Twenty-two
Eli
"J avier called me ‘amor’ yesterday.”
"Really?” Ricky raised a brow. When I nodded, he asked, “Are we happy about that?"
Weirdly, yeah. I was happy about it. I found myself constantly thinking about and wanting to be around the guy I had convinced myself to hate for over three whole years.
I never thought that he and I would ever get to such a point where I could confidently say he didn’t irk me to my core.
I was seeing firsthand why everyone loved the golden boy.
However, I had a dilemma. It was easy for me to focus on proving that I was smarter than someone I hated because the dislike for them drove me to work harder.
It’s hard to be unapologetically better than someone that you genuinely like.
What if this caused me to lose focus on everything that I had worked so hard for?
I wanted the new relationship that we had, but I still wanted to win.
That never changed. So, I’d just have to balance it.
"Yes," my voice was barely above a whisper. It was as if speaking too loudly would have gotten me reprimanded. "Everyone loves him for a reason."
“I like him too and I haven’t spent nearly as much time with him as you have,” Ricky said with an encouraging smile. “You two went through all of these years of unnecessary hate when you could have been friends a long time ago.”
I scoffed. “It’s that stupid charm of his that wins everyone over.”
The charm that made everyone else like Javier was working on me too.
His charm was another one of his great qualities that made people believe that he was perfect.
He did it with ease, and that was what drove me to convincing myself to hate him in the beginning.
It made me angry how easily he got people to adore him, just like it made me angry how easily he did well in school.
I wouldn’t lie and say that those things did not still annoy me, but the fondness of Javi outweighed the annoyance of him being effortlessly good at everything.
“You should invite him to hang out with us, and his friend Paxton too. If he’s friends with you then he should be friends with me. Gotta make sure he’s the right fit.” Ricky punched me lightly in the shoulder with a smirk.
I giggled. “Oh, I didn’t know that new friends had to get approval from you.”
“Eli, of course they need my approval. I’m your best friend: the original.”
“You’re right, what am I thinking?” I asked dramatically.
Ricky nodded before sighing. “Kailey will be happy about you too. She’s wanted you to be friends with Javier for a while now.”
His demeanor changed when he brought up his girlfriend.
They still hadn't worked things out and I still had no clue why.
In the time we spent together, he never shared what went down between him and his girlfriend.
I didn't want to press him on it, but since he brought Kailey up, I figured that I might as well ask.
"About Kailey…" I spoke cautiously. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"
Ricky’s shoulder slumped. "It was nothing, really."
"If you tell me then we can figure out how to fix it. I’m sure it's a really simple problem with a simple solution.”
Ricky’s hesitation to tell me made me worried. How bad was this fight? Was their relationship unfixable? No, because if that were the case then they would be broken up and not on a break. So then why was he reluctant to tell me what happened?
He made a 'tsk' noise with his mouth before sighing. "She thinks that I avoid confrontation too often. She basically called me a coward.”
"You had a fight over you avoiding confrontation?" I asked, baffled. "That’s stupid.”
“She thinks it's a problem, that it does more harm than good even though I’m only trying to keep the peace.”
“Oh.” He was looking at me as if I was supposed to know what he meant, but I was lost. “Was it over something specific?"
"Yeah, you."
Now I wasn't only shocked, but I was also confused. "What’s any of this got to do with me?"
Ricky's leg bounced nervously on the ground as he chewed on his fingernail. He was deep in thought, probably trying to figure out how to tell me.
"I've been your best friend since before it started.” He took a step closer to me with a sad, gentle smile. "And when it started, I ignored it because I didn't want to push you away. Plus, I figured it wasn't that bad and that you'd get through it."
"Get through what?"
His lips parted but no words came out, clearly walking on eggshells around me. "I think you know what I’m talking about, Eli."
I had sort of an idea, but I didn’t want to say it.
Ricky continued, "But instead of it getting better with time, it’s gotten worse.
Just like before I didn't want to push you away, so I left it alone. I've been leaving it alone since, but I’m realizing that Kailey’s right.
I'd be a terrible friend to let it keep going on like this just because I’m too scared of how you’ll react. "
"What's this have to do with you and Kailey?" I asked bluntly. This conversation was supposed to be about their relationship problems, not me.
"She's been telling me to say something to you about it for a while, but I haven't." He was still careful and hesitant with his words. “She would have done it herself, but I’m your best friend. She thought you would respond better if it came from me."
I didn't have anything to say so we sat in silence. Ricky let me process his words while he himself figured out what to say next. I could feel his gaze on me, but I was staring at the floor. It was taking everything in me not to run away from this conversation.
"I'm here for you Eli, we all are. I…I can talk to my parents and—"
I noticed that I had been fidgeting with my fingers and that was how I knew I needed this conversation to be over.
Ricky stopped when he saw me shaking my head.
"Okay, it doesn't have to be my parents.
Maybe Bella's mom, or if you didn't want parents involved at all I'm willing to do whatever necessary to help. "
"I really don’t think that’s necessary," I mumbled shakily.
Ricky’s lips pressed into a thin line. "You know just as much as I do that is not true."
"Everyone likes to make a big deal out of nothing and it's fucking annoying," I groaned.
When I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, I began to pull it out as I spoke.
“My siblings like to make it seem like it's an issue because they like to get under my skin, so if they’re the reason you think I have a problem then you should know that all they do is lie.”
“The twins have their own issues, but that's beside the point.”
I looked at the notification on my phone. It was a DM from Instagram.
Javier: next round of the competition is focused on college algebra
I held back a snort at the message. I knew this about the competition already because I, unlike somebody that I knew, read the papers that our principal gave to us. It had each round listed on there and I had already memorized the order.
Me: I know
Ricky waved his hand in my face. "Dude, pay attention. I know this isn't fun. Trust me, it isn’t fun for me either, but I wouldn’t be saying this if I was not concerned."
I put my phone on my leg with the screen facing upward. Before I could turn it off, Javier replied back.
Javier: it's in less than two weeks...you free today?
Despite the difficult conversation that I was having with Ricky, I smiled at the text. His message implied us meeting up and I had no choice but to say yes. Because we needed to study, obviously…
I made the mental note of needing to ask for his phone number. Direct messaging through Instagram was fine, but having his actual number would be handy.
Me: I have to check my busy schedule…
Javier: oh for real? didn't realize you were such a busy guy
Me: I just have sooooo many talents so a lot of people need me. I make priority for them.
A couple of seconds had passed and Javi hadn't replied yet. Clearly my messages were laced with humor, I figured it was obvious. His lack of reply was making me question it, though.
Ricky peered over my shoulder. “Are you texting Javier?”
I met Ricky’s eyes with a smirk. “How did you know?”
“I just do,” he said calmly. “As much as I love to watch you flirt with your rival, I need to have this real conversation with you.”
I was going to deny the flirting comment, but Ricky’s stern expression stopped me. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Alright.”
"You don't think that it's concerning that every time we go anywhere where you can access alcohol you have to be dragged out of the place by someone else?
" His gaze was intense, but not judgmental.
“Or that you needed it so badly that one time at my house you took it from my parents' liquor cabinet.”
“I apologized for that, and I swear on my life that it will never happen again.”
I wasn’t oblivious enough to believe that it wasn’t a slight problem. I knew it was. I shouldn't become so fucked up that I had to rely on someone else to make sure I make it home safely. It was selfish of me to burden others like that, but it was honestly always an accident.
Not only was it not fair to my friends, but it also wasn’t a good look for me. What I did in the comfort of home was fine as no one there cared, but scaring the few who actually gave a damn about me wasn’t right.
“I overdo it sometimes, you’re right. I’ll get my shit together. You can go tell Kailey that you talked to me so she can stop being mad at you."
Ricky pursed his lips. "You mean it?"
"I pinky swear."
I felt the vibration from my phone again and my eyes fell to it.
Javier: ok... then i'm in need of one of your many talents so can you prioritize me?
"I think you’re blushing, friend," Ricky said knowingly.
***