Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
ZILARA
The gorgeous human stands there, a pillar of strength and delectable dominance. It’s enough to make my heart stutter in my chest and my insides clench to the point of pain. There’s just something alluring about him, something that compels me like no other Icorian has.
But then… he asks the impossible. He demands for me to debase myself, that I put myself at his feet. It’s not all that different from the Icorians who required it of me in the sex houses. However, it was permissible there, desired, in fact.
Glancing about, I look around the room to buy me some time.
I hate that he mentioned cameras in my living quarters.
Though the likelihood is very small, I cannot say it’s impossible that they’re not watching me.
I am a woman, after all. I’m sure their laws would account for that difference.
That, or they do watch the males as well, but don’t care what depraved things they do.
Frustration flits through my veins as my brain continues to spiral with no end in sight. Do I dare sacrifice everything? Do I dare let this human take the burden from me for these few precious, stolen moments?
“Zilara,” he growls as he points to his feet. “Come, let me take this from you. Let me give you a moment of peace.”
“Peace,” I finally snort. “You don’t even know the meaning of the word.”
For a moment, an odd expression passes over his face as he glances out onto the fields of my ranch. If I didn’t know any better, it looks as if it’s a bit of longing and happiness rolled into one ephemeral sensation. But that’s impossible. What does a human know of such things?
“Your ranch is very lovely,” he murmurs. “I can understand why you fight so desperately for it.”
Emotions clog my throat as I search his face for any sign of lying, but I find none. “You do?” I finally croak out.
“I do. It’s very similar to the one I left behind.
But more than that, I can see the toll it takes on you.
Come, let me share in the burden. Let me give your mind something else to think about.
Then, together, we can find a way forward.
All I know is I can barely breathe with how badly I want to taste you as you’ve tasted me.
But first, you must let go. You must kneel. ”
How easy it would be. How simple to just give in and do what my body demands.
Part of me, the scared, small part that was never allowed to flourish, still fights back as the absolute terror of losing everything for a bit of carnal pleasure pummels me from the inside out.
He would end up on the prison planets or back home. I would lose everything.
“If anyone knew,” I finally manage to whisper, allowing my fears to come to light.
“Zilara,” he rumbles as he holds out his hand. So impertinent, so forceful, so commanding, so utterly delicious. “Trust me. No one will ever know. Not unless you tell them.”
“But how can they not? How can you assure me you’ll know your place outside of this room?”
“I’m a model, sweetheart,” he grins, as if that tells me everything.
But it tells me nothing. Just like everything else about these humans, his words are a conundrum. “Is that like an operative? We’ve already had one cow cause us trouble. If you’re like her-”
“I’m not an operative,” he cuts me off with a lopsided grin. “Unless you want me to. I can be anyone you desire. Anyone at all.”
My eyes narrow as I stare him down. “Explain. What is a model? The only models I know of reside in the capitol where they show off plans for expansion. You are neither brick nor stone, though your abs certainly could rival the materials.”
For a moment, he preens as he contracts his perfect abs. “That is one definition for a model. The other is what I am. Or rather, what my job entails. I stand around and look pretty for the people. I become what they want to sell their product.”
Heartbeats pound in my ears as I slide off the bed and back away from him. “Aurelian,” I sob out.
In an instant, his lips turn down into a frown. “I don’t know that term. And even with what they put in my head, it doesn’t make sense.”
“Oh, but it does.” Raw bitterness rises in my throat like acid. “And to think they were worried about you. I’m the one who’s the fool, yet again.”
“Now I’m confused. What are you talking about?”
“As if you don’t know. Aurelian.” I practically spit the word out as I shuffle away from him.
“You were created to spy on me, to take back everything to the capitol. Look at you, lulling me in with your pretty words and chiseled body. I should have known from the moment I saw you that you were meant to be my destruction.”
As I take another step back, the opposite wall hits my shoulders. I should have gone the other way. I should have headed for the door. Now I’m trapped. Now there’s no way out.
My heart aches as I glance about. I knew it was too good to be true. I knew the capitol wouldn’t let me keep a male they couldn’t control. Deep down, I knew all of this. I just didn’t want to believe it. The instant his hands circle my arms, everything shatters.
Years of sweat, tears, and frustration flow out of me as a loud roar pours from my lips. It’s a sob of anguish and exhaustion as it rips from my throat to fill the air. Why can’t I just have one win? Why must I always fail or find opposition? Why do the celestials hate me so damned much?
Before I can control myself, I bring up my knee, ramming it up into his cock. A pained wheeze fizzles from him as he tumbles over, causing his hands to leave my body. The instant I’m free, I run. It’s all I can do. It’s all I know to do.
Frantic fingers tug at the zipper of my uniform as I cover back up. At this point, I can’t think. I can barely even breathe. All I know is that everything is far too much, far too overwhelming.
I have to get free.
I have to leave.
I have to fucking run.
Wind whips through the few tendrils of hair that dare to come free as I tear through the ranch house and out into the fields. Off in the distance, Draagor and Morthran are out there, breaking their backs to make this farm work. And for what?
Tears drip down my face, blurring my vision, but I don’t need to see. I know this farm like my very being, like the breath that comes in and out of my lungs. Closing my eyes, I allow my legs to take over as I tear through the Ovibrosia.
Distress and agony follow like a billowing cloak, but no matter how fast I run, they’re still behind me, fluttering about as they weigh me down.
Short, punctuated gasps flit past my lips as I continue to flee, allowing my mind to click about, finding all the wounded parts and bringing them out to light.
My family.
The farm.
The rejection.
The hard, back-breaking labor when I could just be a pampered senator’s wife.
And this. The worst of all.
For the first time in all of this injustice, I finally felt something. My heart fluttered at his illicit touch. My soul yearned for the pretty words spoken by even prettier lips.
Aurelian.
The term sits in my gut like our heaviest metal.
A snake to infiltrate my bed. How can it be any other way?
Do I not pass the half-naked, nubile men on my way into the capitol?
Do I not see them skulking about with their artificially gray skin?
Lying about as still as the statues they pretend to be, all while gathering information to condemn someone without their knowledge.
But why? Why would the government act like this bull was so dangerous, so in need of humiliation, when he was in their pocket all along? Why single me out? Why cause me to fail? Month after month they reject me, tell me I’m not good enough, the farm is not viable enough. Why?
It flourished just a few generations ago. I refuse to believe it’s in such disrepair that we can’t be a powerhouse again. But then… It was managed by a male. A Rancher. Someone with actual authority and not the pretense I put on when in the presence of other males.
My thighs burn as I continue to run. Sharp pains stab my lungs with each breath I take, but still I force myself to move. Perhaps if I’m fast enough, I can escape all of this. Flee. Hell, maybe I’ll generate enough speed to fly off this planet and somehow make it to Earth.
Based on the stories I’ve overheard from the other Ranchers, many of the women are powerful in their own right, only brought low by our advanced technology. But then, to hear it from others, Earth is just as bad, if not worse in how it treats its females.
Still though…
The very thought of escape is tantalizing enough to keep me going until a pair of strong hands grab my waist and wrench me back.
I fling out with my elbows and feet, yet somehow still manage to miss the person holding me against my will.
Outraged screams and frantic yells bounce off of the rocks and earth, amplifying them in my head until that’s all I can hear.
“Shhhhhh,” a familiar rumble murmurs in my ear, nearly short-circuiting my brain. “I’ve got you, Zilara. You’re safe with me. Always.”
Safe.
The very word feels foreign in my brain as it swims about the anger-fueled grief threatening to overwhelm me.
“I’m not what you think I am,” the human continues as he runs his hand down my spine in an almost soothing, petting motion. “I don’t think I can prove that, but you have to trust me.”
“Trust you,” I finally manage to wheeze as my breath catches in my throat. “I don’t even know you.”
“No,” he agrees as he slides his hand further around my waist and up until it settles over my heart.
“But part of you does. Part of you saw me. Truly saw me. Not the cow or bull or whatever the fuck you guys call me. Not the model everyone wants a piece of on Earth. But me. Ethan. Just Ethan. The human who wants to help, to nurture, to allow you the freedom to just let go and be whoever you long to be.”
“What do you know of it?” I snarl as I try to flee his iron grip, but he only holds on tighter.
“Because we’re not as different as you all try to claim.”
His voice is soft as the wind as his words slide across the back of my neck. I can hear the pain there, the longing, the absolute yearning that beats behind my breastbone.
“You don’t understand-”
“Don’t I?” He snaps back? “I had a life on Earth. A shitty one now that I’m finally clean long enough to realize it, but I had one.
I was the most sought-after model. Ethan, do this.
Ethan, do that. No, don’t do that with your lips.
Twist. More. More. Suck in your ribs. I want abs, not flab.
Every minute was filled with demands, shouts, and orders. ”
Things go silent for a moment, and part of me longs to turn so I can see if what he’s saying is true, if it’s evident in his eyes and soul. But I dare not move. I dare not break the tenuous connection forming between us.
“Then there were the pills,” he eventually croaks. “I thought my manager only gave me something to help me cope with the fast lifestyle, the bingeing and purging, the late nights and even earlier days. But no.”
The bitterness coating the air is all too familiar. Even now, I still feel it in my mouth like ash.
“No,” he continues. “If your system is correct, he was drugging me with more than that. If not him, it was someone else. It would explain the blackouts, the fragmented memories. I can’t tell you what I did during those times, and God help me, I probably don’t want to know.”
There’s a raw vulnerability in his voice, a crack, a quaver, something I’ve never heard from any Aurelian. They always hissed about like a wriggling amphibian, a creature lower than the dirt. Robotic almost in how they conducted themselves. There was no passion, no anger… nothing.
With Ethan, there’s everything. His barely concealed rage simmers in each punctuated syllable. The hurt and pain of loss drip from his lips like acid to burn my ears. No… this is a man who feels, a man who might get it… A man who might actually understand.
Turning, I blink up into his gaze as I study his glassy green eyes. Emotions flit over his face, each of them as strong as the next. No way the government would allow someone free who couldn’t control themselves. Unless they’re lulling me into a false sense of security?
The way he looks at me, however, the way stares into my very soul, is unlike anything I’ve experienced before. As much as everything screams out that I can’t trust him, the stupid hope that keeps blossoming every time I think of just quitting the farm burns in my chest.
Perhaps it’s merely desperation. Perhaps I’m just so tired of carrying it all myself. Either way, if this is the government's doing, they almost deserve to win. They finally whittled me down to the point where I honestly can’t keep fighting anymore.
As much as my heart breaks at the thought of giving up everything, soul-weary exhaustion beats at me, demanding I give into the calmness radiating from this human. “Please,” I whisper as I bring my palm up to his flushed cheek. “I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.”
Even if he’s an operative from the government, I’m only speeding up the inevitable. Besides, part of me wants to know what it’s like to be wanted, desired, and craved like I see in his expression. No other Icorian has looked at me with such raw devotion, such yearning.
Even if this is my last night at this farm, at least it will be in the arms of a man who seems to want me more than for my family, more than for the obstinate pillar I symbolize. He may break me, but it will be for pleasure and not to teach me a lesson.
May the Celestials prove me to be right.