Chapter 18
Darcy was tormented by doubt.
Bingley had asked him to return to Hertfordshire with him and enjoy Netherfield again but he was unsure if that was what Elizabeth wanted.
Richard had instructed him to woo the lady, but with the tragic events that befell Rosings almost every single day, the conversations he had managed to share with her had been too serious and too far removed for levity and flirtation. He felt he had made very few inroads in winning her.
But Georgiana was waiting for him in London and he knew the neglect of his little sister had gone on long enough.
The day after Elizabeth had quit Rosings he also left.
Richard had developed a close friendship with Mrs Collins while Anne had coincidentally asked him to stay and help her run the estate.
Anne wished to learn how to be the new mistress, though Richard knew very little about running an estate, he needed an excuse to stay and Anne had provided him with the perfect one.
***
In London Darcy was morose and even more reclusive than usual, even though there were still a few balls and social gatherings before the summer months took everybody back to the country. He languished for weeks in the Capital, attending the trial and hanging of George Wickham.
After that awful business, his aunt Lady Matlock invited him to every event but when he did go he simply attended out of obligation and love for her. He never danced and usually stayed in the periphery of the room and glowered even more than he was known for.
“Mr Darcy,” Miss Lambeth, a friend of Miss Bingley’s addressed him, on one of those evenings, “How good it is to see you, sir.” The lady gushed charm towards him, batting her eyelids and puckering her lips to make them look inviting.
“I had not seen you in town this spring, have you been ensconced in Pemberley all this time?”
“No.” He said impatiently and began to think about leaving the dance directly.
Darcy felt revulsion at the woman’s undisguised attention.
He had only ever exchanged half a dozen words with the lady at the most yet somehow she still felt compelled to approach him, giving herself the liberty to ask him questions about his life and routine.
Since when had the appearance of every woman been barely tolerable? And this time he fully meant it.
However before he could escape Miss Bingley herself appeared from behind her friend and also oozed charm, clearly not wanting to be left unnoticed either; “Mr Darcy I did not know that you had returned from Kent. I am sorry for you loss sir. I read in the papers that Lady Catherine passed away from an apoplexy.” The lady touched her face delicately with a handkerchief, wiping nonexistent tears.
“Thank you Miss Bingley.” He said disinterestedly.
“I do not know if you are aware sir” Miss Bingley grabbed his arm possessively, moving quickly from condoling to demanding, “that my brother has returned to Hertfordshire. We need to bring him back to London immediately... rescue him before he does something stupid.” And she nodded her head in a suggestive way.
“I do not understand your meaning Miss Bingley, why does your brother need to be rescued from Hertfordshire?”
Miss Bingley looked at him, confused, “What do you mean, sir? You know very well what danger he is in, in that little backwater hamlet. Miss Bennet and her vulgar family will sink their talons into him and he will be trapped for good.”
“I do not know why you presume to think that I agree with you when you disparage the Bennets, madam. They are a genteel family and your brother’s social standing would be elevated if he married Miss Bennet, not the other way around, since he is not yet a landed gentleman.
” He said firmly not looking at Miss Bingley, but out towards the dance floor.
Miss Bingley’s mouth hung open in utter disbelief until she snapped it closed, confounded, “Mr Darcy I do not understand your change of opinion on this matter sir, for it was you last November who, using this exact same reasoning, convinced Charles to abandon Netherfield Park and that horrible family.”
Darcy winced. He felt like smashing something when he was reminded how appallingly he had behaved towards Elizabeth’s family.
“Excuse me Miss Bingley but I am not feeling well tonight and frankly I have lost all interest in this party. Good night madam.” He proceeded to leave the party in a great hurry, while in his haste he even forgot to farewell his aunt.
Miss Bingley was left completely confused; she even doubted if they would be visiting Pemberley this summer after all.
Her brother was stuck in Hertfordshire and simply refused to return to town.
Without him her plan to ingratiate herself and finally win the master of Pemberley’s hand was in great jeopardy.
She had been remiss... she should have grabbed the chance to compromise him while she had him under her own roof in Hertfordshire. Now everything was harder; she saw her chances dwindling fast.
***
Darcy felt utter despair.
He left the party on foot for the night was pleasantly cool. His carriage followed him back to Grosvenor Square as he walked slowly, seemingly enjoying the cool air, while his soul was utterly anguished.
He tormented himself, hovering between the options of going either to Netherfield or Pemberley.
His heart screamed for him to take the Hertfordshire road with all haste, but his duty demanded that he take Georgiana to Derbyshire, for she was still suffering from last summer’s lapse in judgement, the effects of George Wickham.
She had cried most bitterly when he told her that Wickham had been hanged for his crimes, her gentle and timid heart was still recovering from that shock.
She avoided all company including her own family, retreating into her shell when forced into the company of strangers.
Taking her to Meryton where the neighbours were loud and vivacious might do her more harm than good.
Duty! He was coming to despise that word.
It was out of a sense of duty that he left Hertfordshire last November, intent on forgetting Elizabeth. It was instilled into his head, heart and soul from as early as he could remember that his duty to his family, his social standing, his estate, and his legacy was the most important thing.
He had been a selfish being all his life, in practice though not in principal.
As a child he was taught what was right but he was not taught to correct his temper.
He was given good principals but left to follow them in pride and conceit.
He was spoiled by his parents, who though good themselves, allowed him, almost encouraged him to be selfish and overbearing; to care for none beyond his own family circle, to think meanly of all the rest of the world.
He was encouraged to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with his own... and he had done that most faithfully when it came to the Bennets. Especially Elizabeth, for she knew how low an opinion he had of her family.
Now he was properly humbled – it came to him that he had assumed that Elizabeth would receive his addresses with pleasure, would accept him without hesitation.
Suddenly he realised how lacking he was in her eyes, how insufficient were all his pretences to please a woman, that rare woman worthy of being pleased.
He would go to Netherfield, but not immediately. He would go first to Pemberley to see to his sister’s comfort and then, after the summer he would dedicate himself to wooing Elizabeth as she deserved.
His mind was made up, Elizabeth deserved his all: his effort, his love, his time, his heart. But he could not go now and feel divided and guilty for abandoning his sister once again.
August! At the end of August he would throw himself at her feet... but now all he could do was pray that some more deserving man would not beat him to her heart first.