24. Elliot
CHAPTER 24
ELLIOT
I ’ve never been much of a dancer. I know how, sure, but I could’ve gone the rest of my life without taking another turn on the dance floor. Yet, this single dance has changed that. Cradling Nova, as we sway to the music, is what I want to do for the rest of my life.
Late-night dances in the kitchen, an early morning spin around the living room. Every minute of every day filled with her. The fact that she’s leaving tomorrow is a knife twisting in my gut. Pain that I can’t seem to get away from, no matter how much distance I tried to put between us today.
Even still, the mere sight of her in that blue dress is driving me absolutely wild. She’s curled her hair and left it loose around her shoulders, and with us this close, the silky strands brush against the hand that’s holding hers.
I’m intoxicated by what I feel for her.
Driven mad by the bitter truth of our situation. Because Nova was never even mine, yet I know her leaving tomorrow is going to leave me a broken man.
The song ends, and even though I want nothing more than to remain right here, I pull back, and she lifts her head from my chest. When she looks up at me, tears are glittering in her emerald gaze.
I’m instantly aware of how very close we are. Did I step on her? Is her injury still bothering her? “Are you okay? What is it?”
She smiles. “I’m fine. Weddings apparently make me emotional. Let’s add that to the ‘getting to know myself again’ column.” She withdraws her hand from mine. “I just need some water.”
Without waiting for me, she pushes through the crowd. I follow, helpless to deny the pull I feel. After plucking a bottle of water from the table, she heads toward the barn and slips inside.
“Nova, what is it? Did I say something?” I don’t know how I could have since I didn’t say a word, but I hate seeing her like this. Eyes wide and full of tears. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, of course not.” She crosses her arms. “I’m just—” She lets out a breath. “I don’t know how to say it. I’m horrible enough for thinking it.”
“Tell me.” I rush closer.
She shakes her head, keeping her eyes closed.
I feel helpless, lost, because I want to fix what’s wrong. So, I offer up the only thing I know that always makes me feel better. “Want to go for a ride?”
“What? Seriously?”
“You said you wanted to go before you left. So let’s go. Right now.”
“Elliot, we’re at your brother’s wedding.”
“Actually, we’re in the barn.”
She smiles slightly, and the knot in my chest loosens. “Even if I wanted to, I can’t go in what I’m wearing.”
“Sure you can. We’ll ride double. Come on. Let’s do it.”
“Are you even cleared to ride?”
“We’ll sneak out the side, Lani doesn’t have to know.”
“Elliot—”
“Please, Nova.”
She swallows hard and stares up at me. “You know what? Let’s do it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She smiles, and I don’t wait for her to change her mind. Moving quickly, I pull Bobby from his stall, run a brush over his brown hair, and then slip a bridle over his head.
“What about the saddle?”
“We don’t need it.” I jump up onto his back and swing my leg over then reach for her.
Joy shining in her eyes, she kicks her heels off and reaches up for me. I tug her up, setting her in my lap so her legs are off to the side, her back against my chest.
We walk slowly out of the barn, veering off to the left to avoid the celebration that will likely be going on well into the night. With the music in the distance, we ride beneath the bright moon and a blanket of stars.
Alone with her, I can breathe again. The future can wait; all the unknowns no longer matter. Because she’s here.
We reach the creek, so I help her down then climb down behind her and tether Bobby’s reins to a nearby tree.
“It’s so peaceful out here.” She stands on the edge of the embankment, bare feet in the soft grass.
“Sometimes I come out here late, just to get some quiet.”
“I see why.” She smiles, but it’s hollow. Broken.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” My stomach twists into knots.
“You bring me all the way out here so you can threaten to make me walk home if I don’t answer?”
I grin. “The thought may have crossed my mind.”
She smiles. Man, I love to see her smile. “I’m just trying to decide what I’m going to do.”
“With?”
“The rest of my life.”
A flicker of hope dances in my chest and those knots loosen. Does she feel it, too? Is there a chance? “What do you mean?”
She sighs. “Brett says we have this whole life back in Dallas. I apparently have an apartment with a great view that he was planning to move into after we’re married. He shows me these pictures and videos, but when I see them, it feels like I’m watching someone else’s life. Not mine.” She takes a deep breath. “I want to remember, but I’m afraid that if I do?—”
“You still won’t feel the same way as you did back then.”
She tilts her beautiful face up, and moonlight dances across her cheek. “Exactly. How am I going to explain that?”
She’s hurting, and it’s water on that flame of hope. Because as badly as I want her to know how I feel, the last thing I want is to cause her more pain. “Maybe you’ll get those feelings back.”
“I’m afraid of that, too,” she admits.
“Why?”
She steps back. “Because I imagine the guilt I’m feeling will get worse.”
“What guilt?”
Nova looks up at me through thick lashes, and I have to catch my breath to avoid being swept away by the intensity in her emerald gaze. “The guilt for doing this.” She reaches up, grips the front of my jacket, and tugs me down, slamming her mouth to mine. I do what I’ve wanted to since the beginning and bury my hand in her thick hair, pulling her close as she opens beneath me, and lose myself in the kiss.
In this absolute heaven-on-earth kiss, everything falls into place. Every single situation that has led me to this moment worth the pain because it led me to her.
She grips the back of my neck, tugging me closer still.
Everything feels right.
Perfect.
And then she pulls away, leaving us both breathless. “I knew it.”
“Knew what?”
“That this was going to be a mistake.” She pulls away, tears streaming down her cheek.
“A mistake?” The words are a blade to my heart.
She turns back toward me. “Only because I don’t know how I’m supposed to walk away from you.”
“Don’t.”
“Elliot—”
“No. Don’t walk away. Don’t marry him.” I move in closer. “We can finish this case together. We can find out what happened to you. Then we can start over.”
“I have a life, though. A home in Dallas. A job.”
“You have a home here.” I move in closer. “A place here. With me.”
“But Brett?—”
“Can go back to Dallas. I’ll take you there so you can get your things.”
Her eyes fill again, the tears spilling freely down her cheeks. “I said I’d marry him. Don’t I owe it to him to see if those feelings can come back?”
Her words are a bucket of ice-cold water on my head. “This was a test then. Kiss the cowboy and see if you see the stars? Get a taste before you run back to your life?”
“No,” she insists, crossing the distance and placing her hand on my chest. “This was me confirming that what’s between us is real. Not just a figment of my imagination because you rescued me.”
I cover her hand with mine. “Then stay.”
The heartbreak is evident in her eyes. “I can’t. I have to know about my life. I have to know why I made the choices I did. Even if they don’t end up being what I want, I need to know. Can’t you understand that?”
I pull away, anger and grief battling for control over me. I haven’t even lost her yet, and it already feels like she’s gone.
“Can you understand?” she repeats. “Can you please see it from my side?”
“I did. Until that kiss. All you just did was set me up to lose you all over again.” I head back toward Bobby.
“I’m sorry.”
I whirl on her. “I’ve been fighting my feelings for you since I first saw you in that hospital bed. I kept telling myself it was only because of how much you looked like Renee. That my infatuation would fade the more I got to know you. But it didn’t. It just rooted deeper.” I pause, needing to catch my breath. “Then I realized that it has nothing to do with the fact that you look like her and everything to do with you. With who you are. A woman who would stand beside me on a battlefield and take an impossible shot because it was that or death.”
She closes her eyes, and the tears spill down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”
“You can keep your apologies,” I tell her. “Because even if you are sorry for that kiss, I’m not. I’m only sorry you’re making the wrong choice.” I turn back toward Bobby. “We need to get back to the reception.”
She doesn’t follow me right away, and I don’t wait to untether Bobby and climb onto his back. It’s only then that she walks toward me and reaches up to give me her hand.
As I pull her up onto the horse, all I can think about is the fact that we never should have left that dance floor.
There, things were simple.
Swaying to the music, there was still a chance.