Chapter 36
DEJA
My bedroom door had barely shut behind us before Colin’s mouth was back on mine, his kisses so intoxicating that for a second I forgot where we were and what had just happened.
He held me cradled to his chest, the laughter we’d been trying to contain on the run across the gardens dissolving into sighs and moans.
When he finally set me down on my feet, one of his hands slid into mine while the other landed in the small of my back.
A burst of rational thought finally returned now that I wasn’t in his arms, completely enveloped by him anymore, and I reached behind us to throw the lock on my door into place, knowing it was likely that someone would eventually come looking.
Jasmine would do her best, but there was no guarantee anyone would buy that we’d simply been exhausted and gone to bed early—or whatever other excuse she was going to offer.
Either way, as soon as I heard the lock snick into place, I looped both arms around Colin’s neck and drew him closer to me, so relieved that our engagement was finally official that I felt emotional about it.
Not only did it mean that it would be easier and more acceptable for us to spend time together from now on, but also that we could stop sneaking around. Well, mostly. At least it wouldn’t be such a disaster if we get caught together anymore, anyway.
Colin kissed me deeply, his tongue stroking mine in long, hungry lashes that sent tingles running through me. I kissed him back just as passionately, already feeling my body responding to having his strong frame pressed against me.
As soon as I reached for his jacket to push it off his shoulders, however, he broke the kiss, the look in his eyes heated but conflicted.
He lifted his head and brought his forehead to mine.
Our breathing was choppy and uneven, but he didn’t let go of me or kiss me again.
Instead, it seemed we were suspended somewhere between, in a place where his brain appeared to have caught up with him.
“Deja…” He trailed off, closing his eyes and swiping his tongue across his lips. He drew in a deep breath like he was desperately trying to gather his thoughts.
I frowned, taking his face in my hands and stroking my thumbs across the sharp lines of his cleanly shaven jaw. “Colin?”
He finally opened his eyes again and they landed directly on mine. I just didn’t understand the uncertainty there.
“I’m not sure we should do this.”
“Do what?” I asked.
“What we both want right now.” He searched my face, still holding me tight but obviously not wanting to presume anything. “I don’t want you to think that I expect anything just because we’re engaged now.”
My heart squeezed at the thought that he was still pausing to check in with me, even after everything we’d already done. “It’s okay, Colin. I’m wearing your ring now, remember? It’s official. We’re getting married soon.”
“I know, but we can wait,” he said gently. “Don’t get me wrong, I want this. I want you, so I’m not trying to stall. It’s just that I don’t want you to feel pressured.”
“The only thing I’m feeling is happy.” I smiled as I pushed up on my toes to plant a hot, open-mouthed kiss on his neck. “Well, that and a few other things, but they all tie into my happiness and how very much not pressured I’m feeling.”
“You’re sure?”
“So sure.” I kissed him again, dragging my mouth to his lips and threading my fingers into his hair. “I’ve been wanting this for so long and you’re going to be my husband, Colin. Now that it’s official, I don’t see any reason to wait.”
“Some people think only marriage makes it official official.”
I chuckled against his mouth. “Are you one of those people?”
“Nope, but are you?”
“I’m not that traditional,” I whispered before sealing my mouth over his and taking his hand to place it at the zipper on the side of my dress.
“Tonight is ours. It’s a celebration of us and our future together, the promises we’ve already made and those that will come. You’re mine now, Colin Thayer.”
His lips curved into a teasing smirk. “I think what you meant to say is that you’re mine.”
All his doubts and uncertainty seemed to fade then.
He walked us backward to my bed. His mouth was back on mine a moment later, kissing me until I’d forgotten my own name.
He stopped when the backs of my knees brushed against the mattress.
His fingers stirred at my side until he got a grip on the flat metal tab of my zipper.
He pulled it down slowly, holding the side of my neck and not lifting his mouth away from mine even once as he slid it toward my hip. I’d never been so grateful to a designer for not including hundreds of pretty but fiddly little buttons on the dress.
This one was as easy access as they came, which was fabulous tonight. While Colin slid down that one, simple zipper holding my bodice in place, I finally pushed the jacket off his shoulders and let it drop the floor.
With only a soft rustle of fabric sliding down, it was gone and I moved onto his pants, making quick work of them.
I stepped out of my shoes and felt him doing the same.
In no time at all, I was standing in front of him left in only my panties, the dress in a pool around my feet after just a few gentle tugs.
Colin was down to his underwear and shirt, so I brought my hands up to the buttons running in a line down the center of his torso and undid them one by one.
He still hadn’t stopped kissing me, but he was patient too, not trying to push me back on the bed or sliding a hand into my panties as I worked on his shirt.
Once it was open, I pushed it off and took the tiniest of steps forward, sealing my body against his now that there was almost nothing left between us. His skin felt fiery hot against my own, the evidence of his arousal very much making itself known against my stomach.
I smiled against his lips, pushing my hands into that dark hair the way I’d been itching to do for weeks and holding him to me. Colin groaned when I tugged a little, then suddenly started moving us both toward the bed.
Since we’d already been right there, he only had to push me down and climb on after me.
The weight of him pushing me into the mattress was nothing short of delicious.
I finally got to feel him on top of me, and while it was embarrassing to even think about how many times I’d fantasized about this, the reality was infinitely better.
Colin was hard in all the right places but not bulky or uncomfortably so. His body fitted against mine like it’d been built for that exact purpose, the two of us made for being together just like this. The mere thought of it made me tremble and he smiled against my lips.
“You still doing okay?” he asked between feverish kisses. “We can get under the covers if you want.”
“Nope. I’m perfect.” I finally broke away from him, pulling back far enough to look squarely into his eyes. “I want to see you. I can’t do that if you’re hidden under all my sheets.”
“All of them?” He let out a soft, breathy chuckle. “Just how many do you have?”
“Too many to make this as easy as I want it to be.” I pushed at his shoulders to let him know that I wanted him to roll onto his back. “I’m switching the light on, too.”
As I said it, I reached for the switch of the lamp on my nightstand and flicked it on. Colin blinked a couple times at the sudden intrusion of light but then finally rolled off me. “I didn’t know part of the engagement celebrations was a physical inspection.”
“Oh, it is,” I joked. “It’s a real thorough one, too.”
“I can get behind that idea if it’s a two-way street.”
“Everything in our marriage will be,” I promised, bringing my eyes up to meet his as I let the humor drop for a second.
As much as I enjoyed that he and I could laugh together even in the heat of the moment, I was also serious about this and I wanted him to know that.
“We’ll be partners in every sense of the word, Colin. At least, that’s what I would like.”
He held my gaze, the look in his eyes suddenly a dozen times more intense. “Yeah, it’s what I want too.”
“Good.” I let the moment stretch for another beat, then smiled. “Ready, set, inspect.”
He laughed, but as soon as I broke my gaze away from his, every sound of amusement faded. Strangely, I wasn’t feeling particularly self-conscious, despite being mostly naked in front of him for the first time and sitting next to him on the mattress.
Instead, I found the idea of him being able to look at almost every inch of me, and doing it openly, a bit of a turn-on.
It helped that I could see the slight flush spreading on his chest and way the strong muscles in his thighs flexed instinctively, like he was trying to physically control himself.
Soon enough, however, I stopped even thinking about what he was looking at and focused on my own staring instead. All along, I’d known Colin was gorgeous and I’d suspected he would look just as good without his clothes, but holy hell, I hadn’t been expecting this.
All that golf and whatever workout routine he’d mentioned in his letter sure seemed to be working for him. The man was all toned, lean muscle and definition, the sharp V between his hips making me itch to free his erection from his underwear, but I wanted to savor this moment.
Colin let out a soft sound as I ran my gaze across the plane of his broad chest and back up to his eyes. When I looked at his face again, I realized he was focused on the wet patch on my panties. My cheeks flooded with heat, but I didn’t shy away from his gaze.
I hadn’t expected him to see that, but he hadn’t done anything to hide how turned on he was, so I let him look until he brought those eyes back up to mine.
As soon as our gazes clashed, we were both moving again, meeting each other for a kiss that only ended once we’d both kicked our underwear off and I was tucked underneath him again.
Colin looked deep into my eyes, the heavy heat of his erection resting against my upper thigh. “We need a condom if you’re still sure you want to do this.”
“I’m sure,” I whispered, aching to feel him inside me. “Have you got one?”
“In my pocket, but I’m not sure where my pants have gone.”
I smiled. “Check the bedside drawer. I might’ve stocked up this morning just in case.”
His eyes widened, but then he smirked and kissed me again. “Naughty girl. I like it.”
Even as he kissed me, I felt him reach into the drawer and almost immediately hit pay-dirt.
He came back with a foil package, sat up on his knees, and tore it open.
I followed his movements with my eyes when he lowered the condom to roll it on, nearly swallowing my tongue when I saw him for the first time.
He really was rock hard, his erection stretching proudly toward his belly button and curving only slightly at the tip. A soft moan escaped me and it twitched in response, but a second later, the condom was on and he was kissing me again.
“I need to hear you say it one last time,” he murmured between kisses, his cock pressing right at my entrance and making me have to fight against the urge to beg him for it.
I tightened my ankles around his hips and looked into his eyes as I nodded. “I want this, Colin. I want you. Right now.”
A slight smile spread on his lips before they parted as he thrust into me, his brow furrowing in concentration. I rolled my lips into my mouth to keep from shouting, my hips bucking for more as he stretched me open, sliding against every sensitive part inside.
Colin paused for a beat when he was fully seated, his eyelids fluttering shut for a moment before he started moving. Almost immediately, my world exploded into bursts of coiling pleasure, the sensation of having him inside me better than I ever could’ve imagined.
He fell into a rhythm that took me straight to the stars, keeping it steady until we flew over the edge together.
I had no idea how the universe had managed to deliver the absolute perfect man for me straight to our door, but as I lay panting in his arms after, I already knew that I was marrying the one.
Colin and I might never have ended up together without this arrangement, but we were completely made for each other. I’d never been more sure of anything than I suddenly was of that.