chapter 29
[Angelica]
On Friday, I have plans to meet up with some of the girls.
It’s been too long since we’ve gotten together.
Christmas is less than a week away, and everyone is busy, but also needs a break from the chaos.
For me, between the anxiety over Beau’s wedding, and my work schedule, plus my newfound interest in Jude, I could use some time to process what the heck we are doing.
Holiday Escape, they dubbed the evening, because everything feels like it needs a theme this time of year.
For the moms in our gathering—Holliday Santos and Eva Scroggs—a night out during the busiest time of the year for mothers is a necessity.
For the single girls in our group, which includes me and an emergency room nurse friend named Noelle Darling, we just want to have fun.
Originally, we were supposed to go to a country bar, which are few and far between in a major metropolis, and line dance. Eventually, we settled on O’Malley’s as the other girls just wanted to drink.
“I don’t want to do anything that involves exerting energy other than lifting my glass of wine,” Holliday says once we settle in a back booth.
Since O’Malley’s is kind of my after-work spot with the guys, I wasn’t as thrilled to be here. Still, Seamus O’Malley, the owner, treats the first responders who frequent his place with respect. Our first round is on the house.
“So . . .” Holliday breaks in as soon as our drinks arrive. “What’s the word with the boyfriend?” She wiggles her brows at me.
“You have a boyfriend?” Eva asks. The brunette beauty is married to Zebb, who hosted A Snowball’s Chance fundraiser. She’s embraced being a bonus mom while she and Zebb have two additional children.
“Not exactly.” I lift my cranberry vodka for a sip, noticing immediately that it doesn’t rival the fancy cocktail I had at Jude’s holiday party in Wisconsin.
“What exactly is it then?” Noelle asks. She has red hair like me, although hers isn’t as vibrant as mine.
More subtle, bordering on acorn brown. We met about a year ago when she was new to Chicago, and she’s come out with me on occasion to get some girl time.
She’s in a relationship that she’s hoping will be taken to the next level any day now.
I’ve only heard about the lawyer-boyfriend, but I’ve never met him.
“I . . . I don’t know.” I consider how Jude mentioned girlfriend the other night. The things a girlfriend should know about him. Green. Nine. Chocolate mints. But it all feels too much, too soon. We’re past the faking-it part. We agree we aren’t pretending.
But we’re still undefined, which is what I say next.
“Undefined?” Eva questions.
“Do we need a definition?” I counter. All of us are near or past forty and declaring someone my boyfriend feels almost juvenile. Still, if Jude and I were to continue, I’d like a commitment between us.
My insecurities almost got in the way the other night. The idea of Jude being with other girls in his old uniform struck a chord. Swearing on his sister drove home the truth in his eyes. I was a first for him.
Noelle chuckles. “Speaking as someone without labels on her relationship, as long as you are the only one he is fucking, I think you are safe.”
Am I the only one? I think I am. We’ve video-chatted the nights we haven’t been together. It would be pretty difficult to keep up a relationship with someone else while talking with me.
Then again, I’ve been burned before, and I should know better. The things I don’t see are the things that should worry me.
Still, I want to be confident in where Jude and I are.
We don’t need to plan out a future. Maybe this is just a winter fling.
An I-date-him, he-dates-me thing to get us through the holidays.
One of my favorite holiday movies involves a couple who agrees to be each other’s plus one to all the holidays throughout the year.
With Noelle’s statement, we round into sharing some of the worst situations we’ve been in with men in the past. For Holliday, her ex turned out to suck. Eva claims she’d been too busy for relationships. Noelle already told the group about her previous relationship. I mention my past failure.
“Well, here’s to sour dates in the past and only sweet sex in our future,” Noelle announces when we’ve gone a round with our sucky tales.
“Here, here,” Holliday taps the table.
To our surprise, a round of shots is delivered to the table.
“What’s this?” Eva asks, lifting the small glass and giving it a whiff.
“Fireball. Compliments of the chief.” The young waitress points in the direction of Brock Scroggs, Zebb’s older brother.
“Ah,” Eva cries out, standing from our table and approaching her brother-in-law and the woman with him. Eva drags her over to us.
“Ladies, do you remember Pear?”
Pear Claus is our battalion chief’s daughter and Brock’s forever girlfriend, and we should have thought to include her in our gathering.
“Join us,” I say, pointing to a chair at the nearest table.
“I don’t want to intrude, but Brock was noticing y’all looked a little serious. He said you needed some Fireball to burn down the glum faces.”
Brock was a party man prior to meeting Pear.
He was a constant troublemaker within the department.
Eventually, there was an issue with my brother, Dane.
As pals, they worked it out, but Cap, our battalion chief, was still pissed, and he sent Brock on a retreat.
Getting snowed in with Cap’s daughter was probably the last thing Cap expected to happen. Now, the two are the cutest couple.
“Still, take a seat,” Eva encourages and points at Brock, implying he should send over one more shot.
“Fireballs at the ready,” Noelle shouts once we each have a shot, and then we down the cinnamon-burn in one go.
Laughter is restored to our table, and the fun continues until the guys crash O’Malley’s.
An additional table is drawn up to the booth, and musical chairs happen as couples drift together.
Zebb and Eva. Brock and Pear. Nick and Holliday.
Noelle and I are left alone, until my brother Dane slides in beside Noelle, laying his attention on her a bit thick, considering she has a man, and he isn’t officially divorced yet.
Despite the music and laughter, everyone looks all cozied up, and I feel like the odd woman out again.
I can’t help thinking about Jude. He should be here with me.
I give in and message him.
Girls’ night suddenly feels like a distraction I’m done pretending I need.