Chapter 26
Linden
I hadn’t meant to drop the bomb on them that I wanted to be fucked by Atlas.
After prepping all day, I was supposed to talk to them about it, but I hadn’t been one hundred percent certain I’d go through with it.
It was something Hugh and I had never done before.
I’d only been fucked whenever he wasn’t around.
And I hadn’t meant to snap at him, but I wouldn’t take it back.
I just needed something different, and I wasn’t sure I could take another double penetration with Atlas, feeling Hugh’s cock constantly rubbing against mine. It was hot, and I loved it. I loved it too fucking much. That was the problem.
I shut down my conflicting thoughts to focus on Atlas. His tongue peeked out as he held his cock and lined up with my hole. He was fucking cute as hell.
Atlas easily sank into me. Sure, it stung, but I breathed through it. It was a nice change, being filled again. His eyes were closed, and he sucked in his bottom lip as he was prone to do. I tucked some curls away from his face. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I don’t want to come too quickly. I’m not used to being inside anyone.”
“Thank you for this.”
His eyes popped open, and he gave me a breathtaking smile. “Anything for you. Anything for you both.”
I quickly pulled him down for a kiss as Hugh worked on getting inside Atlas, feeling that love for him course through me, warming my already heated skin.
When we came up for air, he rested his face in the crook of my throat, and I grabbed a handful of his hair from behind as Hugh pushed into him.
Atlas’s fingers dug into my shoulders and breathed through the stretch and burn. Once Hugh was fully seated, he pulled out and snapped his hips back into him, essentially forcing Atlas to sink deeper into me.
It had been a while since I’d had a man fill me. I fucking missed it. Every once in a while, I just needed to get plowed.
It was quiet between us. There was no dirty talk.
Only the sounds of our breathing and the slapping of our skin could be heard in the small room.
We weren’t putting on much of a show, but I didn’t give a fuck.
This was and always had been about the three of us.
The exhibitionism was simply a bonus. It was freeing to let go of societal constraints and fuck openly.
Hugh rested his body on top of Atlas’s, the weight crushing me, but we’ve done this before, whenever we were both inside Atlas.
I should’ve had Atlas take me from behind instead, because Hugh’s eyes landed on mine.
Who knew how long we stared at each other as he pumped into Atlas and Atlas pumped into me.
A million questions were swirling around in his coffee-colored eyes, and I couldn’t blame him. I was being weird, setting everything off-balance.
I was the first to look away, turning my head into Atlas’s curls and closing my eyes, allowing myself just to feel. To feel how good it was to have Atlas inside me. To have him hold me.
“God… you’re wrapped around me like a tight glove. And our sexy King keeps hitting that spot. I’m not going to make it,” Atlas panted into my neck.
I wrapped my arms around both of my men. My men. Even if Hugh and I were not together like that, he still belonged to me. He would always be a part of my life.
“Just let go, baby. Fill me up,” I whispered. “You don’t need to wait on Hugh or me.”
And he did. As soon as I gave him permission, his hot cum seared me.
“Fuck…” he rasped. “So good.”
My eyes flashed to Hugh, who was still staring at me.
Dammit. Then they turned wide when he threaded his fingers through my hair and yanked on it so hard I couldn’t move my head, as he pummeled into Atlas, who lay prone on me.
His cock slipped out, and I winced at his leaking cum.
Still, Hugh wouldn’t take his eyes off me.
I reached for my cock underneath Atlas and stroked myself awkwardly. It was hard to get good friction, but it was enough since I’d been close already.
His jaw clenched, and he grunted the faster and harder he went. His eyes slid shut finally as he came into Atlas, growling as he did so.
I hadn’t come yet, so Atlas tried to suck me down, but I shook my head and rapidly rubbed one out once everyone was off me. Again, my eyes met Hugh’s as I burned from the pressure. It wasn’t until I finally came that I looked away and closed my eyes.
When we wrapped it up, we cleaned ourselves up in silence. Hugh handed Atlas his red kimono with a floral print. I’d made everything awkward and disjointed. Part of me felt bad, but I didn’t regret asking Atlas to fuck me.
Before we walked out of there, Atlas slid an arm through the crook of mine and Hugh’s. “Enough. We’re being all weird, and I don’t like it. Not one bit.”
“Sorry, I’ve just been in a mood today. It’s nothing personal,” I said, lying smoothly.
“Are you sure that’s all there is?” Hugh asked, now refusing to meet my eyes.
“Yes.”
It wasn’t the time or place to talk. I needed to think through some things first before broaching this sensitive topic.
In all honesty, I didn’t think I could take this relationship as it stood any longer.
I loved both men, and I wanted this relationship to thrive, but I needed Hugh, too.
This wasn’t sustainable any longer for me.
We were all getting too close. I understood some polyamorous relationships work like ours, and it would’ve been great had I not been in love with Hugh for-fucking-ever.
The more we double penetrated Atlas, and the more my feelings grew, the more I needed to back out of this. It was unfair to them both. If I stepped out of the picture, maybe Hugh could find love in Atlas. He was happy with him, and he’d made it clear we were only cousins, nothing more.
Fuck, but I wanted Atlas, too, which made this conundrum even more complicated. I didn’t want to let him go. He’d become just as precious to me.
I couldn’t be mad at Hugh. His choices and boundaries were reasonable.
I was the one being unreasonable, expecting something serious with him.
No, not expecting. Hoping. Could I only love one man?
Sure, and I did, though I hadn’t been vocal about it yet because of my internal conflicts.
It wasn’t fair to dump that on him currently, at least not until I got my head on straight.
The three of us were in a serious relationship. Could I live with it forever? Or as long as it lasted? What if Atlas wanted to get married? Hugh wasn’t the marrying type. I wasn’t either, not that I was against it.
Shit, these were things I needed to think about. Seriously, think about it. Once I got my head on straight, I’d talk to them.
As we passed a row of rooms with red sheer curtains, Atlas dragged us to a stop.
“It’s them,” he whispered. “Can we watch for a bit?”
I didn’t like him watching his old roommate get railed by two guys all that much, but that was ownership on my part. I trusted him not to seek other men outside of our relationship.
There were two seats available, so Hugh and I sat down, and he climbed onto my lap and leaned into Hugh. He always made sure both of us were always touching him.
My mood hadn’t improved, but watching the three other men was a good distraction.
Knox, the older man, was clearly the one in charge. Their dynamic was fluid and natural. After Knox finished coming inside Finn, he plugged the young man up.
“Oh, I like that. They have to wear each other’s cum. So hot!” Atlas exclaimed loudly. “You’ve done that to me before. I love wearing a part of each of you, like a dirty secret.”
The three men cleaned themselves up and exited the small room. As soon as Ryder stepped out, Atlas climbed off us and bounded over to his friend.
“So sexy! You have to watch me next!” he said.
He was about to hug Ryder, and while that was fine in any other circumstance, it was definitely not while he was naked. Absolutely not.
Hugh must have thought the same thing, because as soon as Atlas pulled Ryder into a hug, we yanked him back by his arms. He wasn’t upset or offended. In fact, he beamed at our sudden jealousy.
We said our goodbyes, cleaned up, got dressed, and headed to Hugh’s place. I almost went home, but that would have raised way too much suspicion since I always stayed the night after an evening with Atlas.
I headed home after breakfast, desperate for some alone time. Once we were snuggled in bed last night, things settled down, and it appeared everything was back to normal, except for the chaos raging inside me. I’d never reached a point where I was so torn up over something before.
I hadn’t previously worried because my only concern had been how to handle things if Atlas left us or if it didn’t work out with him. Hugh had barely been a thought because we did everything together, and I’d been fine with that.
All this shit was dumped on me recently because my feelings for Hugh had become nearly unbearable. What a fucking idiot I was not to think of that possible problem once we started something serious with him. I should’ve considered it since this was our first polyamorous relationship.
Every time I ran the consequences through my head based on different decisions I could make, they all turned out to be shit. None of them were ideal. Dammit.
Too many worries and potential consequences were swirling in my mind. I couldn’t find one scenario that left us all happy.
If I left the relationship, what would happen to our jobs and Atlas as our PA? I could leave work to pursue my dreams for a change. The only outcome that didn’t seem probable was Hugh loving me back. I thought it would be enough to love only one man, but it wasn’t. I needed both of them.
Fuck, Christmas was coming up soon, too.
The morning was cold, but my hoodie would be fine once I started working on the table I hadn’t finished yet. I shoved in my earbuds, turned on a mix of songs I’d saved on my music app, and donned my goggles.
Most of the piece was done. The surface of the table wasn’t yet attached.
I’d already beveled along the edges of the black walnut.
All I had to do was sand it all. Once that was done, I’d put the thing together and then glue on the medallions.
It would take a bit for the glue to cure, then I’d stain it.
I weaved across the wood grain, sanding the surface. Then I got my tools and wood in my hands. Soon, all my worries vanished into the dark part of my brain.
I finished the main sanding. Next, I switched to fine-grit sandpaper and attached it to my sander to make the wood extra smooth.
As I got lost in smoothing over the surface, my music paused often as someone texted me, but I ignored it. The last thing I wanted was to talk to people.
I was in my zone. I’d talk to them later.
After a couple of hours, I called it quits. The sanding was done. Tomorrow, I’d put the table together. I removed my goggles, wiped the sweat from my forehead with a dirty rag, and checked my phone to see who kept texting me.
Hugh.
Dammit.
There were several texts that spanned a couple of hours.
Hugh: Feeling better today?
Hugh: Want to come by for dinner? I’m
making crab cakes.
Hugh: Atlas is painting in his room.
Have you seen his work lately?
His last text hit home.
Hugh: Talk to me, cuz.
Fucking goddamn ‘cuz.’ I’ve never hated a word more than I did at that moment.
That right there really pounded home the boundaries Hugh set in place for us. I really needed to think long and hard about what I wanted to do with this relationship, and I had to do it soon. Once I was ready, I’d sit down and talk with my guys. I owed them that much.