Chapter 23
I f I thought Jack and Judy’s speculative looks were bad, they were nowhere near as bad as the guys when Branch and I arrived back at the hotel that night.
They were all in Branch and Beau’s room, watching NASCAR and drinking beers.
It was a scorchingly hot day, and the small air conditioning unit barely made a dent in the moist heat that beat against the doors.
I stood in front of it, lifted my shirt and let the frigid air cool my underboob sweat.
“You look hot, Querida. Perhaps you should just take your shirt off altogether?” Frankie was sitting there in shorts, nothing else.
They were all shirtless, and I wanted to take a picture and save it in my spank bank for a rainy day.
They were all so beautiful in their own way.
Dylan’s lithe sexiness, and Frankie’s bigger, bulkier goldeness.
Beau wasn’t as ripped as the rest, but he was solid and strong, his body not cut but there was still not an ounce of fat on him.
Branch unbuttoned his shirt, letting it slip off his shoulders.
“Get mauled by a bobcat, Branch?” Beau teased.
Dylan laughed at my blushing cheeks. “Or maybe just a kitten?”
I flipped them all the bird and Beau grabbed me as I walked past, pulling me into his lap and kissing my neck. “We’re just teasing. I’m glad you and Branch have gotten over your weirdness.”
I sunk into the solidness of him. “Well I’m about to make the weirdness worse, because we need to talk.” He stiffened beneath me. “We all need to talk.”
Branch just walked over and scooped a beer out of the mini fridge. He got one for me and I took it gratefully. They were all looking at me now, NASCAR forgotten. I climbed off Beau’s lap and sat on the end of the bed. I needed to be able to see them all for this conversation.
“We have a problem.”
“You’re pregnant?” Frankie gasped and I frowned.
“What? Fuck no. I’m on the pill and you guys are all very safe.
” I didn’t mention my little bareback ride with Branch but that was neither here nor there.
Or the first time with Beau. Jesus, maybe I needed my head read.
“We all agreed that this… situation would go on for as long as it took me to choose one of you.”
Everyone tensed then, and it broke my heart.
They were invested. None of them were in this just for fun.
I swallowed hard and straightened my shoulders.
“The problem is, I can’t do it. I can’t choose between you.
It's impossible and I just can’t. I would rather choose none of you than only one because whoever I chose would only be getting a quarter of my heart, and the rest would be roaming around the countryside with the other three of you. ”
“I will still love you, still be your friend, even if you chose one of the others,” Frankie said softly, and it tore at my heart. He would. I know he would. And how cruel would that make me?
I shook my head. “You don’t understand. I wouldn’t be happy either.”
Branch was frowning, and I could see his brain turnover what happened today. I told him I loved him. I could see him trying to work out if that meant I would choose him if push came to shove, and whether he’d be happy with what remained. “What do you suggest?”
I cleared my throat and met Dylan’s eyes.
He gave me an encouraging nod. He knew what was coming, supported it.
If I could have soaked in his strength in that moment, I would have.
“Are you happy right now? Traveling together, staying together. Living together? We are all friends, well I know Frankie was a bit of an outsider but he fits, and Dylan doesn’t have the history the rest of us have, but I know those things will come with time. ”
Frankie was eyeing me now, trying to work out where I was going with this. “Yes…” he said hesitantly.
I looked at Beau who said, “If you’re asking if seeing you every day is better than four years of pining after you, then the answer is yes.”
Branch was the last one to answer. He seemed to be considering my question and I gave him the time. “I like that there is someone to look after you even if I’m not here. I like that you aren’t lonely. I like it that they make you laugh and make you happy.”
“But?”
He shook his head. “No buts.”
I took a deep breath and let the next bit all run out in one long sentence. “I was talking to Dylan, and he suggested that I didn’t have to choose. That we could be some kind of unconventional family unit.”
Everyone looked at Dylan and he grinned and shrugged.
“I don’t have a problem with sharing. I want her to someday look at me the way she looks at you,” he looked at Frankie.
Then he looked at Branch and then Beau. “Or you. Or you. I’m not a fool.
I know if we made her choose now, her history with you guys would win out.
But I think she’s-” He stopped and looked at me.
“You are amazing. You’re funny and tough and a damn fine bull rider.
But you are also gentle, and so fucking caring.
” He sucked in another breath and looked at Beau and Branch.
“Look, this is a lonely damn job, and you guys are like brothers to me now. What difference would it make if we all work toward making one really special girl happy? In knowing that we had each other's backs, not just because we are in competition in this dangerous ass sport, but because we have deeper bonds? Besides, it doesn’t need to be a damn competition for her love. She isn’t a shiny gold belt buckle.
She is capable of loving more than one of our dumb asses. ”
I laughed under my breath, walking over to rest my head on his and wrap my arms around his neck. “I think you are pretty fucking amazing too.” I kissed his cheek, and then softly kissed his lips. When I looked around at the rest of the guys, there wasn’t any jealousy there.
Frankie tilted his head, watching me with Dylan. “So it's that or nothing?”
The next word was the hardest one I’ve ever said. It was a gamble, more of a gamble than bull riding or roulette. I was putting my heart on the table and hoping it didn’t get eviscerated. “Yes.”
There was silence, though I could hear the thrum of my heart in my throat.
Beau, my sweet, open-hearted Beau, nodded. “How would it work?”
I didn’t know if he was talking to me or Dylan, because neither of us had any fucking idea how to be in a polyamorous relationship. Yeah, that was the name. I’d googled it on my phone the other night. I shrugged. “Good communication? I don’t know. I'm making this shit up as we go along as well.”
Frankie frowned. “Would that mean all our dates would have to be group dates?”
Beau smirked. “Would all the sex have to be group sex?”
Dylan laughed and waved a finger at him. “Don’t pretend like you don’t like group sex, Beau Larkin. I’ve heard the rumors about what you and Branch did with those buckle-”
Branch cleared his throat and Dylan’s mouth snapped shut. I raised a brow at the three of them. “Well, don’t stop on my account.”
Dylan disguised his laugh as a cough. “They told them the error of their ways and took them to church that Sunday.” He leaned forward and whispered in my ear, “I’ll tell you later,” just a little too loudly.
Beau scowled at him but I laughed. “Please. I know you guys like to fuck girls at the same time. Worst kept secret on the circuit, plus Branch told me. Just, not anymore, I guess? It’s unfair, I know, for me to expect you guys to share me, but I don’t think I could handle you guys going home with different women every weekend. ”
Frankie scoffed. “ Gatinha, please. I haven’t desired you for the last three years to blow it all on a short skirt and cowboy boots. Have a bit of faith.”
Dylan’s arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me into his lap. “You already know I am all in, Baby Girl. No other girls. I don’t even mind group dates and group sex.” He waggled his eyebrows at Frankie, who blushed.
Beau slapped Frankie on the back. “That was abundantly clear through these hotel room walls the other night. Okay, just for clarity though, answer the questions? Group dates? Group sex?”
My hands flapped around awkwardly as heat raced to my cheeks. “I mean, yes and no? We’d all work out how to have one on one time, but you know, I’m not opposed to group dates.”
“And group sex?” Beau prompted, and Branch slapped him in the back of the head.
“Hey, it's a valid question. But, Nugget? I never thought I’d have you at all. First, I thought I’d have to watch you with my best friend, and then with a stranger.
All Branch’s girlfriends after you left have been bitches who hated how close we were.
If I get the girl and get to keep my best friend?
This is the best possible outcome for me.
I’m in.” He threw a nervous look at Branch, trying to judge his response.
He could still lose one of us, depending on which way Branch went.
I don’t know if he’d choose me or Branch, but I never, ever wanted to put him in a position to have to make that choice.
I loved Beau with the same ferocity as I loved Branch.
In my brain, even as a teenager, they’d always been a package deal.
There was never a Branch without a Beau.
And for a while, for a couple of glorious summers, there’d never been a Branch and Beau without a Nugget tacked on.
I just needed to spread that net a little wider and life would be perfect.
I went over and kissed him, snuggling into his side.
My eyes bounced between Frankie and Branch. My two alpha males. My protectors. I needed them to see there was enough room for both of them in my life. That they didn’t have to compete, but complement each other.
Blood started to rush in my ears as the silence drew on. Finally, Frankie nodded. “I love you, Querida. I understand that they love you too. I’m not selfish enough to deny you all the love you deserve.”
I let out a relieved sigh. I reached out and held his hand, squeezing it hard. He knew what it was. It was a thank you for protecting my heart one more time. I didn’t deserve Frankie, but I was glad that he believed he wanted me too.
That left Branch. He looked between us all. “Do I have to decide now?”
A little part of my heart broke. I pasted a fake smile on my face. “Of course not. Take all the time you need.” I stood and stretched. “I’m starving. How about we order in steaks? No one does steak like Colorado.”
Dylan was pulling out his phone, opening the food delivery app. “Sure thing, Baby Girl. Whatever you want.”
I gave him a tight smile, and he shot me a reassuring look. He had faith everything would work out.
Beau looked over at Branch, disapproval evident on his face. He knew how much Branch’s need to think would hurt me, because Beau knew me. “Branch-” he started but I laid a hand over his mouth before he said something he’d regret.
“It's okay, Beau. He deserves time to think. I wouldn’t want to rush him into something like this. He needs to be sure.” I turned to the rest of the guys. “Who wants another beer?”