19. Chapter 19
19
“ S ome of you are naturally not going to like this next announcement.” Rebecca’s voice echoed throughout the crowded common room amidst the silence normally reserved for the dead. “Hell, I don’t like it myself, but it has to be done.”
From the corner of her eye, she caught Maxwell peering at her with curiosity and surprise, his silver eyes wider than usual. When she shot him a quick sidelong glance, she found him looking abnormally guilty, like he’d just been caught with his paw in the treat jar and was about to get holy hell handed to him in an official Shade meeting.
Dammit, why did he have to look so guilty ? This wasn’t about him.
But now that he seemed to think it was, Rebecca couldn’t stop wondering if there was something else he hadn’t told her yet. Something else he suspected she’d figured out all on her own.
Like the meaning behind that elven tattoo on his chest, perhaps? Or some other nefarious move he’d made against her because he was in league with her enemies and, until now, had thought he’d pulled the wool over her eyes enough to lure her into an inescapable trap?
Or did he expect her to suddenly reveal everything about herself to everyone without having trusted him explicitly to reveal those secrets to him first and in private?
Now was not the time to try picking that one apart. She’d already begun something here with her task force, and it had to be finished.
Rebecca had to keep going with this, despite how uncomfortable—no, how downright painful —it was going to be.
Because despite all that, she had to put Shade first. They deserved to know. This was where Rebecca belonged now. This was who she was.
She’d made up her mind, so she dove into the one topic she’d tried so hard to keep from broaching with any member of her task force until she’d realized she could no longer hold it off.
“I mentioned earlier the staged ambush on Blackmoon and myself when we found Aldous’s Nexus vault downtown, our attempts to question them, and Blackmoon’s deliberate defiance of my orders to send them back to Big Boss with a message from Shade’s new Roth-Da’al,” she said. “Blackmoon acted out of line and against direct orders, but it wasn’t this one defiant act of his that led me to my current position on this matter and why I’m bringing it up now.
“That same day, Blackmoon repeatedly endangered Shade’s anonymity and the necessary secrecy of magic within the human world. He openly used magic on humans at Millenium Park, with no other reason than for his own amusement, and he refused to take any accountability for his actions and poor decisions.
“Before this, during our tactical assault on Harkennr’s prisoner warehouse, Blackmoon also disobeyed direct orders, abandoned his post and duties during that operation, compromised the mission, and endangered not only the teams involved in that frontal assault but the magical civilians targeted during the rescue.
“Yes, we came out of that victorious in the end, but the combination of Blackmoon’s recklessness and insubordination, repeated over several weeks without any sign of remorse or an intention to correct his behavior, have and left me with no other choice.
“Because of this, I am forced to label the Blackmoon Elf as a traitor and, due to his continued absence, a defector.”
The words nearly stuck in her throat before she managed to spit them out. Once they were in the open, heard by the entire common room, she gave herself another moment to regain her train of thought and clarity while a ripple of whispered surprise and curiosity surged among Shade’s members.
Rebecca felt Maxwell’s surprise yet again, though she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. Somewhere to her left Bor, grunted and muttered something unintelligible.
She’d had no reason to discuss this with anyone else previously, but with the recent attacks on Shade’s individual members and their entire network of magical contractors and vendors in the city, she would have done them all a disservice not to broach the subject now.
She lifted a hand before continuing, caught off guard by the instant shush filling the room again when everyone realized their Roth-Da’al still had more to say.
“I realize this may come as something of a shock to hear, especially after no sign of Blackmoon’s whereabouts in the weeks following the assault on Harkennr’s warehouse. Personally, I hold no ill will against Blackmoon, nor would I expect any of you to do so simply because I have brought these things to your attention.”
This sucked.
Rebecca took a deep breath and realized the best way to move forward was not formally as Roth-Da’al, with all the pomp and circumstance that came with it, but as Rebecca Knox.
“But here’s the thing,” she continued. “Not only did Blackmoon have a consistently dangerous issue with authority and following orders, no matter how many times he managed to ‘save the day’ in the end after treating everything like one big game without stakes or consequences. Not only was he a danger to every single person here, up to the last day any of us saw him, but on top of all that, he made his own decision in the end. And, to put it bluntly, he abandoned us .”
By the Blood, this was worse than trying to pretend in the beginning that she and Blackmoon knew nothing of each other and had no shared history.
She was setting him up to fail again, but this time, it wasn’t in a backhanded attempt to sabotage The Striving for him, or include him on missions just to keep an eye on him.
No, this time, she was baring it all in front of everyone.
The worst part, she realized, was that she meant every single word.
“We took him in when he came to us,” she said. “We offered him the chance to prove his worth in The Striving, just like each and every one of us did in order to be here. We extended every chance for Blackmoon to pull himself together and truly become a part of this task force. This family , even. But it seems that wasn’t enough for him.
“I have no idea where he went, or what he’s doing. What he’s involved himself in since deciding Shade was no longer worth his time. But the fact remains. Blackmoon walked out on Shade.
“I won’t go after him. I don’t expect any of you to do it for me. That was his choice. But if you see him, or hear from him, or notice anything that seems like it might be connected to Blackmoon, even in the smallest way, I want to hear about it immediately. Avoid contact. Avoid any form of engagement whatsoever, if you can help it.
“Otherwise, I want every member of this task force armed with the knowledge that the elf Rowan Blackmoon is not to be trusted, under any circumstances. No matter what he says or how convincing his excuses may seem. If he shows his face at Headquarters again, he is to be treated as a threat and a potential enemy. No exceptions.”
Rebecca’s stomach churned as her words echoed across the room, her voice ringing clearer and with more decisive power than she thought she was capable of, given the current topic. But as she scanned the faces all looking back at her, not a single one of them exhibited anger or irritation toward her.
No silent resentment against the words of their Roth-Da’al. No indication whatsoever that anyone disagreed with her decision or her proclamation.
Now more than ever, their task force made it clear as a single united front, while she addressed them, that they still chose to follow their Roth-Da’al. Even through the fire, if it was necessary, and even against one member turned defector who had seemingly charmed everyone during his time here.
They were all still behind her in this, and she couldn’t have been more grateful.
“I know this isn’t what anyone wants to hear,” she said, pausing once more to settle her gaze on as many people’s faces as she could, hoping it might help them feel like she spoke to each of them individually—the way she would have preferred if they’d had the time. “But it has to be said, and this is what has to be done. The issue must be addressed.
“Joining Shade has always been and still is a lifelong commitment. We all know that. We knew it when we swore in, and we all take it very seriously. Rowan Blackmoon did not.
“For the immediate future, I have no interest in declaring an execution. Not yet. Not unless I absolutely have to. But as far as the rest of us are concerned, Blackmoon is no longer one of us. This isn’t personal. It’s for Shade to ensure we stay on track. To ensure our ability to protect ourselves now and to continue to protect ourselves in the future.
“Blackmoon’s involvement with this task force in any capacity jeopardizes all of that far more than we can afford.”
By the Blood, this hurt her more than she could have described—more than she thought possible after everything Rowan had attempted and everything he’d revealed of himself, of who he’d truly become since she’d left him behind with the Bloodshadow Court.
She’d turned her back on him, her best friend from her old life, and she’d essentially just ordered the rest of Shade to do the same.
But there was no other choice. Rowan had made his move first. He’d made his decision, despite all her efforts to change his mind and guide him down a different path that didn’t end with this. He’d spent his time here believing there would be no consequences to his actions, but here they were, catching up with him now.
Even if he wasn’t here to witness those consequences for himself.
But if he ever tried to reach out to Rebecca or to Shade again, those consequences would be waiting for him.
She waited another moment for the implications of her speech to fully sink in, for her task force to process what this meant and what was now expected of all of them, should the Blackmoon Elf make a reappearance.
Rebecca couldn’t have been more grateful for their immediate acceptance, but even that still wasn’t enough to dull the pain of this decision.
She’d had to tell them this.
What she couldn’t bring herself to tell them was that Rebecca still suspected Rowan’s betrayal might run far deeper than simply going MIA after the warehouse and abandoning them.
That was another bridge she would have to cross when she got there. If she got there.
But for now, at least, this declaration against Rowan would act as another layer of protection for Shade.
If Rebecca couldn’t figure out what Rowan was up to out there on his own somewhere, doing ancestors only knew what, she had a few dozen other eyes and ears at her disposal, all very capable of reporting of alerting her if he tried to show his face again.
Most surprising of all, her words seemed to have elicited a calming response in the common room. Her operatives nodded, jaws set in grim determination, stances erect and focused on their Roth-Da’al, not an ounce of resentment or outrage from anyone.
This had gone better than she’d hoped for, and now she had to turn her focus to other things.
“Well.” Rebecca huffed out a wry laugh. “I’ve kept you here long enough already. That’s everything. You’re all dismissed. And again, like Hannigan said, this council is available if you need us. But until then, everybody get back to work.”
There was no ending cheer of support and excitement, but the common room instantly filled with the echoing drone of countless conversations breaking out all at once.
People turned to their neighbors to discuss what they’d heard, filtering out of the common room in small groups to return to their work assignments and previous duties.
No one approached her or Maxwell or anyone on Shade’s ranking council. Not just yet, anyway. She decided to take that as a good sign.
This task force knew they had resources available to them, should the need arise, and she hadn’t scarred any of them so badly that they couldn’t with the rest of their day. Honestly, she couldn’t have hoped for a better outcome.
Even when, as the common room slowly cleared out, Maxwell’s scrutinizing gaze on the side of her face felt like being put under a microscope.
A high-intensity microscope powered by blazing heat that instigated an immediate reaction of that tingling, energetic presence between them. It burst out of its recently dormant shell now with a vengeance.
She could no longer ignore him even if she’d tried.
Swallowing, she turned toward him and met his gaze.
A depth of pervasive suspicion filled Maxwell’s silver eyes in a way she hadn’t seen since before she’d been voted into command. Suspicion and a deep, dark, threatening disapproval, as if she’d labeled him a traitor and defector instead of Rowan.
The Blackmoon Elf Maxwell seemed to have despised above every other living thing.
The realization hit her head-on like a speeding train.
He knows I’m leaving something out.
The certainty of it was unquestionable. Her and Maxwell’s disturbing connection, strengthening by the day, made sure of that.
Rebecca knew that what she felt from the shifter during moments like these wasn’t all in her head. No. It was far worse than that.
It was real.
And if she felt this now, coming from him, it meant Maxwell could feel her awareness of everything else she’d left out of this meeting. Everything she’d held back and hadn’t revealed.
As far as she knew, they couldn’t yet read each other’s minds, but this was just as bad. Maybe even worse.
Once Rebecca left the common room today, she knew without a doubt Maxwell would start hounding her for the rest of the information she hadn’t divulged. He wouldn’t stop until Rebecca finally relented and told him what he thought he wanted to know.
At one point, not too long ago, she might have considered it a good thing that once she finally shared with Maxwell what he’d been so diligent in pursuing—what that gods-be-damned connection between them seemed to want—would be a relief and a benefit to them both. Something to bring them closer together. To solidify their trust in each other.
To make way for the best damn leadership team Shade had ever had, with the potential of becoming something more on a personal level.
There was a time she would have been grateful to relent.
Now, though, Rebecca had become painfully aware of the potential for that same relief of surrender to completely destroy everything.
To destroy them both.