Nineteen #2
Suddenly feeling sweaty I wiped my palms on my chest as I struggled to figure out how to casually bring up the topic.
I couldn’t exactly say, ‘Hey, did I throw myself onto you like a desperate idiot last night?’ or ‘Did we do things last night that you’re probably regretting right now and want to forget about? ’
Those both felt like real possibilities because I knew better than most that shit happens when two people come back drunk from a party. I also knew drunk me would jump at the opportunity to have sex with my rival, as much as it pained me to admit.
"Why did we sleep together?" I sputtered.
Well, that wasn’t much better than what I had thought in my head.
Javi snorted but ultimately was not too phased by my improper word choices. “In the bed?”
"Yeah, why not have me sleep in the spare room? Or even the floor?"
“Oh, believe me. I tried,” he said with a low chuckle. “It didn’t work out.”
I cracked my knuckles. “Why not?”
“Because you refused to sleep anywhere but in my bed and cuddled up with me.”
My drunk self just had a knack for embarrassing me.
“You could’ve let me sleep on the floor,” I said as my head hung low, my voice barely above a whisper.
“I wouldn’t do that,” he stated firmly. "Plus, you were drunk out of your mind. I was trying not to wake my parents or siblings. Then once you started singing the National Anthem I just wanted you to go to sleep.”
Before I could reply the door flung open, thank goodness, and it made both of us jump.
Javi instantly moved over to create distance between us, and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t already miss his body heat next to mine.
Though, I should have been more focused on the fact that I was sitting next to my rival shirtless and pantless.
Javi’s parents hadn’t known I was in their house in the first place and I did not want to greet them half-naked.
Fortunately, the person who opened the door was not his parents, but his sister. Her eyes shot straight at her brother, either not registering or ignoring my presence next to him. “Alan says that you have to go get donuts because you didn’t go get them yesterday.”
Javier’s calm attitude turned tense. “Why can’t he go get them himself? It’s seven in the morning.”
“He says the earlier you buy them from the shop the better they taste,” Gabriela said with a lazy shrug. “He also said Milo and Roy asked for them, but let's be real: Alan wants them and is too lazy to go get them himself.”
Milo and Roy were Javier and Gabriela’s younger brothers. I knew that from hearing their mother yell at their names for wrestling each time I had been at their home. I had no clue who Alan was, but now I knew that he was too lazy to pick up his own pastries.
Gabriela’s eyes winded as she threw a hand over her mouth. “Eli? What are you doing here?”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I offered her a lopsided smile. Javier took it upon himself to respond to his sister. “He came here after the party.”
“Oh,” she mumbled, suddenly lost in thought. “Everyone will be happy to see you, Eli. Well, maybe not Alan, but that's because he hates good things in life.”
“Gabriela,” Javier warned. His sister smiled condescendingly.
“Who’s Alan?” I finally asked.
“Our stepdad. If you love having to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn to get donuts because you want them ‘warm and fresh,’ you’ll love him.”
Cutting the conversation short, Javi flicked his hand toward the door. “Okay, run along now. We’ll be down in a minute.”
“Don’t shoo me away like some pest.” Her hands flew to her hips sassily. “But fine, I’ll leave. You two make good decisions, yes?”
Gabriela left silently, but not without sending an awful wink our way.
“Ignore her.”
“She’s great,” I said gently. “You should have taken her to the party last night. She’s a junior, right? She seems like she would have fun.”
“Then I’d have to watch her the entire night and that wouldn’t be fun.” He leaned his weight onto one arm. “Actually, it would have been me watching her and you the entire night which would have been even less fun.”
Well now I felt bad for ruining his night. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine, I just…” he trailed off. Javi let out a huff which caused a piece of his hair to fly up. “Why do you do that?”
I raised a brow. “Do what?”
"Do you ever think that you go a little overboard?"
My immediate reaction was to shake my head. Deny, deny, deny. I knew I could be excessive every now and again, but I didn't mean to be. It was unintentional, so bringing it up made me feel small, ashamed. Fuck that feeling.
"I don't want to overstep boundaries or anything but—”
"Then don't,” I said firmly.
Javier blinked dumbfoundedly at my sudden sternness. Then, he shifted his weight and relaxed his body. His eyes fell to my hands before he took both of them and put them in his. One hand in each. I let him hold them, but my hands were ready to retract at any moment.
"It's a little alarming, Eli," Javier said cautiously. "I’ve noticed for a while now—a lot of people have. I just want to make sure you’re good, y’know?"
"So I've drank a little too much at a few parties, big fucking deal," I said dismissively.
"It's not a few parties, it's every party I have seen you at," he stressed. "Please trust me when I say I'm not the only one who has noticed. We’re all young and want to have fun, I get that, but the way you drink is concerning."
When he was met with my blank stare and silence, he continued.
"Listen, I obviously don't know what I don't know. We don’t know each other all that well, so maybe it really isn't that big of a deal.
But what I do know is that somebody having to drag your ass back barely conscious at the end of the night is an issue. "
He was squeezing my hands at this point. "Not only is it not fun for the person having to take care of you, but it isn't good for you. It isn't healthy and it isn't safe. I’m telling you this because it seems like no one else has the courage to."
Fed up with the back and forth of the conversation I wanted a straight-forward answer. "What are you implying?"
His lips parted, confused. "I'm not implying anything."
I pulled my hands from his and crossed my arms to my chest. "Really? If you have something to say, then spit it out.”
“Don’t get mad at me, I’m just trying to help.”
I averted my gaze and turned my body away from him. Now was not the time to have this conversation. In the steadiest voice possible, I asked, “Can you drop it?”
I could see a half-frown on his face out of the corner of my eye. “I guess.”
Javier was the first person to truly say something about the alcohol.
Well—my siblings had times before as well, but they only did so to insult me.
I never believed a word that came out of their mouths because every word that they said was spoken to make me feel lesser.
I didn’t feel as though I was doing anything wrong because if the twins thought it was wrong, then it had to be okay.
It had to be fine because those two never knew what they were talking about.
But hearing someone else tell me that it was a problem gave me an icky feeling.
Javi and I weren’t even friends, yet he felt comfortable enough to give his two cents on the matter.
None of my friends had ever done that. They gave me odd looks from time to time, but they had never flat out said anything.
Or maybe they tried to and I just hadn’t noticed.
Either way, I never had any reason to honestly think about whether I was behaving in a harmful way or not. That was until now.
But it wasn’t enough to make me want to share all of my issues with my rival.
All I wanted was to lay in the cloud-bed again and sleep until the hangover went away.
Knowing that was not an option, I was going to suggest that we make a move before his mom or Alan made their way up here to get on Javi for not going to pick up the donuts.
Suddenly, a memory from the night before popped into my brain.
A wave of worry washed over me. “Javi, can you drive me to Ricky’s house? Please?”
“Now?”
I nodded hastily. “I remember a bit of last night and I’m ninety percent sure he’s pissed at me. Like, actually pissed, not jokingly like he usually is.”
His hand landed gently on my shoulder. “It’s alright, I don’t think he’s as angry as you think he is.”
“So you think he is angry?” My hands flew to my forehead as I groaned. “Fuck, why am I so damn stupid? Can you take me to him? Please? He’s my best friend.”
“Yeah, no problem.” Javier squeezed my shoulder.
Javier smiled sympathetically. “Yeah, I have to go get donuts anyway.”
“You’re a lifesaver.” And I meant that.
Ricky and I had dumb fights just as much as any normal best friends did.
We got over the petty arguments quickly because normally there wasn’t a real problem in the first place, but whatever had happened last night felt different.
Maybe it was because I couldn't fully remember what went down, but I feared that he was genuinely upset with me.
The fear that he was going to end the friendship because I did something stupid was making me feel more nauseous than I already was. Each step I took to Javier’s car felt like a boat rocking on a ship.
Ricky was the one person in my life who I truly could not live without. I had to make sure we were okay.
Javier gave me a t-shirt and shorts to throw on so that I didn’t have to wear the bunny costume in public. The shirt was only a few inches too big, but the shorts fit just fine. It made sense because we were only a couple of inches apart in height, anyway.
Javier and I didn’t speak much during the car ride, but when we did it was when he would give me his optimistic thoughts about my best friend and I.
He tried to reassure me that I hadn’t fucked up my relationship with the only person to ever truly stay by my side.
I appreciated Javi’s attempt to ease my head, but my mind had already convinced itself to believe the worst.
Had I been able to fully remember what the conversation between Ricky and I was then maybe I wouldn’t have been so worked up. It was the lack of gaps to fill in the blank. Javier said he didn’t seem too upset, he was more frustrated than anything. That was what scared me.
Once we got to our destination, I thanked Javier for the ride and rushed to the front door. I was standing on the porch as I knocked a few times.
"I'm sorry,” I said as soon as the front door opened.
Ricky raised a brow as he ran a hand through his messy hair. “Eli?”
I took a moment to take note of his demeanor. He was not fuming with anger, so that was a good sign. However, he did appear drained. It looked as if he hadn't slept a wink in days. Ricky had a weird obsession with his sleep schedule, so his tired state was a telltale sign that something was off.
The sound of wheels moving against rocks was heard and Ricky’s eyes followed the car. “Who just dropped you off?”
“Javier, but that isn’t relevant. I’m sorry.”
Ricky let out a heavy sigh before stepping through the door and shutting it behind him. He leaned against the door frame with a slight frown. "Do you even know why you're sorry?"
I paused. “Not right now, but it’ll come back to me. I swear.”
Ricky chuckled disappointedly. “You’re apologizing but you don’t even know what you did wrong."
“I know I did something—or maybe it was because I didn’t do something? I don’t know, dude. I just know I’m sorry for whatever happened.”
"You didn’t really do anything,” he muttered. I couldn't tell if he was speaking the truth or lying for my sake.
“What happened last night?”
“I told you to stay at the party and you did. All you did was listen to what I told you to do.”
It was starting to come back to me in pieces.
I remembered him coming up to me, obviously distressed and wanting to go.
Clearly I didn’t leave with him. That was shitty of me.
Something terrible could have happened to him because I was too selfish to leave that damn party.
Who knew what had happened to make him so adamant about leaving?
I should have dropped everything and went after him regardless of him telling me to stay.
“You would have gone after me and I should have gone after you,” I said, feeling the regret from my actions.
“I mean, yeah. I would’ve gone after you,” he said with a loose shrug. His eyes focused on the ground as he slid his foot back and forth. “But lately you seem to care more about liquor than your friends.”
Ouch.
I took a step forward, determined. “That is not true.”
Ricky’s eyes met mine, a piece of his over-grown hair covering the right one. His jaw was clenched, but his eyes had a sense of sympathy behind them. “I know you don’t think it is.”
All I could do was blink. The hell was I supposed to say to that? I did not put alcohol above my friends. Alcohol was an enhancer, it made me feel good when everything around me felt bad. But that didn’t mean it was everything. My friends were my everything.
“It’s chill, though.” Ricky put on a closed-lip smile. “I know you care about me. Thanks for coming here to make sure we’re good.”
Ricky’s quickness to brush things over when he had just told me I prioritize alcohol over him didn’t sit right with me. Still, I was relieved to hear that we were on good terms.
I fidgeted with the drawstring on my shorts. "So, what happened at the party?”
He rolled his lips together and his head hung low. “Kailey and I are on a break.”
I couldn’t stop my lips from parting in shock. As annoying as they could be sometimes as a couple, I didn’t want their relationship to have problems. They were great together and were good for each other.
But they were on a break, not broken up. A quick conversation between them could possibly fix the conversation. I hoped so, anyway.
"I'm sorry." It was my fourth time apologizing in the span of five minutes. "Last night?"
"Yeah, in the middle of the party."
It seemed that the party was a bad night for everyone.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked. Ricky shook his head firmly. “Do you want me to leave?”
I didn’t want him to want me to leave. He shook his head again and a light smile formed on my lips.
"We can go inside and stuff our faces with junk while I beat you in COD," he suggested.
I pursed my lips. “Minus the snacks, but sure.”
“Sucks being hungover, doesn’t it?”
I rolled my eyes as I moved past him to let myself in. “Yeah, yeah, I don’t need a lecture. By the way, you never beat me in Call of Duty.”
He smirked. “We’ll see about that.”