Chapter 3
The next morning,I had to run some errands again for Lisbeth. While I was getting my list from her, I asked her about the Charleston Middletons.
“Do you know any of them?”
“Alexia, dear, I know all of them. Why do you ask?”
“Well, last night at work, one of my patrons was a surgeon named Pearce Middleton and I was wondering ...”
“That would be my dear friend Avery’s grandson. She has a blooming dozen I believe. Grandchildren that is. Anyhow, Pearce is a surgeon, his daddy is a surgeon, his grandaddy was a doctor, and I think Pearce has two brothers who are doctors. I know one of them is here but I’m not sure about the others. In any case, Pearce is certainly a Charleston Middleton.”
“Thanks, Lisbeth.”
“Is that all?”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean, my dear, is are you not going to tell me anything else about him? Is he handsome? Is he going to call on you? Is he going to court you?”
I giggled. I just loved Lisbeth. She never pulled any punches.
“Lisbeth, people don’t court anymore.”
“Honestly, what’s happened to the youth, I’ll never know. Young women calling men. I declare, in my day, we never would have done such a thing!”
I burst out laughing. “Things have certainly changed. But to answer one of your questions, Pearce Middleton is quite handsome.”
“Is he now?” she said with a wink. She liked to wink a lot when she was being saucy.
“He is. Very. Tall, dark with gray eyes. Let me just put it this way. I’m sure he hasn’t been short on girlfriends.”
“I suppose he hasn’t. His daddy is a good-looking man. So was his granddaddy. I guess you could say he comes by it honestly. Tell me, are you going to go out with him?”
“Why, no!”
“Alexia Wells Hammond, you listen to me. You are wasting your life away. I know what you’re going to say, but you’re wrong. It’s time to move on. It’s been three years, and you can’t go on like this forever.”
“I know,” I said as my shoulders slumped and I folded into myself. I really didn’t want to have this conversation with her. I didn’t want to have it with anyone. Peter was always there, going nowhere and never forgotten.
Her tone softened. “It’s what he would have wanted, you know.”
I looked up at her for a moment, my brows creased. I thought for a second and then I said, shaking my head, “No, Lisbeth, I think he would have preferred to have lived.”
I turned and walked away.
* * *
As soon asmy errands were finished, I went home. I plopped on my bed with a puff and lay back for a second thinking about everything. Terri was right. What I was doing was the next best thing to insanity. I promised her no more drugs, but I knew I wouldn’t stick to that. I’m sure I would be hooking up with someone new before the week was over. I wasn’t ready to change, or maybe I wasn’t willing. I had to get my act together. Waking up with two guys was disgusting enough, but add in that I didn’t know either of them was abominable. Next thing you know, I’d be charging for my services. I curled up for a second and wondered what the heck had happened to me. Where had that girl gone, the one who had saved herself for that special one? I had been the last holdout. Out of all my friends, I was the last virgin. Until Peter. He’d stolen my heart, and he was my first. I thought he would be my last, but it hadn’t quite worked out that way. Life had played a cruel trick on me, as it often does, and now, I was trying to escape from it. What a ridiculous job I was doing of it too.
I smacked the top of my head as my inner conscience screamed out.
Listen to yourself! You’re not trying to change a thing. Instead of sleeping with two guys at once, you’re only going to be sleeping with one who’s covered in a condom. Like that makes it okay. Then what does that make you? A semi-protected half-slut? Be honest for once. Figure out the why behind it. Is it Peter, because you know he’d hate it? Do you not want to be alone? Is it for drugs or is it something else?
None of this was me. Before Peter died, I never did that kind of crap. Yes, I was lonely, but sleeping around didn’t help. That was putting a Band-Aid on an amputation. It wasn’t sexual gratification either because I couldn’t remember any of it afterward. The only thing left was that I was royally fucked up, but I already knew that. That put me back at ground zero. This was exactly why I hated thinking about this stuff. It solved absolutely nothing except gave me a throbbing migraine. I fell asleep, trying to figure myself out.
* * *
It was aboutnine thirty when I dragged myself out of bed. I ambled into the kitchen and grabbed a drink. I was famished, so I threw on some jeans and headed over to King Street to grab a bite to eat. There were plenty of local diners I could get something tasty from and maybe afterwards I would scoot over to one of my favorite bars, the Golden Nugget, and grab a cold one.
The streets were always crowded at night with the local college right around the corner. Students were out and about, shopping, eating, and clubbing later. I slipped into my favorite booth and the waitress took a seat across from me. We caught up while she took my order.
“You going out tonight?”
“Yeah, but only for a couple of chilly ones. You?” I asked in return.
“I might after I get off work. You headed to the Nugget?”
“Yeah.”
“I might see you over there later, then.”
“Good.” My food arrived and I literally wolfed it down. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, so I was super hungry. When I finished, I paid the bill and headed down the street. I passed a few friends along the way and arrived at a packed Golden Nugget. It was hopping and I was pumped to see some of the usual crowd. I headed to the bar and ordered a tall cold one. As I stood there sipping it, I felt a pair of arms grab me around my waist and then someone kissed my neck.
“Hey, sexy, where’ve you been?”
It was Jeff, one of my guys I hung out with on occasion. We were sort of friends with bennies.
“Hey, Jeff. What’s up?”
“Well, if you lean back just a little, you’ll be able to tell.”
I spun in his arms and smacked his arm. “Cut it out!” I wasn’t in the mood for his sexual banter tonight.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” He was surprised by my lack of interest.
“Nothing. I just got here. Is that all you can ever think about?”
“Yeah, when I’m around you it is.” He waggled his brows.
I just shook my head.
“Sorry!” He had the good graces to look a little contrite as he let me go.
I took another swig of my beer.
The next thing I knew he was ordering us a round of lemon drop shooters. I tried to protest, but it didn’t do a bit of good. Four shots later, I was getting in my groove.
Tugging on his arm, I yelled in his ear, “Come on, let’s go dance.”
We shoved our way to the dance floor and about then a slow song came on. Jeff gave me one of his looks and the shots had put me in the right kind of mood. My arms went around him as his tightened around me and we swayed to the rhythm. It wasn’t long before his lips nibbled my neck and his hips rotated against me. He wanted me, and I wasn’t going to lie to myself. I wanted him too. But just not yet. I had to have more to drink before I could go there.
The song ended and we were back at the bar ordering up another round. I saw my waitress friend from earlier in the night and we both commented on how great the crowd was for a weeknight. As the evening wore on, my alcohol consumption increased. The last thing I recalled was walking out the door with Jeff, arm in arm, as we made our way to his apartment.
In the morning, I woke up to my usual skull-splitting version of a hangover. Then churning in the gut sent me on a mad dash for the bathroom. When I opened my eyes though, I wasn’t in Jeff’s bed. It was his apartment, but it wasn’t his bedroom. I didn’t have time to ponder that until after I threw up. When my stomach finished rebelling against everything I had dumped into it the night before, I finger-brushed my teeth and left the bathroom, straight into the chest of Jeff. He grabbed my naked waist and pulled me into his bedroom.
“What the hell has gotten into you?” he asked, anger resonating in his voice.
I was clueless and pretty sure my expression mirrored that.
“I don’t know what ...”
He cut me off. To say he was pissed was an understatement. “I bring you home last night thinking it’s going to be you and me, and you turn into this … well, quite frankly I’m not sure how to describe it, Lexi. You called my roommate in here and wanted to have a threesome. You took his clothes off and, of course, he was all into it. I mean, what guy wouldn’t be? And then you proceeded to go to town on him, while I stood there and watched. I finally kicked the two of you out. You have issues, Lexi. I always knew you to be fun loving, but you took it to a whole different level last night and I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore.” He picked up my clothes, tossed them at me, and said, “Here, get dressed. I’ll take you home.”
I’d felt dirty when I woke up with the two unknowns. This was worse. I knew Jeff. He was a friend. Now he thought I was nothing more than a dirtbag.
“I’m sorry, Jeff. I guess I got really drunk.”
“Lexi, your behavior went way beyond just being drunk. I’ve never seen anything like it, nor do I care to again.”
I felt shamed and humiliated. Tears burned my eyes and spilled over onto my cheeks. I dared not speak for I knew it would only get worse. That was the last thing he wanted to contend with anyway. There was no excuse for what I’d done. Drunk or not drunk, that wasn’t me. I guess he was telling me he didn’t want to hang out with girls like me and I couldn’t blame him.
“By the way, whoever got a hold of you last, must’ve roughed you up something fierce. You have some major bruises on you. I don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, but you need help, Lexi.”
I put my clothes on and walked out the door, not bothering to let him drive me home. I didn’t live that far, and I needed to clear my head anyway. I got home and showered and questioned everything about my life.
It was time to get it together once and for all. I was pushing my friends away. Even guys thought I sucked. How gross is that? What’s it going to take for me to take that first step? Whatever it was, I needed to start now, before it was too late.
Apparently, it took a lot more than I had in me. The next night I had to work. Afterwards, a bunch of us went out for a few drinks. It didn’t take long for our little crowd to disperse. I ended up at a late-night club called Titanium. Since it was Friday night, things were really rocking. Working in the restaurant business had its perks. There was a sort of after-hours culture that existed where you knew a lot of the employees at various clubs. As I entered the club, the bouncers hugged me and let me pass without charging me. Making my way to the bar, I waved at a few of the faces I recognized along the way. I’d had a couple of beers at my last stop. Now it was time to hit the big stuff.
“Hey, Lex, what’ll it be?” Gabe, the bartender, asked.
“Hit me with a shot of Patron and then add a Bud Light.”
“Coming right up.”
I licked off the salt, tossed back the Patron, sucked on the lime, and waited for it all to kick in.
“You made that look like the perfect addition to my night,” a voice said to my right.
Turning to see who the voice belonged to, I noticed a smiling pair of pale blue eyes and a mouth that I wanted to lick.
“Well then, I think you should order yourself one, and while you’re at it, order me another one too.”
The mouth I suddenly wanted to lick smiled, and before I knew it, I was downing my second shot of Patron. We stood together, chatted, and did a few more shots.
Pale blue eyes had spiky blond hair and a tight little body that I was dying to get my hands on. The music had shifted into a slow song, so I asked, “Do you dance much?”
“Only when I’m asked by a sexy lady.”
“Well, what do you consider sexy?”
“You. Come on.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dance floor. He wasn’t very tall, but he was taller than me and he gathered me close to him. I could smell his fresh scent as we rocked to the music. He leaned back and looked at me, but I didn’t give him much of a chance before I said, “I have this need to lick your lips.”
I saw him smirk right before I made my move. Three things happened at once. The shots and beer kicked in, the song ended, and he pulled me toward the bathroom. He shoved me into a stall and kissed the ever-lovin’ hell outta me. My head spun. I wasn’t sure if it was from that kiss or the alcohol, but I was overwhelmed with a need for this man. I grabbed his ass and pulled him close. When it was all over, I couldn’t remember a single thing. The only thing I knew was he helped me pull myself back together after he zipped and buttoned up his jeans. The room still spun and I’m not sure if I ever said anything.
He grinned and said, “You look like you could use a drink.”
“Yeah,” was all I could get out.
We headed to the bar, and he ordered me an ice water. I downed it and then asked for a beer. His hand was on my back, and I wanted more of him.
“You live far from here?”
“Not too far. Why? You wanna come home with me?”
“Why? Are you asking?”
“I might be.”
He wore a black t-shirt, and I grabbed a handful of it, pulling him toward me. “What’s your name? I thought I should ask you since we’ve already introduced our bodies to each other.”
He released a husky laugh and said, “It’s Adam. And yours?”
“Lexi. Nice to meet you, Adam,” I said as I leaned into him. My mouth brushed against his neck. I was being outrageously flirty and displaying way too much affection.
“Mmm, maybe we should leave, then. What d’ya say, Lexi?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” I purred in his ear.
* * *
The blaring sun woke me,and I found myself tangled in Adam’s arms and sheets. At least it was just the two of us. Well, the two of us and that obnoxious jackhammer in my head. I rolled over and fell off the bed, slamming onto the floor.
“Oof,” I grunted as the floor smacked me. I crawled around on my hands and knees, urgently hunting the bathroom.
“Over there,” Adam pointed.
I couldn’t get to my feet, so I kept on crawling. Luckily, I made it in time for the morning-after throw-up session. God, when would I stop doing this to myself? I hunted for some toothpaste to finger-brush my teeth and then I stuck my mouth under the faucet and sucked up some water. I was completely dehydrated. Now I had to go and show my face. I hated this part. This is when I despised myself for what I did and everything I had become.
Stumbling back into his bedroom, my embarrassment peaked as he watched me with half-closed eyes. I hastily struggled to get my pants on, but I must’ve still been a little drunk, because I kept losing my balance and crash-landed on the floor.
In a quiet voice, he said, “You don’t have to run off, you know.” His voice suggested he had other plans for us.
My face heated up as I looked down at myself. I was mostly naked with faded bruises everywhere. I needed to get out of here and fast.
“Er, I have to work today.”
As I sat there, half naked and bruised, I pulled on my pants.
“Do you work every day?”
“Just about.”
I looked around for my bra and top and grabbed them to put on. His next words made me freeze.
“Well, Lexi, I really enjoyed last night. How much do I owe you?”
Jesus, he thought I was a hooker! My eyes welled up, but there was no way I would let them fall. I had to get out of here before that happened. I would not break down in front of this guy.
I cleared my throat to cover up my stupid trembling voice and dropped my head. “Hey, Adam, no worries. Last night was on the house. I had a lot of fun. Thanks.” Turning my back to him so he couldn’t see my face, I finished getting dressed.
“Look, I know it’s not any of my business, but you need to be careful, Lexi. Those are some pretty wicked bruises you have there.”
After some more throat clearing again, I said, “Yeah, I know. Thanks, Adam. For being so sweet.” I grabbed my purse and walked out the door.
I didn’t have any idea where I was until I hit the corner and saw the street sign. Oh hell. I was going to have a long walk home. It was just as well, because I was ashamed of myself. I had been mistaken for a prostitute. Adam, who happened to be a nice person, was going to pay me for my services. Well, didn’t that just make me feel proud of myself? Ugly tears blurred my vision during the long walk home.
* * *
I was an extremely slow learner.What can I say? The Golden Nugget was my destination once again one evening when I suddenly heard my name being called.
“Hey, Lexi!”
I turned around but didn’t see anyone I recognized.
“Over here. Across the street.”
I looked toward the direction of the voice, and saw a guy I had never seen before. He jogged over to me and said, “Why’d you run out the other morning? We had such a great time that night.”
Oh, for the love of God! It was Fred, or Barney, or whatever his name was. “Right. Sorry about that. I didn’t want to wake you up, but I had to go. You know, work and all.” It was apparent I was avoiding looking at him. He was pleasant looking, friendly eyes, light brown hair but totally not my type.
He gave me a wide smile, and said, “Well, you were certainly a hellcat. I’d love to do it again. Like real soon. The scratches on my back have finally healed.”
I prayed for the ground to open up and swallow me because I was about to throw up the sandwich I’d just eaten all over this dude’s feet. I laughed. Well, sort of. It sounded more like a ha-ha, with a choke added in. I said, “Okay. Cool. Well, I gotta go. I’m supposed to be meeting someone in a few minutes. Good seeing you.”
I took off almost at a dead run. My flip-flops were going to blow I was moving so fast. I just kept going, though, keeping my eyes on the sidewalk. The Charleston sidewalks were uneven and could be hazardous, which was why my eyes were focused down. Not wanting to crash and burn in my sprint-walk, my gaze concentrated on the irregular surface, when bam! I ran slap-dab into the front of someone. Only strong arms reached out to steady me and then pulled me into a warm, hard body.
“Whoa there, buddy. I’m good. You can release.”
I heard the sexiest laugh then. “Release?”
I looked up into Smoky Eyes himself. “Wow!” I said it without thinking. “Shit, I mean …” What exactly could I add to that?
“I don’t usually have that kind of effect on women. Shitty, I mean.”
I sputtered, then let loose a deep belly laugh. He started laughing too.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I was on an avoid run and wasn’t watching where I was going. Please forgive my stupid mouth,” I said.
“No, it’s fine. I really liked the ‘wow’ part. It was supremely impressive.”
“Not as impressive as you,” I said under my breath.
“What’s that?”
“Nothing. But thanks for saving me from falling on my butt.”
“Now you owe me.”
“Huh?”
“You owe me. I waited for your call, but it never came. Now you owe me, and I’d like to collect in the form of a date.”
“No!” I said it so fast and forceful, he looked at me intently. I backpedaled. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. Oh my God! My awful manners. What I should’ve said was I don’t date. That kind of repayment isn’t possible.”
“Why don’t you date?”
I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut. “It’s kind of a long story. I don’t want to bore you.”
“You could never bore me, and I have all night long.”
I looked at him and he stood there in all his gorgeousness expecting me to give him an answer, which of course would never happen.
“I’m sorry but I’d rather not discuss it.”
“Well then, what do you propose? You owe me but you refuse to pay.”
He had me there. How do I get myself into these messes?
“How about this? I was on my way to have a drink at the Golden Nugget. Will you join me?”
“I’d like that very much.”
Off we went, he the lovely gentleman, and me the half-slut, a.k.a. prostitute, running from Fred-Barney.