Chapter 40
DEJA
The pending legal troubles were still bothering Colin.
I could tell. Even as he kissed me, completely reverent as he pulled the sundress I’d put on especially for him over my head and even as he unhooked my bra like he was unwrapping the greatest gift he’d ever received, I still felt like something was off.
I kissed him back with abandon, desperately wanting to free him from his worries and bring him into this moment with me.
At this point, I knew for an absolute fact that I was desperately in love with him, head over heels for the man I was going to marry, and I knew him well enough to strongly suspect he felt the same way.
Neither of us had said it yet, but it was there between us in every moment we shared and every kiss we stole.
I’d even seen it in the way he’d looked at me earlier when I’d first arrived at his door.
Colin Thayer and I were in love, we were engaged, and our wedding was right around the corner, which should’ve meant that this felt like the beginning.
Instead, as he laid me down on the bed and licked a line around my nipple, knowing exactly how to touch me by now to make me moan, it felt a lot like goodbye.
I slid my eyes shut and tried to banish the thought from my mind, but it was right there, refusing to budge now that it’d wiggled its way to the front of my brain.
“Colin,” I whispered, my hands tightening on his bare shoulders. “Are you… are we…”
He slid his fingers up the inside of my thigh, and I kept losing my grip on the question.
His hands moved higher, making me burn to feel them on me.
He eased his mouth away from mine for a beat, but his eyes were so cloudy with desire that I lifted my head and sealed my lips right back over his, deciding we could talk later.
“You okay?” he murmured between kisses. “Are we what, baby?”
“Nothing.” I let my nails sink gently into his skin, loving the fact that it made him shudder on top of me.
After his shower, he’d only thrown on a pair of shorts, which meant I’d been ogling him, getting more and more turned on all the way through our late lunch. My lacy panties were wet all the way through, and as soon as he let his hand slide all the way up, he groaned and nipped at my lower lip.
“You’re always so wet for me.”
“Only for you,” I promised, and it wasn’t even a lie.
Never in my life had a man affected me the way he did. Maybe it was because I knew very well by now how thoroughly he could deliver, but if I was honest, I’d admit that I’d been ridiculously attracted to him from the get-go.
Colin let out a soft growl, quickly pulling my panties clean off before he eased himself down beside me instead of on top of me again. He brought his lips to my shoulder, pressing kisses to it as his free hand glided across my stomach to pinch one of my nipples.
“God, Deja,” he whispered against my skin. “I can’t get enough of you.”
“I hope you never do,” I admitted as I writhed under his hand, already needing so much more. “I want you, Colin.”
“You have me baby. Always.”
For just a fraction of a second, those earlier questions flew back into my mind. Do I have you? Will I always?
I had him right now, obviously, but something about the way he was touching me still felt eerily final. Naturally, when he pressed his thumb down on my swollen clit, I forced myself to stop worrying.
This phase of our relationship, the part after the engagement announcement but before the facilities in America were ready to commence operating, was always going to involve a bit of commuting. Colin’s life, his family, and his work were in Chicago.
That’s all this is. Just some commuting. I wasn’t sure if I believed that, but he was sliding his thumb around my clit and toying with my nipple, and my brain just couldn’t keep up with my body right now.
So I surrendered my thoughts and focused only on the pleasure he was giving me, suddenly remembering that I’d promised him a reward if he was a good boy. While I wanted to let him keep working me toward the orgasm that was already building deep inside my being, I sat up and smirked at him.
“You ate your lunch,” I said breathlessly, bending over to press a kiss to his chest.
For just a second, he seemed a little bewildered, but then he relaxed onto his back and smirked right back at me. “I did.”
“You stopped working.”
“Yeah, I did that too.”
“You’ve been a very good boy.”
Laughter sparked to life in his eyes, but he nodded instead of letting it out. “I think so.”
“So do I.” Tucking my hair behind my ears, I pressed my lips against his chest again, slowly making my way south.
I took my time, dragging my tongue along every slight valley of his defined abs and running my hand up the length of his thigh, but without moving it all the way up.
I finally reached the waistband of his shorts.
The muscles in his thighs were trembling a little, so I lifted the shorts off without making a show of it, surprised to find he’d been going commando.
“Maybe you’re not such a good boy after all,” I murmured, but then I pushed the shorts all the way to his ankles and left them for him to kick off.
Colin moaned as I licked a line across his hot shaft, letting out a deeper, more primal sound when I finally took him into my mouth. His hands flew to my hair, holding it in a tight grip but still making sure to give me space to breathe.
I’d noticed that about him, how careful he always was not to take things too far. We’ll work on that.
For now, as much as I wanted him to lose control completely, I focused on sucking him into my mouth and sliding my tongue around the underside of his shaft, sinking down low before withdrawing again.
I didn’t stop until he was gasping, every muscle in his body taut, and his handsome face looking absolutely livid.
“Deja…”
He didn’t finish the sentence, but I reached for the condom I’d stolen from the stash in his duffel bag and hidden under the pillow while he’d been in the shower.
Handing it over, I planted a chaste kiss right on his tip.
He let out a surprised, breathless laugh but didn’t waste any time before rolling it on.
Then he took my hands as I straddled him, holding on to me when I slowly sank down.
Tingles of pleasure shot through me, that orgasm that had been building earlier suddenly back in full force. It was hardly a surprise, though. I’d learned over the last few weeks that going down on Colin was one of my favorite things.
He started moving. I rested one hand on his chest for balance but held on to his other hand, looking nowhere but into his eyes as we rocked together.
I lost myself in him completely, so absolutely in love that I almost burst into tears when the most exquisite pleasure I’d ever felt finally swept through me.
Colin wasn’t far behind. He pulled me into his arms as soon as the climax had subsided, wrapping himself around me, holding on so tight that it felt like he would never let go.
Early the next morning, however, the sun hadn’t even fully breached the horizon yet when I watched him wheel his suitcases to the door. He had let go. And now, he was leaving.
He hadn’t even had any need to unpack, so the entire process was easy. When he reached the door, he stopped, resting a hand on the handle of one of his suitcases as he looked over at me.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said evenly, all the warmth, happiness, and ease I’d gotten used to seeing from him gone as if it had never existed.
I sat with my back against the headboard, dressed in the same sundress I’d been wearing when I’d come here yesterday afternoon. My arms folded over my chest of their own accord as I held his gaze, an instinct whispering deep down inside that I’d need to hold myself together for whatever was coming.
“Are you actually coming back?” I asked, my voice steady despite the emotions tearing through me.
Mostly because he didn’t look sure that he would be back. In fact, I’d never seen anyone look so conflicted—or so gutted once the question was out there.
His shoulders visibly dropped, his mouth twisting as his eyes slid shut. The confident composure he’d been moving with all morning cracked and he sucked in a sharp breath.
“Deja…”
I shook my head. “Answer me, Colin.”
When his eyes finally reopened, he looked so haunted that I almost flinched. “Is being married to a man whose father is a convicted felon, and whose family is being dragged into another highly publicized court case, what you think you deserve? Because I don’t.”
I stared back at him, absolutely stunned. Yesterday, while we’d been talking, I’d known there was a lot he was holding back. I’d seen that something was eating him alive, but I’d let it go because I’d wanted him to tell me when he was ready.
I had not, for one second, thought it would be something like this. “What are you talking about, Colin? None of that matters to me. I thought you knew that.”
He looked away. “I do, but it should matter, Deja. When everything that’s been going on hits the press, you’ll see what I mean. You really don’t deserve to be dragged into that.”
Before I could even begin to formulate a response that would let him know how little I cared about what the world thought, three polite raps sounded against the door. “Mr. Thayer? It’s Devon. Your driver. May I help you carry your things, sir?”
Colin’s jaw tightened, but then he looked back at me and nodded. “I have to go.”
“Yeah.”
He held my gaze for another beat before he cracked a little more, letting out a soft breath like he’d lost some sort of fight before he strode across the room toward me. He bent over slowly, almost hesitantly, and pressed a tense kiss to my forehead.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his lips lingering against my skin for another second before he straightened up, cracked open the door, and started passing his luggage through it.
I heard him talk to the driver in a quiet, curt tone.
Then he glanced back at me. My breath caught as I looked at him, that dark hair back to being immaculately styled instead of the windswept, relaxed look he’d had the last few weeks.
Tension lined his strong features, the corporate armor of a bespoke suit and polished shoes also back on.
“Goodbye, Deja,” he said softly after a few long beats of simply staring at me. “Try to have some fun in Luxor, okay? I wish I could see those temples with you.”
Before I could even tell him that I’d much rather be on that plane with him than see the temples again, he was gone, leaving me and our entire relationship in limbo.