19. Living Life
Living Life
It was with a good deal of trepidation that I returned home two days later. It was Saturday again, a whole week after I’d gotten sick.
“Hello?” I called as I walked in, shivering slightly. It was decidedly colder than it had been the week before, as we were now halfway through October.
No one answered, so I made my way to my room to grab my thicker coat. My stamina was still less than stellar, but I was far healthier than the last time I’d tried to feed the horses. And the horses were my first and greatest concern.
“Think of it as a trial run,” Margaret had said when I’d told her my fear.
“You said you need to leave that house–which you most definitely do, by the way. When that happens, you’ll need to leave the horses as well.
See what she does without you around. She might surprise you.
” Her smile had darkened slightly. “And if she mistreats them, I have the sheriff’s phone number. We’ll give him a call.”
As much as I would have loved to see Casey’s reaction to the sheriff coming to visit, I knew that doing such would essentially spell the end of my time with my parents’ beloved horses. And though I fully planned on leaving now, I didn’t want to be chased out of my own home.
I wanted the goodbyes to be on my terms.
Also, I wasn’t leaving without my horse.
True to Margaret’s word, when I got home, I found Casey in the barn, mucking out stalls.
“Oh, so you’re back now?” she asked, barely sparing me a glance.
“I’d always planned to come back,” I said, grabbing the feed scoop.
“Don’t worry about that. I already did it.”
I paused for a moment, trying to gauge her attitude before putting the scoop back and reaching instead for the broom. This time, she didn’t object when I started sweeping.
Usually, the less Casey and I talked, the better we got along. But this silence was heavy. Almost suffocating. I could feel her resentment boiling beneath the surface, but I didn’t have the slightest idea what to do with it.
There was a temptation to feel bad for her.
After all, I’d been gone for an entire week.
But I tried to shrug that temptation off like an ill-fitting coat.
I was her stepdaughter–the daughter of her late husband.
And even if I wasn’t her own blood, she should have wanted to protect me.
She should have been concerned about my illness.
A good woman–a woman like Margaret–would have done her best to take care of someone in her household who was ill.
There was no reason for me to feel bad about needing help, I realized with a suddenly powerful conviction.
Besides, as she liked to remind me, this ranch wasn’t even mine anymore. The responsibility for it should fall on her.
Finally, I finished sweeping, the oppressive silence only getting heavier by the minute. So I tried again.
“I’ll wipe down the saddles–”
“I already did it.” She still didn’t look at me as she spoke. “There’s pizza inside. Go in and eat dinner.”
I stared at her, not sure I’d heard correctly.
Had she just told me to go inside and eat dinner?
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d heard those words come out of her mouth.
Now that I thought about it, I’d survived largely on a steady diet of frozen egg and turkey sausage sandwiches and protein bars for the last few years just because there was barely any time to sit down and eat.
And now she wanted me to go inside before her and eat pizza?
Well, if she wanted me to eat dinner, I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. So I thanked her quietly and went inside. And sure enough, there was pizza in the fridge. And it hadn’t all been eaten.
As I sat with my pizza, I checked my text messages to see if Asher had sent anything new. When I saw that there were no new notifications, my heart fell a bit. He’d stopped texting three days ago. Margaret said he often did things like that.
“Part of the job,” she’d told me.
And I understood that. But it didn’t mean I liked it.
Sighing, I closed my messages and began skimming the job postings around town.
There weren’t a whole lot of positions available.
The city wasn’t large, and I would need something that could support at least half of a rental payment and the bare minimum for college tuition, books, and food.
I didn’t own a car, so that at least was simple.
But even if I did get a job and moved in with my cousin, as she’d invited me to do countless times, where would I put my horse?
Casey didn’t utter a single word to me for the rest of the night, and by the time I’d climbed into bed, I’d decided that I could easily handle this kind of life. If Casey always worked this hard, I wouldn’t even feel the need to leave.
My book didn’t show any new changes, but then again, I hadn’t expected it to. I hadn’t made any new shifts in my story. Instead, I’d gone back to my old way of life.
But not for long, I promised myself as I turned out my light. Soon, I would be living life my way.
Casey continued on that way for the next week. I was still allowed to teach lessons, and I did some work in the barn. But she fairly chased me out every time I tried to stay late to finish this or that project.
I was more than fine with this, though. It gave me the time I needed to fill out job applications online, and for the few that wanted physical copies, to deliver them by hand.
I also began to quietly sort through my belongings, which were mostly already in my room.
At one point, I had thought of the whole house as mine. The pictures. The paintings. The books.
But then my dad had made the decision to marry Casey, and I had been made more than aware over the course of the last few years that I was living on someone else’s property.
That would make it easier to say goodbye, though, I thought with a good deal of sadness. There would be less to say goodbye to.
Unfortunately, packing also made it easier for me to lose things. I lost the book I was reading one day only to find it in a box I’d packed two days later. I also misplaced my wallet, several snacks, and my left sneaker. The worst, though, was when I lost my phone on Friday.
“I’m so sorry,” I apologized to the manager of a local craft store the next day. She had asked me to log into their application dashboard and fix part of my application. “I don’t have my phone with me, but I can do it as soon as I get home.”
I shook my head at myself as I left the store. Of all the things to lose, how had I lost my phone?
I was still pondering this when I got home to find said phone on my bed. Beside it was a note from Jaelyne.
I found this in the kitchen. Mom said to leave it in here for you. Harper says I should charge you a ransom for returning it. What’s a ransom?
I rolled my eyes and smiled as I read the note. Relief pounded fresh in my lungs, though, as I swiped the screen to see how many notifications I’d missed.
But, of course, it was dead.
With a sigh, I prayed that Asher hadn’t tried to call while I was missing it, then I plugged it in and went out to the barn to help with nighttime feeding. It wasn’t until it finally powered on again that I developed an even uneasier feeling than I’d had before.
“Four missed calls from Margaret?” I muttered to myself. I immediately called her back, but it only went to voicemail. Then I checked for Asher’s messages.
Only Asher’s messages weren’t there.
Panic spiked my heart rate as I searched my call history.
No Asher.
My breathing sped so fast that I wondered if I might pass out. He wasn’t even in my contacts.
How? How had I lost the one number that meant more than any other? Glancing at the clock, I tried to call Margaret again. But again, she didn’t answer. She didn’t answer again for the rest of the night.
I also found myself at a loss when I went to get Asher’s number from Jaelyne.
“When you got Asher’s number from my phone, you copied it into your contacts, didn’t you?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from trembling.
Jaelyne, who had been watching a video on her tablet, scoffed. “I did. But Mom caught me sending him another picture of you, and she got really mad. She said if I didn’t delete him, she’d take away my phone.”
I’d never felt such despair as I did just then.
I went to church the next morning, as I always did, but I found it hard to smile and make small talk like usual. Instead, I felt myself shaking the moment the service finished as I stood and searched for Margaret.
I didn’t find her. But I did find Belle.
“Belle!” I hurried over to my friend, relief pounding my chest. “I’m so glad I’ve found you. Where’s Margaret?”
“She had to leave just after the service finished,” Belle said, looking oddly uncomfortable. “But I’ll warn you… Margaret’s not very happy with you right now.”
I froze.
Me?
Margaret wasn’t happy with me?
I’d never imagined such a day could come.
“Why?” I asked anxiously. “Because I lost my phone for a day?”
She frowned. “You lost your phone?”
I nodded profusely. “I lost it on Friday. And when Jaelyne found it again last night, it was dead. I saw I missed Margaret’s calls, but when I called, she didn’t answer.”
Belle stared at me for a long moment before her eyes widened. “Oh. Oh dear,” she said quietly.
“Belle!” I pleaded. “Just tell me what’s wrong!”
Belle closed her eyes briefly and sighed before opening them again.
“Margaret got a distressed call from Asher Friday night. He said that you’d cut off all contact with him by text.
Something about how you’d thought about it, but you couldn’t handle being away from the horses and your parents’ farm.
And how you couldn’t let your relationship go any further. ”
I listened in horror. “But… I… I didn’t send that!” I stuttered. “I didn’t get my phone back until last night! And when I did…”
Suddenly, the fear that had churned in my stomach until I was nauseous hardened and turned to ice. I hadn’t sent that message from my phone. But someone else did. Someone who had no desire to see me happy.
“Casey!” I muttered under my breath.
“Look,” Belle said with a sigh. “I’ll talk to Margaret. She’s pretty mad, but I think she’ll come around when she hears the truth.” She gave me a wry grin. “But she’ll still fault you for leaving your phone open.”
I closed my eyes and swallowed. “Thanks. I’ll… come by and explain.”