3. Chapter 3
3
“ Y ou don’t know anything about me beyond what you’ve learned since I got here,” Rebecca told him, caught in Maxwell’s silver gaze and taking the leap she had to take. “You can’t find anything, because it’s all somewhere else. Blackmoon and I are both—”
…old-world Xaharí was what she’d almost revealed, but then a loud, urgent knock cut off her words and ruined her train of thought.
That knock carried the weight and rhythm of urgent importance the Roth-Da’al couldn’t in good conscience ignore.
As Rebecca turned away from Maxwell to face the door, even that sharp, piercing jolt of pain when they separated paled in comparison to her overwhelming relief that she’d been interrupted.
That had been a close one. Too close.
Thank the ancestors she’d avoided one more possible misstep of spilling her guts to her Head of Security, and she certainly wouldn’t be expected to do so now .
“Come in,” she called,.
Even her greeting sounded relieved.
How strange, to be relieved by another interruption of someone else needing her, because it had saved her from dropping into a massive hole she could never climb her way out of again on her own.
The doorknob turned with a squeak, then the door whispered open.
It was Nyx.
“Hi…” she said cautiously, poking her head through the door while still halfway in the hall. “I hope I’m not interrupting something.”
Rebecca shot her a quick smile. “If you were, I would have told you to wait. What’s up?”
With hurried, nervous movements and her usual levels of bashful uncertainty, Nyx stepped into the office and gently closed the door behind her with the soft snick of the latch catching. “I just wanted to talk to you for a second.”
“Already tired of your welcome-back party down there?” Rebecca moved casually toward the edge of her desk, then sat back against it and folded her arms with a smirk.
The ache of putting more distance between her and Maxwell, even with this perfectly timed interruption, made her worry her legs might give out beneath her. But she thought she hid the discomfort fairly well. Hopefully.
“Yeah…” Nyx let out an airy, nervous chuckle. “There are a lot of people down there all at once. All for me.”
“It’s good to see you back on your feet,” Maxwell grumbled as he dipped his head.
When Rebecca shot him a sidelong glance, she found the shifter mimicking her posture, his arms already folded, though where she’d leaned against furniture for support, the shifter stood rigidly upright, feigning casual comfort.
Still, his frustration pulsed off him in waves. Though his words to Nyx were friendly and positive, the normal dark gruffness in his voice remained.
He meant them both equally, she knew—pride and gratitude for Nyx’s full and successful recovery and the bubbling irritation of yet another interruption thwarting his attempt to unearth Rebecca’s secrets.
“I guess.” Nyx’s violet eyes flickered back and forth between her Roth-Da’al and Head of Security. Then she took two more meek steps toward the center of the room, wringing her hands. “But I didn’t come up here to talk about the party.”
“A party which, by the way, we both would have attended if either of us had known,” Rebecca added. The side of her face tingled when Maxwell glanced at her sidelong, but she kept her gaze on Nyx.
Yes, Rebecca could speak for both of them in this. Unless Maxwell was supposed to have told her about Nyx’s party in the common room but had failed to deliver the message.
“Oh, I know,” Nyx replied quickly. “I’m not even worried about that. I know you’re busy. I did notice neither of you were there, which is why I figured I’d come up here to talk to you instead.”
When the katari didn’t continue, Rebecca tilted her head and tried not to sound too suspicious. “Is everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah. Totally. Everything’s great. No more infirmary bed. No more of Zida’s nasty potions. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep down any more of those , honestly.”
Maxwell snorted, and Rebecca caught a flickering twitch of a smile at the corners of his mouth.
“I just really wanted to thank you both,” Nyx finally blurted, “for what you did for me. For rescuing me from Harkennr.”
Really? All that buildup for a thank you?
“There was no other option,” Maxwell replied. “When we discovered you gone, it wasn’t even a choice.”
“He’s right,” Rebecca added. “And you’re welcome, Nyx. Though I don’t think either of us would claim to have done a whole lot of anything, really.”
“No, you’re wrong.” As soon as she said it, Nyx’s eyes widened, their violet glow flaring brighter in surprise before she quickly added, “I mean…respectfully, I guess…I disagree. It was a lot just to walk into that awful place and sit down with that asshole.”
Rebecca forced down a chuckle, always surprised and amused to hear the katari speak ill of anyone. Including her own kidnapper.
“And I don’t think anyone else here could have done what you two did and safely walked away from it,” Nyx continued. “I don’t think anyone else could have gotten me out of there. And I know how much you risked to do it. For me.”
Maxwell dipped his head even lower, studying her. “Do you remember anything?”
Nyx grimaced but quickly covered it up again, still wringing her hands. “A little. Just bits and pieces. Mostly, I remember all the weird flashing lights and the…screaming. I remember being terrified, because I knew something was wrong but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t wake up. Not all the way.
“Then the next thing I knew, I was back in one of Zida’s infirmary beds again. Leonard filled me in on everything else after that. Bit by bit.”
Rebecca nodded. That would have been a lot for anyone to hear after the fact, even under better circumstances. “We’re just glad you’re back. And if we had to do it over again, we wouldn’t change a thing.”
Maxwell sniffed and dipped his head. “Agreed.”
Nyx’s smile eased, the tightness in her posture loosening enough for her to finally stop wringing her hands. “Thank you. And I wanted to thank you too for helping everyone else at the warehouse. I mean, I know I didn’t have it nearly as bad as they did, but I do feel like maybe I understand a little of what they went through. I know it was a major risk for all the teams to go in there that night, without any planning or backup, and it…it just really means a lot. That everybody was willing to go in anyway.”
Maxwell cleared his throat and jerked his shoulders in what Rebecca could only assume was supposed to be a shrug, trying to play it off like it was no big deal. Like no one who’d breached Harkennr’s warehouse that night deserved any particularly special acknowledgement for their decisions and actions. “It had to be done.”
“That’s how you saw it,” Nyx said. “But I honestly don’t think everyone would have made the same choice if they’d found themselves in the same situation. I just…”
The katari swallowed thickly and took another step forward before centering her luminous violet gaze on Rebecca. “I just want you to know that I’m relieved you’re here, Knox. That you’re running things now. This never would have happened before… I mean, no one would have risked so much just to get me back.”
No kidding.
None of this would have happened without Rebecca in charge. Nyx wouldn’t have been abducted in the first place, either, because Rebecca was the one who’d run headlong into Harkennr’s prison that first time. And Maxwell was the one chasing her into it.
But they both knew that wasn’t what the katari meant, and Rebecca didn’t feel the need to provide that explanation.
Fortunately, neither did Maxwell.
“So.” Rebecca tried on another smile to keep things easy. “What are you gonna do now?”
Nyx shrugged. “Looks like I still have a lot to catch up on. All the things I missed. Plus, I’ve noticed a few new faces I haven’t seen here before.”
“New recruits,” Maxwell grumbled.
The katari barked out a laugh. “That was fast .”
“Everest was a valuable asset that night,” he replied. “That operation would have turned out very differently at the warehouse without her.”
“Or not at all,” Rebecca added. “Have you met Maddie yet? Or her sister?”
“Lacey? Yeah. She doesn’t really look like the kinda person who’d make it through The Striving and sign up for what we do.” Nyx’s high-pitched, tinkling laugh filled the office as she spread her arms. “Then again, neither do I.”
Maxwell nodded and readjusted his folded arms, as if keeping them there had grown uncomfortable. “We all have our own skills and experiences to bring to the table.”
“And our own reasons for being here,” Rebecca added.
She’d meant it as an addition to his statement, in agreement with him, to show their united front.
But the second she said it, an instant tension filled the room.
She and Maxwell had just been talking, maybe for the first time, about either of their pasts without skirting around the issue. About their own reasons for being here. Once again, that conversation had been interrupted, and now she’d just made it sound like she was shoving it in the shifter’s face.
Of all the Shade members who could have walked in on the previously tense and private discussion in this room, Nyx was likely the most sensitive. She certainly didn’t seem oblivious to that same tension that had now returned, either.
Especially when Maxwell released a heavy sigh and turned a scowl onto Rebecca in response.
“Okay, well…” Nyx’s smile twisted as she scrambled for a way to cut through the discomfort. “That’s all I wanted to say, really. To thank you both in person, you know? To your faces. And just that I feel really lucky that I had both of you here to help me. And…you know what? I think maybe I picked the wrong time to come say this, so I’m just gonna go…”
Rebecca opened her mouth to deny the katari’s claim, then realized that was more likely to insult Nyx than if she just let her leave.
By the time she’d decided not to argue, though, Nyx had already snuck back through the office door and closed it behind her. Then it was just Rebecca and Maxwell again.
As soon as Nyx was gone, as if it had been hiding from any outside company, that tingling, tugging pressure returned to flood every part of Rebecca’s body, pushing her back toward the shifter. Like being closer to him was her only purpose…
That was ridiculous.
She fought the pull with every ounce of willpower but couldn’t stop herself from turning to look at him anyway.
He stared at the closed door, then let out a long, slow sigh through his nose in aggravation. When he finished, he turned and stepped toward her again.
Rebecca didn’t dare hop down off the edge of her desk. She didn’t trust herself not to walk right up to him afterward and do something she was sure she would regret.
“I believe we were in the middle of an incredibly important conversation,” he growled, looming over her.
Yes, they had been. But Rebecca’s momentary lapse of judgment, her reckless decision to open up and give him the truth, had now been blocked by Nyx’s interruption. The moment was over.
Especially when the memory of that rune on his chest flashed through her mind again, reminding her of the incredibly narrow tightrope she walked here.
And of the long, potentially deadly fall awaiting her if she took one misstep or made a single miscalculation.
“Conversation for a different time,” she said.
She knew it wouldn’t be that easy to make him drop it, which of course he didn’t do.
He stepped closer, holding her in his gaze. “I’d say now’s the perfect time.”
He really was determined to push this, wasn’t he? To push her .
Maybe she did owe him an explanation. They’d been through enough together, helped each other, and in small ways trusted each other enough for that to be true.
Despite that, she still couldn’t tell what else he really wanted, if anything, beyond her confession of exactly how she’d saved his life.
She could either give in to this flaring connection beckoning her closer—to just submit and hand everything over to the shifter bearing down on her—or she could keep her wits about her and wait for more information.
For the chance to make an informed decision instead of rushing headfirst into something she could never take back.
If he was lying, if he was still hiding something from her, falling into his trap and relinquishing priceless information could very well end her and Shade and the entire Bloodshadow Court.
The problem was, Rebecca just didn’t know …
She finally tore herself away from him, hopped off the edge of her desk, and walked around it to put more space between them. The sharp pain of their separation almost made her gasp.
But at least she didn’t have to look at him.
“It doesn’t matter now anyway. Blackmoon’s gone. No one’s seen or heard from him, and it doesn’t look like he’s coming back.”
“Some of the best news I’ve heard in a long time,” Maxwell grumbled, turning to keep her in his sights.
“Which, honestly, is why I’m surprised you wanna spend your time still talking about him. He’s gone. Let’s just leave it at that, okay?”
Just like that, the moment she’d been dreading for weeks now—the culmination of that powerful and strange connection between them that never went away—was over.
Even while Maxwell stared at her in mute shock, she knew it was over.
Rebecca’s walls had come right back up, and just in the nick of time.
As she plopped back down in her office chair and pretended to study the intel reports again, she couldn’t ignore the ache in her chest, intensified by what had almost happened. What she’d almost done.
She’d wanted to tell him everything. At the last minute, before they’d been interrupted by a knock on the door, she really had wanted to tell him.
Now she kicked herself for almost having revealed everything without first knowing exactly what it would do. Without knowing exactly how Maxwell Hannigan was involved in all of this. Her life, her secrets, the Bloodshadow Court, that fucking tattoo on his chest…
She felt his stupefied stare fluttering across her face while she gazed at the reports and didn’t see a thing. It only lasted a handful of seconds before he snorted and stepped back from the desk, clasping both hands behind his back.
There he was, returned to his usual defensive, broody, moody, shifter Head-of-Security self.
Right now, that was how Rebecca preferred him. It was safer that way.
Now what the hell were they supposed to talk about? He obviously didn’t feel like leaving, and she couldn’t bring herself to order him out. Passing the time in this awkward silence wouldn’t do them any good, either.
Fortunately for her, Rebecca’s job was real, and it came with its own never-ending list of real tasks needing to get done.
She cleared her throat and opened the center desk drawer to find the nondescript silver key resting in the center, exactly where she’d left it. “I think I’ll go back to the Nexus vault this morning. Five new members need funding, along with everything else.”
“Are we running low?” Maxwell grumbled, glowering at her and failing to hide the sarcasm in his voice.
She’d really pissed him off.
“Not even close,” she replied cheerily, then snatched up the key before rising from her chair. “But why wait until we’re completely dry? Gotta keep the faucet turned on whenever we can, right? And for now, at least, it looks like we’ve got a never-ending supply.”
He raised an eyebrow. “The vault is not the definition of never-ending.”
“Well in most of our lifetimes, yeah. It is.”
Rebecca hurried around the side of the desk to head for the door, wanting to end the awkwardness between them and the pressure of what Maxwell wanted from her.
To end the constant blaze of tingling energy keeping them tethered to each other until one of them chose to bear the pain of separating to get a little more distance.
She could bear it, because that growing sensation nudging her ever toward him just wouldn’t quit.
That was definitely never-ending.
Before she got halfway across the office, Maxwell stepped in front of her to block her path. “I’ll go with you.
“Hmm.” She clicked her tongue. “If I remember correctly, someone scheduled advanced training for the new recruits today. Oh, that’s right. It was you.”
She slipped past him again and urged herself toward the door, ignoring the ache spearing through her chest and rippling out her back as if he’d caught her on an enormous fishhook and struggled to pull her in.
She grit her teeth and kept walking.
Maxwell’s next growl finished in a heavy, deflated sigh. “If you have to go, I don’t want you to go alone. At least take someone with you who knows how to step in and protect you. If necessary.”
Oh, he didn’t want her to go alone. Was that it?
Overprotective, possessive, manipulative, or genuine?
She couldn’t tell anymore.
Rebecca reached for the doorknob and went with the first name that came to mind. “Titus.”
“I’m sorry?”
She tugged open the door and looked at him over her shoulder with a flippant shrug. “I’ll take Titus with me. Happy now?”
His silver eyes widened, which made for a rather awkward expression while he still scowled at her like he’d just sat on a bed of nails and didn’t want anyone to know.
“Titus is as good a choice as any, I suppose.”
Of course he was. Rebecca had simply gone with the biggest, scariest-looking guy Shade could offer, and look at that. It worked.
“Anything else?” she asked.
Dammit, why would she ask that? Why would she open it up again after having clearly already ended the conversation?
Because she still wanted him around? Because she wanted to stay?
Screw the shifter.
Maxwell’s scowl darkened, his silver eyes strobing with irritation he couldn’t completely hide. Not from her. “No. I imagine that’s the end of it.”
“Good. I expect a report on the new recruits after their training today. I’m sure you’ll be as thorough with that as you are with everything else.”
Then she hurried into the hall, leaving the door wide open behind her and barely holding back a smile when more of Maxwell’s disgruntled growling followed her from inside her office.
At least he’d stayed put.
Now, without sharing space with him, the intensity of that invisible cord always pulling them toward each other lessened. So did the physical pain of walking away from him, though she was fairly certain she’d hidden that fairly well too.
When she reached the top of the back stairwell, Rebecca finally recognized the new sensation that had slid in to fill the empty spaces.
Relief and a giddy appreciation for what had just happened.
Her Head of Security had accepted her choice of bodyguard entourage for her errand beyond Headquarters this morning. Without arguing or attempting to change her mind. Without insisting he accompany her instead.
He’d relented. He’d agreed with her.
What was going on?
Her energized footsteps echoed around her as she practically skipped down the rear stairwell and mulled it over.
It was because of Rowan, wasn’t it?
The Blackmoon Elf was gone, and because of it, Rebecca had access to the full freedoms afforded to any Roth-Da’al. Including an absence of her Head of Security playing bodyguard because he couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else getting in her way.
No, he couldn’t stand the thought of Rowan , and that was no longer presented an issue.
Holy shit.
A startled laugh burst from her lips and echoed unnervingly within the stairwell before she reached the bottom landing.
This was completely new. It felt amazing, despite Maxwell’s surprise at her refusal to let him accompany her. Despite his rather strong insistence that she explain exactly how she and Rowan had saved his life that night.
Despite the shifter’s irritation and Rebecca’s own small regret for having rejected him yet again.
This was so much more comfortable, this tension between them. As long as she could escape when she wanted and Maxwell had no more excuses to draw her back into it.
Because Rebecca still couldn’t handle letting anyone close enough to know who and what she truly was.
Even when she wanted it more than anything else…
The answer was simple, swirling around her in a darkening aura as she walked down the halls toward Shade’s common room. Taking the wind right out of her sails and dampening her short-lived excitement.
She couldn’t let anyone close, because so many other people out there wanted Rebecca more than anything. And it sure as hell wasn’t for a special one-on-one connection.
Her pursuers only wanted her for one thing. Their own power.
And for as much as she’d thought she’d known Maxwell Hannigan, one simple truth remained.
Almost anyone could be bought at a certain price.
She just hadn’t found his yet.
The rumbling echo of dozens of voices from the common room reached her as she closed in, bringing with them a new idea. A new potential plan of attack.
Maxwell had clearly done his own research on her when she’d joined Shade, far before removing Aldous Corriger from the picture and Rebecca had stepped right into his tacky, oversized shoes. The shifter hadn’t found anything, but he sure had tried.
Maybe Rebecca should just turn the tables on him, start digging into the shifter’s past to see what she could find. He was sure to have left more of a trail to follow than she had. Maxwell was a shifter, meaning he was also Earthborn.
He hadn’t also been in hiding for the last several centuries on this planet.
It seemed like a great idea. The best solution to her current immediate problem—her Head of Security letting his own desires and curiosity distract him from his duties.
But it felt like a two-edged sword. A slippery slope.
With all the resources of a Roth-Da’al at her disposal, digging into Maxwell Hannigan’s past would be remarkably easy.
But would finding those answers she sought actually help her, or would they only make things worse?
Once she thought about it, she couldn’t get the pervading question out of her mind.
What could Maxwell possibly have to hide that was any worse than what Rebecca was keeping secret at all costs?
Her gut would have told her not much, if anything. Compared to her, the shifter was an open book.
But that fucking tattoo on his chest told a different story.
It was only a matter of time before the meaning of that elven rune in the shifter’s flesh revealed itself. Rebecca had to move quickly if she wanted to stay ahead of the game and, most importantly, away from a very real potential trap of falling for the enemy.