Chapter 5
Hawk
G oddamn Carter.
Well, goddamn circumstances, I supposed.
I was trying to fall asleep in my bed in the attic and I wasn’t having much luck. I’d been tossing and turning for over an hour, which meant sleep wasn’t going to come. Not here at least.
I got out of bed and pulled on my jeans, T-shirt, and flannel. I grabbed my phone and made my way down the stairs, then down the hall a little on the third floor, then the second, and finally across the bottom floor.
The house was big, but it hadn’t always been that way.
Our parents had expanded on it gradually, when space eventually ran out after yet another kid was born.
I loved the house, and I also knew every square inch of it well enough to be able to get into the kitchen without a sound.
Everything creaked, of course, when you weren’t avoiding those spots.
I’d gotten to bed late after working with one of the rescues and then taking a small walk with her in the empty paddock where everyone had been taken in for the night already.
She’d been severely bullied by other horses and being able to sniff around the paddock while I was at the other end of the lead for safety had been good for her.
I grabbed a bribe from the fridge and made my way out of the house as quietly as I could without forgetting my ball cap that hung by the front door. As he tended to be, Juanpablo the damned watch donkey/foghorn trotted from his little shelter and came to the fence.
“Don’t you even. I got you carrots and bread,” I told him when he lifted his nose a little.
Instead of braying, he shook his head, then accepted the bribes and I could be on my way.
Nights on the ranch were so damn peaceful. Everyone was asleep or getting there. The nights when I wandered back to my barn to sleep in my office were some of the best times of my life.
I could’ve walked the route—the shortcut behind the other barns, across paddocks, through gates and over fences—with my eyes closed.
Which, since it was dark, it pretty much felt like.
I used my phone’s flashlight where needed, and didn’t jump when every now and then, a barn cat appeared like a spirit from somewhere.
They chirped at me and most of them continued on their way.
Only one, a big, tabby boy called Thomas O’Malley—because obviously—chose to walk with me for the last bit of the way, because he knew I had a secret cat food stash in my office.
Look, if I wanted to sleep next to a cat, I wasn’t beyond bribery.
“Good of you to join me, buddy,” I told him as he followed me up the stairs.
The horses that were in their stalls closest to the stairs didn’t react. They were all used to me popping up every now and then.
I gave Thomas some of the stinky expensive stuff, then sat on the couch and took off my boots.
As I made myself comfortable, I listened to the sounds of the horses downstairs. It was like the sweetest lullaby most nights, but tonight my mind went back to Goddamn Cahill.
Some part of me had started to call him Carter in my head, but I disliked that. He was….
I grunted and turned onto my back. Thomas’s plate clattered like it always did when he wanted to make extra sure there was nothing left.
Carter had been easier to dislike before I’d seen the looks he gave Ramona sometimes. Like he couldn’t believe how beautiful she was or how lucky he’d gotten to own a horse like her.
The shittiest thing was that I could tell he’d be good for her. He just needed to stop treating me like I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
There was a reason his assistant—I snorted loud enough for Thomas to throw a glance at me where he’d stopped to clean his whiskers next to the couch—had picked me.
I had a feeling a man with the kind of money Cahill had wouldn’t settle for shit.
That he’d trusted her when she’d said I was the best for the job spoke volumes.
He just needed to get out of his own way and even more so, out of mine . I knew enough about men like him to know we’d continue to clash for a while still.
I just fucking hoped that there was more to the man than the surface. That there was a real reason for why he’d wanted something as specific as Ramona and not just some “saw a picture of a snowflake appaloosa and decided to have one” bullshit.
Sensing that Thomas was about done with his bath, I turned to face the back of the couch. I had a fleece throw I pulled over my upper body, up to my shoulder. Thomas hopped up and settled into the crook of my knees.
The purring started immediately. I closed my eyes and relaxed. “Thanks, buddy,” I whispered, then let the exhaustion take me.
Since Cahill wasn’t going to be around for a couple of weeks, I’d decided that I was going to send him the regular messages I would any other owner.
So, I snapped photos of Ramona. I recorded voice messages when something interesting happened. I texted him, too.
It wasn’t daily, because I didn’t work with her daily. I didn’t send him anything more than I did my other clients that might like that sort of communication.
One day, I took her on a long lead rope and went for a walk in the back pasture where the rescue cows were.
Later, I sat in my office and recorded a voice message.
“So I took your girl for a stroll today. I think it’s safe to say she’s never encountered cows before.
” I chuckled. “At least my reflexes prevented me from being dragged back to the barn when she heard the first moo too close. We tried to approach again a few times until she was calmer, but there’s definitely some desensitization we need to do on that front.
” I sighed. “But she’s done good. She’s smart and capable.
” Then, because it was getting close to when he was coming back, I added, “Get yourself some proper ranch clothes. From the kind of store where we might get our stuff. No designer crap that won’t survive the first contact with the ground.
” Because he was going to fall off a horse sooner or later.
I sent the message and sighed again. The longer he stayed away, the less I disliked him.
Which was a problem, because I sure didn’t want to like him.
He was a client and that was it. But I was also pretty fucking sure that him just appearing back on the ranch would raise my blood pressure enough to remind me why I trusted my gut feeling these days.
It took the twins about a week to be allowed to go home. Demi and Luke were doing their all to make everything run smoothly, but she was awfully sore from the C-section, so Mom went to help out every evening, while Luke’s mom did the morning shift.
On the weekend, Payton helped Mom with meal prep for both the new parents and for the rest of us, because Mom, who did most of the cooking, wasn’t there for dinnertime.
I went to deliver a horse near Hays in Kansas and ended up stopping for a meal at a shopping center on my way back. Since I had nothing but time, I walked around for a while to stretch my legs before heading home. That’s when I spotted this little novelty shop and got an idea.
Payton’s expression when I presented him with his own apron with his name and the text “Mimi’s Sous Chef” was priceless. Paying for the customization while I waited was totally worth it.
The way both Mal and Crew gave me hugs when they next saw me made me feel good, too.
I had never wanted kids. I just liked horses better than humans, and while Payton was an awesome kid and hell, even little Aria was great, I was just glad I could hand them over to their parents and go do my own thing.
The twins’ characters were yet to be seen, but if they’d be anything like their mom and uncles who were twins… yeah. They’d be as much the same as they’d be different. Which, I supposed, was a good thing. Kept them separate people while having the built in best friend from birth.
That was one of the things I’d never wanted. I remembered how Fern had once said that she would’ve loved to have a twin of her own. It sounded like a lot, if I was honest. Sharing everything with someone that close?
Yeah, I was fine with flying solo.
I liked my solitude, and I chose it every time over anyone but my family. Hell, sometimes even over them.
I’d been seven years old when I’d felt so damn overwhelmed one day. My siblings were playing together, and I’d sat on the porch with Mom who was holding Keegan because he wasn’t feeling well, and Judson sat splashing around in a tiny pool next to the porch steps.
Bodhi and his best friend Wren had vanished somewhere, but they were sixteen so it was understandable. They didn’t want to hang out with the little ones as much anymore, even though Wren really liked all of us a lot.
Crew was somewhere helping Dad, even though he was just thirteen. It was the other twins who were wrangling the middle kids and having fun doing so.
Everyone was having so much fun.
Suddenly overcome with a feeling I couldn’t name yet, I’d turned to Mom and asked, “Is there something wrong with me?”
Somehow, she’d understood what I’d meant immediately without explanation.
“No, baby boy. You know how we say everyone is different?” When I nodded, she smiled and leaned over to kiss my forehead while holding the toddler in her arms secure.
“I’ll let you in on a secret if you don’t tell the others, okay?
You know sometimes Daddy goes to ride the fence alone, right? And how sometimes I go to the library?”
I knew they did those things, so I nodded again. “Yeah.”
“Well sometimes we go because we need alone time. We love all ten of you more than life itself, but let’s face it, you’re a noisy bunch.”
As if on cue, the racket made by my siblings intensified and Judson in his little pool started to splash around and shriek louder. Both Mom and I started to laugh. Yeah.
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting less of that and more time with the animals and quiet.”
“Okay.” I leaned into her arm and sighed.