Thirty-nine
Eli
"Y ou both have worked very hard, and it is so impressive that you've made it this far," our principal spoke with pride.
It was the beginning of May, and we were four weeks away from graduation. Javi and I had still not been told which of us was going to be valedictorian and who was going to be salutatorian.
We had been working hard to keep our grades up to ensure that no one else swooped in at the last minute to take our spots while also simultaneously trying to outdo each other.
We came to an agreement that we wouldn't compare each other's GPA’s so that the surprise of who came out on top would be greater and more impactful.
Now we were in the principal's office to find out who had the highest grade out of our entire senior class. Of course our Principal Montgomery couldn’t just tell us, she had to give us a long and drawn-out speech before she revealed it.
"You'll both have to give a speech in front of the school, though I'm sure you already knew that.
You represent our school. You represent what all of our students are capable of.
We're all extremely proud of both of you and your classmates are too.
" She clasped her hands together as she paused for dramatic effect.
She wanted us at the edge of our seats. "Your GPAs are close, but there is a distinct winner.
In the end, it always comes down to hundredths of a point. "
My leg was bouncing with nervousness as the anticipation ate at me. I looked at my boyfriend who was waiting seemingly calmly, but the twitching of his fingers that rested on his knee told me it was just as nerve wracking for him as it was me.
"Javier, you've earned the title of valedictorian. Congratulations!" Principal Montgomery said excitedly, her hands flying up in cheer. With the same enthusiasm, she turned to me. "Elias, you're our salutatorian. Congratulations to you as well!"
"Holy shit," Javier mumbled to himself with a scoff of disbelief.
"Elias, as salutatorian you'll give the opening speech to start our ceremony.
" She handed each of us a special golden envelope.
"Javier, being valedictorian and class president means that you get to give the closing speech.
Inside of that envelope you will find all of the information that you need to develop your speeches. "
I opened the envelope and took a quick look at the papers. It was basic information like the length of our speech, when they needed it to be done, and other things that I would look at later.
"You boys should be very proud of your accomplishments as many would love to be in the position that you are in now. Congrats again!”
Our principal shooed us out of her office so that we could hurry back to class. The moment the door to the office shut behind us, I wrapped my arms around Javier in the empty hallway.
"Congrats, Javi." I rested my head on his shoulder. "I'm proud of you."
I felt his hesitance to accept my hug, his body slightly stiff and arm carefully pressing against my back. It was as if he was nervous. Oh, he was nervous of my reaction.
“I’m proud of you too,” he said, his free arm rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "I know you worked really hard to get the number one spot and I’m sorry you didn’t get it."
I had tried my best. I did everything I could to better my chances at achieving the title of valedictorian. In the end, it didn't work. Javier's grades were better than mine, it was as simple as that.
I could not say that I was not disappointed.
When you're that close to being at the top, losing it by a little felt like a sucker punch to the gut.
Though, it was not exactly like the overwhelming feeling of failure that I was used to experiencing when I lost. This felt different—still disappointing, but not as demoralizing.
That change in feeling was because of the proudness I had for the guy standing next to me.
I scoffed as I pulled back from him so that I could see his pretty face. "Babe, are you kidding? You worked just as hard as I did. And guess what? I get to say that my boyfriend is valedictorian. I get to say that my boyfriend is smarter than every other person in the entire school."
Javi’s blue-green eyes softened as his head tilted.
He feared that I would be upset that he came out above me.
I could not blame him for thinking that since I did have a track record for taking loss worse than a child who was just denied candy from the grocery store.
I had a tight, endearing grip on both of his arms as I spoke to him meaningfully.
"I get to say that my boyfriend beat me fair and square and got the title that he definitely deserves."
Javi’s eyes were filled with endearment. “Thanks, Eli.”
"I get to stand on stage in front of a huge crowd of people with my boyfriend right next to me. My boyfriend is valedictorian, and I am salutatorian."
"You're abusing the hell out of the words 'my boyfriend,'" he chuckled.
I folded my arms to my chest. "As long as I had to wait to be able to say it, I think I have the right to do that."
The next two weeks were spent with the both of us working on our speeches and at first we worked on them together.
We did that until Javi made a joke about his being better than mine.
I was nothing if not a competitive freak, so I challenged him to a competition of who could write the better speech.
I was well aware that Javier never backed down from a challenge.
We stopped helping each other and worked on them separately, even going as far as to work in different rooms so we did not overhear. We would get to hear each other's speeches the same time that everyone else did: at graduation.
I turned to Ricky for feedback on my speech. I needed someone to bounce ideas off of and to help determine if it sounded decent or not. He was willing to help even though he didn't know the first thing about speeches.
"'...and high school has been a journey for us that has been filled with lots of ups and downs. We went through many changes and they have shaped us into who we are today,'" I read from the paper in my hands. I looked up to Ricky. “How’s that part?”
Ricky was twirling a pencil between his fingers. "Sounds good."
"Should I change the words ‘ups and downs’ to something else? Does it sound weird?"
He shook his head once "It sounds good."
I set the paper down on the desk with a groan, giving him a dull look as I took a seat. "Ricky, you've said that every time I've asked about the speech. It can't all be good."
"But it is." Ricky started to chew on the pencil as he sat with one foot in the chair. "It all sounds well written, I don't know what else to say."
I dropped my head into my hands frustratedly. "I was hoping for a little more than what you're giving me."
Ricky took a beat before setting the chewed pencil down. "You're thinking way too hard about this. I get that you want to beat your boyfriend, but don't stress yourself out."
I shot him a narrowed look, somewhere between disbelief and offense. "This is not just because I want to beat Javier. Yes, we made it into a competition, but I'm not stressed because I want to win."
His lips pressed together. "Then what's the reason?"
My teeth grinded against each other and I rested my head on my hand.
"I am giving the opening speech to a huge crowd of people, it’s scary.
Also, not sure if you’re aware, but most of our classmates don’t really like me.
I know they aren't going to boo me off of the stage or anything like that but knowing that they don't care for me doesn't help me feel better about having to give a speech. "
Ricky's face softened at the confession. "Eli, don't worry about them."
"If it were that easy then I wouldn't," I stated. "I never used to care, but I do right now. I did all of this to get here and now I don't even want to give the speech."
I always thought I never cared what other people thought about me. Looking back on it, I was just gaslighting myself into believing that my irrelevant classmates' opinions of me did not affect me. It most certainly did, I just got good at ignoring it.
Now that I had to give a speech in front of all of them as well as their parents and family, I was apprehensive.
I didn't want to feel all of their eyes on me as they listened to me talk about our high school experience.
I never cared for giving speeches in the first place and now there was even more pressure to make it great.
My eyes fell to the floor as I slumped in the chair with defeat. I was about to say forget it and call that enough working for one day, but Ricky snapped his fingers in my face. I was caught off guard by his sudden aggressiveness, but he didn't leave me time to speak.
"That's too bad because you're giving the speech whether you like it or not," he said unapologetically. "I get being a little nervous, but don't let the reason you're scared and stressed be because of those random kids in our class."
"I just want it to be perfect so that they don't have room to say shit," I mumbled.
"You're literally our salutatorian. You had the second highest grade point average out of our entire class, that's why you get to give the opening speech.
Do any of them get to say that? No, they don't have room to say shit whether your speech is perfect or not," he preached.
"So what if they don't like you? You're not going to see most of their faces again after this.
Trust yourself, trust your speech, because I'm telling you it's great so far. "
He stared me down until he could see me starting to agree with him. "No, you're right."
"Yeah, I know I’m right. And if I hear anyone say anything bad about you then I'll tell them off right there in front of everyone. They'll have to pause the ceremony because I'll have caused a scene."
My nostrils flared as I grinned. "This is why you're my best friend."