Chapter 1 Misty
MISTY
“Ahitman walks into a bar… and he’s late.”
“Gran, you’re not even paying him.”
Lucy smirks up at me. “Misty’s paying him, though.”
Talbot gives me a quick kiss, then a much longer one as he grabs an apron off the wall.
“Hey, Gumdrop.” He smirks. “I’d ask if you missed me, but I know you probably have a love box of stuff you pulled out of my trash can and nude photos.”
He slaps my ass then punches in on the cash register.
“Were you out sniping a certain someone?” Granny Keagan asks as she pulls out a fresh tray of Festive Fritters.
“Those look very red.” Lucy wrinkles her nose. “Why can’t we just have normal donuts?”
“They won’t go with the red beer.” Talbot winks at her.
“We should call it the Blood of my Enemies.” Gran pulls out a pen.
“It’s supposed to be Christmas themed, Gran.” I sigh.
Yes, we are starting the holidays in Maplewood Falls quite early. It’s been a hard year, okay?
“You’re right. I should have saved this for Halloween.”
“Careful, Gumdrop, you’ll blow my cover.” Talbot’s teeth graze my earlobe.
I cringe as several seniors crowd up to the bar.
“He’s here!”
“He’s back!”
“What’ll ya have?” Talbot leans over the bar.
“I want your holiday special.” The elderly woman slams an envelope on the counter.
“You can’t spread it to the whole café,” Granny Keagan says out of the side of her mouth.
“We are only serving alcohol here,” I say loudly.
Talbot raises an eyebrow.
“Because at ten in the morning on a weekday, what else would we be serving?”
“We have a green beer if you want a mix,” Sienna offers as she rings up a customer.
“Is that a code word?” one elderly woman asks excitedly.
Talbot looks confused.
He has been gone the past six weeks—first big job since he went to Seattle earlier in the year. In that time, word has gotten around town (because it’s a small town) that Talbot has a, shall we say, particular set of skills.
More seniors crowd around the bar.
“Myrtle, I was here first.”
“I don’t care. I need him to get rid of my neighbor. That man’s mowed over my crocuses, and I want him axed.”
“I need him to off my upstairs neighbor—he plays his music loud.”
“Take out Eugenia.” Another woman waves money at Talbot. “She cheats at bingo.”
“If you have time, can you take out my husband? All he does is sit in front of the TV. No one will know. I haven’t been laid in almost two years. I don’t think I could even find his penis.”
“Um...” I shove the envelopes of cash back.
“You gotta come to the back door at midnight.” Granny Keagan shoos them away. “I charge a twenty-five percent service fee.”
“But the sign says—”
“What sign?” I demand.
Ryan West, a couple heads taller than everyone, towers over the shrunken senior citizens. He sets a chalkboard sign on the bar counter: Coffee, Cookies, & Threat Assessments.
“Gran!” I wave the sign at her.
“Green or red beer, sir?” Talbot asks Ryan.
“Good to see you back. I think some of us were afraid you wouldn’t be returning.”
“What? Who was? Not me!” I sputter.
“Don’t tell me you’re too busy now, kiddo. Talbot’s back to work the bar. That means we’re going house shopping, Misty. I’m not going to forget about buying you a house.” Ryan frowns. “We’re almost to next year’s Christmas. Sienna, back me up here.”
“House shopping is fun!” Sienna cajoles.
“Talbot, you want to come? Misty, I have a few the real estate agent wants to show you.”
“You can’t have me down two of my best workers,” Gran complains.
Talbot raises an eyebrow.
“I don’t think my boss will let me leave, sir.”
“I can’t believe he ambushed me,” I hiss at Sienna.
Cocoa flops down at my feet.
“I thought he was going to forget about it. You know, maybe he got caught up in the moment last Christmas and we would just both pretend to forget about it. That’s probably why Talbot hasn’t proposed yet—he doesn’t want to live in a house that Ryan bought.”
“Talbot? The least egotistical man ever?” Sienna’s skeptical.
“What? No, he’s not.”
“Yeah, he is. He will happily bake with you. Let Lucy paint his nails pink.” She continues listing off examples.
“It’s because he knows that he’s the biggest, baddest wolf in every room he walks into, so he doesn’t have to do a lot of posturing.
Like, he literally went on a work trip to push some guy off a bridge.
I think you’re the one who doesn’t want Ryan to buy you a house. ”
I stammer. “What? No, that’s not—”
“He wants to do something nice for you. He was so happy when you moved back home when Talbot went out of town.”
“Alright, Misty,” Ryan announces from the front porch of a very nice, newly redone historic Victorian home. “What do you think. It’s nice, right?”
“Got a carriage house in the back,” Sienna says appreciatively as the real estate agent hands us pamphlets about the house.
I look at the price in bright-yellow letters on the back and feel faint. “This is not the house for me.”
“You didn’t even see the inside.” Ryan looks over his shoulder.
“I, um, don’t really like the paint color.” Even though it’s freezing outside, I’m hot and sweaty.
“Just come see it,” my stepfather coaxes. “There’s a butler’s pantry and six bedrooms, and the basement is finished. I bet Talbot would like it.”
“I think that—” I try to clear my throat. “It’s maybe a little fancy for him. Us. Me.”
“We have a few others,” the real estate agent assures me.
On the way to the next property, I search through my phone on Zillow, sorting by cheapest houses possible.
“That looks like a crack house,” Sienna says flatly. “Up your price range a little bit.”
“This one is cute.”
“It’s a trailer.”
“Nothing wrong with a mobile home.”
“It’s a dilapidated tiny house on wheels.”
“This is a cute little cottage,” I protest.
“It looks like a dollhouse. Where the dolls come alive at night.”
“Could we take a look at this cottage?” I ask the real estate agent.
“It’s around the corner. Let me see if that listing agent can get me a key.”
“That’s a little small.” Ryan frowns at my phone.
“I’m sure it’s bigger in person,” I tell Ryan.
It is not.
“Is this a hobbit house?” Sienna and I peer at the cottage in front of us. It is tiny. Miniature.
“Wasn’t this the house that they renovated when they filmed that Hallmark movie here a few years ago?” Sienna muses.
The real estate agent unlocks the door. She’s petite, even in heels. Me, Ryan, and Sienna? We are not. We are hockey players. This house is not meant for people our size.
The house is perfectly Cocoa’s size, but the corgi balks.
“You can’t be that bougie,” I hiss at the dog.
“There’s spirits or something here.” Sienna reaches down to pick up the dog.
“No, no, no one died in this house. Not recently, anyway,” the real estate agent assures us.
“She’s not a ghost dog—she just doesn’t like cheap tile.”
Ryan has to duck to get into the house. “I don’t think this doorway is legal height.”
“It’s a historic home,” the real estate agent chirps from the tiny living room that also doubles as the dining room, “so anything’s legal as long as it’s historically appropriate!”
“That’s the cheery disposition of someone who’s about to off-load a lemon of a house to a sucker,” Sienna hisses at me.
“I think it’s—ow!” I wince as I bang my elbow on a narrow doorway.
“What can you even put in this closet?” Ryan tries to open up a tiny, narrow door.
“That’s where Misty’s going to lock her kids when they misbehave,” Sienna jokes.
“I don’t know. Talbot’s a big guy. I don’t think you all are going to be able to fit your newborn baby in that tiny hidey-hole, let alone a whole child,” Ryan snorts. He closes the door a little too hard, and it flops off the hinges.
“Shit.” He props it back up.
“This is a cute bathroom,” I say as we shuffle around in the hallway to open up a third door.
“Singular. One bathroom. You don’t like to share a bathroom,” Sienna reminds me.
“There is a tub.”
“That’s a bucket.”
“But look at this sink! I love a cast-iron sink.”
“It’s the size of a teacup.”
I feel like a giant in here. I already have issues with feeling too large, too tall. This house is exacerbating all my insecurities.
“There’s so much storage here!” The real estate agent is really going for the hard sell. We step sideways through the kitchen. “It comes with a fully built-out mudroom and laundry area with storage.”
“Is this storage for hedgehogs?” Ryan whispers
“It’s cozy.” I elbow him.
Ryan bumps his head on the sloped ceiling in the mudroom off the kitchen. “I don’t know, Misty.” He rubs the back of his head.
“I think it’s a wonderful house, and there’s room for a garden outside.” I’m desperate.
“Are you growing, like, five tomatoes?” Sienna wrinkles her nose.
“I thought Talbot wanted a skating rink in his backyard,” Ryan reminds me.
“We can do a partial rink.” I chew on my lip.
“Just skate around in a small circle.” Sienna snickers.
Ryan raises an eyebrow. “You really want this house, Misty?”
“I mean, I really don’t need a house at all…”
“I thought you said you wanted a big family,” Sienna reminds me.
“I’m getting on in years. No ring yet, so I don’t know how big it will be. Besides, we’ll all crowd in together.”
“Why don’t you talk to Talbot about it?” Ryan sighs.
“Oh, you’re Talbot’s girlfriend.” The real estate agent perks up. “My grandmother wanted to know—”
“He’s not taking outside work right now. Thank you.”
Talbot’s in the cheese shop. Just the fact that it has ceilings I can’t reach out and touch makes me breathe a sigh of relief.
“How was house hunting?”
“How was bartending?” I counter.
Talbot leans in to kiss me. “I got enough job offers here to keep me employed for several more years.”
“Please do not assassinate anyone in Maplewood Falls.”
“I don’t know. This old lady said I could ‘marry her rich finance-investor son if I got rid of her freeloading sister,’ as she put it.” Talbot smirks.
“Really giving the hard sell, huh?”
Talbot kisses me and picks me up to set me on the countertop. “I told her thanks, but I’ve already got my eye on someone else.”
“At least this building is almost done. Then you have an excuse not to bartend so much.”
“I need to test out the oven. Fiddle with the settings.”
I’m anxious. Like I told Sienna, there has been no ring. My clock is ticking. If I want a Christmas wedding, I’ll only have a few months to plan it. Although, maybe I should just have a spring wedding, since the last couple of Christmas weddings didn’t go so great.
But first, I need a fiancé, and Talbot’s not… Well, he doesn’t seem like he’s super excited to be back.
“But let me see what you found. Don’t think you can change the subject on me, Gumdrop.” He slides next to me on the counter, so I show him the cottage.
“Is that a doghouse, Gumdrop?”
“It’s a cute, cozy cottage. It will look amazing all dressed up for Christmas.”
“Looks perfect for one person. One small person.”
“You and Sienna! No one likes my cottage choice. I hope you like my interior decorating choices better.” I put the phone away.
“Do you like the paint colors and the countertop?” I ask him anxiously.
“Gran says she gave the health inspector a blow job, and he’s going to let us keep these plants in the window.
And the upstairs is done too. If you’re renting it out, then I thought it needed a bit of a homier touch.
We did some nicer built-ins, and I refinished the old cabinet that they found.
We could bring it down here, though, if you want. ”
I bury my face in his neck, breathing in the familiar whiskey-smoky smell of him. “Do you want to go upstairs and test it out?”
“Is there a bed?”
“There’s a counter and a floor.”
“Actually, I need to meet up with my brother.”
“Right, close out the case file.” I punch him lightly in the arm.
Ugh, maybe he is tired of me.
He got that taste of freedom, and Maplewood Falls and the crazy small-town people who are surprisingly violent and bloodthirsty put him off.
Talbot leans in and kisses me. “I love you. I missed you, Gumdrop.”
“It wasn’t dangerous, was it?” I worry.
“I’m wounded and grievously insulted that you’d even suggest it.” He smirks against my mouth. “I’ll sneak into your bedroom later, though.”