Chapter 11 Magnetic North #2
“Have a taste of yourself,” he tilts my face up and taps my chin twice.
Instinctively, I open my mouth for him. I have no idea what I’m doing, but as soon as the perfect teardrop-shaped spit descends onto my tongue…I feel fear.
Invasive, he slides his tongue over mine, and there’s a sweet, tangy taste to him. Our skin crackles where we touch. Datu grabs my neck, pushing himself deeper, closer until we’ve coalesced..? No.
Nononono.
Something is being vacuumed out of me, and I don’t like it. I’m not joining Datu. I’m disappearing, melting into him. I know if I’m not careful, he will consume me.
With all the strength I can muster, I shove him away.
Frantic, I scramble away from him. I’m fucking blind again and I can barely make out the shapes.
At my attempt to escape, I tip over the edge of the bed.
Before I can actually fall over, Datu’s caught me.
He drags me close and takes one of my hands. He forces it—forces me—to touch him.
He squeezes my hand so tight, it hurts. Using me—he’s pushing his bulge back in like something’s about to escape. From the slit, purple cum spurts out until he snarls, taking my lips again.
It’s all over me, and I get the ridiculous urge to just smother myself in it.
This time, I hold back. I feel off. Dazed, half-conscious.
It’s as if I’d just woken up from a really bad dream because my heart is racing a mile a second.
The flood of dopamine hadn’t ebbed, it completely shut off.
The coldest, most frigid cold turkey. Now, I’m…
in a drought. God, what the hell am I talking about? I’m in no state to think straight.
He hushes me, and I just know I can’t hear him anymore. Had I been drugged? Had I imagined the whole thing? Am I talking out loud?
Datu curls us together on the bed. I’m half-blind, but I can trace the look on his face. He has lazy, half-lidded bedroom eyes as he shakes his head. No, I did not imagine the whole thing. Tucking my stiff body against his chest, he makes a deep sound in his throat.
A sigh, a groan. Whatever it is, he’s blissed out.
“What did you do to me?” I breathe out.
He puts a finger over my lips, points at my ear while shaking his head. I can’t hear him. He continues to nuzzle my hair, and Datu inhaling? It’s…frightening. A predator sniffing around for a meal.
Jelly. That’s how my limbs feel right now. What demonic possession did I just go through? I must have drifted off because I don’t remember Datu lifting me into his arms. He walks us toward the steps of the platform. It’s a breathtaking sight when the trees part the way to the creek.
When he dips us into the water, it's cold. I have to hold on to him for heat…but I realize he isn’t warm. His skin feels cold. I don’t know why I thought he’d be built like a furnace. I’m left to my own devices so I wrap my arms around myself.
Urging me to plunge my head in, I hesitantly obey and emerge right away. For some reason, I’m afraid he’s going to drown me. His touch is soft as he washes me down. He’s polite and doesn’t linger too long in more intimate spots.
I am…relieved at this. I need a clear mind to work. He cups my face, slipping his thumb into my mouth. He is asking something.
“Oh. Eat? Yeah, I can eat something.” Immediately, I grow cold at this. Another reason why I’m terrified to eat. “I won’t get high and horny again, right?”
Datu shakes his head, and there’s no humor in him at all, serious for once.
“I’m trusting you.”
We finish washing ourselves, and it’s amazing how everything just grows out of the ground here. It feels…unnatural, though. It feels like nature pretending to be nature, if that makes sense.
He shows me to another side of the forest where fruit-bearing trees stand tall. He plucks me a honey mango, pulling apart the skin with expertise and handing them to me.
“Aren’t you hungry?” I ask him.
The glitter in his gaze tells me everything. Always.
“Hmmm.” I don’t mean to be so dismissive of him, but what happened just made me build my walls higher. Nervously, I pick at the mango.
This makes him displeased. I should just eat it. Scarf it down and pretend nothing happened. Not me talking myself into an uncomfortable situation again to avoid a confrontation.
My body fights against it, but I eventually take a bite. Then another one. Before I can finish, he’s handed me another one to eat. I still accept it because it’s sweet and easy to swallow.
I give him an apologetic look when I finish that one. He hands me another, but I refuse.
“I’m sorry, I have a problematic relationship with food. I swear I’m not doing this to slight you.”
“Problematic relationship?”
Good, I can hear him again. My sight also gradually clears. My ankle feels better, too. This is amazing. No wonder the greedy humans want their grubby hands all over Esoterra.
My thick emotional armor cracks. “I was always guarded by…someone when I ate. From childhood to adulthood. It’s tough to change when it’s all you’ve known your whole life.” I blurt out.
Datu’s gaze softens and he cups my cheek. “Who is it? I will eat them.”
I’m not sure if he’s kidding or telling the truth. “My mother. I understand why she does it…she grew up the same way. It’s all she knows, too.”
He lifts me to a tree branch and plops me down. He’s still tall enough that he can drape his arms over the branch and stare at me pensively.
“Mothers are supposed to protect their children.”
Something pierces my heart at this. I feel it in my eyes, my throat, so I look away. “She’s not evil…just strict and rough around the edges. She grew up from a much stricter family.”
“I do not like that you are excusing abuse.”
Abuse. Is it really? I remember when father died, she had a boyfriend who became her husband.
He always liked to sneak into my room at night.
It’s why I don’t like being touched when I’m unconscious.
I don’t even know if I’d been actually violated, just that I’d sworn off intimate contact my whole adult life.
I’m afraid to find out. Xiaoyu, The Avoidant.
“Anger is a generational curse. You can sever yourself from it anytime. You are human. You are capable of change, are you not?” His tone reeks of arrogance, and I get the distinct feeling he despises humans. Someone like me.
It makes me feel smaller than ever.
“Healing is not that linear, Datu.” I want to speak my piece. That humans are so much more complex than that…but even now, I’m terrified.
Terrified of what, Xiaoyu?
“Just so you know, I don’t appreciate you looking down your nose at us. Like we are subhumans.” The beat of my heart triples, and I think Datu might actually eat me right now.
Instead, his brow twitches and he throws his head back, laughing.
“Sateva said the same thing.”
Relief feels triumphant. “Well, you should take her advice. She seems like a smart lady.”
“Hmmm, she is quite a cunning, vindictive one. Do not fool yourself into thinking she has innocent, straightforward intentions.”
“How can you say that about your sister?” I scoff, offended for Teva.
He shrugs then curls his arms around my waist. “I jest. Let me take you to the east village before daylight.”
Shit! Crawling and begging actually worked.
I almost forgot about that. “I don’t want to rough out the forest naked. Got clothes for me, right?”
He sighs, saying, “Such a shame to cover such beauty now that I see you.”
“Oh, quiet, you flirt.”
Those eyes, however, say otherwise. He isn’t flirting. He’s luring.