12. Bring Me to Life
Bring Me to Life
Dustin didn’t go to Leo’s funeral.
The rest of the swim team skipped school to attend with the full blessing of Principal Howard, but everyone understood Dustin’s decision not to go. They just assumed he was still traumatized by what he saw that day, which wasn’t technically wrong.
But they had no idea that he was the one responsible for it.
How could he possibly face Leo’s parents and offer them his condolences, knowing that he was the one who took their son from them? He couldn’t bow his head and cry with his teammates, and he certainly couldn’t look at Leo’s body lying in the casket…
He may have been an Elemental Sage, but he was still so painfully human.
The house was empty; his parents were both working late, and Chris was at basketball practice, meaning Dustin’s only company were the creaking floorboards and the steady sounds of rain plunking against his window as he lay in bed staring up at the ceiling.
He knew he should probably get out of bed and eat something, but he genuinely couldn’t force himself to care about his own wellbeing.
His cell phone was on the nightstand next to his bed; battery critically low with at least fourteen unread texts from Bailey and James.
He didn’t even bother taking it to school with him that day; all he grabbed was his iPod so he could drown out the world around him.
The more his thoughts circled the drain, the better just going to sleep early was starting to sound.
But of course, life had other plans; this time in the form of the doorbell ringing.
At first, he was just going to ignore it… but then it rang again. And then again. Before it could ring a fourth time, Dustin heaved himself out of bed with a groan and shuffled through the house with bare feet to answer it.
Before that though, he glanced through the living room window to see if there was an unfamiliar car in the driveway. There was a car there… but it was anything but unfamiliar.
A spotless, white BMW that only one person at Kochiyama High could afford to drive.
James.
Dustin sighed, deep and full of anguish. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see James, hell, he always wanted to see James. He just didn’t want to have to explain himself. Didn’t want to be asked questions or offered solutions; he just wanted to exist. And he’d always done that best by himself.
Still, he knew better than to expect James to just give up and go home, so he took a breath and opened the door.
Relief fell over James’s face at the sight of Dustin, but all Dustin could focus on was the wet clumps of hair pressed against his cheeks; he was fucking soaked just from walking from the driveway to the front porch. Despite that though, he was still grinning ear to ear.
“There you are! I thought maybe you were taking a depression nap or something,” James looked Dustin up and down, “you look good,”
Dustin glanced down at his black tank top and Pokémon pajama bottoms with a tiny hole in the left butt cheek.
“I look like shit,”
“Impossible,” James replied, holding up a large brown paper bag, “I brought takeout from Wong’s. I didn’t wanna bother you at lunch today, but I noticed you didn’t eat… you didn’t eat yesterday either,”
Dustin wanted to send James away, to construct a lie about being okay to put James at ease and preserve his solitude… but he’d brought Kryptonite to a Superman fight. Wong’s Imperial Wok? And from the smell slowly wafting across the threshold, Ms. Wong’s steamed buns were in that bag.
Gold Kryptonite. This boy brought the big guns.
“Alright, fine,” Dustin relented, trying to stop himself from visibly salivating, “come on in. I’ve got some dry clothes you can change into,”
About twenty minutes later, they were sitting on Dustin’s bed, sharing a huge helping of General Tso’s chicken and steamed buns.
They didn’t say anything for a while, but the food and the company were nicer than Dustin expected; perhaps wallowing in loneliness wasn’t the only way to make himself feel better.
“Thanks for opening the door for me,” James said, fighting the too-long sleeves of the borrowed shirt as he popped a piece of chicken into his mouth, “I really just needed to see you and make sure you were okay,”
“’Okay’ is a strong word, but I’m getting there… probably,” Dustin replied, “but I’m not surprised by you looking out for me. You always do. For some reason,”
James looked slightly offended.
“For some reason? Why wouldn’t I look out for you? You’re my b... my best friend,”
“Best friend?” Dustin scoffed, “you make a habit of making out with your best friends until you pop a boner?”
“Okay, okay, maybe we’re more than that,” James giggled, “but the point is that I really care about you Dustin. As long as you’re good, I’m good, no matter what insane bullshit we deal with,”
Dustin nearly dropped his chopsticks. It wasn’t really surprising; James wasn’t even attempting to hide his feelings. It was just… confusing.
“But, why though?” he began, his eyes focusing on the buns in front of him and not on James, “you’re acting like I’m some kind of angel, but I’m a fucking murderer James. I killed Leo. I’m not even sure I deserve to be alive if I’m honest,”
Dustin barely got the words out of his mouth before James was gently tilting his head so they could make eye contact.
“Listen to me; you’re not a murderer, okay? You were defending yourself against something impossible, and it ended really badly. That’s not your fault. Besides, if you’re worried about like… karma or whatever, you might’ve taken a life, but you saved one too,”
“What are you talking about?”
“Really? You don’t remember Junior Prom? The accident after the afterparty?”
Dustin gulped nervously at the mention of that night; it was something that he deliberately avoided thinking about as much as possible. He always assumed James didn’t remember who exactly pulled him from the wreckage, but maybe he was wrong…
Dustin had been riding high that night.
It was the last performance Colorful Trauma would do with their original lineup; Logan and Lola were gonna be moving over the summer, so Dustin and Bailey knew they had to give it their all to convince new members to join in their place.
They’d given the best performance of their lives, but as if the universe knew that Dustin was having a good time, Chris had to fucking ruin it.
He'd gotten shitfaced, to no one’s surprise. But now as they were walking out into the parking lot, Chris was determined to drive them home, which neither Dustin or Bailey was going to allow.
“Christian stop fucking around! Gimmie the god damn keys!” Dustin demanded, slinging his guitar over his shoulder as he chased his twin across the rain-soaked asphalt, “I am absolutely NOT letting you drive dude!”
“I can fucking handle myself!” Chris growled as he jumped into the car, starting it up immediately. Dustin bolted over and jumped in the passenger’s seat as Chris ripped out of the parking lot, leaving Bailey at the Civic Center entrance without a thought.
“PULL OVER!”
“NO! I’M SICK OF YOU GUYS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO ALL THE TIME. ACTING LIKE I CAN’T MAKE DECISIONS WITHOUT…”
Dustin’s attention was derailed by headlights rapidly approaching.
“CHRIS, WATCH OUT THERE’S ANOTHER…”
Dustin shook his head, trying to block out the echo of screeching tires, crunching metal, and shattering glass as he forced his mind back into the present.
“I should’ve died that night,” James continued, “it all happened so fast, but all I remember is seeing a car swerving into my lane and then everything was dark. At least it was until I was gasping for air, looking up at the most beautiful boy in the world who’d apparently just saved my life,”
“It was dumb luck,” Dustin quickly replied, “it’s just lucky I had a lifeguard job and learned CPR,”
“No, you made the decision to rush in and save me because you’re a good fucking person,” James immediately reassured him, “you didn’t just save my life that night, you gave me a second chance.
Before that I’d been so obsessed with proving to my grandparents that I’ll be a good heir to the ‘Zhang legacy’, that I barely even knew who I was as a person.
But after you literally breathed life back into me, I realized that I couldn’t waste a single fucking second.
I couldn’t even bring myself to hate Chris for causing the accident, because that was the night my life really started.
It’s why I’m so willing to just put myself out there and do whatever feels right to me in the moment…
although it still took me until the bonfire to finally work up the courage to talk to you,”
The tears were streaming down Dustin’s face now, but James wouldn’t let him turn away.
First there was Leo saying Dustin made him want to become a swimmer, and now James crediting him for unlocking his “try anything once” philosophy?
For most of his life he felt like he only existed to be in the shadow of someone who burned far brighter…
but maybe he just needed to ignite his own light again.
“I’m saying all of this to say that I really just want you to fully understand how fucking amazing you are.
Every day, I see you looking at the world like it’s broken your heart a million times over,” James continued, lifting Dustin’s hand and rubbing his fingers over the black ring on his pinky, “other people would’ve given up by now, but you’re like a river.
Sometimes you’re soft and still, and other times you rage against anything that tries to contain you… but you can never really be tamed,”
“You cheesy dork,” Dustin sniffled, “that sounds like something out of a romantic poem,”
“Three weeks in literature club,” James’s smile widened, “but I mean every word,”
“I know, that’s why I’m fucking crying,”
James’s smile softened, but it didn’t fade.
“It’s okay baobei, you’re perfect when you cry too,”
That was Dustin’s final straw; the last crack in the dam that he’d built to keep himself calm, respectable, and manageable.