’s what I’m doing,” he huffs out before biting my back lightly.

Readjusting to take his thick cock, I hold Eden to me as she half sits up. Keir finds her mouth over my shoulder. It’s a feat keeping ourselves quiet knowing that the kids are home, but we manage. Barely.

Keir thrusts into me with force causing me to shout, “Fuuucck…Jesus fuck.” Eden presses her face into my shoulder as I feel her clenching around me, milking me dry. I’m surprised I held on this long as I join her. Seconds later, Keir wraps his arms around us both, his mouth pressed against my other shoulder as I feel him explode.

It’s fucking everything. Pressed together, spent.

While I get washcloths to clean up, Eden lays in Keir’s arms. He presses a kiss to her temple before sighing and closing his eyes. A strange passing thought occurs to me. He looks at peace. Much the same as when I’ve seen him with Matt. Why isn’t that ever the case with me? Why is it primal, almost angry with me?

Stop it. Fucking just stop analyzing this .

If I’m being used, it doesn’t matter. I have Eden and Matt-more than enough love and emotional support. I have my friendship with Caleb. I have the counsel of Hutton. I don’t need more with Keir. I don’t.

They’re both heavy-lidded when I get back with the warm dampened washcloths from the adjoining bathroom. I slide onto the bed next to Eden. Kissing her cheek, I wipe the inside of her legs. “What time is it? I need to talk to Zinnea. I wanted to catch her before supper,” Eden says in a sleepy tone.

Keir takes a cloth from me, helping me clean up. “It’s a quarter after five.”

She sits up abruptly, “I’ve got to get dressed. Shit…shit.” Up and rifling through her dresser for something to wear, she adds, “We need to talk collectively about Zin’s therapy, but I need to speak to her first. Shit.” She pulls a worn blue Belmont College T-shirt over her head before tugging on a pair of black leggings.

Keir collects the washcloths before picking up dropped clothing from the floor. My eyes track him in his glorious nakedness. Jesus, I’m getting fucking hard again. “That doesn’t sound good.” His tone is screaming “I told you so.” Eden pulls her hair back into a ponytail, not making eye contact with either of us.

It’s bad. She’s doing what she always does: deciding if it’s bad enough to warrant disclosing it. That requires her creating distance between the problem and the way we may react to it.

“Hey, you need to talk to Waverly when you get a chance.” Now is as good a time as any to bring this up. “She’s feeling pushed aside.”

Something I’ve felt a time or two in life. I can understand what she’s struggling with.

“Oh?” She furrows her brows at me. “By whom?”

God, she doesn’t want to hear this. “You.”

Tears instantly rise in her eyes. “Me?” Her finger presses into her chest. “Really?”

All I can do is nod.

“Eden?” Keir dons his clothes. Buttoning up his shirt he says, “You’ll figure this out. It’s a balancing act. It’s going to work out.” Coming from him means more. He was opposed to the idea of adopting Zinnea, Zachariah, and Zebidiah, thinking it would hurt our kids. Who knows what kind of ideas about the world the Revivalists put in Zinnea’s head. Luckily, Zach and Zeb are young enough that the effects won’t be as severe. But just the way Zin will break into scripture in a monotone voice creeps me out.

Fine. I’ll get dressed like the adult I’m supposed to be. With a groan, I get up to pull on a pair of jeans I’d left in a chair by the window. “Ed, honey, I appreciate you breaking the drought.” She shakes her head at me as she laughs. I turn to Keir. “Thanks for your service.” I salute him with a wink.

“You’re thinking about the military. You don’t salute someone in the FB-ya know what? Forget it. You’re welcome.”

Giving me a quick hug as she makes her way to the door, I whisper in Eden’s ear, “Tonight, just you and me? Raw, lights on, strong eye contact.”

“Mmmm.” She sucks her lips in before replying, “Count on it.”