Chapter 26 #2
“No, you listen to me.” Shaun’s voice cracked, but he kept going because there was no room left for pride, dignity, or whatever bullshit had kept him from saying half the things he should have said weeks ago.
“That man is mine. I know it. You know it. Your whole fucking team knows it. If he dies while I’m sitting out here because some doctor thinks I’m too sick to sit beside him, I will burn this fucking hospital to the ground.
Do you understand me, Bauer? Take me to him right the fuck now. ”
Noble stared at him for one long moment before something shifted behind his eyes, and the commander Shaun knew returned enough to make a decision.
He stood, turned toward the doctor, and lowered his voice as they spoke several feet away.
Shaun couldn’t hear everything they said, but he caught partner, critical, and five minutes before Noble finally came back and wrapped one hand around the wheelchair handle behind Shaun.
“You get five minutes while they finish settling him. You touch nothing except him, you stay in that chair, and if they tell us to move, we move. Got it?”
“Whatever.” He didn’t care what promises Noble needed from him so long as the chair was moving toward those doors.
He ignored Cade following behind them and Castiel arguing quietly with Reese about whether they should remain outside.
Every sense he had narrowed to the corridor ahead, his pulse climbing with each doorway they passed until Noble finally turned them into a private bay and he forgot how to breathe.
Zenko looked too still. That was the first thing he noticed.
The second was how pale he was beneath the harsh hospital lighting, his skin almost colorless around the heavy dressing covering the side of his neck.
Lines ran from both arms to pumps arranged beside the bed, wires disappeared beneath the thin hospital gown, and a monitor above his head displayed numbers he knew enough to recognize but couldn’t force himself to read.
A tube still ran between Zenko’s lips, keeping his breathing steady while the ventilator whispered beside him, and for one terrible second Shaun saw the dirt again, saw blood pumping over his fingers while bullets tore through the air around them.
“Shaun.” Cade’s voice came quietly from behind him, accompanied by a steady hand landing on his shoulder. “Breathe, brother.”
“Fuck off.” There was no heat behind the words.
Shaun shoved the wheels forward until his knees bumped the bed rail, then reached carefully between the wires until his fingers closed around Zenko’s hand.
It was warm. Thank fucking Christ, it was warm.
He bowed over it, pressing the backs of Zenko’s fingers against his forehead while the breath he had been holding shuddered free.
“Hey, asshole. I’m here.”
Nothing changed on the monitors, and Zenko’s fingers remained loose inside his hand, but he squeezed them anyway.
“You scared the absolute shit out of me, you know that? There I was, minding my own fucking business, and you had to go and get yourself shot because apparently being a pain in Noble’s ass wasn’t enough excitement for one lifetime.
” His laugh broke halfway out, turning into something raw that he swallowed before it could become a sob.
“You always have to make everything fucking difficult.”
Someone moved behind him, but he didn’t look around.
He didn’t give a shit who was listening anymore.
Weeks ago, he might have cared that Noble was standing ten feet away or that Cade could hear every word.
He might have hidden behind jokes and swearing until Zenko stopped looking at him as though he could see straight through every defense Shaun had ever built.
None of that mattered while Zenko lay unconscious in front of him with machines doing things his body should have been doing for itself.
“I love you.” The words came out so quietly Shaun almost thought he had only said them in his head, until his own voice filled the silence again.
“Fuck, Zen, I love you so fucking much I don’t know what to do with it half the time.
I should have told you before now. I should have said it every time you looked at me like you were waiting for me to catch up with something you already knew.
” Shaun rubbed his thumb slowly over Zenko’s knuckles, watching the familiar scars cross skin he had kissed more times than he could count.
“You knew, didn’t you? Arrogant asshole probably knew before I did. ”
His vision blurred, and he blinked hard until Zenko came back into focus.
“I kept thinking we had time. We’d finish the mission, get somewhere safe, and then I’d tell you.
Then we’d get through the next clusterfuck, and I’d tell you after that.
There was always another fucking reason to wait.
” His grip tightened, careful even now not to disturb the lines taped against Zenko’s skin. “I’m done waiting.”
A nurse moved quietly on the opposite side of the bed, checking one of the pumps before slipping away again. Shaun watched her go and then leaned closer, lowering his voice even though everyone in the room could still hear him.
“You’re my person, Zenko. You’re the first person I look for when I walk into a room and the one I want beside me when everything goes to shit.
I want you beside me when nothing is going to shit, too.
I want the boring crap. Grocery stores, arguing over coffee, you bitching because I left my boots where you can trip over them, and me threatening to shoot you because you stole the last decent cup of coffee before I woke up. ”
A strangled sound came from behind him, and Shaun suspected it was either Reese or Castiel, but he refused to turn around and confirm it.
“I want to wake up with your fucking elbow in my ribs because you sleep like some giant octopus that’s never seen personal space.
I want to hear you complain about getting old when every joint in your body starts making noises you swear are somebody else’s fault.
I want all of it, Zen. Every ordinary day you never thought you were made for, I want it with you. ”
His chin dropped until his lips brushed Zenko’s knuckles.
“I thought you were dead when I came around that corner. Noble was crying, and I thought I was too late. I thought I’d fucked around so long pretending there would always be tomorrow that I’d missed my chance to tell you any of this.
” Shaun swallowed hard, but there was no stopping the tears now, and he let them fall where they wanted. “I can’t do that again.”
The monitor continued its steady rhythm, indifferent to every word tearing out of his chest, and he hated it almost as much as he clung to the reassurance of every electronic beat.