13. #2
It’s the one aspect of Thai I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to. I try to listen for the tone of each word and sometimes context makes it guessable. But it’s still the thing that trips me up most.
“He ask me, can I pick some mangos with him in the morning.”
“We can come too,” Thalia says. “When I was little, I used to help my family pick mangos for harvest.”
“Really?”
“Sure. It’s a big business in Mackay. Everyone helps out. It’s hard work, but it helps when everyone is pulling together.”
Meena flicks the water from her fingers and then spreads a few drops across her forehead. She sets the rinsed vegetables aside and rises from her squat effortlessly, in one smooth motion, the way people do when they’ve been doing it since they were children.
“We need more water already!” she announces.
“Michael will help you carry it,” Thalia offers.
“You’re staying here?” I ask.
“You can handle this chore without me, can’t you?” she says, putting one hand on her hip.
“Good idea,” I say. “It’s just a short walk down to the stream.”
Meena shows me where the big water jugs are kept behind the house, three of them in a row under the overhang, thick plastic with screw caps, the kind that get refilled indefinitely until they crack.
She holds each one up and tilts it to check inside.
Satisfied, she hands them off to me and we take the path down to the stream, single file.
I follow behind her, watching the way she moves across the forest floor without looking down—picking the right footing by some knowledge I don’t have, gliding around roots and stones while I’m picking my way carefully and still nearly tripping twice.
The forest sounds different at this time of day.
Quieter. The birds that were loud this morning have settled somewhere and whatever fills the gap is just insect noise and the occasional rustle of something in the underbrush that I decide not to think about.
There’s so much I want to say, but I wait until we’ve come down to the water and she’s holding the mouth of the first jug under the trickle of the stream.
“Meena, can I ask if anything Thalia said made you uncomfortable?”
She turns to me, apparently surprised.
“No,” she says. “Not exactly.”
“I realize it’s very personal to talk about relationships and dating,” I say. “Especially when you’re speaking with people that you’ve just met.”
“Yes, but I like Thalia,” she says. “She is a good girl for you, I think so.”
“She’s unbelievable,” I say. “She’s not like any girl I’ve ever met. Actually, she does remind me of someone I used to know. Someone I loved a lot before. My ex-girlfriend Ava.”
“You didn’t tell me about her before,” Meena says, looking curious.
“The truth is that I had my heart broken before I came to Thailand,” I say. “By two women.”
“Really?” she asks in Thai.
“It’s true,” I answer. “I had two girlfriends before. But they both dumped me.”
“Dumped?”
“Finished,” I say. “We broke up.”
She nods, watching the water rise slowly in the jug.
“Sia jai,” she says. “It’s sad.”
“Yes,” I say. “When we first met, I wasn’t ready to date anyone. But Thalia has changed things. She’s made me realize that if I want to have a relationship I have to be honest about what I want.”
Meena says she agrees, still watching the jug fill, her hands steady.
“I’m interested in you, Meena,” I tell her. “Do you understand what I mean?”
She finishes with the jug. She props it up and turns to me.
“Yes, Mike,” she says. “I understand.”
I take a step toward her. She closes the distance between us. Then she throws up her hands and thrusts her palms into my chest, pushing me back playfully.
“Just want two girlfriends again, really?” she says, laughing.
I throw up my own palms in surrender.
“Honestly, it’s not like that,” I say. She gives me this look like she wants to be convinced.
God, she’s so much like Thalia in certain ways and yet completely her own person.
“Meena, I don’t want to only see you when we have Thai classes together.
You’re a wonderful teacher, but you’re so much more to me than that.
And I’ve told Thalia that, and she encouraged me to tell you how I feel. ”
The creek babbles between us, covering the silence while Meena processes what she’s hearing.
“How do you feel?” I ask her finally.
“Not sure,” she says. “I did not think you would talk like this to me.”
“That makes sense,” I say. “I wasn’t expecting to say it either.
But I knew I had to, because you deserve an amazing man who will love you and make you feel as special as you are.
You already know I have a girlfriend. She’s the one who told me that I can be the guy you deserve. But that’s up to you to decide.”
She gives me this look like she’s studying my face, not just looking at it. It’s a strange sensation, and I’m not totally sure I like it because it feels like her gorgeous brown eyes can see right through me. But I hold her gaze because I can’t let her not know the truth about me.
“My mom—“
“—of course. I understand.”
“You did not ask me in Phuket,” she says. “We were both single before.”
“That’s true,” I admit.
I’m sure she’s telling me I’ve missed my chance, that whatever attraction she might have had disappeared once she learned I already had a girlfriend. But the smile forming at the corner of her mouth tells a different story.
“I have to stay,” she says. “But I like you also.”
“Really?”
“Dok jai mai?” she asks. Are you surprised?
“Yes, a little,” I say.
“Why?” she asks.
“You’re absolutely amazing to me,” I say. “You may think you’re a simple girl from a small village. But I’ve never met anyone like you before. You’re so smart, and you’re unbelievably gorgeous.”
That word again. Her eyes light up because she recognizes what it means now.
She smiles, her whole face flushing a deep red. She looks briefly at the stream, then back at me.
“I understand your life is here,” I say. “But can you come back to Phuket soon to see me?”
Her eyelids flutter, eyes pointing downward.
“The ticket is quite expensive, Pi Mike,” she says.
I smile at the use of the word again. The meaning isn’t exactly the same in Thai, not literal. But it’s still a little strange when I have feelings for Meena that an older brother shouldn’t have.
“I’ll pay for it,” I say. “I want to. Any time you can come for a few days, just let me know.”
I press in a little closer so our faces are close to touching. She doesn’t pull away, doesn’t hesitate. Just holds my gaze.
“Okay ka,” she says.
“Really?”
“Sure,” she says. “I love Phuket. When I think about that place so many memories arrive. And I like you as well.”
I drift in, just a little closer. She holds her breath, eyelids fluttering closed as our faces press together. It’s just a simple kiss, my lips carefully touching hers. We separate and look into each other’s eyes.
“Wow!” she says, giggling.
“Wow,” I say. “That’s it exactly. Wow.”
We don’t say anything more. I know that I’m complicating her life by telling her now, and I probably should have done this before.
I could say it was because I didn’t want to abuse my power, or to overstep in a way that would make her feel uncomfortable.
All that would be true, but it would still be dishonest because the real reason is that I was afraid of how she would respond.
I didn’t know whether she would look at me the way she’s looking at me now.
“Everything okay?” she asks. “With your girlfriend?”
“Yes, she’ll be happy when I tell her we kissed.”
Meena makes a face and laughs.
“Is weird, right?” she says.
“Pretty weird,” I say. “I have no idea why I seem to attract girls who want me to be with other girls. What are the odds, right?”
“Sorry?” she asks.
God, I wish I could explain to you just how cute she looks when she’s confused. The shape her lips form, the look in her eyes. I can’t describe exactly what it is except that I just want to take that look and bottle it up.
“What I mean is, I’m lucky,” I say. “It’s not normal for your girlfriend to want you to have another girlfriend, right?”
“Not sure,” she says. “Actually, in Thailand many men have.”
She’s right. I heard somewhere that Thailand is the number one cheating capital in the world. But there’s a lot more to this history than I ever knew.
“Sure, but those men keep their girlfriends secret from their wives, right?”
A bird chatters somewhere above us then quiet again.
“Not always, actually,” she says. “You know, old Thai culture men would have two wife or three because if the girl cannot work so hard for them to live in that time. Cannot work easy.”
“I didn’t think about that,” I say. “But it makes sense. So, if a guy had money he would have a few girls?”
“Yes,” she says. “Not weird in that culture. Lisu culture is different.”
“Of course,” I say.
I think of Meena’s mom lying in bed sick, with no one to take care of her because her daughter is off with her foreigner boyfriend who already has one girlfriend.
That doesn’t make me feel great. But the idea of Meena staying home and giving up a relationship that could make her happy to take care of her grandmother doesn’t feel right either. Some middle ground has to exist.
We return reluctantly to the task that we walked down here to accomplish. Meena takes a cap from the pocket of her loose-fitting pants and closes off one jug while she waits for the other to fill. What must it have been like to do this every day growing up?
“Can we keep our love a secret first?” Meena asks me suddenly, with this look of absolute earnestness that almost makes me burst out laughing. It’s just the sweetest thing to say and I wasn’t prepared for it at all.
At the same time, I understand what it means to her.
For all I know, some little bird is already carrying news of us kissing by the stream to every corner of the village.
I don’t know enough about Lisu culture, but it may be the kind of situation where any pairing is expected to lead directly to a wedding.
So, for both our sakes, better not to reveal too much.
“Yes, absolutely,” I say. “Let’s keep our love secret.”
The other jug fills. I hoist both onto my shoulders, having to tread carefully to keep from stumbling on a rock or a tree root.
I’m sweating through my shirt by the time I can set them down behind Meena’s grandmother’s hut, but in a funny way I also feel lighter.
I did it. I told Meena how I felt, learned she felt the same, and even though I have no idea what our future will look like or whether it will all work out, I at least know that I’ll never have to live with years of wondering what might have been between us.
Whatever is going to happen, now it can start.
And I owe it all to the girl who urged me on.
Seriously, how does a guy like me get this lucky?