Chapter 19
Lacy
When Jeannie told me Eagle was waiting outside, my breath hitched. He hadn’t reached out to me since he brought me my hangover provisions the day before, but he showed up at my new job. And he was there to take me home. Not come in and throw a tantrum about me being there. Jeannie told me he insisted he just wanted to be sure I got home safely and would be taking me to her place.
“At least take the ride. Rayne is cool, but he’s a lot,” Jeannie said as she gripped my shoulder. “Oh, don’t mention he’s here. I asked Butch about his face when I walked in and apparently they got into it. Best not to get in the middle of club business.”
I already knew that since Butch mentioned it, but I didn’t know I’d be seeing Eagle. Like she said, better to not alert Butch of him being outside. Especially since he’d been acting so strange the last few days. It was probably wrong, but I was relieved that Eagle was outside.
I hadn’t known he’d be coming, so after chatting with Rayne throughout the day, I finally slipped in that I was looking for a lift and he quickly offered. But, since Eagle came, I went to tell Rayne and he offered to still walk me outside. The exchange between him and Eagle would have been comical under different circumstances. The testosterone was dripping off of them both. It was stupid that I thought it was so hot.
Looking over as he shifted gears, I noticed his knuckles. I’d seen them busted up plenty of times, but I knew how this time. My hand itched to reach out and touch his, to somehow comfort him. Instead, I folded my hands in my lap and looked out the window.
“You hungry?” he asked as he rolled up his window once the AC was blowing cold so I did the same.
“A little.” I ate earlier and had a few bites of the wrap Lance made me, but I didn’t like feeling full while I worked. “I have some stuff at Jeannie’s.”
He cleared his throat. “Can I take you somewhere to grab a bite?”
“I’m not really dressed to go out.” I tossed on some leggings and an oversized t-shirt but still had a full face of makeup on. Plus, I wasn’t sure I could be in public with him without crying, or at least getting choked up. My stomach was already doing flips.
“Well, can I grab us something and eat with you at Jeannie’s?” When I didn’t immediately reply he asked, “Or in the truck?” His voice seemed shaky.
“Eagle, I–”
“I’m just asking for a chance to talk, Lacy. Please.”
Swallowing the lump that formed in my throat at the plea in his voice, I said, “Okay.”
We drove in silence on the highway. By the time he took the exit, I looked down and realized my ankles were crossed and my foot was wiggling out of control. Trying to keep it still, I slammed my feet to the floorboard and straightened in my seat.
“You alright?” he asked as he shifted gears.
My eyes drifted back to his hand on the gearshift. Such strong, yet nimble hands. A large tattoo covered his arm and parts of it traveled just past his wrist. I loved his tattoos. I loved his body. I– dammit .
“Lacy? Are you alright?”
“Yeah, just…long day.”
Staring out the window, I bit my lip. Being so close to him was hard. Why did he have this pull on me?
As we got closer to the little town, he turned down a different road. Looking around, I recognized some things from when Jeannie took me to the grocery store. Then, he pulled into a parking lot of a restaurant.
“Eagle, I thought we were just going to Jeannie’s?”
“We are, but I’m getting food.” He turned off the engine and hopped out, pulling his cut on as he walked around the truck. Instead of heading inside, he came around and opened my door.
For the first time since he picked me up, I looked at his face.
Gasping, I said, “Eagle, geezus.” I slipped from the truck and my hand flew to his face to inspect the wounds, but then I stepped back.
He grabbed my hand and put it back to his cheek. “You can touch me, Lacy.”
Sparks of electricity traveled from his skin to my chest. I should’ve pulled away, but I couldn’t. “Eagle,” I practically whispered.
His dark eyes drooped as he looked down at me. “Fuck, I miss your touch so much, Lacy.”
My heart thrummed in my chest. He licked his lips as he looked down at mine. But as he dropped his head closer, I finally snapped out of it and stepped back, pulling my hand away. “Maybe we should get the food.”
He ran his hands through his dark locks, then tucked it behind his ears, nodding in agreement.
He spun his keys on the key ring as we walked, and my eyes were still drawn to his hand. I wondered what I would do if he grabbed mine. Would I pull away, or let him take it? So much in a simple gesture. Yet, it was something I craved from him so badly. The small but intimate gesture of a hand hold.
Trying to get my mind off his perfectly sculpted paws, I asked, “Wait, why did I have to come with you to get carryout? I look like garbage.”
His face swung to mine and that boyish grin I adored so much flashed across his features. “If that’s garbage, then call me the fucking me trash man, baby.” His eyes lingered another second before he continued. “After what happened to Daisy, I’d never leave you in the cage alone.”
And like he could read my mind, his hand reached out. My willpower was shit, and mine reached out, fitting perfectly into his.
He squeezed but we kept walking inside after he opened the door for me.
The rich smell of hickory filled my nose as we stepped inside. It could be smelled outside, but it was potent in the restaurant.
Still holding my hand, he walked to the counter and pulled a menu out to look. An older woman with a silver bun on her head greeted us at the register. “Just two?”
“We need a to-go order actually, ma’am.” He looked up from the menu and smiled at her. “How about the family dinner and can we get some extra sweet sauce?”
The woman grinned. “Sure thing, hon. I’ll get that in. Give me about ten minutes.”
“Thank you, ma’am.”
This seemed more like the Eagle I fell for. Charming and polite. But the reminder of who he was had me wondering what was going on. So he picked me up from work and held my hand? I had to stop letting my heart and lady bits keep running the show. But I told him we could talk, so I’d follow through.
We waited in the front. He didn’t let my hand go and stayed close to my side.
“Standing in here is making me hungry,” I said, hating the silence between us.
“We’ll fix that soon.” His thumb rubbed over the back of my hand, creating invisible sparks with each stroke.
I stared at the patch with his road name, wanting to press myself to him. My body missed his touch, too. His warmth. His strong arms and his firm grasp on me. And why did he have to smell so good? Did they make pheromone products for men? I’d used a pheromone roll-on lots of times while working. I couldn’t be sure it worked, but I seemed to get better tips when I did. But surely he used some sort of concoction like that because why else were my nipples hard and blood rushing to my center when all he’s doing is standing around and holding my hand? Still, even over the hickory smell of the restaurant, the warmth of sandalwood tickled my nose.
The friendly woman came back with a large brown bag with handles, a gallon of sweet tea, and a pack of hamburger buns. He pulled some cash out and dropped it on the counter. I loosened my grip because there was too much for one person to carry, but he tightened his. He took the bag with his free hand, grabbed the handle of the tea with the same hand, then reached out with both of our hands for the buns. “Keep the change, ma’am.”
“Aww, y’all are too precious. Let me get the door,” she said after she slammed the register shut.
He led us back outside and finally let go of my hand once we were back at his truck. With his bun-wielding hand, he opened my door and waited for me to get situated before shutting it and walking around to his side.
He put the food on the floorboard near the gearshift and draped his cut over the seat. I grabbed the food and moved it to my side so it didn’t get smushed or fly around. The buns and tea were put between us on the bench seat so I left them alone. I felt his eyes on me the whole time and it practically warmed my skin.
He pulled out of the parking lot and had to shift gears a few times before getting back onto the road. Once we turned down the road that led to Jeannie’s, I was watching the road when I felt something on the seats between us. My head whipped over and my hand moved as well thinking the tea had fallen, but his hand was there, palm up and fingers open.
Against my better judgment, I slowly put my hand over his. He threaded his fingers through mine and squeezed. Not too hard, but he wasn’t giving me noodle-hand. There’s nothing worse than a man holding your hand, but not. Like a wet noodle just hanging there and happens to be touching you.
“Thank you,” he said as he continued watching the road.
I didn’t reply, but squeezed back and watched the road as we headed to my temporary home. Only a few minutes went by before he had to pull his hand away and shift gears as we got closer to Jeannie’s, then pulled in.
He practically jumped out of the truck and ran around to my side, throwing his cut back on before flinging the door open. I leaned down to grab my bag and started to grab the food. “I got that, just hop out.”
Rolling my eyes, I climbed out and looked for the key Jeannie gave me. “Are you sure you got all that?”
He slammed the door and was carrying the food, tea, and buns. “I got it. Do you need me to get your bag?”
Shaking my head, I unlocked the door and walked inside, letting him pass me before closing it. “Just put that in the kitchen. I’ll be right back.”
I put my bag down and then went to the bathroom and pulled the falsies off then took a makeup removing wipe to my face. It had been a long time since I wore stage makeup all day and felt great to get it off. I swiped the wipe over my chest and arms to get some of the sparkles off then glanced in the mirror. Not liking how pale I seemed with everything wiped off, I swiped on a little mascara and some tinted gloss. I was already in comfy clothes and I’d shower after he was gone.
When I went back to the kitchen, he’d already made me a plate of food and opened a diet soda for me and had a glass of tea for himself. “Thank you. This smells so good.” I grabbed my plate and went to the dining room, Eagle right behind me.
We both ate quietly for a few minutes before I finally asked, “So, you said you wanted to talk.” My stomach was in knots. I wasn’t sure what I expected, or what I wanted to hear.
He pushed his fork around a little, then sighed. “Lacy, I’m a dumb fuck.”
My eyebrows raised and I couldn’t help but giggle.
His eyes went wide. “You’re laughing at me?”
“Well, it was a little funny.”
“So, you think I’m a dumb fuck?” he asked as he pointed his fork at his chest.
“No, no, no. Don’t turn this around on me. But I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting you to lead with that.”
He put his fork down and leaned back in his chair, tucking his hair behind his ears over and over before he finally said, “I was wrong. I did you wrong. I know that.”
My breath hitched, but I also couldn’t just throw myself at him and forgive the months of loneliness. I sat silently, unsure of what to say.
“I have stupid fucking reasons for the way I treated you. But I don’t want to use them as an excuse. What matters is I know I was wrong and I know you deserve more. You deserve better. And I want to make it up to you. I want to show you, if you’ll let me.”
I still didn’t know what to say and the tension was killing me, so I stood up and grabbed my plate to take it to the kitchen. But before I could get there, Eagle dropped to the floor on his knees and grabbed my hips. I nearly dropped the plate on his head.
“Eagle, what are you doing?” I barely kept my balance and held the plate steady away from his head.
“Lacy, please don’t walk away again. Please don’t go.” He wrapped his arms around my thighs, his hands shaking against me.
“Shit.” I managed to turn a little and put the plate down. “Eagle, get up.” I pulled at his cut, but he wouldn’t budge.
“No. Not unless you promise to stay.”
“Well, I currently live here, so I ain’t going anywhere. Please get up.”
He gripped my hips again as leverage to stand then towered over me, his hands clutching at my waist. “I’m sorry. I’m just a fucking wreck without you.”
My heart sank as I took in his words and the tortured look on his face. “Eagle, I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“I deserve it.”
“I don’t do that, Eagle. This isn’t a game, and I wouldn’t try to hurt you just because you hurt me.”
“Tell me you’ll give me another chance, Lacy.” His voice was low and breathy.
Swallowing hard, I managed to say, “I can’t just go back to the way things were.”
He pulled me closer, my body starting to take over. It was getting harder to focus and listen. Instead, my breathing shallowed and my legs started getting weak.
“I know. I know. Just let me show you. I’m willing to do whatever it takes for however long it takes, Lacy.” His face kept dropping lower and lower as he continued. “Just please say yes.”
I didn’t mean to make a sound. But a whisper passed my lips before his mouth crashed into mine and my legs started to give out. But he grabbed me, picking me up as he kissed me hard and deep. Every emotion I wanted to feel from him was being poured into the kiss. It cut deep into my soul, so much that tears sprouted from my eyes.
He pulled away. “Lacy, why are you crying? I’m sorry, I’ll stop.” He tried to put me down but I balled his shirt in my fists. He pressed his forehead to mine. “Talk to me, Lacy.”
“I just…this is all I wanted,” I whispered before even more tears fell and my body shook.
Still holding me, he walked us to the couch and sat, situating me in his lap. He swiped the tears from my face then cupped my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. “I told you, I’m a dumb fuck.”
A garbled laugh burst from my chest and I wiped under my eyes. “Maybe. But as much as I want to believe all of this, I can’t just forget everything.”
He nodded. “I know. And you shouldn’t. But I’m going to be better. So good you’ll eventually forget the time I was a dumb fuck.”
My palms pressed to his firm chest. “I’ve missed you, Eagle.”
Another tear rolled down my cheek and he lifted his hand, wiping the tear away with his thumb. “There’s not a word for what I’ve felt the last few days, Lacy. Broken is the closest one I can think of, but that doesn’t scratch the surface of the torment. And not just because I was missing you, but because I realized what I’d done. I drove you away because you were hurting and realizing I’d done that to you…” A muscle ticked as he clenched his jaw. His brow furrowed. After a few silent moments, he said, “I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to hold you again and it was all my fault.”
I was still torn. Most people didn’t change, especially so fast. But I’d never known him to make empty promises or false statements. He’d always done what he said, just nothing else. But something in his eyes and the tone of his words seemed so real and raw. He was saying all the things I needed to hear. He was opening up to me for the first time. And for the first time, I felt like he truly saw me.
“I’m gonna be honest, Lacy.” My heart sank. Was he not being honest before?
I started to sit up straighter, unsure what kind of turn this conversation was taking. “Okay…”
“I don’t know what’s okay to do or say, so I need you to tell me when you want me. If you want me.” His dark eyes bore into me and I could swear his chin trembled. “Because I’m fucking desperate for you, but I know I don’t deserve to have you.”
It was probably a horrible idea, but in that moment, I was desperate for him too. I cupped his cheeks and tilted his up head, licking my lips. “Show me how desperate you are. Take me.” Then I slammed my lips to his.