Thirty-eight
Eli
T he first day at the theme park passed by in a blur of endless fun.
There was a lot of line waiting, but once we made it onto the ride and getting park food afterward made up for it.
Kailey used all of her efforts to try and stay on the schedule she created for us.
Her plan did make it easy to know where to go next and it was helpful, but it stressed her out how easily distracted everyone would get.
There were so many things going on around us that paying attention was difficult.
We all apologized to Kailey and thanked her for her efforts.
The majority of the time was spent with Javier watching me like a hawk. His mom was with us the entire time since our chaperone had to follow their group, but even she was not watching me as closely as her son. Javi was acting like I was a puppy that would run away the moment I got a chance.
Was I ruining his trip? No matter how much I told him that I did not need a babysitter, he continued to make it his mission to hover over me. I appreciated his care, but this vacation was supposed to be fun for him too.
I was exhausted by the end of the day, but so was everyone else.
We had to have walked multiple miles and that was something I never did.
My condition made it ten times worse, but everyone was patient with me and let me take the breaks I needed.
I counted the day as a win, and so did Anita and Javier.
Now we were back at the hotel. We had already had dinner with our class and had gotten ready for bed, so we were relaxing in the room until we fell asleep. Anita was with the other chaperones in one of their rooms planning for tomorrow. Paxton and Ricky were fighting over what to put on the TV.
Ricky ripped the remote out of Paxton's hand. "I am not watching a true crime documentary. That crap is disturbing."
Paxton gasped dramatically. "It is not! I can't believe you just said that."
"The unsettling-ness of the crime doesn’t do a good job at hiding the fact that the documentary is boring, either." Ricky finger shot in my direction. "Eli knows what I'm talking about."
I laid my head against the pillow. "I have fallen asleep every time I've tried to sit through a true crime documentary. Any documentary, actually.”
Paxton's mouth formed an 'o' shape, not expecting anyone else to disagree with his love of true crime. He looked to his friend for support. "Okay, well Javier agrees with me. Right?"
"True crime is the best," Javier agreed. He was laid back on his pillow with his hands behind his head and his eyes closed, but he opened them and glanced at Paxton. "Remember Paxton, this is coming for two guys that rewatch Five Nights at Freddy’s YouTube playthroughs annually."
I scoffed, a smile forming on my lips. "What's wrong with FNAF?"
"Nothing's wrong with it." He turned onto his side, using his elbow to prop his head up. "It's just not better than true crime."
"I rather hear interesting facts about murders than watch adults get jump scared in a game." Paxton stated his option with pride.
I sat up and Ricky and I met each other's eyes with astonishment. I snorted. "So many wrong opinions in this room."
Ricky nodded and frowned. "I'm not so sure that I can handle sleeping next to people with such awful entertainment preferences."
My eyes fell on Javi who was already looking at me with a playful smirk. I feigned shock. "All of the time we’ve spent together and I’m just now finding this out?"
Javi sucked in a breath. "Are you mad?"
"Very."
"That's okay, I’ll make you like it. We’re watching one tonight so that you and Ricky can learn to love crime documentaries."
I rolled my eyes as I scooted close to him. "I guarantee I will fall asleep."
"Good." The playful edge in his tone was still there but it was small. "We will watch it tonight so that you'll sleep."
An eager gasp was heard from Ricky as his face lit up at his phone. "Bella says they bought pizza."
“This late?” Javi asked. “We just ate.”
Paxton hopped off the bed. "Let’s go get some!"
Ricky’s fingers pressed against his phone as he typed. “They wanted a snack and convinced their chaperone to order them some. They invited us to get some, but we aren’t allowed to stay. Are you two coming?”
Javi and I shared a look before I shook my head. “We’ll figure out what to watch.”
They left without a care that they were in their pajamas. Kailey and Bella’s room was two floors below us, but it was on the same side as ours, so the boys knew they’d be back quickly. No need to put on real clothes.
Javier had the remote and he was serious about forcing me to power through a true crime documentary.
As he struggled to figure out how to work the television remote because it was so different from the one at his house, I took in the fact that this was one of the few times we would be alone.
It felt appropriate to bring up my concerns, despite how difficult it was to do so.
That was what my therapist told me on our phone session earlier this morning.
Wow, I was listening to my therapist.
"What's up?" Javier asked as clicked the buttons on the remote. I did not even have to speak for him to know I was itching to say something.
My tongue glided against my top teeth. "I just want to say thanks for looking out for me.”
"You don't have to thank me." His eyes didn't leave the TV as he flicked through the channels. "Why do I feel like there's a 'but' coming?"
"But I don't want you to worry about me all of the time. You've been focused on me since the hospital."
"I can't not worry about you," Javier said calmly, but I swear it sounded like he was slightly annoyed that I was bringing it up.
I sighed. "You act like if you take your eyes off of me then I’m going to…I don’t know, disappear? I’m not going to run away. I don’t want you to miss out on everything else because you’re so focused on me."
"I'm not missing out on anything by making sure you’re alright." Javier set the remote down as his eyes narrowed at me. "Not even two weeks ago I thought you were going to die, now you want me to just forget it?"
I felt a sharp pang of guilt in my chest, now understanding that this was more complicated than simply telling him that I was okay. "No, I don't expect you or anyone else to forget about it. I am asking you to let yourself enjoy everything and to stop burdening yourself with me."
"You're not a—"
I put my finger over his lips to shush him.
"Let me finish. If I could take it all back and never do what I did, I would.
I would have figured out some other way to cope and would be a lot better than I am right now, but I didn't do that.
I did not do that because I make stupid decisions, and I will forever keep saying that I'm sorry. I am sorry."
I slowly removed my finger from his lips, and he didn't try to speak, giving me the floor to continue.
"But I am not going to do that again. I know you probably don't believe that and that my words don't mean much now, but I'll show you.
I don't ever want to hurt you or anyone else like I did that night.
I feel terrible about it and I'm trying to fix it.
" I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I'm going to fix it because I want to be okay, and when I do, we can live happily ever after like they do in the movies.
But for now, I need you to have fun on this trip, which means less focusing on me. "
I finished talking and waited for his response anxiously. What if this finally gave him the opportunity to tell me to piss off? What if his next request was for me to find someone else's family to leech off.
He exhaled through his nose with his lips pressed into a straight, thin line. “I know you're trying, Eli, and I'm proud of you for it. I'm more afraid of you not being fine, keeping it to yourself, and then ending up worse."
Javier did not trust me. He did not trust me to trust him enough to tell the truth because I had broken it. I had no clue how long it was going to take me to rebuild it, but I would not stop until it was fixed.
"I am not going to lie about that. I'm just really exhausted right now, honestly. If it gets to be anything more than that then you will be the first to know." My eyes bore into his heavily to get my point across. "And your mom is always around, she’s always on me about it too."
"I won't stop worrying about you completely, you can't ask me to do that.” I could see the wheels turning in his head as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. “But I will stop hovering, and I’ll listen when you say that you’re fine.”
"That's all I ask." My lips pressed against his in a slow, delicate motion.
Javi’s hand cupped my cheek as he pulled my body closer to his.
I stuck my fingers into his black hair and took a hold of a fistful of it as we kissed tenderly.
I was dying to feel his soft, plump lips against mine again.
During the chaos of the aftermath of my hospital visit, all intimate moments between us came to a hold.
Unfortunately for us, now was not the time for it either. I was sitting on his lap when I pulled back from the kiss. Javi let out a tiny whine at the loss of connection, but Ricky and Paxton would be back any minute and I knew they would not want to walk in on us mid make-out.
“You're teasing me, Richardson," Javier grunted.
I slid in between his parted legs, my back pressed against his torso and I leaned into him. “Later, Mr. President. Later.”
Javier snorted at the nickname as his arms wrapped around my stomach. He reached for the remote again and began searching through the channels.
"Without you and your family, I don't know where I would be right now. I owe so much to all of you," I said randomly, my eyes feeling heavier than usual.
He rested his chin in the crook of my neck. "The only thing you owe to us is getting better."
"I don't deserve you."
"You deserve the world."