Thursday, July 14th
Cat
Life has been good. Really good, actually. After the trial, things slowed down and it felt like the first time in eight months that we all could breathe deeply. Especially Ronan. He’s been easing back into a new normal, taking things slow. He’s been resting a lot, way more than I’ve ever known him to take time to just sleep, or read, or just be in the moment.
Rica’s sentencing took place two days after Steve’s nineteenth birthday. It was quite the dog-and-pony show, according to the prosecutor. Rica’s attorney put on all the evidence of mitigating circumstances, arguing why Rica’s sentence should be minimal despite abusing her youngest son his entire life and nearly beating him to death, leaving him not only physically but emotionally scarred. Ronan declined to be present, declined to give a victim impact statement, or to even write anything for the prosecutor to read to the judge, which could be considered in sentencing. As far as Ronan was concerned, he did what he had to do when he testified and wanted to focus on healing.
“If me sitting there for nine hours straight and going into painful fucking detail about what my mom did to me isn’t enough, then I don’t think a piece of paper is going to make any difference,” he told me when I asked him why he didn’t want to at least write out a statement about how his mother’s abuse had affected him. I had to admit that he made a good point, and neither Frank, Steve, Shane, nor I wanted to pressure Ronan into anything that would inflict even more pain on him.
In the end, Rica was sentenced to a mere three years in prison. When my friends and I got the news of the short time Rica would be deprived of her freedom, compared to the lifelong torment she inflicted on her son, we were all so angry. Each of us had strong opinions on the matter.
It feels like an injustice, like the system let Ronan down, and we were hurt and upset for him. But Ronan put it into perspective on graduation night when we were all together and hanging out at Shane’s beach house.
“Man, you’re cool as a fucking cucumber about this shit,” Shane said to Ronan. He fell back onto the rattan outdoor sectional sofa on the deck of his mother’s beach house after finishing a passionate recital of all the reasons why three years in prison seemed like a complete slap in the face.
“Because it doesn’t matter,” Ronan said.
Shane frowned at him. “Why not?”
“Because it’s over. The only thing that matters is that it’s over,” Ronan said, but Shane still didn’t seem satisfied. “Shay, what difference does it make whether she gets two days or twenty years? None at all. She did what she did. Her being locked up doesn’t change that for me. It doesn’t take away the nightmares, it doesn’t erase my anxiety, it doesn’t somehow make me unlearn all the bullshit she beat into my head.”
“Okay, I get that,” Shane sighed, looking at his best friend warmly. “But don’t you think she’d deserve to spend more time rotting away in a cell?”
“You assume that I spend any time at all thinking about what my mother deserves or doesn’t. I honestly try not to think about her at all because usually when I do, it doesn’t end well for me. I’d much rather spend my energy thinking about Cat,” he said in a husky voice, pulling me more tightly against him.
Vada giggled. “Are those thoughts dirty by any chance?”
“Uh, I’d say it’s about an eighty-twenty ratio,” Ronan said with my favorite mischievous half smile, a naughty little gleam in his beautiful green eyes.
“With the eighty being dirty?” Shane asked.
“Extremely,” Ronan said, making me blush.
“What are the other twenty percent?” Tori asked.
Ronan’s face softened. “How fucking lucky I am to have her, how much I love her, how perfect she is…” Ronan trailed off with a deep exhale and a smile on his lips. I suddenly very desperately needed to kiss those lips.
“Aww,” Summer swooned.
“Jesus, man, stop. You’re making me look bad,” Zack said, causing the rest of us to dissolve into fits of laughter.
“Alright, alright, let’s make a toast,” Shane shouted over us as he raised his glass of whiskey.
Steve did like Shane and raised his bottle of beer in the air. “What are we toasting to? The graduates?”
“Well, yeah, but I’ve been thinking about what Ran said the other night. About how he called himself broken. And, I mean, I think we’re all kind of fucked up in some way. It’s been a hell of a year; we’ve all tried to figure this out somehow, and even before then…” He trailed off, becoming contemplative as he looked around at us.
I realized he was right. All of us tried to cope as best we could these past few months, not just with what happened to Ronan, but our own struggles as well. My past with Adam and my desire to assert myself against my dad, Steve and Shane with their guilt, Vada with her breakup from Steve.
Ronan nodded. “I’m definitely not the only fucked up one here,” he said. “So… maybe we toast to all of us? To the broken ones?” Ronan raised his own glass.
Steve studied his little brother for a moment, then raised his bottle higher. “To the broken ones.”
Everyone else raised their glasses, too. “To the broken ones.”
We clinked our glasses and drank.
Ronan, Vada, Tori, Zack, Summer, and I finally graduated high school on May 21st. It was such an exciting and interesting day.
My dad and siblings had flown in the night before to see me walk the stage, and that morning my parents broke the news that they had had enough of their long-distance marriage. Starting now, my dad and siblings would live in New York. My mom disclosed to me in secret that a few months ago, my dad tried to convince her to move back to North Carolina with me, probably because he still wasn’t a fan of my relationship, so I could attend Duke close to home. All that changed when I informed my parents of my decision to attend NYU come this fall, and that I had absolutely no intention of being anywhere but in New York.
My dad finally met Ronan that afternoon, and to say it was an awkward first encounter would be an understatement. Even after our heartfelt talk back in March, my dad was a total ass.
Our families met just outside the convention center where the ceremony took place. I bounded toward Ronan and threw myself into his arms while my mom and Penny hugged. I startled for a second when I saw Penny and my dad hug, until I remembered that they’ve known each other since high school. My parents were high school sweethearts, and Penny and my mom were best friends. Naturally, the three of them had spent a lot of time together when they were mine and Ronan’s age.
“Bobby, this is Penny’s boyfriend, Frank,” my mom said to my dad, and he and Frank shook hands. At only about four inches taller than my dad, Frank didn’t exactly tower over him, but Frank’s wide, muscular frame obviously made an impression on my dad, who’s most definitely not wide or particularly muscular. My dad looks like… a math teacher.
After Steve introduced himself, I stepped back from Ronan. “Dad, this is Ran,” I said, my fingers interlaced with Ronan’s as he reached his free hand out to my dad.
“Good to finally meet my daughter’s boyfriend,” my dad said, and I wondered if he purposely deepened his voice as he said that. He took Ronan’s hand firmly into his own.
“Good to meet you, too, sir,” Ronan said politely.
My dad very obviously analyzed Ronan, who was wearing a nice pair of dark-wash jeans and a fitted white short-sleeved Henley that showed off his sculpted arms, shoulders, and chest. There was no denying how handsome all three of the Soult guys are.
My dad eyed Ronan for a long, uncomfortable moment, purposely dragging out the awkward silence. He gripped Ronan’s hand tightly as he took note of Ronan’s height and muscular frame, then scanned his face. My dad’s gaze lingered on the prominent scar cutting through Ronan’s left eyebrow and continuing underneath his left eye. I know Ronan noticed; I saw the discomfort in his eyes as my dad continued to squeeze Ronan’s hand, obviously signaling that my dad had an eye on him and me, and that he didn’t approve of my relationship with Ronan just yet.
I rolled my eyes and huffed loudly. “I think Ran and I probably need to get going.”
My dad finally let go of Ronan’s hand.
“Yes, we should find our seats,” my mom said tersely, giving my dad a disapproving look for his idiotic behavior and his weak attempt at intimidating Ronan, who has done absolutely nothing to deserve such a cool reception.
But Ronan took it in stride. “Well, your dad’s obviously a fan of mine. I think we’re going to be best buds,” he said as we walked hand in hand to the back of the stage, where we met our friends and gathered with the rest of our class for the commencement ceremony.
The ceremony was nice. Lengthy and boring, but nice. Vada brought her A-game. Her personality is perfectly suited for being in front of people, and her valedictorian speech did not disappoint.
She did make a point of mentioning Ronan, her eyes brimming with tears when she emphasized that the reason she was standing at the podium instead of Ronan was because he had been through hell and back. She didn’t go into detail, didn’t elaborate on exactly what happened to Ronan, but her emotional tribute nonetheless elicited a deep reaction from everyone in attendance.
“If things had gone differently, it would be Ran standing here in front of you all today. And truly, he’s more than deserving of this honor. Ran has always outperformed me, but not only is he an incredible student, he’s also one of the best friends anyone could ask for. He’s humble and gracious, kind and smart. What happened to him wasn’t fair. It was undeserved, and absolutely devastating. I would gladly give up this valedictorian title if it meant Ran would be unharmed, both physically and emotionally,” Vada choked out as she finished her speech, her voice cracking as she tried to hold it together.
To Ronan’s absolute dismay, almost our entire class stood from their seats and began applauding him. He just sat in his chair a few seats to my left, shaking his head and glaring at Vada, who laughed through her tears. When I looked out at the audience, I saw Ronan’s family, my mom and siblings, Shane’s, Tori’s, and Summer’s families, and Zack and Vada’s dad standing, applauding as well while Shane and Steve hollered and whistled. I couldn’t help but smile, knowing that Ronan was probably internally dying right now. He hates attention like this, but he’s also so, so deserving of it.
Less than two weeks after graduation, Ronan turned eighteen. He readily admitted it was a giant milestone for him; he never thought he’d even make it to that age. But despite it being the perfect reason to celebrate, Ronan sternly shut down our friends’ suggestions to have an epic party at the beach house.
“No, man, we have to do something!” Zack complained with a frown. “It’s your fucking eighteenth, man! Eighteen!”
“Leave him be, dude,” Shane said.
“You seriously don’t want to do anything at all?” Steve asked his little brother. “No party? It’s a big one, Ran!”
“No, I don’t want a party,” Ronan said. “But… actually,” he said, perking up a bit next to me. “You know what I’d love to do this summer?”
“Enlighten us,” Shane chuckled.
The cutest smile spread across Ronan’s lips, making me smile in turn. “I’d love to go back to the Hamptons.”
“For beach camping?” Tori asked, sitting up a little straighter.
“Yeah,” Ronan said, his voice velvety. “Honestly, that was one of the best weekends of my life.” He turned to look at me, his eyes the most beautiful liquid green.
“Fuck yeah, it was an amazing weekend,” Shane said. “So, that’s what you want to do, huh?”
Ronan nodded. “Yep, that’s what I want to do.”
Shane pulled out his phone, immediately checking his calendar. “That should be doable. I might not be able to swing the Fourth this year, but maybe after that sometime so I can get my dad to cover for me,” Shane said, swiping around on his screen.
Vada giggled. “I assume this time Kitty Cat and I won’t be sharing a tent.”
“Absolutely not,” Ronan said with a chuckle.
I blushed. Of course I blushed. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to stop my face from turning red hot when I’m around Ronan.
Just as he had requested, Ronan’s birthday—which simultaneously marked our first anniversary—was a quiet day, though I did make good on the naughty dream I had soon after Ronan had left for Montana.
“I believe I still owe you hood-of-your-car sex,” I told Ronan bashfully when we were in the garage, about to get in his car to drive to the beach house that evening. I grinned widely at the look in his eyes when I said it, like all his wildest dreams were coming true. Just minutes later we were taking advantage of the fact that Steve had already left and Penny and Frank were out running errands. I’d say that was a pretty fantastic birthday present for him, and an equally incredible first anniversary present for me. One year down and hopefully an entire lifetime to go.
***
I’m in the backseat of my mom’s old clunker, squeezed between my sister, Sam, and Benny’s booster seat while my parents chat it up in the front. The moment we pull up to the curb in front of Ronan’s house, I hurry my siblings out of the car and grab what little camping gear I packed from the trunk.
I’m heading to the Hamptons with Ronan and my friends today. Four beautiful nights with Ronan. My body tingles at the thought of it.
Like they did last year, Tori and Shane are picking Ronan and me up so we can drive to the Hamptons together, while Steve is riding with Zack, Summer, and Vada.
“So…” Penny says, barely able to hide her excitement the moment we enter the house. “Frank and I have some news,” she says, and looks lovingly at Frank.
“Oh shit,” I hear Ronan mutter next to me, and Frank chuckles at his youngest son.
“I’m pregnant,” Penny says with so much happiness in her voice it’s contagious.
My mom starts doing her weird little happy jig. “Oh my god, oh my god,” she squeals, then hugs Penny tightly. “That is the best news!”
“Oh, it gets better,” Frank says somewhat sheepishly. “We’re having twins.”
My mom’s eyes go wide. “You’re kidding!” she screeches, hugging Penny against herself again, then Frank, then Penny again.
I turn to Ronan, who looks like this is all news to him, too.
“What do you guys think?” Frank asks Steve and Ronan, his voice more hesitant, cautious.
Steve looks shell-shocked. “Holy shit, Dad. That’s…” Steve trails off for a moment. “Twins, huh?”
Frank nods, his gaze moving between Steve and Ronan repeatedly. “It would appear so, yeah.”
“Holy shit,” Steve says again.
“Ran?” Frank says to Ronan, who still hasn’t said a word.
“That’s… fast,” Ronan finally says.
I analyze his profile, trying to read his expression.
Frank nods, still studying his son’s face.
“We’re due in February, but my doctor said it’s unlikely I’ll be able to carry to term and that twins usually come sooner. I’m hoping we’ll make it to thirty-six weeks,” Penny says. I’m not sure she’s picking up on the tense energy between Frank and his boys; she’s too excited to tune in to the significance of what Frank just shared with his sons.
“Do you know what you’re having? Or is it too soon to tell?” my dad asks, equally as oblivious to the vibes.
“Well, technically we won’t have confirmation until a few weeks from now,” Penny says, “but I did the early genetic testing and we’re having twin boys.”
There’s more excited screeching from my mom and Penny, who are hugging again.
I reach for Ronan’s hand to squeeze it, and he looks at me. I detect sadness in his eyes.
My dad chuckles. “You’ll need to find yourselves a bigger home.”
“Actually,” Ronan says, his tone devoid of emotion, “I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you that I’ve been talking with Shane and I’m going to move in with him.”
I’m surprised. We had talked about it before in passing, about Shane’s half-hearted search for a roommate over this last year and his confession that he was really just waiting for Ronan to move in. I know Ronan had been thinking about it, but neither he nor Shane wanted to put any pressure on the situation, and I wasn’t aware that Ronan had made a decision until now.
Frank takes a step toward his son. “No, Ran, you don’t need to do that.”
“Yeah, I do,” Ronan says. “There won’t be enough room for all of us with twin babies, even with Stevie in Boston.”
“Sure there is. The twins can have Steve’s room,” Frank says.
“Hey,” Steve protests in the background. “What about when I come to visit?”
Frank waves off his oldest son. “You can sleep on the couch or in Ran’s room.”
“No, Dad, I really think this is for the best. You guys will need the space; it’s you and Penny now. And that’s okay,” Ronan says. “Plus, I can’t say I’m excited about the idea of sleeping in a room next to two babies who will be crying a thousand times a night.”
“Buddy,” Frank says, his voice warm, “I’m sorry we’re just springing this on you two. I meant to talk to you sooner, but I just… I couldn’t find the right moment. I’m sorry, Ran. Please, you don’t need to leave. I don’t want you to—”
“Dad, stop,” Ronan says. “It’s not… I want this. I need this. I need to move out. It’ll be good for me.” He takes a deep breath. “If you all don’t mind, I’m going to step out for some fresh air for a minute.”
He locks eyes with me, seeking my understanding.
I nod, knowing that he needs a moment to himself.