Thirty
Eli
I waited for about twenty seconds after ringing the doorbell. I hadn’t told him I was coming, which was a little disrespectful on my part, but I wasn’t thinking in the midst of everything.
Gabriela swayed her hips side to side, dancing as she opened the front door and greeted me cheerily. "Eli! Javier didn’t say you were coming.”
"Hey." I mustered up the best smile I could. “Can I come in?”
Her dancing came to a slow stop as the smile on her face faded. Her eyes scanned me before locking in on my forehead. "What happened?"
Not giving me the chance to respond, she widened the door and pulled me inside. She dragged me into the kitchen with a firm grip before having me sit down while she got ice. She wrapped it into a dish towel securely.
“Sorry, we don’t have any ice packs.” Gabriela forcefully shoved the towel into my hand and then guided it to my head. "Keep it there."
"Thanks."
"Javier is going to lose his shit when he sees the huge knot on your head," she said, her voice tight with concern. "He was so mad the first time you showed up with a bruise and he didn't even know you well back then. Imagine how angry he will be now."
I recalled the time she was talking about and I couldn't remember him being angry. Concerned, yes, but not angry. "He didn't seem that mad."
“He’s really good about keeping calm. He was upset, he just didn’t show it to you.” Gabriela put her hand on her hip with a sigh. “But he won’t be mad if this is all because you accidentally fell and hit your head. Tell me this is all because you're clumsy."
I shook my head and her lips turned into a frown.
"It wasn’t because I’m clumsy, but I swear I am okay. This could've been a lot worse and I'm actually a little proud of myself."
"Proud, why?" I turned around at the sound of Javi's voice. He had already taken notice of the makeshift icepack I had pressed against me and was staring at it with narrow eyes.
Once he was by me, he removed the ice pack and his breath hitched at the sight behind it. He placed it back gently, his fingers lingering on mine before finally letting go.
"What happened?" His tone was low and controlled.
I couldn’t get rid of the grin on my face. Nothing about the situation was happy or amusing, but that was the reaction my body was having. Maybe it was my way of trying to gaslight everyone into thinking everything was fine. "I hit someone."
"And clearly they hit back," Gabriela mumbled.
Javi sucked in a sharp breath. "Did they deserve it?"
"Did Easton deserve it? Yes, yes he did."
"Your brother did this? Why?"
I chuckled softly. "Did you miss the part where I hit first?"
His hand wrapped around my wrist and moved it to the side to reveal my forehead. The unamused look on his face put an end to my untimely laughter. "Have you seen the size of the knot on your forehead? Do you know how hard he had to hit you to do that?"
I had not seen it, but by their reactions it must have been pretty bad. "I hear you, but this isn’t totally a bad thing. He could've really beaten the shit out of me, but he didn't. I hit him and he moved on."
"Why?" he managed.
I looked between him and Gabi with a raised brow. "Why what?"
"Would he ever go so far as to beat the shit out of you?"
I chewed on my bottom lip and my gaze hit the floor. I saw his hand flutter toward the door, trying to shoo his sister away as politely as possible. She didn't make any jokes or protest before she quietly left.
The chair creaked as I shifted a bit and rested my elbow on the counter. "He wouldn't and he hasn't. Well—he would, but he wouldn't."
Javi wrapped his arm around me comfortingly. "I don't understand."
"Me neither." I let out a breathy laugh and then my eyes met his and clearly nothing about this was screaming funny to him. It wasn’t truly funny to me either, especially since I was pretty sure I was beginning to feel the effects of the marijuana.
Then I remember what Gabriela said. Javier was upset the last time this happened. I didn't want him to be. "Are you mad?"
"Not at you. I just don't get it, who does that to their sibling? This wasn’t a petty sibling fight where you hit each other a few times and move on. He was seriously trying to hurt you."
I nodded as my teeth grinded against each other. "You’re right, but I don’t want you to be mad at him either."
His hand tensed around my arm and his jaw tightened. “Don’t ask me to not be pissed. I want to hurt anyone that hurts you.”
The grueling vexation in his tone shocked me.
I would bet money that Javier Cortez had never been in a fight a day in his perfect life.
No one would want to hurt him, and even if they did Javi would use his charms to deescalate the situation before it got out of hand.
My rival was not a violent person, so to hear the edge in his tone and the fury behind it was uncanny.
I blinked. “Really?”
“Yes, Eli. No one gets to put their hands on you and get away with it, not when I have something to do with it.”
My heart swelled at his words and it made tears try and form in my eyes. I wanted to jump out of the chair and smash my lips against his. How could he say something like that and not expect that reaction from me? Sadly, now was not the time.
“Are you not mad at Easton?” he asked.
"I’m always angry with Easton, but I also know he doesn’t act the way he does for no reason."
"Okay…" he drawled, unconvinced. "What's the reason?"
I inhale deeply and then exhale, already regretting opening my stupid mouth. “He blames me for our parents’ death.”
His eyes widened as his lips parted. Javier was frozen in place and staring at me with pure shock. This was the reaction I was expecting, so I gave him a moment to process before I continued.
"My mom died eighteen years ago on my birthday. She passed away a few hours after labor and then my dad died four months after that."
Javi’s lips parted and closed repeatedly before he could find words. “I’m sorry.”
"It’s not your fault.” My eyes darted around the room for something to focus on.
My head suddenly felt lighter than normal and my hands were tingling.
“The twins are jerks to me because they’ve resented me for making us all orphans.
Macy hates me more than the twins do because I ‘murdered her sister,’ or whatever.
They all blame me, and I can’t really blame them for it. ”
As much as I hated the twins for making me feel miserable, I still felt for them. At the end of the day, they were just as hurt as I was.
"But that isn't your fault,” was all he said.
“Let’s not pretend like we don’t know that if I was never born my parents would still be alive,” I stated. “I think the twins only feel as strongly as they do because Macy has preached hatred for me to them all our lives, but their feelings are definitely real."
"Well fuck Macy because you did not ‘murder’ your parents," Javi said unapologetically. "And I don't want to listen to you try and justify her neglect and your siblings' bullying because they're in pain. The same pain that they went through, so did you."
"I am not justifying it. I'm just giving a reason, an explanation." My eyes met his intense gaze again. His eyes were battling between a worried squint and a narrowed glare, unable to decipher which to lean into more.
He pressed his lips together and exhaled forcefully through his nose. I suppressed a groan as I shifted in my seat. My stomach hurt more than I anticipated, and I was struggling to find a comfortable position. Javier noticed it and his teeth dug into his lips. He stared hard but did not comment.
“All of those times I would find you walking at night, the time I found you with a black eye, and the reason for your really low self-esteem is all because of them?"
I knew he was not trying to insult me, but his words still hit hard. I laughed bitterly. "Damn, really low self-esteem?"
"Sorry, sorry," Javi quickly muttered as he tightened his embrace around me. "Sorry, baby. You know I'm not trying to insult you. I'm just really struggling to not hate your entire family."
"I can't blame them for how they feel,” my eyes fluttered to the side as I spoke weakly. "You're mad at them for how they treat me, but not mad at me for how I treat others? I'm the same as them, the only difference being that I’m a dick to others while they’re dicks to me."
I waited for him to offer a rebuttal, but nothing came. I was right and Javier knew that he just didn’t want to admit it. I was man enough to admit that I was just as much of a prick as my siblings were.
"Look, this was all to tell you why Easton acts the way he acts. I wanted you to know because you mean a lot to me, and after everything you have done you deserve to understand. I want you to know who you're really investing all your time into."
He raised a brow. “Investing my time into?”
“I don’t want you to later realize I’m too much for you.”
“You will never be too much for me,” Javi said firmly. The heavy words lingered in the air between us. “I want to be there for everything, and that includes the bad. All the bad things in the world can come crashing down on you and I will be there to shield you from it, not run away.”
I sucked in a shaky breath. “You aren’t tired of all the stubbornness? The rude remarks and attitude from me?
“Defense is your coping mechanism, Eli. No, that doesn't make it right and yes, you still have some growing to do.”
I pulled back from his embrace. “If you think that then why are you acting like I’m not the same as them?”
“You don’t go out of your way to hurt people, you only respond when you feel threatened. You are doing so much better, Eli, you’re trying . When they start trying then maybe I can feel differently about them.”
I rested my head on his shoulder and exhaled. Sound was echoing through my ears like I was in a tunnel, and my movements were taking longer than usual. Easton’s dumbass drugging me up was not what I wanted in life.
“I’ve gotten to see the side of you that has always been there but has been too afraid to come out." His hand cupped my cheek and held it to his shoulder as his eyes squinted at me. “Are you okay?”
I was at a loss for words. Not just because my throat was feeling dry, but because I was too stunned by his words to form a coherent sentence.
“I’m a little high. Easton had pot muffins that I accidentally ate,” I managed.
I heard a harsh sigh from him followed by a tight squeeze. He was choosing not to comment on me being stoned. Either that…. or I missed what he had said. At one point I was focused too on how distant my hand was from me to actively listen. Oops.
"I'm sorry about your parents, but you are not a murderer. You were an infant and couldn't control anything that happened around you. You were born for a reason, and while the circumstances surrounding it are brutal, it doesn’t make you any less worthy of being alive. I could not imagine a world without you, Elias Richardson.”
I couldn’t imagine a world without you, Javier Cortez.
I nodded in his chest as I listened to his heartbeat. I was keeping my mouth shut as I focused on keeping my emotions in check. Weed made Easton feel calm, but it was making me fight for my life to try and hold the tears back.
"Can I ask how your dad passed?" he asked in a hushed tone.
I felt a lump build up in my throat and I coughed. Talking about how my mother died was easy. It was not her fault she passed, she did not leave me on purpose. That was not the same case for my dad.
"Alcohol poisoning," I croaked.
I felt his body tense unexpectedly, but I refused to look at him. I didn't want to see the pity in his face. That, and the comparison he was no doubt making.
My father had an alcohol problem, and the death of his wife sent him over the edge. He chose his liquor and grief over his three infant children. My dad was the first person to not choose me.
Yet here I am going down the same path.
He didn't comment on it, thankfully. How could he? What could anyone say to such a tragedy?
He cleared his throat. "Have you ever thought about therapy?"
"Not really," I admitted. “Macy won’t pay for that.”
"Don’t worry about that. Are you open to it?"
I shrugged as I squeezed my eyes shut. "I'm not opposed to it."
Javi pulled back from the hug to look at me and our gazes found each other. "So, if I help you get into therapy, you'll go to it?"
"Yes." I gave him a sure nod, my eyes boring into his so he would know I meant it. "You would do that for me?"
"Eli, c'mon, I feel like we've already established this. I would do anything for you."