Chapter 6
When we are through the door, I turn and close it, wondering what to say next. Wondering how to tell him what I’m thinking. That I’m not sure how far this should go. That I want to savor this moment. That I want to savor him.
God, if I had the mettle to say that and not shrink.
I wish I was that woman. I want to be. I press my back against the door and hesitate there, leaning against it.
Chase stands in the middle of the tiny house, two steps from everywhere.
His figure is impressive in the starlight shining through my windows. All hard lines that beg to be touched.
“Bree?” He turns and looks at me. That blue shirt takes on a different tone in the darkness; the vest he conducted in hangs open. I want to peel it off him. “If you keep looking at me like that without touching me, I’m going to lose my mind.”
Heat crawls up my neck. “You can see me?”
A smile slowly spreads across his face as he takes a step closer to me. “Do you mean to say that you were looking at me like a piece of candy because you thought I couldn’t see you staring?”
“You think you’re a piece of candy?” I breathe, my back still glued to the door. The dim light puddles on the floor between us. There’s one step between us. I want him to take it. I can’t seem to move.
There’s an amused tone to his voice. “No, but you have that look on your face. The look a kid gets the first time they see one of those spiral rainbow lollipops at a theme park. The way it’s larger than life.”
“You’re very sure of yourself,” I tease.
“Don’t do that.” His voice is really soft. He takes half a step closer but doesn’t close the distance. Not completely. “Not because I don’t like playing with you, Bree. But because I like seeing what actually excites you. No pretense. No lies.”
I swallow hard. The smile falls off my face and shatters on the floor. I lower my chin, unable to look at him.
Everything about me is a lie. A moment of truth with him would be great for me, but it’s going to cost him something.
I’m about to say, I can’t do this.
I’m about to defuse the entire thing by making a joke, which will push him away. But then he’s there, his palm is against my cheek, and I’m leaning into his hand.
Part of me wants to say it, tell him no. Push him away. Things can’t be this way. I’m not good enough for him, and he deserves someone who can love him. I can’t. I can’t.
I can’t push him away.
My hands are splayed on his chest, and I’m not sure when they got there. He’s breathing deeply—I hear it, I feel it when he brushes into me. His scent fills my head, and I cling to the door to keep from wrapping my arms around his neck and melting into him.
“Bree?” he asks, his voice a breath.
I lift my eyes and meet his gaze. We stand there like that, both of us sensing we’re trapped inside a lie. That the truth is nowhere to be found, but neither of us is willing to step away. He’s leaning into me, his face inching closer to mine. His breathing hitches as his touch lingers on my cheek.
My lips part as my gaze locks on his mouth.
I want to tell him that I’m not Bree. That he doesn’t even know my name.
That I’m just going to break his heart. I close my eyes and inhale, prepared to say it.
To give him the reality he deserves when he leans in, closing the distance and brushing his lips against mine.
The sensation is so unexpected. The touch is so light that I gasp. When I realize I’m breathing harder and my chest is pressing into his, I try to step back, but I’m already against the wall.
Chase lingers there, after the whisper of a kiss, after barely brushing my lips. I breathe him in, wanting more. Wishing for more. Wishing this life was real. Wishing this was my tiny life. Because in every way that matters, it’s huge. In every way I want, it’s real.
Or it could have been.
I rest my head against the door and watch his beautiful face.
“Chase.” I breathe his name, and he hears all the things I don’t say. The wishes and wants. As well as what cannot be.
He closes his eyes tightly and presses his forehead to mine. I wrap my arms around him for a moment and pretend he’s mine. That he’s my home. The thought nearly makes me sob. His arms slide behind my back, and he holds me tight. Like I deserve it. I’m ready to splinter into a thousand pieces.
We break apart when Chase’s phone buzzes in his pocket.
He steps back and silences it, while glancing at the screen.
“It’s a weather warning. I need to get going to beat the storm home.
I want you to know,” he breathes in deeply, as if whatever he’s going to say will cost him something, “today was the best day I’ve had in a really long time. ”
My throat is so tight. I nod and say, “Me too.”
And before I can ruin it, he’s out the door and into the night.