Chapter Five
Eric
"Wake up, mate, it's time to harass Iona Buchanan again." My roommate gives me a strong shake---not once, but three times. "Come on, Eric. You're the one making me lie to my father, so the least you could do is order and pay for our meals. I'm starving."
"Cook something," I mumble, still half asleep.
"It's afternoon, Eric." Toby slugs my arm. "Next time I'll punch you in the face, you arse."
"Go on, punch me in the ass."
My roommate blows out an annoyed breath. "I said I'd punch you in the face. Want your mum to wonder why you're black and blue? I'll tell her."
I sigh and still can't rouse myself.
Toby kicks me in the ass. "If you don't get up, I'm going to tell your mother that you've been stalking Iona. She'll tell Thane, who will tell every other Scot in the Highlands. You'll be roasted on a spit by this evening."
"Roasted hot dogs do sound good."
Toby makes a frustrated noise. "I give up. You can starve and get burnt on a cross like a ruddy witch."
Finally, I yawn and roll over onto my back. Then I yawn again and rub my belly. "Where's the food?"
Toby hurls my sleeping bag at me.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." I push up into a sitting position and glance around. "Where are my shoes?"
"No idea. I'm not the keeper of your wardrobe."
"Oh, there they are." I pull my sneakers on and tie them while I speak. "You know, it was your idea to rough it in the Highlands. 'It'll be so amazing,' you said. 'We'll have a blast in the great outdoors,' you said that too."
"Is it my fault Scotland is the world capital for midges? At least the insect repellent works."
"Yeah, that's awesome." I study our tent, which is kind of small for two full-grown men. "I need to find Iona."
Toby groans and flops back down on his sleeping bag in a dramatic gesture that's completely unnecessary. Then he winces. "Ow, that bloody hurt."
"Could've told you it would. The ground is hard."
"This is all your fault. We had to drive to Scotland so you could woo your dream girl, who's twice your age and not interested."
I sit cross-legged as I conjure Iona's face in my mind. She's so beautiful, so kind, so wonderful. But my mom would never understand. I'm twenty-five years old, but she acts like I'm still a kid.
Toby's phone chimes. He glances at the screen, then aims a lopsided frown at me. "It's my dad. He wants to know where I am."
"So tell him. What's he gonna do? You're in Scotland, he's in England."
My best friend sighs and types a response. After a brief delay, his phone chimes again. "Blimey. It's doomsday."
"What are you talking about?"
"My father is here in Scotland, in the Highlands."
I shrug. "Let's have lunch with him. Then maybe he'll quit pestering you."
Toby moans again, this time adding a bit more drama to his performance. "Bloody hell. You don't know my father. He'll demand to know the precise location where I'm staying. Dad isn't a moron. I'm sure he's figured out something is going on." Toby shuts his eyes and shakes his head. "He'll find out that I've been covering for you."
"So, pretend you didn't get his text."
"He's far too clever to fall for that trick. Besides, it's juvenile."
I know Toby's right, but I can't risk my mom finding out that it's me, not Toby, who's trying to win Iona's heart. Sure, Iona keeps telling me she doesn't feel that way about me, but if I could just get her alone for a few minutes...She'll probably still think I'm a psycho. Why do I keep pestering her? I don't know. I've gone temporarily insane, I guess. No, that's not it. I have real feelings for her, and we did kiss at the Valentine's Day shindig.
Maybe my dogged determination to win her over has something to do with the fact my longtime girlfriend dumped me.
No, I genuinely have deep feelings for Iona.
Toby pulls his shoes on, eying me with a half frown. "You're my best mate, Eric. We're like brothers. But this thing with Iona has gotten out of control. There's definitely something else going on with you, though I don't believe it's only because Alice threw you over. That certainly didn't help. You'd been with her for five years. Please tell me what's got you wound up so tight these days."
Alice didn't just dump me. I'd bought a ring and asked her to marry me.
She had slapped me in the face and flounced away in a huff.
Guess what? Three weeks later I heard she got hitched to some rugby player. Yeah, my life sucks the big one.
But that's not why I'm chasing Iona. I honestly love her.
I stand up and stretch, groaning. "What should we do today?"
"Avoid my father at all costs, for one." Toby gets up too and plants his hands on his hips. "You know, when we were out and about in the village yesterday, I saw a house that had a sign on it."
"Uh-huh. A sign for what?"
"A psychologist who specializes in therapy for couples, families, individuals, and slightly barmy geologists."
I roll my eyes. "Therapy? Come on. Mom wanted me and Courtney to get therapy after Dad ran out on us, but we only went once. It was dumb."
"Your sister isn't deranged. You are." Toby throws his hands up. "I'm saying this as your best mate because I care about you."
I stuff my wallet into my hip pocket, then grab my baseball cap and sunglasses. "Let's go into the village to get some grub."
"And then you'll harass that poor woman."
"No, of course not. But I need to apologize for the, uh, texts I sent her this morning." I scratch the back of my neck. "And the other days too."
"As long as that's all you do. I'll go with you for moral support."
Toby really is the best friend any guy could have. He's put up with my recent behavior when any sane person would have called the cops.
We both grab our phones, then head out. None of our clothes would be worth stealing, so we haven't worried about that. Scotland seems like way too nice a place to have a serious crime problem.
Just as we reach the village limits, someone shouts at us.
"Toby! Get your arse over here! Immediately!"
Oh, I recognize that British voice. And I also recognize the tall guy who's running across the street toward us.
Toby's eyes bulge. His jaw drops. His face goes a little paler too. "Fuck."
I doubt Rafe Knight could hear that since Toby whispered the solitary word.
Mr. Knight halts directly in front of us, and he doesn't seem happy. No, his expression kind of reminds me of the way I'd expect a rampaging bull would look. "Toby, why have you been avoiding me? I want to know what the bloody hell you think you're playing at. Iona Buchanan is twice your age. The only reason I'm not locking you in the boot of my car is because that woman seduced you."
"No, she didn't. Iona is a nice person," I blurt out. Did I think that through before I spoke? Of course not. That's kind of my MO.
"A nice person?" Mr. Knight huffs. "She seduces boys half her age and has innocent men imprisoned."
Imprisoned? What the hell is he talking about? Iona absolutely wouldn't do that without serious provocation.
Toby's brows knit together. "I don't understand. Who was locked up?"
Mr. Knight compresses his lips and flares his nostrils. Maybe he is a rampaging bull after all. "Iona Buchanan had me detained at the Loch Fairbairn Police Station."
"Whuh---But why?"
"Because I confronted the slag about her inappropriate relationship with you. Perhaps your mother wouldn't give a toss about that, but I do."
Oh, I wish he hadn't brought up Toby's mom. It's one of his triggers. The ex Mrs. Knight is one nasty piece of work, but that's not Toby's fault. Neither is Mr. Knight's anger. That's my doing, and I suddenly feel like a heel. "Uh, Mr. Knight, about Iona---"
"I don't want to hear another word about the slag. Toby, you are coming home with me right now."
My best friend adopts a demeanor not unlike his father's thunderous expression. "I am not a child, which means you can't order me around. I'm staying."
He locks his arms over his chest to hammer that point home.
Oh, shit . Mr. Knight is mad at Toby and Iona, but it's all because of me.
I clear my throat. "Listen, I need to explain something to you, Mr. Knight. The one who's been chasing after Iona is actually---"
"Me," Toby interrupts. "I'm sleeping with a woman twice my age, and there isn't a bloody thing you can do about it. Maybe you shouldn't have broken up our family without a second thought. Maybe then I wouldn't have turned out to be a selfish prick, just like you."
Oh, yeah, my best friend just went scorched earth on his dad.