Chapter 17
Hawk
L aying in bed, trying to bask in the afterglow like Carter was doing was foreign to me. I could feel him getting softer and starting to slip out of me, which made him groan with disappointment before he reached down to grab the condom and pulled out.
“I’ll be right back,” he murmured, kissed my forehead, and got out of bed.
I heard him in the bathroom, utterly unsure what to do now.
What we’d just done had been the best sex of my life. Not that there was much to compare to. I’d actually had sex in a bed maybe four times total, tonight included.
“You doing okay?” Carter asked quietly as he came back to the room.
Still way too in my own head, I squinted at him, then blinked with confusion as he started to clean the cum off my stomach with a washcloth. When he dipped the cloth down to wipe the lube off my ass, I flushed crimson and averted my eyes.
“I take it nobody’s taken care of you after, before?” His tone held some carefully contained emotion I couldn’t decipher. It was maybe sadness but there was anger behind it, too.
He didn’t wait for me to answer. Not that it had been anything but a rhetorical question anyway. He went to put the washcloth back in the bathroom, then came to bed again, climbing over me instead of going around.
Hovering above me for a second, he pecked my lips, then moved to lie down next to me.
I didn’t know what to do next.
Maybe he realized that, because he took my hand and kissed the back of it, then just stayed silent with me for a moment.
The heat wasn’t on yet, which left the room a bit chilly now that the sweat was cooling us down, and Carter reached down to grab a blanket from the end of the bed. He draped it over us both, still quiet and waiting me out.
He didn’t pull me closer, just held my hand and stayed on his side, while I lay there on my back, mostly staring at the ceiling as I worked things out with myself.
“When I was eighteen, I started my training business,” I spoke without knowing that was where I wanted to start.
He squeezed my hand, then kissed it again.
“I already had a name for myself, but our parents wanted us to finish high school no matter what we wanted to do after. So, I graduated, then started to take clients officially two weeks later.” I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment.
“A year later, I was at an auction in Iowa with Russ. We were looking for new prospects for me to work with. For sale later, and for the ranch, too. There was this man who I realized was looking at me a lot.”
I opened my eyes. Took a deep breath. “Long story short, he chatted me up in the line to get some coffee. He knew who I was by sight, which wasn’t hard.
I was a couple of inches shorter than I am now.
Had a reputation. People knew Russ too. Anyway.
He said and did all the right things on that first contact.
Said he was going to bid on a certain young horse that day and had been meaning to take it home to the other side of the state, but if I was willing to train it, he’d gladly give it to us to take back to Colorado instead. ”
“I take it he won the bidding?” Carter asked quietly after I went silent for too long.
I snorted with no humor. “Oh yeah. He’s not used to losing, so he bought that gelding for several thousand over its value just to get that particular one.”
“Ah.”
He clearly knew the type.
“So I took the gelding home with two of our purchases and started to train it. He liked to stay in touch a lot, and I was flattered, so I replied to his texts and emails as soon as I was able to.” Again, I snorted. “I was so damn eager to please him.”
“There’s no shame in that. Most people are going to do that when someone has power over them.”
“Yeah.” I sighed and continued, “He visited four times in the six months I had the gelding. All the way from Iowa. He was real good at the seducing bit. The first time he came over, he stayed at the cabin that’s Mal’s now.
Crew and Russ were away at an event overnight, so he talked me into coming for a chat… .”
Sensing my hesitance, Carter quietly said, “You don’t have to—”
“No. I do.” I turned my head to look at him for the first time. “If we’re doing this, you need to understand.”
“Okay. Whatever you need, baby.” Again, his grip on my hand tightened for a moment.
I turned back to the ceiling. “The first time was a dream, or so I thought. There was even some foreplay. He appeared like he cared. Said all these nice things that I thought I wanted to hear.” I choked up for a moment but pushed it all down. I was done crying over the fucking bastard.
It took me a moment to continue. “He fucked me again in the feed room the next day. I was too sore to ride, but he wanted to see where his horse was so he told me to show him. I could see the smugness when I struggled in the saddle, but I didn’t understand yet.
“In between his visits, he’d stay in touch constantly.
Still said all the right things. Lots of phone sex and that dirty talk.
” I almost shivered with disgust at the memory.
“The next two visits were shorter, he’d stay for a handful of hours, then start the drive back.
But somehow he still found time to fuck me somewhere on the property at least once every time.
He’d stopped caring about anything but getting himself off, though. ”
I couldn’t look at Carter, because I knew I’d see understanding in his eyes, then.
“He’d expect me to drop my pants and face the wall or otherwise get ass up for him.
He’d…. Anyway.” I swallowed hard and pushed through the rest. “I thought I was in love. I had to be, right? He fed into that idea but never said the words back.” Because I’d been foolish enough to say them to him. I hated my younger self for doing that.
“You didn’t know any better, Hawk,” Carter whispered, some urgency in his tone as if he’d heard my thoughts somehow.
“No, I know.” Sighing, I squeezed his hand.
“Then about five months from that auction, the horse was ready, and he asked me to deliver it because he was too busy to drive to get it.” I snorted out a bitter chuckle.
“I drove the long fucking trip there. Got to his fancy modern ranch house. You know, rich people shit. All for show, very little function in either the house or the barn from what I could see. I knew that even then. I wasn’t that na?ve. ”
“No, I wouldn’t expect you to be. Not with where you grew up. Who you grew up with.”
I flashed Carter a small smile, because he wasn’t wrong. Then I rolled to my side to face him, but kept my gaze locked on his chest.
“I parked the trailer in front of the barn he stepped out of like some sort of a king ready for an audience or something. I was about to fly out of the truck and into his arms, but he was already at the back of the trailer, starting to open it up. So I thought sure, let’s get the official part over, you know.
I’d missed him, but this was his turf and there was a worker of some sort walking on the other side of the yard and such. No big deal, right?
“As I got the gelding out of the trailer, the door to the house opened and this bleach blonde woman came out in a sporty outfit. She power-walked to us and asked what he’d done.
” I snorted again. “That’s when he stepped to meet her, he kissed her, and told her I was delivering her fifteenth anniversary present from him.
He said that I was an excellent up and coming trainer who provided a very thorough service worth all the money he’d paid, including a tip he’d sent that morning. ”
Carter’s shock lasted for two seconds, after which he let out a string of quiet curses.
I laughed. “Yeah. That.” I looked him in the eyes when I finished the story.
“I walked the gelding into his stall. I answered her questions and promised that I’d sent her husband all the information about the gelding’s process, and then I dodged offers to stay for dinner and left.
Drove until I couldn’t see the road anymore and found a rest stop.
Slept in the truck for a few hours, then drove home. ”
“Did the bastard contact you again?” Carter ground out.
“He didn’t. But I’ve seen him at a couple of auctions in the past five years. He always has this smarmy grin just for me. I’ve also seen him looking at younger men there, so I doubt anything’s changed.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“I did send that tip back to him, by the way. I was at that rest stop, barely seeing my phone screen through my tears to use the banking app.”
“Good for you.”
“I wanted to send all his money back. But I wasn’t that na?ve.”
I moved closer to Carter, and he took me into his arms under the blanket.
“Do you want to stay the night?” he asked quietly.
I thought for a moment. “Yeah, please.”
“Then let’s get under the covers.”
We did that, and he pulled me close again.
“I can understand now why your reaction to me was what it was in the beginning,” he said after a few minutes.
“I hate that I let him affect me like that. It wasn’t fair to you.”
“You’ve not said his name even once,” he pointed out smartly.
Chuckling, I lifted my face to kiss his jaw. “That’s on purpose. You don’t need that information.”
He pulled back and raised a brow at me. “You sure about that?”
“I am. Thank you. But I also don’t need anyone fighting my battles. He’s in the past. I’ve learned my lesson.” I kissed him on the lips and he scraped his fingernails against the back of my head like he was petting me.
“Okay. I just wish you wouldn’t have to see him ever again.”
“Now that, I agree with.” I shrugged one shoulder. “Horse circles are quite small even in a country this big. It’s inevitable to bump into him sometimes.”
I knew now that Richard had gotten off on everything because some part of him was sadistic. I remembered his expression as I drove off his yard that day. He’d been smirking and adjusting himself while his perfect wife was no doubt cooing at her new horse in the barn.