4. Someone Worth Keeping #3
Outside, a crack of thunder splits the sky as I pull my phone from my pocket. I quickly call a cab, hoping the rain will hold off for just fifteen more minutes, long enough to get home dry.
I wait inside the gym’s front doors, watching the clouds darken by the second. Thankfully, the cab arrives five minutes later, and I dart into the back seat like it’s my own personal lifeboat.
I rattle off my address, hoping the driver will hit every green light.
Another crack of thunder splits the sky, and my silent pleading goes ignored.
Ten grueling minutes crawl by before the cab finally pulls up to my building.
I pay the driver, yank the door open, and bolt into the storm.
Rain pelts me from every angle, and I lift a hand to shield my eyes, squinting through the blur to find the stairs.
Once I spot them, I pick my way carefully, avoiding murky puddles like the plague.
Once I cross the threshold to my apartment, I drop my bag on the floor. Every inch of me is drenched. I peel off my wet clothes; the fabric sticks to me like it’s trying to hold me hostage. Shivering, I beeline for the bathroom.
I turn the shower up as hot as it goes, and steam fogs the mirror in seconds. I step under the spray, letting it scald away the day—the sweat, the grime, the storm, the dizziness. I wish it could also melt the weight away.
Whale, Soren’s voice curls around me.
After I wash up, I slip into my softest pajamas and wrap myself in a blanket. I collapse onto the couch with a tired sigh, grabbing the remote and scrolling for something to distract me from the way the studio floor spun beneath my feet earlier.
Today’s been brutal. Adrian’s class at Forma pushed me harder than usual; I’ve never been that dizzy before. Next time, I need to remember to bring extra water. Maybe I’m just dehydrated.
Finally, I settle on Little Women. The opening credits roll, and I sink in, hoping for thirty minutes of peace before starting dinner.
The lights flicker.
Then everything goes pitch black.
The downpour hammers against my window, and I let out a small laugh. Then another until it spills into full-on hysterics. Because really… What are the odds?
No company is going to take me. No matter how hard I train, my body still feels weak. I lie to the only people who seem to care—not that there were many. I eat less, push harder, stretch further, and still, the scale mocks me, as if I’ll never be enough.
And now I can’t even watch a movie.
My laughter dissolves into tears, warm and involuntary, tracing silent rivulets down my cheeks.
I swipe them away with the back of my hand, but more come, like my body’s waiting for permission to break.
But I won’t. My mother’s drilled it into me: Crying makes you weak, Eleanor. It’s an embarrassing emotion.
I bite the inside of my cheek, holding back the tears clinging to my lashes. Now isn’t the moment to fall apart. I collect myself, as I always do, and trudge into the kitchen. The dinner I planned is scrapped, so I settle for a few rice cakes instead.
I open the fridge, grab my homemade peanut butter, and close it quickly, not wanting to lose any cold air. Who knows when the power will come back? I spread a generous layer over the rice cakes, put the jar back, and head to my bedroom.
I curl up under the blankets, setting the plate on my nightstand.
One bite in and I realize the power outage means no more applications tonight.
Not that I have many options left anyway.
Unless I’m willing to cross state lines, which I’m not.
Even though my connections with Edward, Scarlett, or Mom are minimal, it’s comforting to know they’re close, just in case I ever need them.
After finishing, I set the plate aside and pull my journal from the nightstand drawer.
Without light in my room, I move to my desk by the window and draw back the curtain.
The streetlights are dimmed by the rain, but any light is better than none.
I grab my pen and start jotting down my daily food log.
Starting weight: 135.8 lbs
Current weight: 131.8 lbs
Goal: 115 lbs
Date: 7/15/25
Food Log:
Breakfast:
Black coffee: 0 cals
Apple (small): 80 cals
Greek yogurt: 100 cals
Turkey bacon: 313 cals
Lunch:
Lentil soup (1 cup): 150 cals
Cucumber (small): 16 cals
Water: 0 cals
Dinner:
Rice cakes (3): 115 cals
Peanut butter (3 tbsp): 300 cals
Water: 0 cals
Total calories: 1,074 cals
Got dizzy and nearly threw up in Adrian’s class today.
I might need to eat a smaller lunch and drink more water before working out.
That soup was almost making a reappearance.
How embarrassing would that have been? Thankfully, Adrian brought me water and a protein bar, which I obviously declined.
I wish I could’ve stayed for his next class, but there was no way I was eating that bar.
Only four weeks left until fall season starts, and I still haven’t been accepted anywhere. No new emails today, either. With the power out, I can’t even apply to more companies tonight.
Today was a complete failure, but that just means I’ll have to work harder tomorrow.