Echoes of Us

Chapter 21

CHAPTER

TWENTY-ONE

BEFORE

T hat day, Noah told me everything. We were up until one in the afternoon as he opened up about his life. His dad, a hedge fund manager, was twice as old as his mom. He had a previous marriage, and Noah had two older brothers he no longer spoke to. When his dad was diagnosed with stage three Hodgkin’s lymphoma two months before Noah graduated high school, he signed over all his assets to Noah. This move caused a rift in the family. His brothers stopped speaking to them and didn’t attend his dad’s funeral. His mom and sister were furious. During his dad’s last year, Noah was the only one on good terms with him. He went through it all—chemo, doctor appointments, surgeries. It was all on Noah.

When Noah started college, he frequently flew back to be with his dad. Things got worse, and his dad was put into a medically induced coma while Noah wasn’t there.

His dad never woke up .

After he died, things with his mom became more complicated. She didn’t want to hand over the accounts and was spending all the money, so Noah had to use the family lawyers to set things right, even organizing an allowance for his own mother through a hearing. Around that time, rumors started circulating about his dad—insider trading and market manipulation. His dad’s reputation plummeted, and there was even a documentary about it. It aired a week before Noah was sent to rehab.

Noah’s mom had always been an issue. Young and beautiful, a former model, she left him to be raised by nannies. She roped him into modeling when he was thirteen. That’s when he flunked out of a year in high school and the substance abuse started.

It began with weed, then drinking. At fifteen, he tried coke for the first time at a party. He used it for a couple of weeks before his dad intervened and got him out of his modeling contract. Returning to school, he joined the volleyball team and met Colin. He didn’t use again until college, when he got his own apartment. Then it never stopped.

He told himself he’d only use at parties, but as his dad’s condition worsened, so did his addiction. He needed it to stay awake for classes after sleepless nights, to focus, to work out, to stay in shape, to socialize, to be interesting, and more outgoing. After his dad died, it was constant.

Out of rehab and back at school, the first thing he did was call his dealer. His mom made him enroll again, and he agreed, just to move away from her and be close to Holly, his only real friend. He had no intention of quitting or taking classes seriously until he met me. By then, it was too late. He flunked out of four of his five courses for lack of attendance.

At Christmas, he told his mom he was staying here in LA, even if he wasn’t going to keep going to school. The fight began. She screamed at him for not amounting to anything, being irresponsible, and snorting their money away. He yelled at her for being a gold digger jumping at the first chance of a richer husband. Their relationship was worse than ever, barely speaking, only when absolutely necessary.

Now I knew everything, or as Noah said, most of the worst. He told me he was in therapy but didn’t stick to it regularly. He was trying hard this time because he didn’t want to let me down. He didn’t expect to meet me in the middle of this and fall in love, but he did, and he wanted to make it work.

Hearing all this made my heart bleed for him. It was worse than finding him alone in that apartment. I had been right. He was really alone, dealing with heartbreak I couldn’t begin to understand. The whole thing with his dad was horrific. He’d been through something terrible, and everyone judged him for not handling it well enough. He was still a kid. He shouldn’t have been going through this alone.

He promised me he wasn’t using and wouldn’t again. He was serious this time, and I believed him. I really did.

I hated that this ruined his birthday and spent the day trying to make it better. I got him a cake, and after we slept, we spent the rest of the day in bed, Noah clinging to me. That night, I saw his pill bottle by the sink and opened it to count them. Fifteen pills. The next night, before bed, I counted them again. Fourteen pills.

I couldn’t get away from Noah until Monday to talk to Colin. Noah told me he was going to take a week off from training because he didn’t want to deal with Ezra. So, after training, we finally got a chance to talk. I went to their apartment, and they sat with me in the living room.

“You know, this feels like an intervention.”

They exchanged glances.

“Or like you’re about to tell me you’re getting a divorce,” I added.

They both chuckled .

“I think it might be more like the first one, Att,” Colin said.

“I talked to Noah after the party. He told me about everything.”

Ezra sighed, leaning back on the couch, while Colin bit his lip.

“How about this, Att…let’s not talk about Noah this time. Just about you,” Colin suggested.

“Okay. What about me?”

“We want you to move in with us,” Ezra said.

I tilted my head. “But you have a roommate,” I pointed out.

“He was planning on moving in with his girlfriend next term, and we asked him about it. He’s cool with doing it earlier,” Ezra explained.

“I can’t move in with you. The school provides housing, and I can’t afford rent. You know that,” I reminded Ezra.

He glanced at Colin, something unspoken moving between them.

“We’ll cover your share between us. It’s not much more for us to pay,” Colin assured me.

“I can’t let you do that,” I insisted.

“We’re asking you to let us do it, Att,” Colin said firmly.

“You know we’re worried about you, and we know you’re not going to break up with him. So, this is the next best thing,” Ezra added.

I scowled. “Of course I’m not going to break up with him. Why would you even go there?”

Ezra’s lips pursed, and Colin placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You need space. You told me you needed to slow things down, and living with Noah is not going to help. You need your own room, spending nights apart, doing things without him. That’s how relationships normally work, Att. People are together, but they still have their own lives too,” Colin explained patiently.

“I can’t.”

“You can do it. It’s not irrational for you to ask for space, Att. You’re eighteen. I know it’s difficult, because Noah’s life doesn’t have boundaries, but you have to put them in place. You asked me to help you with this, and this is my help. Think about it and let us know,” Colin said, his tone firm.

I nodded. I stayed with them for a couple of hours before heading back to the apartment.

As soon as I went inside, Noah was on me, pulling my clothes off and leading me to bed.

“Thanks,” Noah said with a smile as I handed him a cold sandwich. He was still in his boxers, his hair a mess from my hands and rubbing against the sheets. His face was flushed, and his lips were red. He looked amazing.

I smiled back and took a bite of my sandwich.

“So, what did you talk about?” he asked, shrugging casually.

I felt guilty talking to Colin and Ezra. I took a deep breath and braced for the consequences. “They asked me to move in with them.” I swallowed before looking up at him.

His shoulders tensed. “Like, next term?”

I sighed. “They wanted me to move in now.”

“What did you say?”

“That I’d think about it.”

He took another bite, placing the sandwich carefully on a napkin and staring down at it. He swallowed and glanced at me before frowning. “I don’t get it.”

I knew this was going to be hard.

“They just want me to have my own space,” I explained.

“You have your own space. You have your dorm, and you’re staying here with me when you’re not.” He laced his hands together.

“I haven’t been back to the dorm since last week, and even then, you stayed over. I haven’t been back there except to bring things here.” I placed my sandwich down too.

“So?” he said with a shrug.

“What do you mean, so?”

“So, do you want to be away from me?”

“No, of course, I don’t, Noah. But don’t you think some space would be good for us?”

“We have space. You’ve been out for the whole day.”

I huffed, half disbelief, half amusement. “Noah, come on.”

“I don’t get it, Atty. If you’re going to move out of your dorm, why wouldn’t you move in with me?”

I blinked at him.

“You’re already here all the time. Do you need more room? I have more closet space.”

“Noah, I can’t move in with you.”

“Why not?” He looked as confused as I felt.

“Because, well, first, my mom would kill me, and then—” I started, but he cut me off.

“You don’t have to tell her,” he argued.

“I can’t not tell my mom where I’m living, Noah.”

“Have you told her you stay over all the time? I bet you haven’t.”

“I have. She knows I stay over at your place.”

Now it was his turn to look puzzled. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, I tell my mom stuff. It’s not weird.” I defended, and he chuckled. “It’s not weird,” I said again.

He laughed. He clasped his hand on my neck and got me to stand in the V of his legs. “You’re too fucking cute,” he said before kissing me.

“It’s not weird,” I insisted.

His laughter bubbled again. “How about if you move in with me next term? Would that be better? ”

Just the fact that he was planning on us being together then sounded amazing. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He smiled and kissed me again, deeper this time. “I’d really like that too.”

“But you’d let me pay for my half of the things, right?”

“I don’t think that’s how trophy boyfriends work. You’re supposed to work out all day and walk naked around the house while I pay for everything.”

“I won’t do it otherwise.”

He gave me a serious look. “You know you don’t have to. You’d have to get a job. You have a lot on your plate as it is. You could pay for stuff when you can. I can cover for you for as long as you need me to.” He ran his hands through my hair.

“It’s not fair having you pay for everything.”

“You get groceries, cook and clean. This place has never looked better. I can fire the cleaning lady—who, I’m sure, already quit—and save on that cost. It works out. Plus, this place is mine. I don’t pay rent. I don’t want you to fall behind on schoolwork because you’re trying to pay for stuff that’s already taken care of. Let me take care of you, just like you take care of me.” His tone was gentle.

“I guess I still have a while to think about it.”

“Yeah, you do,” he replied, kissing my cheek. His lips lingered on my skin.

“Could we get furniture?” I asked, and the corners of his eyes crinkled with affection.

“We could get furniture now if you want. We don’t have to wait till next term to do it.”

I smiled and rested my chin on his shoulder. “It’s just a little depressing here sometimes. I bet you’d feel better if it was fixed up, if it felt more like home. We could go to Ikea,” I suggested.

Noah murmured a laugh. “See? You take care of me,” he said softly .

“So, you wouldn’t mind if I moved in with them until next term?”

He sighed. “You know you’d be living with Ezra?”

“I’m aware.”

“He hates me, Atty. I couldn’t ever go to your place. It’s weird.”

I reached my hand to his neck, feeling his chain cold against my hand. “You can’t stay mad at each other. You’re my boyfriend and Ezra’s my friend. You have to make up,” I told him.

Noah rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious, Noah. You have to make up.”

He wanted to dig his heels.

“What if he apologized for the things he said about your dad? Would that make it better?”

“If he promises to play nice, I’ll follow suit. For you.”

“Okay.”

“So, you’re doing this? You’re moving in with them?”

“Maybe. I still have to figure out how to pay for it or work out some kind of agreement.”

He parted his lips.

“I’m not going to let you cover it,” I said quickly, and he closed his mouth.

“Could I stay over?”

“Sure, but we’d still spend some nights alone, right?”

“Aren’t you going to miss the pretzel sleeping?” he asked with a coy smile.

“I’ll really miss it,” I said.

He grinned. He tightened his legs around my hips and wrapped his arms around my neck. He kissed me slowly and lingering, just the way he knew would turn me into putty in his arms. I kissed him back, and he arched against me as I placed my hands on his back.

“I love the way your hands feel on me, Atty,” he said, his voice almost a purr .

His chest pressed against mine as he moved his hips to the edge of the counter. He pulled me by my waist, getting his tongue past my lips and taking my breath away. He rubbed his leg over me, and his hips moved towards mine. I stopped kissing him and raised my eyebrows. He smiled while running his tongue over his lip.

“What?” he asked playfully. I looked down between us and back to his eyes.

“Noah, we just had sex. You can’t be turned on again.”

He shrugged, his shoulder lifting slowly. “I’m always turned on around you, especially when you’re standing half-naked in my kitchen.”

“I’m not even sure if I can?—”

He moved his hand from my waist down to my underwear, rubbing his palm over me. He nibbled on my ear before running his tongue over it. I closed my eyes. That felt really good. I knew I was getting hard again, and he chuckled against my neck.

“You can,” he said with certainty. “So, the real question is, do you want to fuck me here in the kitchen, or do you want to go back to the bed?” he whispered in my ear. His voice was like silk when he got like this; I could almost feel it against my skin.

“Seriously?”

“Mhm. Come on, bend me over the counter and fuck me hard.” This time, his words went right to my cock. It was definitely hard now.

“Noah…”

“I’m serious. Get the lube.”

By the time I was back, he was already naked, standing by the counter and waiting for me. He was still stretched from the last time, and I sunk into him easily, kissing his shoulder and grabbing his hips.

“Good, now fuck me like you mean it.” He arched his back and pressed his palms on the counter as I started moving. “That’s it, Atty.”

He pushed his hips back on mine, meeting my thrusts. He set a hard pace as I panted over his neck, closing my eyes and feeling him around me.

Nothing could feel better than him.

The next morning, I woke up slowly, feeling pleasure spread through my body. I arched on the bed, zeroing in on the sensation around my cock. Moaning, I shifted the covers off and met Noah’s eyes. He winked before sucking hard. I leaned my head back on the pillow, blinking to shake off the sleep. I reached down, feeling his hair as his head bobbed between my legs. God, that felt good.

I glanced at my watch. It was five minutes before my alarm. I smiled, knowing he had timed it perfectly.

“Noah.”

There was a sucking sound as he let go of me. “Yes, dear?”

A soft laugh escaped me. “What are you doing?”

He climbed over me, straddling my hips. He was smiling, his tongue peeking out. “Sucking your cock.”

I closed my eyes. It was too early for this. He laughed again and reached for his nightstand, the implication of it clear as day. I stared at him, wide-eyed. He shrugged, ripped the condom open with his teeth, and wagged his eyebrows.

“Noah.”

He rolled it on me, moving back on my hips. “What?” he asked innocently, opening the lube and letting some drip over me as he worked it with his hand.

“At least let me get you into it.”

“We’ve been fucking nonstop, Atty. I told you I’d be taking your cock like a pro.” He moved his hips, holding me, and dropping his body over me .

I squeezed my eyes shut and moaned again.

“Besides, I’ve been up for an hour. I worked myself open.” He rocked his hips over mine.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” I followed the movement of his hips, sliding my hand up over his chest. Fuck, he was hot.

“I just did.” He closed his eyes tightly, his body shuddering with pleasure. “Fuck, I fucking love your dick.” He arched his back and rocked harder. “Jerk me off, Atty. I want it fast.”

I grabbed him, stroking quickly. “Like that?”

“Yes.” He moaned. “Fuck, yes.”

He leaned down to kiss me, and I wrapped my free arm around his waist, bending my knees and thrusting upwards.

“Do that dirty thing you do,” he said against my lips.

I grinned broadly. “What?”

“Spit on me.”

“I can’t from here.”

“Then spit on your hand. Come on, do it. I love to watch you.” He moved back for me to do what he asked, his hips undulating and his eyes fixed on my mouth. He groaned when I moved my hand back over him. “Fuck. I love that. You’re like a porn star.”

I smiled again. He started moving quickly over me.

“What’s gotten into you?” I tried to keep his pace, feeling the pleasure of his movements.

A glint of amusement lit his eyes. “You,” he said and laughed.

“Idiot.” I gasped as he pressed a hand on my shoulder, using it as leverage to lift off and come back down hard. “Fuck, Noah, I’m not going to last like this.”

“Good.” He moved his legs, crouching over me.

I tugged my hand back. “What do you want me to do?”

Noah ran his tongue over his teeth, his chest heaving. “Fast” was all he said.

He reached for himself as I grabbed his thighs, curling my hands close to his hips and thrusting upwards. He closed his eyes, picking up the pace with his hand.

“Fuck, that’s it. Keep going.” He moaned loudly, working his hand faster.

“Noah.” I was climbing too fast. Shit . I was going to finish any second at this rate.

“Don’t fucking stop.”

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to hold back. Noah groaned deep in his throat and then gasped. He came over my chest, and I opened my eyes, surprised. He was still looking at me, his lips parted and his tongue over his lip. He moaned again, his hips slowing gradually. His thighs trembled under my hands, and I softened my grasp.

He moved, kneeling on the bed again and slumping forward, falling on my chest. I winced as I pulled out of him roughly.

“Noah,” I said.

He sighed. “Yeah?” He was panting.

“This is kinda gross.”

He giggled, breathless. His chest moved over mine as he breathed, our sweat mixing with his cum. It felt slick. His chain was trapped in the mess.

“Give me a minute.”

I relaxed on the bed, running my hands over his back. I liked feeling his weight over me too.

“Did you finish?”

“No, pretty close, but no.”

“Sorry.” His hands went over my ribs, his nails grazing the skin. I jumped at the contact, and he chuckled. “You’re ticklish? How did I not know that until now?”

“It’s a sensitive area.”

Noah stretched to kiss my neck.

I felt the slickness between us and grimaced. “Okay, it’s getting worse,” I said.

He snickered as I pressed back on his shoulders. He put his weight on his hands, hovering over me. Noah’s eyes were especially green when his face was flushed after sex; they were mesmerizing.

“Do you want to shower?”

I nodded enthusiastically. Noah smiled again and moved off the bed. My eyes raked down at the mess on my chest and then towards him, watching his long, lean legs as he moseyed to the bathroom. There wasn’t an inch of Noah that didn’t work for me. He looked over his shoulder and grinned.

“Don’t take the condom off. You can finish fucking me in there.” He sniggered at the face I made.

I didn’t think I’d ever get used to the way Noah talked about sex. I jumped off the bed and followed him, listening to the water running already inside.

Noah was in the kitchen, music blasting off-beat to the sound of the pans as he moved around. He had a fancy coffee machine whirring in the background, and he mumbled along to the song as he threw back a Red Bull.

“Are you tired?” I kissed his cheek from behind.

“Do you want to go again?” he joked, laughing as I moved away. “Yeah, I haven’t been sleeping well the last couple of nights,” he admitted. He drank what was left in the can and threw it in the garbage. He got a coffee cup out and placed it on the counter for me before starting another one.

“Thanks.” I grabbed it and sat on a stool. He was still half-dancing to the song playing in the background. “I know this one,” I told him.

He looked up, smiling. “Atty, if you didn’t know this song, we’d have to break up. Everybody knows Bon Jovi.” He lifted an eyebrow.

“My mom likes it. ”

He grinned like I had given him the perfect opening. “Your mom has good taste, but we already knew that.”

“Don’t go there,” I warned.

He laughed loudly. “It’s not my fault your dad’s hot.”

I grimaced. “Why?” I asked, shaking my head. It was like he enjoyed watching me be uncomfortable.

He shrugged and raised the volume of the song, pretending to play the guitar with a spatula as he jumped around the kitchen.

“Do you know how to play?”

He lowered the volume. “What?”

“Guitar,” I clarified.

“No, I never picked it up. I do know how to play the drums, though.” He picked up another utensil and mimicked playing drums to the beat of the song.

I shook my head, smiling at his antics.

“If you’re thinking I’d look hot playing the drums, you wouldn’t be wrong. Maybe I’ll have my set sent over.”

“I’d like to see that.”

He raised the volume again and pretended to play the drums as the song rose to a crescendo. I loved this side of Noah. It never stopped amusing me how much he got into the music, usually singing off-key and dancing. It felt like he knew the lyrics to every song.

“‘We’ll give it a shot,’” he sang, banging the spatulas and giving a kick. One of them slipped from his hand, flying across the kitchen. “Oh shit.”

I snorted a laugh as he leaned down to pick it up.

“You must have been good,” I joked.

He narrowed his eyes. “Fucking fantastic.” The song changed. His eyebrows went up, and a small smile grew on his lips.

“What?”

He glanced at me, then back down at his phone. “Do you want to know something embarrassing? ”

I dipped my head.

He stopped the song. “You know when I went to your dorm the first time you had me over?”

“Yeah.”

“That day, I realized how much I liked you,” he said with a shy smile.

My heart bounced to my throat at his words. Had that been it?

“I told Holly about it afterward and showed her this song. I told her that’s how you made me feel. It’s called ‘Can’t Fight This Feeling.’ Have you heard of it?”

“No.”

He pressed play again, and the song resumed. Noah started singing and I smiled. I had never heard Noah sing without joking. He had a really nice voice. That same shy smile on his face made him look incredibly handsome.

I listened to the words he sang, smiling at them in the context of us. As the song progressed, my smile faded bit by bit, and my heart clenched. It wasn’t just about the guy realizing he had feelings for someone—it was deeper than that. It was about love giving him a reason to change. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Did he actually mean this?

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He smiled, the song picking up its pace, sounding brighter. I was swept away by the words. Noah started walking over to me, increasing the drama of his performance, trying to lighten the mood, but I couldn’t look away. He reached me, dancing to the rhythm, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

His hands curled on my shirt before his smile brightened playfully. “Atty, I can’t fight this feeling anymore,” he finished, chuckling as he did, his nose scrunching.

I was blown away. He had never made my heart beat like this before. This side of him, this incredibly honest side, was perfect. It was about me, how he felt about me. I was so fucking in love with him .

“Noah,” I let out.

He chuckled again. “What? Was that the cringiest thing you’ve ever witnessed? Holly still gives me crap about this song.” He seemed embarrassed.

“Not at all.” I touched his face. “That’s how you felt about me?”

“Feel, I guess. I think you’ll always be a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter’s night for me,” Noah said with a side smile.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.

He shrugged.

“I think…” I started, and he waited for me to go on. “I think you were love at first sight for me, Noah. You should have said something. I always wanted to be with you.”

His smile slipped too. “I thought you wanted to hook up until that day. I kind of put two and two together with the way you looked at me and it freaked me out. You’re like, perfect. I didn’t think this would work out.”

“I love you.” I leaned closer, pressing my lips to his.

His hands went into my hair and held me close. “I love you, too, Atty. My heart hurts when I’m with you, all the time,” he said close to my lips.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him. He was so close. Our eyes locked and I drowned in him.

“Do you think it’s fate? You and me? It feels like that,” he whispered.

“It does feel like that,” I whispered back and saw the corners of his lips tug upwards.

“Sometimes, I feel like the universe sent you to me, so you could fix everything, to balance out all the shitty karma.”

That hurt to hear.

“Noah—”

“You know what I’m going to do?” He took a deep breath and shifted back just a bit, trying to move past what he had just said .

“What?” I went with him, always following his lead.

“I’m going to make you a playlist, a corny love songs playlist, of all the songs that make me think of you. That way, when I’m acting insane and you’re fed up with me, you can fall in love with me all over again.”

“Are you going to sing them to me?”

“Try and stop me.” He fixed me with a defiant stare, almost daring me to egg him on. I could never grow tired of him. I loved this fire in him.

The song changed, and Noah checked his phone. “This one’s no good.” He reached for it and changed the song.

“Why?”

“George Michael’s ‘Careless Whisper,’” he explained.

I gave him a blank stare. Noah’s laugh bubbled.

“You have so much to learn, Atty. It’s about a bad breakup. It doesn’t apply to us.”

I nodded along in understanding while he played something else and started talking about it.