Chapter 27 #2
“I consider myself to be pretty traditional,” I said finally.
“I mean, obviously, I’m nothing in comparison to your family, but my parents are divorced and I don’t want to be like my father.
I don’t ever want the person I’m with to feel like she’s second best or like she just needs to hang on for appearance’s sake. ”
When I finally looked back at her, her golden eyes held mine intently. Strangely, instead of that making it awkward, seeing the patience and understanding in her gaze made it easier.
“The thing is, I’ve seen so many people treat marriage like it’s temporary,” I said.
“A lot of people in my world act like you can always just walk away if being married becomes inconvenient, but that’s never been what I wanted.
I don’t want getting married to be something we do right now just because it’s being expected of us while both of us keep one foot out the door. ”
She stepped a little closer. “That’s not what I want either.”
I smiled, reaching for her hand and twining our fingers together.
“The point is that I don’t know exactly what we’re walking into.
We’re still getting to know each other and this is all happening in a completely ridiculous order, but I want you to know that it’s really not just business to me and I don’t ever want you to feel trapped. ”
“You’ve mentioned that.”
“Yeah, I know, but if you’re unhappy, we’ll call it off.
” Even just saying those words out loud felt wrong, but that didn’t make them any less true.
“Nothing is set in stone, Deja. I don’t care about other people’s plans or the companies.
When it comes to marriage, the only thing I care about is that you’re happy. ”
For a long moment, she simply looked up at me, but then she smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners and genuine warmth radiating from every inch of her beautiful features.
Seeing her looking at me like that lit me up in ways I’d never felt before.
My fingers instinctively tightened around hers to finally draw her closer to me.
She moved willingly, even bringing her free hand to my chest and letting her palm rest gently over my heart as she stared up me. “I am happy, Colin, but everything you just said makes me even happier. Just like this, I’m not even just happy. I’m excited.”
“Really?”
She nodded. “I’ve spent my entire life surrounded by noise. My family turns everything into a debate worthy of TV, they interrupt, and they yell, and they’re always there, loud, and emotional, and dramatic.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed some of that.”
She smiled. “I thought you might have, but then, there’s you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you’re not like that,” she said. “You’re calm, quiet, and thoughtful.”
I wasn’t sure anyone had ever said that about me before, but I didn’t interrupt, realizing that it was my turn to let her work through it now.
“You listen and you think before you speak. Being around you is peaceful for me, which isn’t something I ever thought I’d get to have, but you make me feel safe and heard.
You allow me to breathe and to just… be. ”
She paused for a beat, but those eyes never left mine. “When I’m with you, I don’t feel like I have to perform, or explain myself, or constantly be on the move. I’ve never felt like I can be myself as much as I do when I’m with you.”
After a few more beats of staring up at me, she sighed. “I’m actually more worried about you during this process.”
I frowned. “Why? I’ve done my research. I know the engagement ceremonies begin tomorrow. I know about the dowry and stuff like that, so I have an idea of what to expect. I’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, maybe, but reading about it and living it are two completely different things,” she said. “Things are going to get really, really insane, Colin.”
I didn’t ease my grip on her hand. “What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s hard to explain, but we’re going to be super busy.” She hesitated for a beat. “You and I probably won’t be alone again until, well, probably after the wedding.”
I inhaled a deep breath but nodded. “Yeah, I know. I didn’t realize how very true that was until I got here, but if today taught me anything, it’s that your family takes this stuff pretty seriously.”
“We’re modern in most ways, but these traditions matter to us,” she said. “Even to me. In that way, we’re very traditional.”
“I respect that.”
She ran her hand from my chest to my shoulder, those eyes drinking in my own like this would be her last chance. “So this is it, our second and last date until after we get married.”
Although I’d known that, I hadn’t really realized what it meant until this very moment. Hearing her say it out loud kind of drove it home that we’d be living in the same house, under the same roof, but I wouldn’t get to be anywhere near her in any real way until she was my wife.
It was crazy to think about it like that, but it also meant that I had to make every second of tonight count. Before I could think better of it, I leaned in and kissed her, pressing my lips to hers for just a peck, but it felt like my world rearranged itself in that brief second of contact.
Deja’s lips felt like heaven and coming home at the same time, and I had the almost overwhelming urge to haul her into me so I could kiss her properly, but instead, I pulled back. My self-control would only go so far, and what I wanted right now wasn’t fit for public consumption.
As I lifted my head away from hers, she stared up at me as if she was just as shocked by the effect of that one, tiny kiss as I was, but before I could even apologize for having initiated it, Tarek’s voice echoed through the gardens like a gunshot.
“Found them!” he yelled.
Deja jerked backward and I stepped away from her so fast that I nearly went over the railing, but Rami appeared too, and just like that, we were no longer alone.