Chapter 15
Lacy
A sharp pain shot through my back and my head pounded. Blinking my eyes open, my hand flew to my face to shield them from the light. The hard tile floor was cool on my back, so I lay for a few seconds as I slowly moved my fingers from my eyes.
Groaning, I grabbed the side of the tub and pulled myself up, leaning against it. After a heavy sigh, I winced at the rank smell. My breath had to be awful if even I could smell it. Looking over, I was happy that I at least seemed to get it all in the toilet.
My whole body ached and I felt like death. I pulled myself up and hobbled to the sink to brush my teeth. My eyes and lips were puffy and I was all splotchy. I looked like I felt…like absolute shit.
My stomach felt like I hadn’t eaten in days but the thought of food sent a new bout of nausea to my gut. I knew if I didn’t have something and plenty of fluids, though, I’d continue to feel like shit.
As I brushed my teeth, I was wondering what time it was when flashes of the events leading to me locking myself in the bathroom popped in my mind. I spit the toothpaste into the sink then took a swig of mouthwash, rolling it around until my eyes burned.
Seeing him was hard enough. It was so surreal. He found me hiding on the floor. How embarrassing . And he was so upset. He seemed genuinely hurt that I had just left without a word. I’d never seen him that way. He was always smiling and lighthearted. But not last night. He was practically shaking, his eyes were red and wild, and maybe I was just really drunk, but he sounded like he was pleading.
I nearly gave in until I found out about him and Jeannie. My body had the visceral reaction that my mind probably would have had if I had been sober. Even in all my many bouts of illness, I had wished for him to be there to hold me or keep my hair back for me. So stupid. I was being sentimental over someone who never gave me a reason to be. But it still hurt. Why did I have to feel so strongly for him?
After splashing some cold water on my face and attempting to fix my mess of hair, I unlocked the bathroom door and peeked into my bedroom. It was empty and the house was quiet.
I shuffled into the kitchen to find a soda or something, not able to handle any coffee, and found a few cold ginger ales in the fridge.
Popping the tab, I took a small sip, then another. I was afraid to drink too quickly. I’d need something with electrolytes too, but the fizzy drink was hitting the spot and helping with my heartburn. There was a small bowl with various snacks on the counter and I found a pack of cheese and peanut butter crackers, so I grabbed them along with some Ibuprofen and headed back to my room.
After having just two crackers and another few sips of ginger ale, I took a long, hot shower and slowly started to at least feel functionable. As the water ran over me, I cursed the fact I didn’t have a phone. I wanted to talk to Daisy but didn’t see a landline and didn’t know if asking Jeannie to use her phone was appropriate. Once I got a few days of work under my belt, I could get some kind of cheap prepaid phone. I’d have to order cabs instead of rideshares for now, but honestly they have better regulations anyway. It would be a pain for a bit, but I could handle it. After the year I’d had, this was a breeze.
I finished up the shower and got dressed in some soft leggings and an oversized shirt, but I was still fighting the hangover, so I didn’t bother with my hair and makeup. The shirt was Eagle’s. Call me a masochist because I liked pain apparently. But I felt like shit and it was cozy. I had a few t-shirts, but none that swallowed me. I may have also swiped one of his hoodies, but I couldn’t bring myself to wear it today. Overindulging always left me feeling hot until I had fully recovered so a sweatshirt was out of the question.
There was a TV in the living room and since I didn’t have any electronics, I needed something to pass the time. At the clubhouse there was a living area with a huge TV, video games, lots of movies, and cable with any channel you could think of. Plus, there was always someone around whether it was Daisy, Mama Hen, or the bunnies. I could always find someone to talk to or something to do like help clean, fix lunches for the guys hanging around, or prep dinner.
I found the remote and arranged the pillows on the couch and got comfy. Only one full episode of Friends had finished when Jeannie came down the hall. Looking at the decorative clock on the wall, it was nearly noon.
Jeannie went straight to the kitchen and made some coffee. I knew we’d have to have a conversation about last night. We could try to pretend none of it happened, but it would only fester. Maybe if I had talked to Eagle I wouldn’t be here now. No . I’m not doing that. This was totally different and he showed me time and again where I stood with him. But Jeannie had been a good friend since I arrived in Georgia and I didn’t want to risk the friendship.
After a few minutes the smell of fresh coffee filled the room and Jeannie came into the living room with an oversized mug and took a seat on the other couch. “How you feeling?”
Shrugging, I said, “Like I got hit by a truck.”
Jeannie gave a tight-lipped smile and her finger ran around the edge of her mug. “Lacy, listen–”
I threw my hand up, wincing at the quick movement. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Jeannie. I need you to know that.”
“Well, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just didn’t think you needed to know because it was so long ago and we were never a thing.”
Blowing a breath through puffed cheeks, I said, “My guess is he’s been around quite a bit. It’s kind of nice that none of you wanted to rub it in my face. I don’t even know why I asked him. Maybe deep down I knew and just wanted a reason to be mad.” Looking over at her I chuckled. “I was about to cave right before I blurted that out.”
“If it’s any consolation, I’ve hung around a few years and I’ve never seen him like that. Ever,” she said as she swiped a hand through the air.
Looking back at the TV, I clenched my jaw. “I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.”
“Lacy, you’re welcome here as long as you like, and I know you had your reasons, but maybe hear him out.”
My head whipped in her direction and I winced again as my head felt like it was splitting. I put my hand to my temple and squeezed my eyes shut until it passed. “Eh tu, Brut é ?”
“I’m just saying. He was shaken up. These guys don’t get shaken up. And I’ve never seen Eagle so unhinged.”
“I don’t know if I should be excited about him being unhinged.” Although it did make me feel some kind of way I couldn’t describe. Where was that when I was around, though?
“Do you think he’d ever really hurt you?”
“Not that way. But sometimes the cuts you can’t see are the ones that sting the worst.”
“You been abused before?”
Thinking back to all the losers I’d been with over the last few years, I had been through it all. Some started fairly soon, those were the ones it was easy to get away from. It was the ones who charmed you at first then gradually got physical over time that were tricky. They’d get into your head. And it was small and slow. Before you knew it, you’re crumpled in a ball, covering your face. But then came the love bombs. It was a toxic cycle. You don’t realize how hard it is to walk away until you’re in that position. And I didn’t even have kids. I couldn’t imagine the torment a mother in that position must feel. You know it’s not safe, but something just won’t let you go. Plus, the fear that if you left and they found you you’d be as good as dead. The stats don’t lie. Women who leave either end up dead or struggle for years. The resources are limited and cops can’t or won’t act until it’s too late. But my statement was true. Bruises healed, but the anxiety, fear, and depression that followed was what really messed you up.
“Yes. I have been. And I think that’s why I tried to stick it out with Eagle. He never gaslit me, no head games, and never laid a hand on me. But he also didn’t realize I existed until he was ready for bed. One thing I’ve tried to learn through each failed relationship is when it’s time to go.”
“Well, you gotta do what’s best for you, girl. Like I said, you’re welcome here as long as you want.”
I smiled over at her. “I appreciate it, Jeannie. And seriously, we’re good. I’m sorry I threw that out there. I didn’t even really want to know. It just came out.”
“Well, we were pretty hammered. But hell, we were here and had nowhere to go. No men lurking around. I figured it was safe to throw ‘em back,” she said as she sipped her coffee.
“Well, I don’t need to drink anything for five years.”
After we both had a laugh, knowing we’d both probably drink again at least within the month, we sat in silence watching TV for a few minutes when there was a knock at the door. We both looked at each other and Jeannie stood up. “Fucking salesmen. When you’re home during the day midweek you get them a lot. At least out here.”
Being secluded at the clubhouse meant never getting any random knocks at the door. Jeannie was in her pajamas with her hair piled on her head. She put her mug on the side table and shuffled to the door.
It was a little muffled, but I heard her say, “Oh shit. What are you doing here?”
I turned, trying to look but the short hall leading to the front door was blocking my view. But my stomach dropped when I heard the response. “I’m not here to start trouble. I just need to see her for a minute.”
Why was he back here? Looking down, I cursed myself for throwing his shirt on. Then my hands went to my face when I remembered I hadn’t even swiped mascara on. I was naturally blonde so my lashes were light and thin. Add light blue eyes and I looked like a ghost without a little color on my face.
Wait…why did I care? I’d figure that out later. I got up and headed to the door. Jeannie shouldn’t be responsible for running interference. I cleared my throat as I walked behind her. Jeannie turned back and she scrunched her face.
“It’s okay, Jeannie. I got it.”
Jeannie stepped out of the way and squeezed my hand before she went back to the living room. My eyes squinted. I couldn’t look up. The sun was bright. That was my story and I was sticking to it. But even without looking at his face, I couldn’t help the flutters at seeing him. Something about him with his worn jeans, black boots, and his leather cut was just sexy.
“Hey. How you feeling?” Even his voice was sexy.
“Like hot garbage. What do you want, Eagle?”
“So many things. But for now, I just wanted to give you this.” He held a bag out. When I went to grab it, his other hand grabbed mine and the jolt that went to my chest nearly made my knees buckle. He lifted my hand and leaned down to kiss my knuckles.
“Eagle–”
“I’m sorry. I just needed to feel your skin.” He let me go and pushed the bag toward me. “Please take this.”
His hand was shaky as I took the bag from him. I looked inside and there were several items but it looked like takeout. “What is all this?”
“You seemed to have a lot of drinks last night, and then well, the bathroom. This stuff always helps me feel normal again after a bender.”
I couldn’t fight the smile and I wanted to kick myself. “Thanks for this. But I don’t know what else to say.”
“Thanks is good.” He moved so quickly I couldn’t react. But he didn’t go for my lips. Instead, he kissed my forehead, ran his hand over my head, then his lips were by my ear. “I miss you, Lacy.”
As quickly as he leaned in, he was in his truck and leaving. My heart was racing and my arm had reached out on its own. I nearly took a step toward the driveway, but stopped myself and put my arm down.
Once he was out of sight, I closed the door and took my bag to the kitchen. There was wonton soup with the little crunchies, a few sports drinks, a bottle of Ibuprofen, a tin of mints, and there was a box.
Pulling the top off the small box, I gasped as I pulled out the handwritten note.
Please don’t block my number.
There was a phone inside. I pulled it out and turned it on. After the homescreen came on, I noticed there was a text. I already knew it had to be from him. I was nervous at what it would say, but my curiosity couldn’t ignore it.
Eagle : I know this won’t fix everything. But I’m asking you to give me the chance to try.
It may have been the exhaustion, the hangover, or the words, but tears filled my eyes and I didn’t try to stop them.