Episode 93 What Is It Like?
What Is It Like?
Cerian stares at the door leading to the rest of the hotel, and Arisanna squeezes his hand.
In just one night, this suite has become a sanctuary for him.
She’ll have to ask for this room if they stay in Feressa overnight in the future.
Let people think what they will. It’s a haven for Cerian, and that matters more than anything else.
“You can do this,” she says softly. “I won’t leave your side.”
He glances at her before looking away. Is that embarrassment in his eyes?
“We all have our own fears,” she says. “At least you’re not terrified of the dark.”
He finds her eyes again and doesn’t look away this time, though he doesn’t speak.
“I find the darkness far less terrifying when I face it with you, my fire wielder. My light will fill your darkness, Cerian. The way yours does mine.”
“And we’ll be stronger together,” he whispers. Then he sighs. “Your mother overwhelms me.”
“You want to know a secret? She overwhelms me, too. But I love her. And she loves me. And we carry on.”
“I never know what she’s going to say next.”
“It’s a grand adventure full of surprising twists and turns.”
That draws out his smile.
“If you need to disappear for a few minutes,” she says, “return here, all right? So I’ll know where to find you.”
“I don’t wish to run from you.”
His words warm her heart.
“I know. But just in case, all right? Are you ready?”
He nods before reaching for the door.
Together, they make their way down the stairs. Father’s guards stand outside Elowyn’s room, and Arisanna glances at Cerian. He has that shuttered look in place already.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” she asks. “Wait for the room to be less crowded?”
He shakes his head and opens his mouth, but his words are slow to come. She just wants to wrap him in her arms and tell him it will be okay. That he’s safe.
But she squeezes his hand instead and waits for him to speak.
“I wish to see Elowyn. In case...in case she had a rough night and no one could find us.”
Father’s guards knew where they were, but Arisanna doesn’t remind Cerian of that. If he needs to see with his own eyes that Elowyn is surviving, she won’t dissuade him.
Father’s guards let them pass, and Cerian gently pushes open the door. Mother sits in a chair at Rominy’s side again while Cerian’s mother kneels beside Elowyn, watching her daughter sleep. It’s a touching scene, and Arisanna swallows the lump in her throat.
“Your grandmother has complete faith in you,” Arisanna’s father says to Tharios nearby. “That’s enough for me. Do whatever you believe is best for both of them.”
Arisanna glances up at Cerian, but Cerian is too focused on their conversation to notice her looking his way.
“The magic slows his body enough to limit the sustenance he requires,” Tharios says, “but it would be wise to rouse him soon and get some food and water in him. I’d also appreciate whatever report he can give of her well-being.”
Tharios wants to wake Rominy? Arisanna glances back at the bed. He looks so peaceful. The thought of ripping him out of the heartlanding squeezes her chest.
But Tharios knows what he’s doing.
“If you think it’s best to wake him, you have my permission,” Father says, and Tharios nods.
“I will return them both to health, Your Majesty,” Tharios says firmly, and Father pats his shoulder.
“I believe in you, Tharios. I’ve seen your parents work impressive feats of magic. I expect no less from you. And please call me Gerault. We are family now.”
“How is Elowyn?” Cerian says beside Arisanna, and Tharios and Father turn their way.
A slight smile crosses Father’s face when he sees them, and he pulls Arisanna close. “I’m sorry to put you out of your room. I’m told you found another one that suited you, though.”
The twinkle in his eyes when he lets her go sends a flush up her neck. He must know where they ended up.
“Our new room is nice. We’ll be fine.”
Tharios steps closer. “Elowyn held steady through the night. She’s getting stronger every day. I believe the worst is behind us.”
Cerian sags against Arisanna’s shoulder, and she almost loses her balance, but a whisper of wind swirls around them and holds them steady.
Tharios is a good brother.
“It will be all right, Cer,” Tharios says.
“Thank you,” Arisanna says softly. “For everything.”
Hopefully, he understands.
“Every night?” he asks quietly in Elvish so only she and Cerian can hear him.
“Yes,” Cerian whispers before she can respond. “Thank you.”
“I’ve got your back, Cer. Always. That goes for both of you.
” He switches back to Nunian to address Father.
“We should limit the people in the room. Rominy will be disoriented when he wakes. He’ll need space.
Perhaps one of you can stay to give him a familiar face without overwhelming him? I’ll let you decide.”
Tharios wanders back to the bed, and Father sighs. “Your mother will want to stay, but that will turn into Rominy comforting her rather than the other way around.”
Arisanna bites her lip as she glances at the bed. Father’s probably right.
“What is it like?” Father asks. “To be heartbound and wake from this heartlanding of yours?”
Arisanna looks up at Cerian before answering. “Waking...is like standing too fast as the blood rushes from your head, leaving you faint. And being heartbound...it’s like walking around with your heart forever living within someone else. When...when Cerian isn’t with me, I feel...”
How can she describe it in a way Father will understand?
“I feel as though the world has gone dim,” Cerian whispers, and Arisanna looks at him in surprise.
“Like I’m half a person,” she breathes.
“As if the only thing that matters is being with you again.”
“And ensuring you’re all right.” She gazes into his beautiful eyes. Those eyes that looked at her with so much devotion as he made love to her, hidden away from the rest of the world in their private haven this morning.
“And this is how Rominy will feel when he wakes without Elowyn?” Father asks, startling Arisanna from her thoughts.
She clears her throat, her face like fire, but if Father notices, he says nothing.
“Yes,” Arisanna says.
Father nods. “I’ll take your mother for a walk. Perhaps I can convince her to eat something. You’ll let us know when he’s ready for company?”
Arisanna looks at Father in surprise. “You want me to stay?”
“Yes. He’ll feel less alone with someone who knows what he’s experiencing. Tell him we love him, and we’re here when he needs us.”
She stares after Father as he moves to Mother’s side and speaks in whispered tones.
Cerian’s arms wrap around her. “Just be mine.”
She only hesitates for a moment before melting against him. Let anyone think what they will. She needs him right now.
And they’ll be stronger together.
“I think the floor is slanted.” Rominy eyes the little bubble that’s supposed to stay in the middle of the tube, according to the directions the heartlanding gave them.
It doesn’t seem eager to cooperate.
Elowyn pokes at the tube and shrugs. “It’s close enough.”
He turns his gaze toward her. “Remind me never to let you build anything in the real world.”
She smiles at him, the light that fell to the shadows earlier shining from her eyes once again.
The setting sun illuminates their island in brilliant reds and oranges, casting a golden sheen on her silvery hair.
Her gown catches the light behind her, leaving little of her silhouette to the imagination, and memories of her standing unclothed at the water’s edge earlier fill him.
He tries to push them away, but it’s impossible.
“Perhaps we should be done for today,” she says. Does she feel his heart racing?
He nods and tries to focus on the progress they made. Her treehouse has a floor now. That’s a good start, even if it’s a little slanted. It probably doesn’t matter much.
“Thank you for today,” Elowyn says as she rests her hand on his chest.
Her hand is warm. Stars above, that’s not helping. They’d both lose their heads if he kissed her now.
She must be healing in the real world, though. She seemed full of energy today. It was hard to keep up with her.
With a sigh, he rubs his eyes. They can’t. He needs to focus on something else.
“What are you thinking, my love?” she asks.
He draws her into his arms. “Just thinking about how much I love you.”
“And that makes you sigh?”
“Because I can’t have you.”
“I feel like myself today,” she whispers.
The temptation is strong.
But they can’t.
“Will you kiss me?” Elowyn’s voice is soft and tentative, and it pulls at his heart.
It’s such a small request. Just a kiss, right?
And though a voice in his head tells him this is a bad idea, he finds her lips with his own.
She tastes like smoke and sparks and waterfalls. She’s trying so hard to keep her fire in check. That will dehydrate her, though. She needs to be surrounded by water.
“I wish for our pool,” he whispers against her lips.
When their tropical island transforms, Elowyn only glances at their surroundings for a moment before wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself to him.
It’s enough to scatter his thoughts.
It took all his willpower to keep them in check this morning.
Now he’s tired of thinking. His head is too full of her. Her kisses. Her body pressed against his. If only it were her skin rather than her dress.
As her gown vanishes, her kiss grows more needy, and he doesn’t pull away, though guilt creeps into the corners of his mind.
He knew what would happen when he wished away her dress.
Any second now, the heartlanding will dump buckets of rain on them, or something will bite his toe, or the wind will kick up and draw them out of this place where the pull of his desire for her is too strong to resist.
And he lets go of his hesitation, waiting for it to happen.
But it doesn’t. Their kisses grow more passionate. Deeper. Her hands on his bare chest fuel his fire, and she gasps when he touches her ears.
“Don’t stop,” she whimpers. “Please.”
It’s like catapulting toward disaster and being unable to change your trajectory. Even if he wanted to.
Which he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to be the voice of reason.
He just wants her. All of her. And she doesn’t even try to dissuade him. She leans into his touch, encouraging it. And while he runs one thumb along the edge of her ear, he lets his other hand wander.
How can she be so soft and strong at the same time?
The image of her pale on that bed in the hotel fills his head, and he freezes.
What are they doing?
He forces himself to pull away as she says his name.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and she places a finger over his lips.
“No, my love. But—”
“We can’t.”
She slowly shakes her head, and he pulls her to his chest and lets his eyes slide closed. For a few minutes, he holds her as she clings to him.
Then the light dims, and his eyes flash open.
Stars above. They’re waking up.
He finds her eyes, but they’re full of an uncharacteristic fear, and his chest tightens.
“I’m not waking up,” she says.
But he knew that from the look on her face.
Did his touch do this? What was he thinking? If he hurt her, he’ll never forgive himself.
Then her fear disappears, replaced by a fierceness. “I am fighting, Rominy. I will never stop. So don’t you stop fighting for me. You are strong. And you will continue to be strong. Promise me! And don’t you dare blame yourself for anything. Do you hear me?”
He gulps in lungfuls of air and nods, pushing away the guilt filling him. For her, he’ll be strong. For her, he’ll do anything.
“I love you, Elowyn.” His words drown on the wind as she fades away in his arms.