Chapter Five
Amara
T his is so stupid. The place probably isn’t even open yet, but it’s the only chance I’ve had to come and take care of things.
I press the buzzer and wait.
Zoe tugs on my clothes, and I look down.
“What is this place, Mommy?” she signs.
“It’s called a motorcycle club,” I respond. “I need you to be on your best behavior, do you understand?”
“I’m always a good girl,” she smiles sweetly.
“Yeah! What do you want?”
The voice over the speaker shocks me and I’m momentarily lost for words.
“Honestly, Steel. Could you possibly be any ruder? Hey there. Can I help you?”
“Oh, uhm. I’m here to see Mr. Ghost,” I say. “My name is Amara. I peed on his couch.”
I look at the ground and can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s not opening up and swallowing me whole.
“Come on in,” the voice responds, his amusement clear.
Grabbing Zoe’s hands, I open the gate when I hear it unlock. Sky is harnessed and walking right next to me, almost always touching my leg.
That took me a while to get used to when I first got him. I would trip constantly, but with time, it became second nature.
“Snow. Dove. What are you doing here?”
Ghost greets us at the door to the building, and he doesn’t look upset that we’re here, but I still feel uncomfortable.
“I remember you saying that you were part of this club,” I rush to say. “I just wanted to stop by to pay for your cleaning bill. You know? For the couch.”
Ghost shakes his head before leaning down into my space.
“I see that I need to make this bluntly clear,” he says softly. “You will not be paying for a damn thing. Let it go.”
“Oh,” I breathe. “Okay. Well, I still need to pay for my sodas.”
“Not a damn thing, Snow,” he growls. “Come on in, ladies. We were just about to have lunch.”
“We don’t want to impose,” I say quickly. “Since you don’t want me to pay you, we can just be on our way.”
“Got everything you need to stay for a few hours?” he asks, completely ignoring everything I’ve just said. “Medication, phone?”
“Did he say lunch? I’m hungry, Mommy. Do you think he has peanut butter and jelly?”
“What did she say?” Ghost says, looking softly at my daughter.
“She asked if you said lunch,” I explain aloud and in ASL. I almost always do both when I’m in a room with other people so that Zoe doesn’t feel left out. “She’s asking if you have peanut butter and jelly.”
“I wouldn’t have a very happy head of security if we didn’t,” he says, love clear in his eyes for the person he’s talking about. “Yes. I do.”
My heart skips a beat when he leans down to Zoe’s level and speaks those last parts slowly.
My daughter’s eyes light up, and she hops up and down, clapping her hands.
“Guess we’re staying for lunch,” I mutter.
“Guess you are, babe. This is Snow, her service dog Sky, and her daughter Dove. Babe, Dove, this is everyone.”
Zoe smiles up at Ghost after watching my hands, knowing he used her new nickname to introduce her to everyone.
I look around the room and am floored by the amount of people looking back.
“This looks like a family thing,” I say. “Maybe we should leave.”
“Not happening, babe.”
“Snow, Dove, and Sky,” someone says. “Nicknames?”
I smile at the woman and nod.
“My name is Amara, and this is Zoe.”
Zoe shakes her head and signs Dove.
“I’m sorry,” I say and sign. “I mean, Dove.”
“Why do you need a service dog?” another person asks. This one sounds like the kind voice over the speaker.
“I have a severe case of epilepsy,” I explain. “Sky can detect when I’m about to have a seizure and helps me take action to avoid getting hurt.”
“That’s so cool. My name is Knox, and I want to know everything. But I’ll go around the room and introduce you to this lot first.”
“Dove, would you like to come and play with my daughter, Allie?”
Zoe frowns and looks up at me. The kind woman was speaking too fast for her to read.
“She’s deaf,” I explain. “She was trying to read your lips, but you were talking too fast.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s alright,” I smile. “You didn’t know. Sweetheart, she’s asking if you want to go play with her daughter.”
“Other kids don’t really know how to play with me, Mommy. What if she thinks I’m weird?”
“She won’t think you’re weird, honey. Just be yourself, and I bet she will love having you as a friend.”
“Can she read?” the woman asks. When I nod, she smiles and grabs a dry-erase board out of nowhere. “Perfect. They can use this to talk. And Allie won’t think you’re weird. We need to explain to her that you can’t hear, and then you can teach her how best to communicate with you.”
After translating everything to ASL, Zoe’s eyes light up.
“She loves teaching others ASL,” I laugh.
“Have fun, Dove,” Ghost tells her slowly. “I’ll bring you lunch soon.”
Nodding, Zoe accepts the woman’s hand, and they leave down a hallway and enter through one of the doors on the right side.
“Sophie will make sure she’s comfortable,” Ghost says as I continue watching the door. “And Maddy is already in there with the kids. You’ve already met her at the club.”
“And the school,” I say. “They put Zoe in her class.”
“Yeah, we heard,” he tells me. “I’m sure everything will be resolved soon.”
“I hope so,” I sigh. “I don’t want her falling behind because her teacher cares more about a snack than his student’s education.”
“I hope you like barbeque,” an older man with kind eyes says. “Ribs are almost done.”
“Oh, uhm. Yeah. I just like food,” I laugh, patting my round belly.
I look down and frown. Where the heck is the hole?
“Pops makes the best food,” Knox tells me. “But, if we don’t get our share first, these large buffoons will eat it all up.”
“He’s not wrong,” someone laughs.
“Alright,” Knox claps his hands. “Let’s see if you can keep up. This is my man, Taylor. You’ve met Ghost and King. This is Hayes, Jax, Blaze, Steel, chocolate-hating Mitchell, Parker, Ma, Pops, Reynolds, and Venom.”
“It will take me ages to remember all of your names,” I laugh nervously. “Well, except chocolate-hating Mitchell. Who doesn’t like chocolate?”
“A sociopath, that’s who,” Knox says. “My Papa always has a sweet treat hidden away for when I’m good.”
“Who is your papa?” I ask.
“Oh, uhm. Well, this guy,” he laughs nervously while pointing to the man he said was his partner.
It takes my mind a few seconds to process everything before it clicks into place.
“Oh,” I smile. “Well, good for you. A little kink never hurt anyone.”
“Unless you want it to,” one of the giant men smirks.
“Blaze,” Knox reminds me. “He and his twin, Steel, own the BDSM club on the other side of town.”
“Oasis,” I nod. “I’ve heard of it.”
“Ever been inside?”
“I couldn’t even handle the flashing lights and heat at a bar,” I laugh. “I guess the club life isn’t for me.”
“I’d wear that t-shirt,” Maddy says from the hallway. “Alright, everyone, break it up. Give the woman some space. Pops says it’s time to eat.”
“Be right back, babe,” Ghost says, holding two plates with sandwiches on them.
“Is Zoe alright?” I ask.
“She’s perfectly fine,” Maddy reassures me. “I had to go help Ma get the sidings ready, but Zoe was teaching Allie how to spell her name in ASL when I left.”
“Allie is a pretty easy name to learn,” I smile. “Is it alright if I free my dog?”
“He’s not leashed,” someone reminds me. I can’t remember his name. Something to do with a snake, I think. Cobra?
“He’s not supposed to be,” someone else says before I can say anything.
“Oh, you’re the man from the club,” I say. “Hayes?”
“Yep,” he nods. “Nice to officially meet you, Snow.”
“You too,” I laugh. “But yeah. He’s supposed to be off-leash. However, he’s still harnessed. He won’t leave my side until I take the harness off.”
“Remove the harness so I can play with him,” Knox says giddily, causing his partner to laugh.
As an editor, I’ve read a lot of books. Including ones about the lifestyle of a Little and their Big. But I’ve never met someone in real life who lives that way. It’s really cute.
I remove the harness and Sky immediately starts walking around and sniffing everyone. Laughing, I put the harness out of the way and follow Maddy.
“Help yourself to whatever you want,” an older man says.
“Pops, this is Amara,” Maddy says.
“Nice to meet you, Snow,” he smiles.
“I guess Snow is my new name,” I laugh. “Not that I mind. It’s really pretty.”
“Pretty name for a pretty gal,” Pops winks.
“You old flirt,” an older woman, Ma, says. “The boys get it honestly.”
“The boys?”
“Ma and Pops belong to us all,” Knox says from the floor. “But Ghost, Venom, Viper, who you haven’t met, Blaze, and Steel are their actual children. The rest of us are just an added bonus.”
“I highly recommend you get some potato salad because there are never any extras,” Ma smiles. “Come on, ladies. Grab your food.”
I feel like I’m watching everything happen from somewhere other than my body. I love my parents, but as an only child and our only other family living far away, we never had moments like this.
It feels surreal.
“This is Sophie,” Maddy says when another beautiful woman approaches us.
“Nice to meet you,” she says. “Hope is asleep, and I let the girls have some alone time. Your daughter is brilliant.”
“Thank you,” I smile proudly.
“Come sit with us, and we’ll tell you everything about Ghost that he doesn’t want people to know.”
Laughing, I follow Maddy and Sophie to one of the many small round tables that are spread throughout the room. I’m not sure why they think I would want information about Ghost, but I don’t mind.
“How old are you?” Sophie asks as we settle into our seats.
“Thirty,” I answer.
“Ghost is forty-one,” Maddy smiles. “And single.”
“Madeline,” King sighs. “Stop trying to find Ghost a woman. He can manage on his own.”
“Obviously not, big guy,” she shrugs. “Anyway, we’ll talk more about him later. Do you work?”
“I do,” I say after chewing a bite of the potato salad. It really is delicious. “I’m an editor.”
“For books?” Sophie asks, eyes wide. “Romance books? The juicy kind?”
“For the most part,” I laugh. “It’s my dream job, and it doesn’t cause me too much stress. Which is perfect for my condition.”
I hear the unique sound of my daughter’s voice as she comes running into the room calling for me. She can’t mimic sounds the way they’re supposed to sound, but she can say words enough that I can easily understand what she’s trying to say.
I’m surprised that she’s even saying mommy out loud where others can hear. She normally never speaks aloud unless we’re home alone.
I’m fully prepared to kick some serious ass if a single person here makes fun of the way she sounds. I take the time to look around at everyone and only see kindness as they look at my daughter.
Ghost is standing leaning against the wall, looking at Zoe with a small smile on his face.
Shaking my head to get back to reality, I wait until Zoe can fully see me before talking.
“Everything okay?” I say and sign.
“Can me and Allie have a sleepover this weekend? Please, mommy? Pretty please?”
Sky causally walks past Zoe and licks her exposed leg with a solitary swipe of his tongue before continuing on his way to explore some more.
Between Zoe’s begging and Sky’s silliness, I can’t help but chuckle.
“That’s something that we will have to discuss with Allie’s mom,” I respond.
“That’s me,” Sophia smiles brightly as a pretty little girl stops beside Zoe.
“Oh,” I laugh. “Zoe wants to have a sleepover with Allie this weekend,” I explain.
“Please,” Allie begs. “I promise we’ll be super good. We’ll be so quiet that we won’t wake up Hope.”
“And I promise not to make a single sound.”
Everyone laughs when I translate my goofy girls’ message.
“What do you say, mom?” Sophie asks me.
“Please, Mrs. Dove’s mommy,” Allie begs, falling to her knees with her hands clasped together. Zoe follows suit, causing us all to, once again, laugh at their antics. “We can stay at my house this weekend and then at her house the next weekend. We can switch back and forth forever and ever.”
“At least she’s planning for the future,” someone laughs.
“I’m okay with it if you are,” I tell Sophie.
Allie jumps to her feet, cheering, and Zoe looks at me for an answer.
“Sorry,” I apologize for not signing as I spoke. “I told her that I was okay with it. But you’re going to have to take your tablet in case you need to communicate something big to Allie’s parents, alright?”
Nodding her head, the girls skip excitedly back to wherever it is they came from.
“Has she always been deaf?” Someone asks.
“Mind your business, Jax,” Ghost says.
“Sorry, Pres.”
“I don’t mind,” I smile. “Uhm, no, she hasn’t. I don’t mind telling if you don’t mind the details.”
When no one objects, I take a deep breath. I honestly don’t mind sharing what happened. But no matter how many times I share it, it will never take away my guilt.
“While I was in active labor with Zoe, I had a life-threatening seizure. And when I say active labor, I mean that her head was already out. During the seizure, I was being held down by multiple people in order to protect Zoe from injury. Unfortunately, once the seizure was over, I was out for several minutes before regaining consciousness. Then it took another several minutes before my mind was clear enough to understand that I needed to push.”
I take a drink of my water to give myself a few seconds.
The guilt threatens to drown me. Zoe’s life will never be normal because of me.
“I had a high fever, and I was in pain,” I continue. “I was exhausted and excited. My body was going through so many changes in a matter of minutes that it just quit. There may have been signs that I just missed because of the moment, but it just came out of nowhere and was the worst one I’ve had even to this date. Zoe wasn’t completely oxygen deprived, but during those minutes, she wasn’t getting as much as she was supposed to and was diagnosed with Hypoxia. Oxygen deprivation.
Between the hypoxia and the trauma of her birth, it caused her auditory system to fail. It didn’t happen instantly, but she was completely deaf by the time she turned one. And that’s it.”
“She’s a tough cookie, that’s for sure,” Maddy says.
“And she’s still smiling,” I respond.
“I bet she and Allie are going to be best friends,” Sophie adds.
“You know what? Why don’t we make the best of this weekend?”
Maddy’s face is as bright as the sun with her excitement.
“Let’s have a girl’s night here at the clubhouse,” she explains. “We can sleep here in the lounge and get to know one another.”
Knox clears his throat.
“What I meant to say,” Maddy laughs. “Was let’s have a girls and Knox night.”
“Better,” he smiles. “I vote yes.”
Knox, Maddy, and Sophie all look at me.
“What the heck,” I shrug. “As long as I can bring Sky.”
Knox and Maddy start making plans, and I glance at Ghost to see his reaction.
His face is blank as he continues eating his food, but he’s watching me with eyes filled with an emotion I don’t quite understand.
I look away in fear that he regrets letting me meet his family. I can’t process my own emotions when it comes to the man; there’s no way I’ll be able to understand his.
I mean, it’s not like it’s the same things that I’m feeling. Men like him don’t go for women like me.
Feeling uncomfortable, I pull down my shirt so that it covers my belly even more.
I spend the rest of the evening talking and laughing with my new friends. Ghost doesn’t say much but he does spend a lot of time watching me.
I didn’t hate it.